Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay Creating Consensual Reality in Your Neurodiverse Relationship-Margaret Cocharan
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Mar 24, 2026 Dr. Margaret Cochran, clinical social worker and life coach with 25+ years helping neurodivergent people and couples. She talks about building intimacy skills that aren’t taught, using safe words and checklists to rebuild trust, setting and enforcing boundaries, and practical tools to regulate, reduce noise, and restore joy in ND relationships.
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Use Daily Gratitude To Build An Emotional Treasure Chest
- Practice daily gratitude to retrain neural pathways and build an emotional “treasure chest” of positive memories.
- Cochran cites studies showing 28 days of gratitude creates new pathways and helps compliments eventually soak in.
Pause Arguments Until You’re Calm And Ask Permission To Talk
- Never argue while emotionally dysregulated; step away, self-regulate, then request a calm time to talk.
- Cochran recommends soothing rituals (hot chocolate, breathing) and asking “Can you listen right now?” before discussing issues.
Negotiate Language To Create A Consensual Reality
- Negotiating language ahead of time creates a shared reality that protects boundaries and de-escalates conflict.
- Cochran advises saying “Let's talk about this when things are calmer” as a pre-agreed signal and then following through.