Building Routines That Actually Serve Us

It’s a New Year and in this first episode of 2026, we reflect on highlights from 2025. From book releases and big life transitions, to moves, new jobs, and shifting rhythms. What has kept us grounded has been our approach to goals and intentions that have evolved as needed. It’s why we keep saying rituals and intentions are important, y’all! Going into this year we feel that community matters more than ever. We also feel that it’s important to build more meaningful lives and one of the ways to start doing that is by naming our longings and goals. If you want some help with that, we’re bringing back the Queerness Every Day Challenge, a simple, daily practice to help you start the year with greater intention around spirituality, queerness, and connection.

 

Takeaways

• Shannon released two books in 2025, marking a significant achievement.
• Brian also published his first book, focusing on relationships and spirituality.
• Shannon transitioned to a full-time job, requiring adjustments in her routine.
• Both hosts emphasize the importance of setting intentions for the new year.
• They discuss the challenges of maintaining personal well-being amidst professional demands.
• Brian reflects on the importance of community and local connections.
• Shannon is focusing on improving her local community involvement in 2026.
• They explore different approaches to goal setting and personal growth.
• The conversation highlights the need for intentionality in daily life.
• The Queerness Every Day Challenge offers a way to reflect on spirituality and identity.

 

Chapters

00:00 Reflecting on 2025: Personal Highlights

02:27 Navigating New Beginnings: Career Changes and Adjustments

05:30 Intentions for 2026: Setting Goals and Priorities

08:12 Rituals and Reflections: New Year Practices

10:46 Community and Connection: Building Local Relationships

13:32 Creative Pursuits: Balancing Work and Passion

16:31 The Importance of Intentionality: Aligning Goals with Values

19:18 Embracing Change: Acknowledging Longings and Desires

21:59 The Queerness Every Day Challenge: A New Year Initiative

24:56 Looking Ahead: Future Plans and Community Engagement

 

Resources:

• Learn more and join the Community at https://www.queertheology.com/community/

This transcript was generated by AI and may contain errors or omissions.

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0 (1m 25s):
Welcome

2 (1m 25s):
To the Queer Theology Podcast. I’m Brian G Murphy.

3 (1m 28s):
And I’m father Shannon, T l Kearns. We’re the co-founders of Queer Theology dot com and your hosts from Genesis,

2 (1m 33s):
Revelation. The Bible declares good news to LGBTQ plus people, and we want to show you how

3 (1m 38s):
Tuning in each week on Sunday for conversations about Christianity, queerness and transness, and how they can enrich one another. We’re glad you’re here.

2 (1m 48s):
Hello. Hello, hello. And happy New Year. It’s officially the first Sunday of 2026 and we are so excited to be back on the pod with you, Shannon. I don’t even know where to begin, but like I feel like so much has happened in the past year. I know, right? I guess like, for those listening at home, we’re gonna talk, we’re just gonna give like some highlights from our past year. We would love to hear some highlights from your past year. We’re gonna talk a little bit about like our intention, personal intentions, spiritual intentions, professional Intentions for the year ahead, those, and like then share some way, share a way that you might kick off the new year with some more intentionality. So Shannon, like highlights, it’s in 2025 for you.

2 (2m 29s):
Wow.

3 (2m 29s):
Yeah, it, it, it has been quite the year I had two books come out, which just feels kind of

2 (2m 36s):
The nuts to say.

3 (2m 37s):
Yeah. Right. And and some of that is, is funny because right by the time a book comes out you’ve been done working on it for forever and ever. So actually the bulk of the year was spent working on our book together, which of course will, will come out sometime this year. But I was really thrilled to release both. No one taught me how to be a man, what a trans man’s experience reveals about masculinity and also come and see, which is a young adult devotional in 2025. And, and both of those have been really fun. I had a great book launch for No one taught me how to be a man in Minneapolis at one of my favorite bookstores there called Moon Palace. And so all of that was, was really great.

3 (3m 17s):
And then, you know, something I haven’t really talked about publicly and can’t say too much about, but as I took a full time job and that has been quite an adjustment as you might imagine. I went from working primarily for myself for four or five years to working, well, it’s not quite a nine to five, but working, you know, a 40 hour a week for someone else. And so that, that has been a huge adjustment and just kind of getting used to what does that look like and, and how do I be intentional with my time? You know, as we’re talking about intentions, it’s, it’s been a real adjustment to figure out how do I not lose sight of the things that are important to me while I’m also doing this job That’s really important to me.

