Relationships Made Easy

365. Should You Stay or Leave Your Relationship?

29 snips
Jan 13, 2026
A deep dive into why staying or leaving feels so hard and how self-gaslighting keeps people stuck. A look at the biology and psychology that reinforce attachment and intermittent hope. Practical steps for clarity: naming non-negotiables, rating consistency, identifying non-tolerables, and asking the long-term question. Guidance on how children alter timing but not the core decision.
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INSIGHT

Self Gaslighting Is A Coping Strategy

  • Self-gaslighting is a coping strategy where you reinterpret or minimize your experience to avoid discomfort.
  • Abby ties this to cognitive dissonance: changing the story is easier than changing the situation.
INSIGHT

Your Brain Prefers Familiar Pain

  • Biology biases you to stay: loss aversion, familiarity preference, and fear of uncertainty make leaving feel more threatening.
  • Abby explains familiar pain often feels safer than unfamiliar uncertainty because the brain avoids loss and threat.
INSIGHT

On Again Off Again Love Reinforces Attachment

  • Intermittent reinforcement (unpredictable good/bad cycles) strengthens attachment via dopamine bursts.
  • Abby notes relationships that are sometimes great and sometimes painful create a powerful bond that's hard to break.
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