How to Add Value: Stop Asking 'How Can I Help?'

The Learning Leader Show With Ryan Hawk

Episode #255: David Burkus - The Hidden Networks That Can Transform Your Life (Friend Of A Friend)

David Burkus is a best-selling author, a sought after speaker, and business school professor. In 2017, he was named as one of the world's top business thought leaders by Thinkers50.

The Learning Leader Show

"The fundamental element that defines the quality of our lives are the people we surround ourselves with and the conversations we have with them."

Show Notes:

• What defines a happy life?
  • "The fundamental element that defines the quality of our lives are the people we surround ourselves with and the conversations we have with them. That's how you live a happy life."
• Adam Rifkin - The "strength of weak ties"
  • The research suggests you have better odds of getting a job through a loose acquaintance than a close friend
    • "Dormant ties" are very valuable to have in your life. Make a deliberate effort to reach back out to those people. Use a system to keep track of those relationships
• This is the "what" and the "how" to get it done
• From "science" to "practice" -- The key to success is to be prescriptive. Give actionable advice
• The story of Michelle McKenna Doyle -- How she created her dream job in the NFL. 1 dormant tie - 1 degree of separation. "Most of us are only 1 or 2 introductions away from what we want..."
• Clusters - People tend to cluster around like minds. There is amazing power of small communities
  • "Build your own stage, your own community"
• Super connector - Dunbar's # -- Brian Grazer
  • Having regular curiosity conversations -- That is how he met Ron Howard
• Never ask the question, "How can I help you?" Figure out how you can help someone else, then help them. Don't put the onus on them.
  • Always think, "who does this person need to meet?" And make connections
• In a networking situation, don't just ask - "What do you do?" -- Try to learn more about them as a person, not just their job
  • "What excites you right now?
  • Who's your favorite super hero?"
  • Where did you grow up?"
• Be interested in order to be interesting
• "We feel guilt when we no longer want to associate with old friends and colleagues who haven't changed. The price, and marker, of growth." - Naval Ravikant
• How David and his wife measured their friendships and peer group -- They made lists
• How to give a TED Talk? -- Practiced it hundreds of times, hired a coach
• Go to www.DavidBurkus.com/Ryan

Social Media:

• Follow David on Twitter: @davidburkus
• Read: Friend of A Friend
• Go to: DavidBurkus.com/Ryan
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• Join our Facebook Group: The Learning Leader Community
• To Follow Me on Twitter: @RyanHawk12