EMDR for Couples: Simultaneous Processing, Attachment Trauma, and Healing Together with Arilda Surridge

Jan 15, 2026

Arilda Surridge, LMFT — a marriage and family therapist who integrates EMDR into couples work — explains simultaneous processing and when couples EMDR is appropriate. She outlines assessing shared versus individual trauma, practical steps for history-taking and preparation, and how bilateral stimulation can foster repair, accountability, and mutual witnessing in relationships.

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INSIGHT

When Tools Aren't Enough

Arilda Surridge noticed that standard couples tools often fail when partners are deeply dysregulated and historical trauma drives reactivity.
She realized integrating EMDR can desensitize triggers so couples can apply relational tools more effectively.

ADVICE

Slow Down Early Phases

Don't rush phases one through three when working with couples; thorough assessment and stabilization are essential.
Treat the couple systemically and ensure both individuals' histories are considered before reprocessing.

ANECDOTE

Personal Micro-Trigger And Repair

Arilda described an everyday personal incident where she misread her husband's intent and reacted strongly, then quickly repaired.
She used this to show how couples without prior regulation work may not self-repair after minor triggers.

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EMDR for Couples: Healing Together Through Simultaneous Processing

A Conversation with Arilda Surridge, LMFT

What happens when EMDR moves beyond the individual—and into the relationship itself?

In this episode of Notice That, Bridger and Jen sit down with Arilda Surridge, LMFT, author and EMDR clinician, to explore how EMDR can be ethically, safely, and powerfully integrated into couples therapy. Arilda shares a clear, grounded framework for working with two nervous systems in the room—without deviating from EMDR fidelity—and offers concrete clinical examples that bring this work to life.

This conversation goes far beyond theory. Together, we walk through:

When couples EMDR is and is not appropriate
How to assess whether a trauma is individual, shared, or relational
What simultaneous EMDR reprocessing actually looks like in practice
How compassion, accountability, and repair emerge through bilateral stimulation
Why tools alone often aren’t enough for deeply dysregulated couples

Arilda also shares clinical wisdom from her work with couples navigating car accidents, attachment injuries, guilt and shame, trust ruptures, and relational enactments—highlighting how EMDR can help partners move from reactivity to empathy.

This episode is especially valuable for:

EMDR therapists working with couples
Clinicians navigating attachment trauma and relational enactments
Therapists curious about maintaining EMDR fidelity in non-traditional applications
Anyone interested in how trauma lives between people—not just within them

About the Guest

Arilda Surridge, LMFT is a licensed marriage and family therapist, EMDR clinician, and the owner of Wellness Counseling Inc. She specializes in integrating EMDR into couples therapy while maintaining fidelity to the eight-phase protocol. Arilda is the author of a practical, clinician-focused book on EMDR for couples and offers professional trainings on this emerging area of practice.

Find out more about her practice here: https://wellnesscounselinginc.com/about/

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