Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

317: What exactly IS codependency? (How do you know if you’re codependent?) (ft. Jason Lange)

Jul 12, 2024

Jason Lange, an expert in relationship dynamics, joins to unravel the intricate world of codependency. He shares how codependent relationships often feel like a 'soothing warm blanket' but can quickly turn into traps filled with drama. The conversation explores traits of codependent individuals, emphasizing the emotional dependency that often stifles personal growth. Lange encourages listeners to break free from these patterns, advocating for healthy boundaries and the transformative power of mentorship in fostering genuine connections.

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INSIGHT

Safety Through Suffering

Codependency involves staying in suffering out of fear of deeper pain if the relationship ends.
It can manifest as absorbing a partner's dysregulated emotional state.

ANECDOTE

Learning Emotional Boundaries

Alison Armstrong had to learn to separate her emotional state from her partner's.
This involved recognizing that self-sacrifice wasn't necessary for her partner's well-being.

INSIGHT

Safety vs. Thriving

Codependency often involves disconnecting from personal needs to maintain safety in the relationship.
Men may fear their partner's suffering if they leave, hindering their own growth.

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"It felt kind of like a trap, but at the same time felt like a soothing warm blanket to feel safe and ruminate within."

"The codependent relationship is filled with drama. There is blaming, a victim and the rescuer/protector. That rescuer is filled with needing to be needed. That’s where it began for me."

"It was years of trying as hard as I could to make things better but never being good enough to matter how hard I tried."

The word "codependence" gets thrown around a lot, but it's not always clear what it means. How do you know if you're codependent? How do you know if your partner is codependent? Can one person be codependent while the other isn't?

Here we delve into our own personal experiences of codependency, as well as the experiences of some of our clients. We aim to provide clarity on codependent dynamics and how to overcome them.

In Jason's words, "Too many men stay in a place of perpetual suffering." If your love relationships have never felt quite right -- if they've always felt off, or you've felt like you were just taking care of your partner (she couldn't take care of herself), or you've never felt like you could get it right with your partner (nothing was ever enough), this will be relevant for you.

A lot of the men we work with are aching for MORE, and I just want to say -- that's available. You don't have to stay stuck. Growth is always possible.

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

“We’re deeply entwined with each other where there’s almost no agency or independence.”
“While the relationship was ‘safe’, we were both suffering deeply inside.”
“As long as my partner was approving of me, there was a sense of, ‘I’m OK.’”
“There was a fear — if I’m not with her, I’ll be alone.”