The Secure Love Podcast with Julie Menanno S3 | Session 3: He Probably Wishes He Hadn't Chosen Me
16 snips
Mar 10, 2026 
Rachel, a woman with anxious attachment who fears she is 'too much,' shares raw vulnerability about detaching in her marriage. The conversation traces cycles of shame, his emotional avoidance, and how childhood patterns shaped both partners. Short, honest moments reveal why comfort can feel out of reach and how compassion begins to close the distance.
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Childhood Comfort Becomes Adult Emotional Blueprint
- Emotional comfort in childhood shapes adult comfort strategies and how partners show up emotionally.
- Julie explains baked goods and “don’t sweat the small stuff” minimized feelings, teaching avoidant partners to use distraction instead of emotional holding.
Anxious Attachment Turns Distance Into Core Shame
- Anxious partners interpret distance as core shame: I'm defective or too much, which fuels the negative cycle.
- Julie highlights that unhealed shame prevents trusting new healthy behaviors and requires self-work.
Name The Shame So Your Partner Can Help
- Do name and share the shame-based belief with your partner to allow empathy and repair.
- Julie invites Rachel to say aloud that part of her believes she is too much so Mike can respond vulnerably.