3 (4m 5s):
How do I like make sure that I’m making time to take care of myself? It’s, it’s been a journey of like learning how to sleep better and have a bedtime and cook for myself, right? Like all of these different things that have for the previous couple of years I haven’t really had to think about. And so, so that’s been a huge adjustment, but also it’s been, I, I’m doing some, some work that I’m really passionate about and that’s really beautiful. And so I’m, I’m grateful for that. And it feels now as we’re entering into a new year to be a little bit more settled. And so I, I’m excited to, to think more broadly about what my life and work and creative life looks like moving into 2026.

3 (4m 45s):
So that’s just a little bit of, of my 2025. What about for you? Yeah,

2 (4m 49s):
I mean I, it’s, I, it’s funny ’cause I, I also released a book, but until you said your book, so I guess I had kind of forgotten about, I mean at this point it was like three or four months ago, which doesn’t seem like that long ago. But like to your point, I finished writing it like over a year ago and it came out a year later. So that was like really exciting. It’s my first book. It’s, it’s about, it’s called Love Beyond Monogamy, what polyamory can teach you about or the wisdom of polyamory teach you about I don’t faith, relationships, spirituality, I, those three things in some order. The publisher changed in at the last minute and so I kinda quite remember it. So that was really exciting. And I, you know, obviously I’ve been talking about spirituality and sex and spirituality and polyamory for like, many, many years here.

2 (5m 34s):
And I just know that like for so many of us, like, like, I don’t know, like being a sexual person is like already fraught and then like being a queer person and having sex is like an extra level of like fraught. And for those of us who are like some version non non-monogamous, that’s an additional level of frt and you like put all of that through the meat grinder that is conservative Christianity or like even just sort of American culture, pop culture, purity culture. There’s just like levels of levels of levels of sort of like muck to wade through. But also I think on the other side, like so much, I don’t know, beauty, joy, connection, inspiration, grace, healing. And so I I, it was really cool to put that out into the world. Yeah. I also having like, you know, juggling this work with my relationship coaching practice, work with some part-time work and always trying to take care of myself, I, I think that, like I’ve, I’ve been in New York City now for over a whole year.

2 (6m 28s):
Wow. We’re back on the East coast and, and splitting our time between New York and Maryland. And so it’s, it’s wild to be back. It feels like some of our friends were like, it feels like you’ve been here for back for years. And that is true. And sometimes it also feels like we moved back like a few months ago. I’m not quite settled into my apartment, but, so there’s a lot of it sort of like finding routines, finding rhythms, like figuring out like where the trash can goes in the kitchen and like, we’re gonna reorganize our front closet and put shelves in instead of having stuff that’s like hanging and like what size would to buy and how do you cut the wood? And so there’s lots of sort of like logistics and like making a home. And I like, I I, I think that there’s like, it’s so easy to sort of like get swb up in the day to day of life that it, it’s sometimes hard for me to sort of like carve out the times to like figure out my sleep schedule and like set an alarm and go to bed on time.

2 (7m 19s):
Even it means like watching one less episode of, you know, Abbott Elementary to tonight. But I also know that like when I do have some intentionality, I get more fulfillment out of my life. And so I’m always sort of like struggling with this, not struggling, but trying to balance like planning and intentionality with like actually like living my life. And so I feel like I’m finding a good groove and I’m excited like to see what the year ahead holds ahead holds. And one big change is now that our book is finished being written, I’ve been able to sort of take on more and more relationship coaching clients because I’ve had some more time now. And so that’s been really exciting to get in the weeds and in the trenches with folks on a one-on-one basis and really help people, you know, build right fit relationships and sizzling sex lives that are like in line with our deepest values.

