Why We Overhelp and Avoid Saying No

In this episode, I'm talking about the "laziness lie" from Dr. Devon Price's book Laziness Does Not Exist and how believing you're lazy if you don't help people can quietly destroy your boundaries. I get into why some relationships leave you exhausted, how over-helping actually keeps people stuck, and what it looks like to start pulling back in small, realistic ways.

Get support in Jen's "We Are A Lot" online community. An interactive (yet self-paced, no forced socializing) group giving you 24/7 peer to peer support. It's designed for ADHD/AuDHD humans that need connection and gentle accountability with taking action, so you're not doing it all alone. You get daily body doubling sessions with Jen, weekly check-in progress meetings, extras like live Q&A's with Jen, book club meetings, journaling sessions with Jen, instructional videos for nervous system regulation, a private chat community, free worksheets, guides and printables, journal prompts, as well as all of the podcast episodes early and ad-free, video versions with transcripts, and four audio bonus episodes per month. This monthly membership supports learning things at your own pace so that you can act like your own ADHD/AuDHD coach whenever you want. Join the "We Are A Lot" Community for $24.99/month, or I am offering over 3 months free if you join annually and check it out no pressure with a one-week free trial!

Quick Links To Things Mentioned in This Episode:

• Episode 40: How to Set Boundaries as an Adult with ADHD

• Episode 41: The ADHD and People Pleasing Connection

• Laziness Does Not Exist by Dr. Devon Price (20% off with this link)

• Unmasking Autism by Dr. Devon Price (20% off with this link)

• Unmasking For Life by Dr. Devon Price (20% off with this link)

• Unlearning Shame by Dr. Devon Price (20% off with this link)

• Send an email to the show at alotadhdpod at gmail dot com

• For ad-free episodes, weekly bonus episodes, the video version and transcripts join the Patreon for $7.99 per month. [Jen to create this link when adding the new paid version]

Shop to Support the Show: Jen's Favorite ADHD Supports (with Discounts)

Brain.fm — A Focus Tool I Use Every Day I listen while I work and I can feel my brain lock in. It's not AI, or binaural beats. Brain.fm is science-backed sound made by musicians and scientists for ADHD brains. I want you to try it for 30 days free, with my link!

The Big A## Calendar I have the Big A## wall calendar that maps out the entire year and the Big A## personal planner with 365 days in one view, dry erase markers, color coded labels. With my unique link you can get 10% off of your order.

Hugimals — Weighted Comfort for Kids & Adults I own Hugimals, give them as gifts, and love that they're made by a neurodivergent founder who understands nervous system needs. These weighted stuffed animals and pillows help with anxiety and overwhelm, and you can get 15% off anytime using my link and code JENKIRKMAN (it never expires).

Bookshop.org — Books I Recommend I love Bookshop.org because every purchase supports your local independent bookstore, not Amazon, while still shipping directly to you. I've curated book lists on ADHD/AuDHD and mental health, and you can get 20% off everything when you shop using my link.

The Time Timer - a Cute Visual Time Tool! I use my Time Timer every single day to help me visualize time during work blocks, and to gamify chores. There's no discount, but when you use my link I earn a percentage that goes directly into supporting this podcast.

Appointed — Planners, Notebooks & Desk Goods Appointed notebooks are my go-to for my spiral notebooks, day planners, calendars and Le Pen pens for list-making, journaling, and planning. Save 15% off with my link and code JENKIRKMAN.

UnHide — Soft, Weighted Comfort I love UnHide's products. Their faux fur weighted blankets, pillows, robes, and socks are incredibly soft and calming. You can get 20% off with my link and code JEN20.