The Dildorks When Your Shrink is Kinky
Apr 8, 2026
Calvin Hauer, a Minneapolis-based sex-positive therapist who works with queer and kinky clients, discusses ethics and being out in community. He talks about boundaries, self-disclosure, erotic transference, kink-aware practice, and navigating play spaces versus professional roles. Practical tips on finding supportive clinicians and handling visibility in therapy are also covered.
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Radically Human Therapy Beats Scripted Detachment
- Graduate training teaches rigid anti-disclosure rules that prioritize detachment and safety over human connection in therapy.
- Calvin explains he moved toward being "radically human," using rupture and repair in relationships to build therapeutic efficacy beyond scripted boundaries.
Charge To Protect Your Off‑Hours Life
- Charge appropriate rates to protect your personal participation in community and preserve private play spaces.
- Calvin tells how his mentor said private pay lets you travel to play so you won't run into clients locally and maintain boundaries.
Avoid Playing Publicly When Clients Attend
- Avoid publicly playing in local kink spaces if you have clients there; instead hold public roles like door/support or keep play private.
- Calvin keeps public presence limited to welcoming/hosting to prevent client discomfort or recognition.
