On Attachment #141: "Is it wrong to hope my partner will change?"
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May 23, 2024 Exploring the desire to change a partner, the podcast delves into the implications on relationships and personal growth. It highlights how attachment styles influence this urge, with anxious individuals seeking validation and avoidant individuals using it for distancing. Embracing acceptance and understanding core relationship needs are key themes discussed.
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Wanting Partner Change Often Reflects Your Own Issues
- Wanting a partner to change is a common human reaction that often signals internal issues rather than just the partner's flaws.
- Stephanie Rigg says this urge can come from judgment, control, or wanting them to be more like you, so examine your motives before acting.
Stop Criticizing And Take Responsibility
- Avoid acting on impulses to criticize or manipulate; this creates disconnection rather than growth.
- Stephanie advises taking responsibility and asking whether your behavior fosters a culture that inspires change or drives partners away.
Attachment Style Shapes Why You Want Change
- Attachment style shapes how we try to change partners: anxious people seek security, avoidant people use criticism to distance.
- Stephanie notes the same seed (wanting change) diverges into merging for anxious types and rejecting for avoidants.