Episode 49: Divorce Sucks – How To Move On After Breakup

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Aug 27, 2021

Dr. Patrick Markey, a psychology professor and co-author of F*ck Divorce, studies relationships, sexuality, and recovery. He discusses coping with divorce stress, how to support someone splitting up, whether to stay friends with an ex, protecting kids during separation, when to date again, tips for online dating, and how sexual interest shifts with seasons and politics.

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ANECDOTE

Author's Divorce Fueled The Book

Patrick Markey's own divorce motivated the book and informed its guidance because he experienced the full cycle personally.
He co-wrote F*ck Divorce with Erica Slotter, who is also divorced, blending research and lived experience.

INSIGHT

Five Postdivorce Relationship Types And Tradeoffs

Researchers classify postdivorce relationships into five types from perfect pals to dissolved duos, each with different tradeoffs.
'Perfect pals' (≈15%) stay very friendly but are less likely to form new marriages and struggle to become full friends.

ADVICE

Be A Collaborative Colleague When CoParenting

If you must stay in contact (especially with kids involved) aim to be a collaborative colleague: compartmentalize and stick to practical topics.
Avoid relitigating past betrayals; ignore petty provocations and focus on child-related decisions.

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Divorce sucks. It can suck away your time and energy, your money, and, in some cases, even your will to live. So is there anything you can do to “divorce-proof” your relationship and avoid this kind of pain? And if you’re going through a divorce, how do you put the pieces back together and move forward in a healthy way?

For the answers, I spoke with Dr. Patrick Markey, a Professor of Psychology and Brain Sciences at Villanova University. He is co-author of the new book F*ck Divorce: A Science Based Guide to Piecing Yourself Back Together After Your Life Implodes. We talked all about Patrick’s new book and dug into some of his fascinating research on human sexuality.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

How do you cope with the stress of divorce and breakup? What should (and shouldn’t) you do?
How do you most effectively support a friend or family member who is going through a divorce?
When should you stay on good terms with an ex vs. cut them out of your life completely?
How do you navigate divorce where there are kids in the picture?
When is the right time to get back on the dating scene, and how do you start over in a healthy way?
What can you do to reduce the risk of future divorce?
How does our interest in sex change throughout the year? Why is sexual desire seasonal?
How do our sexual interests change following political elections? (This is fascinating!)

To learn more about Patrick and his work, follow him on Twitter @patmarkey and check out his new book co-authored with Dr. Erica Slotter, F*ck Divorce.

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.