What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms

We asked our listeners to tell us their go-to House Rules. Whether these words to live by are hanging in your kitchen written in cutesy script on a faux-weathered piece of wood (“in this house we give hugs”) or have been implanted in your children’s brains simply by your repeatedly screaming them, here are your (and our) best House Rules for: screens, fighting, pets, personal space, the dinner table, sleep, Saturdays, secrets, and being nice. Join the conversation in our Facebook group! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mom tribes are a thing… for some of us. Others find it harder to make and maintain fun, easygoing friendships with other parents. But should we feel bad if we don’t have a “Sex and the City”-style group that are all equally close and whom we see three times a week?  Our listener Hester describes a mom tribe this way:  like-minded moms with similar age kids who have one another's backscan be one or many, depending on your comfort level  more precious than ever when the traditional support system of close family is not availableIn this episode, we discuss our listeners’ advice on how to find mom tribes, how to deepen connections with the one you may already have-- plus whether online tribes count (yes).  In a day and age when our siblings and parents might live far away, it’s worth investing ourselves in the communities that can happen wherever we are. Here's how writer Jenny Anderson explains it: I used to think that community was as simple as having friends who bring a lasagna when things fall apart and champagne when things go well. Who pick up your kids from school when you can’t. But I think community is also an insurance policy against life’s cruelty; a kind of immunity against loss and disappointment and rage. My community will be here for my family if I cannot be. And if I die, my kids will be surrounded people who know and love them, quirks and warts and oddities and all.By the way, our Facebook group is a tribe of really cool, funny, supportive parents- join us! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Studies show that risky play creates what Dr. Ellen Sandseter calls a “motivating, thrilling activation,” building self-confidence and self-esteem. Message received: we’re supposed to allow our kids to take risks. But how risky? Like thin-ice risky? What if our kids are fraidy-cats? What if we are?In this episode we discuss the differences between risks and hazards and how to bring healthy doses of risk into our kids’ lives. Our kids need to learn what discomfort is- and how to deal with it- in order to feel competent and confident in the world.We also talk expanding the boundaries of what’s acceptable for our little ones with Evangeline Lilly— yes, that Evangeline Lilly! The award-winning star of TV’s Lost and films like Avengers: Endgame and The Hobbit is also the author of The Squickerwonkers book series, which Evangeline wrote to "open a portal for children of all ages to face and talk about the darker sides of their own natures.” Think Lemony Snicket meets Edward Gorey, with impossibly gorgeous illustrations by Rodrigo Bastos Didier.Here’s links to research and other writing we discuss in this episode:Jennifer King Lindley for Parents: Science Says Let Your Kid Push BoundariesDr. Mariana Brussoni: Risky Play: Losing a Childhood "Right" of Passage- and a Tool to Help Protect That RightDr. Ellen Sandseter et all: Children's Risky Play from an Evolutionary Perspective: The Anti-Phobic Effects of Thrilling ExperiencesSusan Davis and Nancy Eppler-Wolff: Raising Children Who Soar: A Guide to Risk Taking in an Uncertain World. Dr. Jim Taylor: Positive Pushing: How to Raise a Successful and Happy Child Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