2 (8m 2s):
And so yeah, it’s been fun. That’s my 2025. Yeah,

3 (8m 6s):
It, it feels like, you know, both of us have had pretty big transitional moments this year, which of course I, I think are natural inflection points to, to rethink and reimagine what life could look like. And I, And I think, you know, when you go through something big, like starting a new job, moving to a new place, moving to a new city, right? And you, you get invited into that, but it, it does remind me how, you know, just like you were talking about, it’s like it’s easy to get into a rut or routine and have to like really be intentional about carving out time. I I think outside of major transition points, it can also be hard to like stop and take stock of are the things that I’m doing working, are the routines that I’m in like actually serving me?

3 (8m 56s):
Are they leading into the places that I wanna go? And I, And I know that like, I don’t know, people have all sorts of feelings about New year’s resolutions and goal setting and all of that stuff, but it does feel like no matter what your feelings about it, the new year is kind of a natural moment to at least take a breath and say, what do, what do I want out of my life? What do I want out of my year? What is working and what’s not working? And I know you And I have had various approaches to asking that question to Reflecting on that question, like end of year rituals, new year rituals, I like, where are you at with that these days?

3 (9m 36s):
Like how are you approaching asking those questions? What are your rituals around that and what are you kind of thinking about for 2026?

2 (9m 45s):
Yeah, I mean I think like historically for like most of my life up through like my, like early twenties, I somehow managed to dodge the, like lose 20 pounds, give up chocolate and soda, like make a million dollars, like New Year’s resolutions. And so probably like as I was like entering my adult post-college life and becoming a professional, I think at some point I started thinking through like goals for like the year or goals for like the next six months or for the season or whatever it might be. And I went through a period of having like, kind of like specific goals around like my career, whatever that meant, and friends and family and sex and partners and stuff like that.

2 (10m 29s):
And then at some point I was like, oh, this just feels like I’m productivity my life And I don’t like it. So I chucked that out the window. Like in my like mid to late twenties. My roommate at the time, she was like, she did this thing where she picked a word for the year, which I think now lots of people do it, but I had never heard of it before. What was my, I think my first word of the year might have been edit. So I sort of like pick a guiding word for the year. And I did that for a few years And I wanna say in like 2018 or 2019, I, I picked four, I picked structure, strength, structure, space, strength and stride. And then I, the next year I was like, I’m just gonna keep those. I don’t feel like I’ve quite gotten those, but those feel like good.

2 (11m 9s):
And I actually, I realized the other day I was like, well, I haven’t picked words of the year since then. Then the pandemic happened And I was like, survive. That’s like the word of, of the, that is like both the word of the year and the entirety of my new New Year’s resolutions, right? And also like going through like the death, the death of my friend and like another sort of like the second phase of my like breakup. Like there was just like, I don’t know, I, I just like maxed out of thinking about things. And over the past few years I’ve sort of like returned to, okay, I was noticing that I was going to work, I was doing the thing, I had friends, I was like seeing the people and like it was good. Like I have good friends. I enjoy, I enjoy the times I would go on a vacation once a year.

2 (11m 51s):
And also there was a sense of like, I, I think my friendships could be deeper. I’m like not feeling as connected with my spirituality as I would like maybe like, I think there could be like some more depth there. Like I’m not really exactly sure what I’m doing with like work. Like I really love our work at Queer Theology, but I feel like it could be better, we could reach more people, we could be more effective or efficient or like, whatever it might be. And so I started coming back to like, well what have I just like picked a few things to sort of like orient my life around. And I tried to really make sure that they weren’t all like, save this much, make this much like run a a 5K and under whatever, whatever.

2 (12m 31s):
Like one year I did have a goal to like run a 5K and under whatever, whatever time. And I like didn’t make it. I, I think I had on there for three years And I didn’t, I didn’t make it. And then like, go figure. Last year I just decided to run a half marathon and in the process of training for that, I ended up beating that like 5K time that I had set like, like so sometimes the goals come to you later, right? And so now I have like a few, like a few work related things, a few like deepening my relationships with friends and family things, a few spiritual things, a few like taking care of my like physical and mental health things to just to sort of like orient me as I like move through the year end. And I, I try to like keep an eye on it, but also not like, it’s not like a pass fail, it’s like a how close or far away from these did I hue?

2 (13m 15s):
And like, I dunno, like if I, if if for instance, like my goal was to like meditate every day, which is, it’s not, but like I did it 80% of the day. Like, great, that’s a success, right? Yeah. So there’s, there’s sort of like goals and intentions, but like loosely held, but like, but routine brought, like regularly returned to and like taken seriously, if that makes sense.

