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Collaborative & Proactive Solutions with Your Children that Don't Require Punishment featuring Dr. Ross Greene

Feb 20, 2026

Guest

Ross Greene

Dr. Ross Greene, clinical psychologist and creator of the Collaborative & Proactive Solutions model, offers a humane alternative to rewards and punishments. He reframes concerning behavior as signals of unsolved problems. Listens through empathy, states adult concerns, then invites kids to co-create solutions. Real-life examples show how collaboration builds accountability and critical thinking.

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INSIGHT

Behavior Is A Signal Not A Fault

Concerning behavior signals an unsolved problem, not a moral failing.
Ross Greene says consequences modify behavior but don't identify or solve the underlying issue.

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ADVICE

Follow The Three-Step CPS Process

Use the three-step CPS process: Empathy, Define Adult Concern, Invitation.
Ask what's making the expectation hard, state your concern, then invite collaborative solutions.

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ANECDOTE

Towel Trick Solved Teeth Battles

A father tried many toothpaste flavors before asking his three-year-old why she resisted brushing.
The child said water on her face bothered her, and wrapping a towel solved both concerns.

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Why Rewards and Punishments Fall Short

04:01 • 2min

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Concerning Behavior as Frustration Signals

06:00 • 5min

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The Three-Step CPS Problem-Solving Process

11:17 • 5min

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Teeth-Brushing Example with a Three-Year-Old

16:08 • 5min

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Proactivity, Tone, and Listening Skills

20:54 • 9min

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Handling Teen Curfew Conflicts Collaboratively

30:03 • 7min

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Building Critical Thinking Through Collaboration

37:16 • 5min

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Why Authoritarian Approaches Cause Harm

41:52 • 5min

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Developmental Variability Explained

47:06 • 4min

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Labels, Diagnoses, and Focusing on Problems

50:42 • 5min

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Accountability Without Punishment

• Mentioned in 3 episodes

The explosive child

A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children

Ross Greene

In this book, Dr. Ross Greene provides a comprehensive approach to helping children who exhibit explosive behavior. He argues that such behavior is not a deliberate choice but rather a symptom of skill deficits in areas such as flexibility, frustration tolerance, emotion regulation, and problem-solving. The book outlines the CPS model, which focuses on identifying and solving the underlying problems that lead to these behaviors, rather than punishing or modifying the behaviors themselves.

#22815

• Mentioned in 2 episodes

The Kids Who Aren't Okay

The Urgent Case for Reimagining Support, Belonging, and Hope in Schools

In 'Raising Human Beings,' Ross Greene extends the principles of the Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) model to encompass the broader goals of parenting. Greene argues that raising responsible, empathetic, and capable individuals requires a shift from traditional power-based approaches to collaborative partnerships. The book provides parents with practical strategies for fostering problem-solving skills, promoting emotional regulation, and building strong, healthy relationships with their children. 'Raising Human Beings' emphasizes the importance of empathy, clear communication, and shared decision-making in creating a supportive and nurturing family environment. By adopting a collaborative approach, parents can help their children develop the skills they need to navigate challenges and thrive in all aspects of life.

#10137

• Mentioned in 5 episodes

Lost at school

why our behaviorally challenging kids are falling through the cracks and how we can help them

Ross Greene

In 'Lost at School', Dr. Ross W. Greene challenges traditional disciplinary approaches by introducing the Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) model. This approach focuses on identifying and addressing the underlying difficulties that cause challenging behavior, rather than punishing the behavior itself. The book provides tools to identify lagging skills, improve interactions with challenging kids, and foster collaboration among educators, parents, and students. Backed by years of research and experience, Greene offers practical strategies to enhance the classroom experience and well-being of all students.

In this powerful conversation, I sit down with Dr. Ross Greene, clinical psychologist and creator of the Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (CPS) model, to unpack why traditional rewards and punishments often make behavior worse — not better. We dive deep into why "because I said so" stops working, what your child's frustration is actually communicating, and how to shift from authoritarian control to collaborative leadership that builds trust, accountability, and critical thinking.

If you've ever thought, "Why is this not working anymore?" this episode will give you a radically different lens — and practical tools you can use immediately.

Timeline Summary

[0:00] Why power struggles are so common in parenting

[2:00] Introducing Dr. Ross Greene and the CPS model

[6:17] Why rewards and punishments don't solve the real problem

[8:33] Concerning behavior as a frustration response

[12:04] The 3-step collaborative problem-solving process explained

[16:19] Real-life example: solving teeth brushing battles with a 3-year-old

[30:56] Curfew conflict and how to navigate teenage resistance

[37:16] How collaborative parenting builds critical thinking

[41:56] Why authoritarian parenting may cause long-term harm

[47:06] Developmental variability — why every child is different

[49:23] Why noncompliance is informative, not defiance

[56:31] Accountability through collaboration — not punishment

Five Key Takeaways

Concerning behavior is a signal, not a character flaw. It communicates an unsolved problem.
Rewards and punishments modify behavior — they don't solve the underlying issue.
The 3-step CPS process (Empathy, Define Adult Concern, Invitation) reduces conflict and builds trust.
Noncompliance is information. It tells you an expectation may exceed your child's current skill set.
Collaborative leadership builds accountability, emotional regulation, and critical thinking.

Links & Resources

Dad Edge Alliance Preview Call: http://thedadedge.com/preview
Dad Edge Business Boardroom (Mastermind): https://thedadedge.com/mastermind
Dr. Ross Greene — Lives in the Balance (Free Resources): https://livesinthebalance.org
Episode Show Notes & Resources: https://thedadedge.com/1442

Closing Remark

If this episode challenged how you think about discipline, accountability, and leadership at home, don't just sit on it — put it into practice. Try the empathy step tonight. Lead with curiosity. Solve one unsolved problem.

If this conversation impacted you, please rate, review, follow, and share the podcast. The way we parent today shapes the leaders of tomorrow.

From my heart to yours — go out and live legendary.

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