“Maybe I’m the Problem”: Leadership and Self-Deception with Victoria Trammel

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Apr 4, 2025

Victoria Trammel, a senior consultant at the Arbinger Institute, shares profound insights from the revised Leadership and Self-Deception. They discuss how self-deception impacts relationships and leadership, revealing patterns of collusion that inhibit collaboration. Trammel emphasizes the importance of an outward mindset and the power of self-reflection. Listeners learn practical tools for improving communication and accountability, alongside real-world stories that illustrate the transformation possible when one confronts their biases and embraces vulnerability.

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ANECDOTE

Insights Discovery

Joe Byerly shares an example of two teams misinterpreting each other's actions due to different communication styles.
Using Insights Discovery assessments helped them understand and bridge the gap.

INSIGHT

Collusion and Self-Deception

Collusions are agreements between parties to mistreat each other, perpetuating a cycle of blame.
This behavior stems from self-deception and an inward mindset.

ANECDOTE

Self-Betrayal Example

Victoria Trammel shares an example of self-betrayal with her husband.
She had a helpful thought but betrayed it, leading to negative judgments about him.

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In this episode, Joe sits down with Victoria Trammel from the Arbinger Institute to explore the life-changing insights from the newly revised edition of Leadership and Self-Deception. Together, they dig into the patterns of self-justification, the emotional energy we waste on false narratives, and the practical tools leaders can use to shift from an inward to an outward mindset. Joe and Victoria cover:

The concept of self-deception and how it shows up in leadership and relationships
How “collusions” form between individuals and groups, sabotaging collaboration
The difference between being helpful and looking helpful
Real-world stories of self-betrayal at work and at home
How to identify and interrupt the inward mindset in yourself and your team
The power of journaling and reflection in shifting perspective
Steps for becoming more outward-focused without sacrificing accountability

Whether you’re a leader in the military, the corporate world, or at home, this conversation offers powerful reminders and tools for transforming how we relate to others—and ourselves.

With almost 3 million copies sold worldwide, this new edition of an enduring classic is the definitive guide to dramatically improve leadership effectiveness, transform personal and professional relationships, and unleash organizational results.

Significantly revised throughout, this edition includes updated stories, brand new content, and a practical group discussion guide.

Over two decades since first being published, Leadership and Self-Deception continues to help readers discover and overcome the persistent lies that are at the heart of the people-related dysfunction that plagues relationships and hinders organizational results. Told through an engaging story, this book reveals the ways we blind ourselves to our true motivations and unwittingly sabotage our efforts to achieve success and rebuild broken relationships.

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