Sex for Saints Episode 412 - From Passive to Active: Owning Your Sexual Desire
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Mar 13, 2026 A frank look at moving from passive to active sexual desire within marriage. Real stories show common passive patterns and how they wear on relationships. Practical small steps are highlighted, like noticing attraction and savoring intimate memories. The conversation centers on cultivating agency, steadying desire with tiny intentional practices.
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Deanna Realizes She Was Passive For 14 Years
- Deanna realized after 14 years of marriage that she had never actually wanted sex; she had only wanted to want it.
- She waited for her husband Jason to create desire and treated sexuality as something that happened to her rather than something she cultivated.
Passive Versus Active Sexuality Defined
- Passive sexuality means waiting for your spouse to create desire through words, touch, or ambiance instead of cultivating it yourself.
- Active sexuality is owning desire: savoring memories, anticipating connection, and noticing attraction rather than defaulting to barriers like tiredness.
Rachel's Cold Switch Between Encounters
- Rachel loved her husband Kyle and enjoyed sex but never thought about sex between encounters and tried to flip a mental switch when he initiated.
- She had mental space for tasks and worries but not for sexuality, illustrating how women can disconnect between encounters.