What Donor Relationships Mean

In this one‑off special, Elizabeth sits down with author Rebecca Coxon to discuss family, fertility and the secrets that have shaped her life: after uploading her DNA to an ancestry site, Rebecca discovered that the man who raised her was not her biological father – a revelation that sent her on a remarkable search for the truth about her origins.

Her memoir Inconceivable launches Elizabeth’s new imprint, Big Day Books. Rebecca writes with clarity and compassion about being a donor‑conceived IVF triplet, later donating her own eggs and facing fertility treatment herself – a story of family secrets, shame, resilience and deep love.

You don’t need personal experience of IVF or DNA surprises to be moved by this conversation. Rebecca is thoughtful, emotionally perceptive and quietly courageous. She speaks about having her identity reshaped overnight, the coexistence of gratitude and grief, and the invisible threads that bind us across generations.

This is a discussion about truth, belonging and the ethics and emotions of creating new life – and about redefining family not by biology alone, but through love, choice and understanding.

A deeply honest, intimate and ultimately hopeful discussion – and a very special moment for How to Fail.

✨ IN THIS EPISODE:

00:00 Intro

01:15 Donor Conceived Truth

02:52 Test Results Moment

05:26 Endometriosis Reality

07:57 Choosing Egg Donation

08:36 US Donor Market

10:26 Recipient Letter Impact

13:58 Dating And Time Pressure

15:53 James And IVF Collapse

20:50 Meeting Donor Rodney

30:47 Pregnancy After Book

💬 QUOTES TO REMEMBER:

The experience of watching your friends have babies. Every milestone in their lives feels like a splinter in mine.

I'm still on the shoreline waiting for my time, and I'm standing alongside people who are struggling." — Rebecca describes the mindset she had while finishing her book, just before discovering she was pregnant.

🔗 LINKS + MENTIONS:

Rebecca’s new book Inconceivable is available to buy now: www.bigdaybooks.co.uk/inconceivable

Join the How To Fail community: www.howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content

Elizabeth’s Substack: www.theelizabethday.substack.com

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👋 Follow How To Fail & Elizabeth:

Instagram: @elizabday

TikTok: @howtofailpod

Podcast Instagram: @howtofailpod

Website: www.elizabethday.org

Production & Post Production Coordinator: Eric Ryan

Engineer: Matias Torres

Assistant Producer: Shania Manderson

Senior Producer: Hannah Talbot

Executive Producer: Alex Lawless

How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production.

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