DL Ep.30: The Dharma of Relationships with Devon + Nico Hase

Apr 24, 2026

Guest

Nico Hase

Guest

Devin Hase

Nico Hase, a Dharma teacher and clinician, brings psychological depth to relationship work. Devin Hase, a meditation teacher, offers applied Buddhist tools for modern partnerships. They discuss how relationships reveal blind spots. Topics include vulnerability, conflict styles (volcanoes, diplomats, dodgers), appreciation practices, translating monastic teachings to lay life, and simple rituals like check-ins and scheduled fun.

Ask episode

AI Snips

Chapters

Books

Transcript

Episode notes

INSIGHT

Relationship Friction As Spiritual Fuel

Relationships naturally reveal hidden parts of us and become transformative when they rub us the wrong way.
Nico and Devin frame partnership as a spiritual path where friction exposes habits retreat can't fully show.

ANECDOTE

Monastic Ideals Collide With Living Together

Nico describes leaving a Zen monastery life and discovering his rigid attachment to monastic Dharma ideals after living with Devin.
Co-habitation revealed how his rules about correct practice blocked actual freedom.

INSIGHT

Partners As Mirrors For Regulation Styles

Relationships act as mirrors that reveal habits meditation surfaces but can't fully correct alone.
Devin notes their differing regulation styles: she co-regulates, Nico self-regulates, and together they learn balance.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Get the app

Relationships can be one of the most powerful parts of the spiritual path because they reveal the parts of ourselves we cannot easily see alone. In this episode of Dharma Lab, Cortland Dahl and Richie Davidson are joined by meditation teachers and authors Devin and Nico Hase to explore how Buddhist practice can help us navigate love, conflict, vulnerability, appreciation, and repair. Drawing on their new book, This Messy, Gorgeous Love, they reflect on why relationships are inherently challenging, how they become mirrors for growth, and how simple practices like awareness, check-ins, and appreciation can turn partnership into a path of awakening.

Podcast Chapter List

0:00 Relationships are rough: using partnership as a spiritual path1:11 Introducing Devin and Nico Hase and This Messy, Gorgeous Love5:36 What can a monastic tradition teach us about relationships?7:05 Devin on translating Buddhist teachings into modern lay life9:53 Nico on bringing Dharma into the gritty reality of family and partnership11:29 Richie on family, feedback, and why Dharma must matter in real life15:23 Retreat, relationship, and why we can’t hide from ourselves18:04 Partners as teachers: what relationships reveal about us19:34 Nico on monastic ideals, friction, and freedom21:29 Richie on being exposed, seen, and changed by relationship22:16 Self-knowledge, co-regulation, and the dance of partnership23:36 Writing the book together and relationship as mirror25:07 Cort on intimacy, fear, and what love uncovered28:40 Relationships are rough: the myth of smooth sailing30:04 Vulnerability, exposure, and becoming resilient together31:21 Dukkha and the “bumpy ride” of partnership34:24 Appreciation, gratitude, and learning to see the good42:42 Conflict styles: volcanoes, diplomats, and dodgers52:19 The trance of nice: kindness, emotion, and authenticity55:12 Practical takeaways: check-ins, fun, and daily connection57:43 Final reflections on relationships, friendship, and the book’s wider relevance

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dharmalabco.substack.com/subscribe