Divorce is emotional. It's stressful. And if you're not careful, it can also become incredibly expensive.

In this mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport shares five things you should absolutely never do during a divorce — from serious legal mistakes that can impact your case to a few embarrassing (but very real) moments she experienced during her own divorce.

Because when emotions are running high, it’s easy to make decisions that feel good in the moment but can create bigger problems later.

Whether you're navigating divorce right now or trying to prepare for what lies ahead, these practical tips will help you avoid common pitfalls and stay focused on what actually matters.

Why Divorce Mistakes Can Cost You More Than You Think

One of the hardest parts of divorce is that you’re making major legal and financial decisions while under extreme emotional stress.

During this episode, Andrea explains why some of the most common divorce mistakes happen when people:

1. react emotionally instead of strategically
2. rely on advice from the wrong sources
3. allow their ex to provoke them into conflict
4. bring outside people into the legal drama

Learning how to pause, reset, and respond thoughtfully can save you thousands of dollars in attorney’s fees — and a lot of unnecessary stress.

The 5 Divorce Mistakes You Should Never Make

1. Taking Legal Advice From Friends Who Got Divorced in Another State (or Another Decade)

Divorce laws vary dramatically depending on where you live and when the divorce occurs.

Andrea explains why taking advice from a friend who was divorced years ago — or in another state — can create unrealistic expectations and costly confusion.

For example:

1. Some states are more likely to award long-term alimony
2. Other states focus on short-term rehabilitative support
3. Property division laws vary significantly across jurisdictions

Relying on outdated or out-of-state advice can lead to misunderstandings and expensive conversations with your attorney.

2. Speaking in Court When No One Asked You To

Divorce court can be intimidating — especially in the age of virtual hearings.

Andrea shares a hilarious (and slightly humiliating) story about accidentally unmuting herself during a Zoom court hearing when the judge was actually addressing an attorney with the same last name.

Lesson learned:

Never unmute yourself in court unless the judge is speaking directly to you.

3. Responding to Threatening Emails Immediately

When you're in the middle of a divorce, aggressive emails or legal threats can trigger an emotional reaction.

But responding immediately is one of the biggest mistakes you can make.

Research shows it takes about 20 minutes for your nervous system to reset after a stressful event.

Andrea recommends waiting at least an hour before responding, and using that time to regulate your body with simple strategies like:

1. taking a walk
2. drinking ice-cold water
3. holding ice to your wrists
4. doing quick bursts of physical movement

Responding calmly and strategically is always better than reacting emotionally.

4. Bringing Your New Relationship Into the Divorce Drama

Dating during divorce happens more often than people admit.

But involving your new partner in the details of your divorce can create unnecessary complications.

Andrea explains why bringing your new love interest into legal conflicts can:

1. create loyalty conflicts
2. generate bad advice
3. escalate emotional tension

Instead, keep your dating life separate from the legal process whenever possible.

5. Believing the Negative Things Your Ex Says About You

Perhaps the most important advice in this episode:

Do not internalize the hurtful things your soon-to-be ex says about you during the divorce process.

In many cases, these comments are designed to weaken your confidence or gain leverage in negotiations.

Divorce is not the time to determine your self-worth.

Your job right now is simply to survive the process and move forward.

Healing and personal growth come later — after the legal storm has passed.

Divorce Is a Marathon, Not a Sprint

Divorce often feels like an emotional roller coaster.

Some days you’ll feel strong and hopeful.

Other days you’ll feel completely overwhelmed.

That’s normal.

The most important thing to remember is that you are not alone in this process.

The How Not to Suck at Divorce podcast exists to provide practical divorce advice, real-life experiences, and the support you need to navigate this difficult chapter with confidence.

Coming Up Next on the Podcast

In this week’s full episode, Andrea and Morgan introduce two powerful acronyms designed to help you:

1. respond to threats during divorce
2. manage aggressive communication
3. protect your case while staying calm

If you struggle with how to respond to your ex during divorce, you won’t want to miss it.

Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course

Our Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck

Friends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.

Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorce

Follow Andrea: @theandrearappaport

Follow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicago

Mentioned in this episode:

Natural Cycles

When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.

Natural Cycles