3 (13m 36s):
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I, I, for a couple of years, like really honed in on numeric goals, right? Like I, I was very much like, I want every goal that I set to be something that I can measure because I was realizing that prior to that I was kind of setting some really like vague goals and it, and then at the end of the year I was like, well, I don’t, I don’t even have a sense of if I was close for far right, because like, I don’t have, there was no way to measure it. So, so then I decided, I like went the other way And I was like, oh, everything I do is gonna be measurable. Everything’s gonna have a number on it. And I did that for a couple of years and, and was really happy with that.

3 (14m 17s):
But then I had a year or a couple of years where like things drastically changed midyear either like I got an opportunity that I wasn’t expecting to get, or I started something new that took up a ton of time or whatever. And, And I realized that like my whole plan then got thrown out of out whack. And so the last couple of years I’ve shifted more towards thinking about quarters. Like I’ll, I’ll kind of plan the first three months of the year knowing that probably nothing too wild is gonna come up. Like obviously something can always happen. But, but last year again, I, you know, I ha I ended up getting a job that I was not expecting to get and like threw everything outta whack.

3 (15m 5s):
So this year I’m thinking a lot about like, what are the kind of buckets of my life? Like what are the kind of, like you were saying, you know, there’s relationships, there’s my mental health, there’s my body, right? And so thinking about what are some things in each of those kind of buckets that I wanna pay attention to less about, like, I wanna run a 5K more about like, oh, I eat really crappy lunches. Like, so my, my Q1 goal is like, find out some better lunch solutions that you can like take to work that are not gonna be a giant plate of pasta in the middle of the day.

3 (15m 48s):
Not that there’s anything wrong with a giant plate of pasta, but, you know, five days a week is probably not best for my 45-year-old body. And so trying to be a little bit more intentional about like, paying attention. I, I’m just noticing like as I’m aging, there are certain things that I haven’t done because I haven’t had access to healthcare. And so now I’m like, now that I do have access to healthcare, like I should probably go to the dentist, right? So there’s some things about that being more intentional about my body. But then I’m also, you know, I I I’ve been thinking a lot over the last several years, so much of, of our work, of my work has been really focused on, on a more public scale, right?

3 (16m 31s):
Of like, we’re writing books, we’re on social media, we’re traveling and doing speaking. And I, I’ve been thinking a lot about like, what would it look like to get more deeply connected where I am, like in person, local community, like who are the people and organizations doing work here where I am that I am like really passionate about how, what might it look like to get more involved with them? What might it look like to partner with those organizations? And so that’s, that’s one of the big things I’m thinking about in 2026 of like being a little bit more hyper-local, really getting rooted in community and place.

3 (17m 14s):
And also like, some of that is also about relationships. I have amazing friends all over the country and I’m realizing that I have very few friends like where I am. And so what does it look like to invest in those relationships, to put myself in places where I might be able to make new friends and find new community where I am. You know, I’m, I’m in rural communities in the deep, deep Midwest, and so it’s complicated, right? Yeah. And also I know that there are people here and so how can I put, put myself in places where I can find the like-minded people? So those are just some of the things that are on my mind.

3 (17m 55s):
And then also I, I think the last thing is like, I, I mentioned earlier trying to be intentional about making sure that I’m, I’m carving out time for the work that I am most passionate about. And, and for me, a lot of that is creative work. So like, how can I go to work all day and still come home and have enough mental bandwidth to like do creative work? What does that look like? What guide rails need to be in place in the rest of my life to like, make it possible for me to do that creative work? What does it look like to prioritize that? Maybe on the weekend, right? Like, however that looks like I’m, I’m still feeling like I’m trying to figure that out, but that feels really important to me.

2 (18m 33s):
Yeah, I love you so much. We’re such soulmates because I just love that we both like, we talk a lot, but I don’t think either one of us explicitly was like, we should make local community a priority. But both of us came to that. Yeah. Like in back in November, I was like, I, I remember I’ve been thinking about it for a while. Like, oh, I wanna do something more local, more local, more local. And so then finally at some point, one of my coaching clients, like is here in New York, happens to be here in New York City and was like, wanting to find a new church because like they realized there wasn’t affirming and didn’t know where to get started on how to look. And so I was like, I’ll, I’ll take you to church. And so like I put out on social media, I was like, anyone wanna go? Like any queer people wanna go find an affirming church together? We’ll like do a little group.