According to researcher Patrick Ishizuka, "intensive parenting has become the dominant cultural model." Sounds about right. We spend triple the time actively engaging with our kids that our own parents did with us. And even then, we all feel guilty that we're not doing more. (Or that we kind of hate playing with LOL Surprise! Dolls, and we aren't hiding it very well.)But is more always better? Are our modern hyper-organized days creating children who have no idea how to occupy themselves, who need either a screen or one-on-one adult attention at all times? Do we *have* to play with our kids? Is there a way for parenting to feel a little less relentless? Here are links to research and other writing we discuss in this episode: Claire Cain Miller for the New York Times: The Relentlessness of Modern ParentingRebecca Onion for Slate: Playtime is OverSuzanne M. Bianchi et al: Changing Rhythms of American Family LifeJanet Lansbury: RIE Parenting Basics (9 Ways to Put Respect into Action) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Happy Mother’s Day Week! In this episode we salute YOU, Mom. Our listeners told us their biggest mom wins and we are passing out some awards- like to Francesca, who has convinced her rambunctious two-year-old that the signs in most public spaces say that all little boys have to stand right next to their mommies.  We also address the various ways that our small children’s Mother’s Day art projects have completely ratted us out. If you’ve ever stood in the hallway outside a kindergarten classroom and seen, projected in three-inch crayoned letters, the proclamation that your own favorite food is “BEER,” we are here for you.  Check out whatfreshhellpodcast.com for Amy’s “mom prom” picture and Billy Collins’ poem The Lanyard, which perfectly encapsulates the insufficiency of any Mother’s Day gift to properly thank us for what we do. You know what? That’s the point. No thanks *can* be good enough. So enjoy those lukewarm eggs benedict and hastily-purchased greeting cards! You’re worth it- and so very much more.   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We all know it: our kids are on screens too much. And us parents? Well, if you haven't used Apple's Screen Time function yet, prepare to be horrified. So have you ever considered a cold-turkey no-screens experiment in your home? Screen Free Week is coming up, and it gives us the perfect opportunity to present the idea to our families. But no, you might be saying. We couldn't possibly. My kids would fight! We need that down time! There's all that candy to crush!And to that we say, fear not, because we did it first. And we are here to tell you that you won't just find hours of time- you will, as Margaret put it, see entire bandwidths of your children's brains come alive that you hadn't even realized were asleep.In this episode we discuss how to sell screen-free week to the kids, how to prepare, how to survive, and why we think it's worth it! Here are links to resources and research discussed in this episode:screenfree.org unpluggedfamily.orgscreenlifebalance.comKevin Roose for NYT: Do Not Disturb: How I Ditched My Phone and Unbroke My BrainTaylor Lorenz for The Atlantic: The Hottest Chat App for Teens Is … Google DocsDaily Mail: Smartphones, tablets causing mental health issues in kids as young as twoDr. Jean Twenge for The Atlantic: Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation?Dr. Jean Twenge for The Conversation: Teens have less face time with their friends – and are lonelier than everDr. Craig Canapari: Prevent Sleep Problems in Kids: Keep Technology Out of The BedroomErika Christakis for The Atlantic: The Dangers of Distracted ParentingCatherine Price: How to Break Up With Your PhoneCal Newport: Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World Leigh Stringer: On the Importance of Boredom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It’s easy for most parents to explain what’s wrong with how our kids speak to us: the snark, sarcasm, and eye-rolling are all things we could use a lot less of.  But could the way we talk to our kids use a little fine-tuning as well?  Dr. Wendy Mogel’s latest book, Voice Lessons for Parents: What to Say, How to Say It, and When To Listen, is just out in paperback. In this episode, Dr. Wendy Mogel tells us how to bridge the ever-more-complicated communication gap between parents and children, no matter what age our kids are. Over the last two years we've quoted Dr. Mogel more than any other parenting expert, and no surprise- this interview is full of "aha moments" and great ideas. You can read and download the full transcript here.And if you still need a little convincing that we should be focusing on the faults with our own parental communication, rather than the shortcomings of our children’s techniques, consider this quote from another classic of parenting advice, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk: "Rather than blaming your kids for all your parenting grief, you can improve communication with them by making a few changes to the way you speak to them and set the tone of a situation. Listening, sharing feelings, and respecting your kids will make your job as a parent far easier.” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

100 episodes in, and we still have a few stories left to tell! In this episode we try to stump each other by playing "True or False."  True or False: Amy's child once embarrassed her horribly in front of Gwyneth Paltrow. True or False: Margaret *almost* had her first child in a hallway. Listen and learn! Thanks so much to all of our listeners who have helped us grow this show for one hundred episodes. We're honored that you're out there. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Is there a middle ground in youth sports? Is there a place to exist between the nine-year-old icing his shoulder after a session with his pitching coach and the kid who bats last and hates every minute and never plays a team sport again? There used to be (back in our day). There can be. But in a world where families spend 10% or more of their yearly household income on travel teams, equipment, coaches, and gear, that friendly, non-intense approach has become a lot harder to find.  In this episode we discuss how to keep the “play” in playing sports how to push back against coaches and leagues that tell third-graders they have to specialize surviving early-spring double-headers at the baseball field  when to let kids quit (70% of kids quit a team sport by age 13 because it’s too intense)  why girls are more likely to quit than boysand when to follow your kid’s passion, even if it means turning all of your weekends over to lacrosseand the only thing you should ever ever say to your child after a game.Here's links to research and studies discussed in this episode: Kingswood Camp: Our Philosophy On Sports Michael S. Rosenwald for Washington Post: Are parents ruining youth sports? Fewer kids play amid pressure.Bruce Kelly and Carl Carchia for ESPN Magazine: The Hidden Demographics of Youth SportsEmily Barone for Time: The Astronomical Cost of Kids’ SportsAspen Institute: 10 Charts that Show Progress, Challenges to Fix Youth SportsAspen Institute: STATE OF PLAY 2018: TRENDS AND DEVELOPMENTSCaitlin Morris for Aspen Institute: Changing the Game for GirlsOur main takeaway? Sports are one area where we parents need to take our eyes *off* the prize. Bring back the backyard wiffle ball game. Find places where kids of all levels can participate. And keep looking until your kid finds the sport she enjoys. It won’t always be easy, but it will probably be worth the effort.   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Some of the ways we imagined motherhood turned out to be pretty accurate (like how much we’d enjoy Santa Claus back in our lives). But some of it was wayy off base, like how long it takes to lose a muffin top. (It's like the Tootsie Roll Pop question: the world may never know.) In this episode we discuss what lived up to, exceeded, and confounded our mom expectations with special guest Betsy Stover, mom of three boys and co-host of the hilarious podcast Why Mommy Drinks.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices