Running on Empty: What Men Get Wrong About Resilience

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Jan 27, 2026

Dr. David Kuhl, physician and UBC professor known for palliative care and men’s health, reframes resilience as relational and body-based. He talks about numbness as a signal, the harm of confusing endurance with strength, how shame isolates, the power of naming one person who’s got your back, and practicing vulnerability and emotional literacy to rebuild connection.

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INSIGHT

Shame Versus Guilt Matters

Shame narrows people into isolation because it convinces them they are fundamentally bad.
Separating guilt (I did a bad thing) from shame (I am a bad person) restores the ability to learn and repair.

ANECDOTE

Running On Empty Misread As Strength

Mike Cameron admitted he once equated resilience with enduring torture and running on empty.
He now says self-care increased his true resilience and ability to know his limits.

ADVICE

Use Your Body As An Early Warning

Slow down and notice physical clues when emotions feel off; ask where you feel it in your body.
Use those bodily signals to explore shame or numbness rather than dismissing them.

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A lot of men were taught that resilience means pushing through.
Staying quiet. Handling it alone. Running on empty and calling it strength.

In this episode, hosts Mike Cameron and Trevor Botkin slow that story down and take it apart, not as experts looking down, but as men who’ve lived the cost of getting it wrong.

Joined by returning guest Dr. David Kuhl, physician, professor, and longtime voice in men’s health, the conversation explores what resilience actually looks like when life brings grief, shame, burnout, or emotional numbness. Drawing from decades of experience in palliative care and trauma-informed work, Dr. Kuhl reframes resilience as a dynamic, relational process shaped by our bodies, our relationships, and the environments we live and work in.

Mike shares how unspoken shame followed him years after exiting a business and quietly showed up in his relationship. Trevor reflects on how confusing endurance for resilience led him to self-neglect, substance use, and running himself into the ground. Together, they talk openly about numbness, emotional literacy, and the moment many men reach when “toughing it out” stops working.

You’ll hear practical, grounded insights on:

Why numbness is a signal, not the absence of feeling
How shame fuels isolation and erodes trust
The difference between “I made a mistake” and “I am a mistake”
Why knowing just one person has your back increases resilience
How vulnerability, when practiced honestly, strengthens connection

This isn’t about fixing yourself.
It’s about paying attention sooner, staying connected, and redefining strength in a way that actually sustains you.

If you’ve been pushing through, feeling disconnected, or quietly carrying more than you let on, this conversation offers language, perspective, and permission to pause and look again.

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