Relationship Anxiety and Relationship OCD (Episode 061)

May 10, 2024

Dive into the complexities of relationship anxiety and Relationship OCD, where intrusive thoughts can wreak havoc on love and trust. Explore how these obsessive doubts can engage rituals in a misguided search for relief. Listen to inspiring community triumphs and hear real-life stories of overcoming anxiety through therapy and support. Delve into the balance between healthy questioning and harmful patterns, while recognizing the impact of societal expectations on personal insecurities. Perspectives matter—find clarity as you navigate the emotional rollercoaster of relationships.

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INSIGHT

The Impossible Quest for Certainty

OCD demands 100% certainty but it is an illusion and cannot be satisfied.
Chasing this illusion leads sufferers into a tormenting cycle of reassurance seeking with no lasting relief.

INSIGHT

Distrust Your Anxious Gut Feeling

"Go with your gut" advice is harmful for people with OCD because their intuition is unreliable.
They must avoid relying on anxious gut feelings until recovery is underway.

ADVICE

Know When Reflection Helps

When not anxious, sufferers can experience contentment and reflect more clearly about their relationships.
Practice differentiating reflective thinking from compulsive rumination to manage ROCD.

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This week on Disordered we're looking at anxiety focused on relationships, specifically a form of OCD known as Relationship OCD (ROCD).

ROCD - like all forms of OCD - will glue itself to things that really matter to us. In this case, being in loving, secure, successful relationships with people we love and who love us. Someone with ROCD even when involved in what by all accounts may be a very healthy and satisfying relationship experiences doubt about various aspects of those relationships. Far beyond the usual questions and doubt that all people might experience now and then, ROCD doubt will trigger extreme discomfort and a sense of distress, demanding that one engage in rituals and compulsions designed to alleviate that sense of distress.

The thing is ... as usual ... that relief never lasts. ROCD will toss whatever assurance, solution, or peace our compulsions bring us, demanding that the cycle of doubt and rituals be repeated again and again.

The episode does include discussion of attachment theory/styles and self-esteem issues that may in fact play a role for people with ROCD, however the focus remains on treating the OCD itself before digging into what may be associated issues.

As always, the guys share some success stories from the listener community and answer a question about the difference between distraction and productive focusing of attention.

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Struggling with worry and rumination that you feel you can't stop or control? Check out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Worry and Rumination Explained⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, a two hour pre-recorded workshop produced by Josh and Drew. The workshop takes a deep dive into the mechanics of worrying and ruminating, offering some helpful ways to approach the seemingly unsolvable problem of trying to solve seemingly unsolveable problems.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/worryrumination⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Want to ask us questions, share your wins, or get more information about Josh, Drew, and the Disordered podcast?

Visit us on the web at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://disordered.fm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Disclaimer: Disordered is not therapy or a replacement for therapy. Listening to Disordered does not create a therapeutic relationship between you and the hosts of the podcast. Information here is provided for psychoeducational purposes. As always, when you have questions about your well-being, please consult your mental health and/or medical care providers. If you are having a mental health crisis, always reach out immediately for in-person help.