Enneagram and Marriage How Men Can Actually Open Up in Marriage with Couples Therapist Shane Birkel, Type 7
Nov 10, 2025
Shane Birkel, a couples therapist and host of The Couples Therapist Couch, dives into the challenges men face when trying to open up emotionally in marriage. He discusses the damaging effects of socialization and defensiveness on vulnerability. Shane introduces the speaker-listener technique, a powerful tool to foster respectful communication and emotional connection. Tips include validating feelings and setting clear expectations to help create emotional safety for couples. This insightful conversation is a must for anyone seeking better communication in their marriage.
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Socialization Drives Male Emotional Disconnection
- Men are often socialized to disconnect from emotional reality and focus on problem-solving.
- That socialization makes emotional conversations feel like critiques rather than invitations to connect.
Worthiness Wounds Fuel Defensive Reactions
- A core block to male vulnerability is wounds around worthiness tied to being provider/protector.
- Shame triggers protective responses like defensiveness or grandiosity instead of accountability.
Early Validation Shapes Emotional Habits
- Boys often receive less emotional validation than girls, leading them to hide feelings as a 'good boy' behavior.
- That early pattern can disconnect men from their emotions by adulthood.