2 (19m 14s):
And like, that was really special. And I was like, oh, I, like, we, we might, I might do another, another one in like later this month or next month for folks who are in New York City looking for affirming churches. We might hop around to different churches, but I was like, there’s something here about community in person and organizing in person and, and sharing stories in person. And so yeah, I’m, I’m really like jazzed about that in the new year as well. And like, on a meta level, I think that there’s something about having some intentions, whether it’s for like your week ahead, that’s something that I do with my co my coaching clients. I’m always like, you gotta make a plan for your week if nothing else, a week, a quarter, a year. Especially like, especially if you’re in any sort of relationship, a a really like deep friend relationship, a roommate relationship, a business relationship, a romantic relationship.

2 (20m 1s):
Like, because it, like I can have all these intentions, right? But like, if I have a set of Intentions for our business that are wildly different than yours, like, we’re gonna have some problems, right? And so we have to, we have to, you And I Shay like have to like align on that and, And I can say like, oh, I wanna like go on a European vacation this year. And if my husband is like, no, I wanna like, I wanna like save money to pay off my student loans or like, whatever the course the case may be. Like, so, so sometimes there’s a, there’s like a using this moment of like, whether it’s planning or intention setting or goal setting as like a way to sort of align with some of the important people in your life.

2 (20m 41s):
And in doing so, like you create a shared vision for your future. And that like is one of the things that like brings you closer together. And so even if you don’t like, set a bunch of goals, just like having a check in with a partner of yours to say like, what’s one thing we wanna get outta this year ahead, I think could be like a really useful practice.

3 (21m 2s):
Yeah. And I, And I think that, you know, there’s been a lot of kind of negative talk around goals and, and goal setting and, And I totally get that. And also I think that you are really onto something by saying like, setting intentions is really important, right? Because I think so many of us, it’s so easy to go on autopilot all the time and to just be like, yeah, whatever happens this week happens. And then you get to the end of the week and you’re like, I have no idea what I did this week. I don’t think I like did anything that I wanted to do. And I feel like bummed out about it. Whereas setting its an attention again, isn’t about like failing, right?

3 (21m 47s):
It’s not about failure, but it’s about like, how can we, how can we get ourselves a little closer to the life that we’re dreaming of and that we wanna live? And I think that also asks us to ask the question, what kind of life do we want to live, right? Yeah. Like, what do we want our spiritual life to look like? What does community mean to us? What does friendship mean? What does it look like to have a deep relationship? And I think that sometimes I think sometimes we avoid those questions because we maybe don’t wanna face how far we are from the ideal that is in our mind. And also what I’ve known in my own life is like, it’s not until I face how far I am that I can actually take any steps to close the gap, right?

3 (22m 35s):
So that’s been really important to me to be able to look at something and be like, I’m, I actually am unhappy with how this goes. Or, or maybe not even unhappy, but like, I think this could be better. I’m discontented, right? I think that there’s more here.

2 (22m 51s):
Yeah. Like the one for more Yeah.

3 (22m 52s):
Yeah. By saying, by admitting that, then it’s like, oh, okay, well then what does it look like to have more? Or like, what is it, what what can I do to get me closer to that? And, and, and so that acknowledging the longing, I think is, is one of the first steps and can also be something that’s really hard, right? If if it feels like we’re really far from where we wanna be.

2 (23m 16s):
Yeah. And like this sort of like figuring it all out work, like for some folks it comes like really quick and easy. They’re like, I know exactly what I want. And, and for some folks it’s like, you’re not sure how to even figure that out or how to pay attention to what you actually want, or you’re scared to give yourself permission to want some things, or you have a sense of what you want, but you’re not exactly sure how to go, go get there. And so if you’d like some like intensive support in figuring all that out, we have spiritual direction and coaching available at Queer Theology dot com slash coaching. That’s like a really high touch, one-on-one long-term experience. But if you’re just like, wanna start the new year with some lighter intentions, we have a much lower touch, but still like a more accessible way of getting involved with that.

