Kmele is MIA, though the rumor is that he's joined the Atherton branch of the Oath Keepers, so stay tuned. Matt's in Brooklyn. Moynihan is in a Phoenix hotel with a Chechen internet connection. And they still managed to blabber for two hours (ed.- actually, it was 1:45..there's 14 mins of silence at the end for some reason). So put your headphones on, crack open a Zima, and listen to the lads try to find a kernel of corn in a mountain of shit.

- The invasion of 50 capitols by 14 people
- There's no crying in Al Qaeda
- Moynihan gets some criticism. He mulls it over. He issues a partial retraction
- Aaron says thank you. We say "you're welcome" (along with some mean stuff)
- A Fifth Column answering machine?
- A Fifth Column island retreat?
- What happened to the listener with the house in Costa Rica?
- Michael's merch: TFC gets an amazing gift
- Swiss bottle service
- Tanks, MRAPS, and APCs...oh my
- Ugh, your tweets are awful, performative, and pointless
- Stop using the ISIS app, you terrorist!
- Stop whacking the moles!
- Marshaling “emotional evidence”

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Special Dispatch #53 - Mea Maxima Culpa Edition