The Next Big Idea Daily The Neuroscience of Romantic Obsession
Feb 12, 2026
Todd Barrett, a licensed psychotherapist and sex therapist, and Tom Bellamy, a neuroscientist studying romantic obsession, explore limerence and its signs. They discuss why uncertainty and online life amplify obsession. Practical topics include recovery steps, family patterns that shape love, and reframing endings and expectations for healthier relationships.
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What Limerence Really Is
- Limerence is an intense, altered state of romantic infatuation described by Dorothy Tennov and studied by Tom Bellamy.
- It mixes euphoria, anxiety, daydreaming, and a single-minded desire for union with the beloved.
Limerence Is Surprisingly Common
- Roughly half of surveyed adults report experiencing limerence, so it's a common way people expect love to feel.
- Conflicting expectations between 'love tribes' help explain many dating mismatches and heartache.
People Can Become Addictive
- Limerence arises from co-activation of arousal, reward, and bonding neural systems that make a person a supernormal reward.
- Uncertainty amplifies dopamine-driven desire, turning hope plus unpredictability into a powerful driver of obsession.