2 (24m 3s):
And that’s The Queerness Every Day Challenge. So Shea, can you tell us like a little bit about who the Queerness Everyday Challenge is for and, and what, like how it might enrich folks as they start their year?

3 (24m 13s):
Yeah, so we’ve been doing The Queerness Every Day Challenge for a little while now. We started it as a kind of a pride thing of for folks that wanted to better integrate their sexuality and their spirituality or their gender identity and their spirituality. And what we found is that like folks were so engaged with it and it became this really fun both individual process, but also a, a community building tool. And so we thought it would be fun to revisit it for the beginning of the year. And so each day there’s like a super easy challenge that you can do in 10 minutes or less that invites you to kind of reflect on some aspect of your spirituality and your queerness.

3 (24m 58s):
And we try to have things that are that kind of range in quote unquote difficulty level, right? So that if you’re like, just kind of starting to figure this out, there is one level at which you can do the challenge. And if you are like deep into your queer and spiritual journey, there’s like another level to that. So some things to reflect on, but each each day is like something to actually do. And for this kind of new year thing, it, it’s also an invitation for you to use the challenge as a jumping off point to ask these questions of like, what do I want these aspects and areas of my life to look like and what are maybe some of the first things I can do to start to make that reality happen?

3 (25m 47s):
Then we also have a communal element so you can come and kind of share what you did and get ideas from other people. And it’s a really fun way to both like do these intention settings on your own, but then also to join together in community and celebrate each other’s wins.

2 (26m 2s):
Yeah, when I think about The Queerness Every Day Challenge, it’s an opportunity to like bring closer together queerness and spirituality and faith, whatever it looks like for you. And also to bring yourself closer to both of those. So there’s just like, like you were saying, like more and so whether you’re like really discontented or you’re like, life is good, but like I just, like, I I, I know that there could be more. And so I, I I think there’s like lots of spheres where this can really like pay off in your interpersonal relationships, your romantic relationships, your community, like your Fr like friend and wider community, your sex life, your connection to the divine, your connection with spiritual communities.

2 (26m 44s):
If you’re like wanting to like, make changes or improvements in any of those areas, I think this is like a really great way to, to sort of dive into that. And if you’ve done it before, or if you’ve considered doing it before this year, we’re like expanding it a little bit and also adding some new stuff to it. And what we’re really excited about is taking a like a, a page out of our querying advent experience. There will be a like private audio feed that you can put in any podcast player of your choice so you can get the prompts and the like adventures and even some inspiration with you wherever you are. There’s like, there’s no apps to download, no logins to remember. So if you want to just sort of like have like Brian Shea coaches in your ear almost to sort of bring some new queer faithful energy into your year, we would love to sort of be in your ear at the start of this year.

2 (27m 39s):
And of course, if you would like to go deeper, there’s a whole community. You get access to all sanctuary collective and spiritual study hall as well. So it’s sort of like a choose your own adventure for how deeper, how shallow you wanna go.

3 (27m 49s):
We’re gonna get started on January the 12th, so if you would like some more information about it, go to Queer Theology dot com slash challenge. You can find all of the details and sign up there. And then I think I also wanna just say, you know, as we head into 2026, we’re excited to a release our book this year that’s like a super excited, exciting thing that is gonna be coming later in the year, but also, you know, continue to be in community and providing resources for folks around all of these issues around gender identity, around sexuality, around spirituality and, and how, how these things can inform and enlighten and enrich one another. And we’re gonna keep this very long running podcast going even longer.

3 (28m 32s):
And so if you have ideas of things that you want us to cover on the podcast, if you’ve got questions that you want us to answer, we would love to tackle those. You can send us an email to connect at Queer Theology com and we’ll be happy to entertain your suggestions for the podcast this year. We’ve got some great interviews already lined up and some other ideas that we’re noodling on, But we would love to hear your input as

2 (28m 56s):
Well. Thanks for being here and talk to you soon. The Queer Theology podcast is just one of many things that we do at Queer Theology dot com, which provides resources, community, and inspiration for LGBTQ Christians and straight cisgender supporters.

4 (29m 7s):
To dive into more of the action, visit us at Queer Theology dot com. You can also connect with us online on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram.

2 (29m 15s):
We’ll see you next week.

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