ReThreading Madness Meditation and Mindfulness with Alan Murdock & Impact of CPTSD with Charlene Hellson
Oct 1, 2025
01:00:00
Meditation and Mindfulness with Alan Murdock & Impact of child sexual abuse survivors with Charlene Hellson
Since 1992, Alan Murdock has immersed himself in Soto Zen practice, seeking the stillness and clarity meditation can bring. But as a survivor of child sexual abuse, Alan also knows that mindfulness isn’t always gentle—sometimes it can open the door to old wounds and deep discomfort.
Today, Alan serves on the practice committee at the Cedar Rapids Zen Center in Iowa, while also working professionally as a creative consultant and founder of Murdock Media Production. In this conversation with Bernadine, he speaks candidly about the complicated relationship survivors may have with meditation. Together, they explore both the healing potential and the hidden risks of mindfulness when one’s sense of self has been fractured by trauma.
Alan offers insight into how survivors can recognize when meditation is helping—and when it might be hurting—and shares practical guidance on what to do if negative responses arise.
his is not just a conversation about meditation. It’s about navigating the fine line between healing and harm, and how survivors can approach mindfulness with both hope and caution.
And then, Charlene Hellson is a proud Blackfoot who comes from the Siksika nation. Her grandfather was from the Kainai nation both of which are from the Blackfoot Confederacy in Southern Alberta. She currently lives on the west coast of Canada. Charlene has a background in the arts and is an actor, and writer who produces poem and short plays. Academically, she was trained in psychology and anthropology. She is currently working the College of Physicians and Surgeons as an Indigenous Patient Navigator. Charlene came to the program to chat about the impact on survivors of trauma when they are told that they are strong. Charlene gives us a good insight into how trauma operates in her life and inside of her, especially that which we are not conscious about. Dealing with the trauma helped her to understand not just herself but her mother as well. She described her trauma as a shawl of pain that was heavy, poisoning her, and then how taking it off lightened the load immensely.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/rethreading-madness--5675300/support.
Since 1992, Alan Murdock has immersed himself in Soto Zen practice, seeking the stillness and clarity meditation can bring. But as a survivor of child sexual abuse, Alan also knows that mindfulness isn’t always gentle—sometimes it can open the door to old wounds and deep discomfort.
Today, Alan serves on the practice committee at the Cedar Rapids Zen Center in Iowa, while also working professionally as a creative consultant and founder of Murdock Media Production. In this conversation with Bernadine, he speaks candidly about the complicated relationship survivors may have with meditation. Together, they explore both the healing potential and the hidden risks of mindfulness when one’s sense of self has been fractured by trauma.
Alan offers insight into how survivors can recognize when meditation is helping—and when it might be hurting—and shares practical guidance on what to do if negative responses arise.
his is not just a conversation about meditation. It’s about navigating the fine line between healing and harm, and how survivors can approach mindfulness with both hope and caution.
And then, Charlene Hellson is a proud Blackfoot who comes from the Siksika nation. Her grandfather was from the Kainai nation both of which are from the Blackfoot Confederacy in Southern Alberta. She currently lives on the west coast of Canada. Charlene has a background in the arts and is an actor, and writer who produces poem and short plays. Academically, she was trained in psychology and anthropology. She is currently working the College of Physicians and Surgeons as an Indigenous Patient Navigator. Charlene came to the program to chat about the impact on survivors of trauma when they are told that they are strong. Charlene gives us a good insight into how trauma operates in her life and inside of her, especially that which we are not conscious about. Dealing with the trauma helped her to understand not just herself but her mother as well. She described her trauma as a shawl of pain that was heavy, poisoning her, and then how taking it off lightened the load immensely.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/rethreading-madness--5675300/support.