Episode 471: Letting Go Of Someone You Can’t Let Go Of
Sex and Psychology Podcast
Step 1: Limit contact realistically
Tom advises staged withdrawal and concrete rules (e.g., texting limits) to reduce obsessive contact while allowing lapses.
Limerence is an intense state of romantic preoccupation where someone takes over your thoughts and emotions. It can feel exhilarating and even spark new love. But it can also become unhealthy, especially when the feelings are unrequited, inappropriate, or tied to someone who is unavailable or toxic. In this episode, we explore when limerence becomes a problem, and how to work through it.
I am joined once again by Dr. Tom Bellamy, a neuroscientist and honorary Associate Professor at the University of Nottingham. He has published over forty scientific works on neurophysiology. He runs the popular blog Living with Limerence and is author of the new book Smitten: Romantic Obsession, the Neuroscience of Limerence, and How to Make Love Last.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- What keeps limerence going, and what do you need to understand before breaking the cycle?
- How do you shift into a recovery mindset?
- What practices help interrupt rumination?
- What should you look for in a therapist if you need help working through limerence?
- How does living more purposefully protect against limerence?
You can check out Tom’s website to learn more about his work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
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