Asking Better Questions for Bonding

Oversharing has a bad reputation. But what if revealing more about yourself is actually the fastest way to build trust? 

To give us insight into the psychology behind oversharing — when it builds connection and when it backfires — we’re joined by behavioral scientist and author of Revealing: The Underrated Power of Oversharing, Leslie John.

Leslie guides us through the surprising benefits of self-disclosure, exploring how revealing personal information can strengthen social bonds and increase trust. 

She also shares research on how disclosure impacts relationships, workplace dynamics, and even physiological stress, and explains how to find the “Goldilocks zone” where sharing is just right, without overburdening others.

Listen and Learn: 

• How sharing something a little uncomfortable can instantly build trust and make people like and choose you even more than someone who keeps everything private
• Why the instant regret after saying something vulnerable makes us play it safe, while the real price of not opening up shows up later in missed connection we never even realize we lost
• How sharing just a little more than usual in conversations can create connection and prompt others to open up with you
• Asking deeper, slightly risky questions to turn awkward small talk into real connection and reveal surprising ways people bond
• Recognizing when sharing with a friend is helping or hurting your relationship and the surprising way your closest friendships reveal your emotional limits
• How sharing small vulnerabilities at work can actually boost trust and credibility without crossing professional boundaries
• How encouraging young kids to show their feelings now could help them handle stress later and navigate tricky social pressures as they grow
• Sharing personal stories to light up your brain’s pleasure centers, and why that might be more rewarding than you think

Resources: 

• Revealing: The Underrated Power of Oversharing https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593545386 
• Leslie’s Website: https://www.lesliekjohn.com
• Connect with Leslie on Social Media:
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/leslie-john-75928721 
• https://www.instagram.com/proflesliejohn/ 
• https://x.com/lesliekjohn?lang=en 

About Leslie John

Leslie John is the James E. Burke Professor of Business Administration at the Harvard Business School. Her award-winning research appears in top academic journals and media, including The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and The Economist. A Canadian-born, internationally trained ballet dancer, she now calls Boston home

Related Episodes:

• 422. Mindwise with Nicholas Epley
• 360. The Laws of Connection with David Robson
• 374. Developing and Deepening Connections with Adam ... 
• 393. Supercommunicators with Charles Duhigg 
• 408. Connecting Like a Hostage Negotiator with Gary ... 

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.