KQED's Forum You Say You Don’t Have a Favorite Child. But Do You?
Feb 20, 2026
Sahaj Kaur Kohli, therapist and founder of Brown Girl Therapy, and Laurie Kramer, Northeastern psychology professor, explore parental favoritism and its ripple effects. They discuss research showing many parents favor a child, how perceptions and culture shape who is favored, lifelong patterns of a golden child, and therapeutic and family strategies to address unequal treatment.
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Talk About Differential Treatment
- Discuss parental treatment openly so children can understand reasons behind differences and reduce negative attributions.
- Parents should reflect and explain behaviors to prevent perceptions of unfairness driving poor outcomes.
Cultural Values Shape Favorites
- In many immigrant families the "favorite" child aligns with cultural values like obedience, achievement, or gender norms.
- Favoritism often reflects alignment with family goals rather than simple affection.
Early Patterns Predict Adult Roles
- If unaddressed, early differential treatment tends to remain stable into old age and influences caregiving expectations.
- The same golden child often becomes the default caregiver for aging parents.
