On Attachment #100: How to Stop Taking Things So Personally
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Aug 15, 2023 They explore why people often take others' behavior so personally and how people-pleasing feeds that reaction. You’ll hear distinctions between valid situational hurt and shame-based stories. The host outlines a self-inquiry approach and a process to regulate, reflect, then communicate. Practical scenarios like ghosting and canceled plans illustrate the ideas.
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Ghosting Question That Inspired The Episode
- The episode was inspired by an Instagram question: how to not take it personally when someone ghosted you.
- Rigg notes common 'just move on' advice bypasses the validity of feelings and can add shame.
Separate Primary Feelings From Personal Shame
- Taking things personally often starts with valid situational emotions like hurt or disappointment rather than a personal flaw.
- Stephanie Rigg urges staying with primary feelings (I'm hurt, I'm disappointed) without layering shame or unworthiness onto them.
Host's Personal Moment With Partner's Mood
- Stephanie Rigg shares her own tendency to personalize when her partner is moody and interpret it as a personal attack.
- She uses this example to illustrate how easy it is to make another's mood feel like an affront to you.