What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms

This week's question is from Melissa, who says:Sweet mother of pearl, my five-year-old is in grade 1 and I’m already getting a LOAD of sass at homework time.Things I have tried and said to make it go more smoothly:1. Telling him: “Everyone in your class is doing their homework right now too"2. Sending him straight to bed after supper for yelling at me during homework... twice3. Positivity and encouragement4. Reasoning with him: “homework will be done as soon as you write out your words twice”5. “Would you act like this with your teacher?”6. Pure bribery- candy and/or tablet time.Help- I need some new ideas!Melissa doesn't say whether her son is attending school in person or remotely. Either way, the pandemic offers unique challenges that make the school day even more exhausting than usual, particularly for a first-grader who is only five.Amy offers some tips on making homework time less of a burden for kids and parents, including some great ideas offered by our listeners. There's also room for a whole lot of compassion here, especially right now. A five-year-old might just be too exhausted or overwhelmed to meet these expectations. Especially right now, our children's emotional health is more important than one more math worksheet.Amy also references our episode on homework, which you can find here:https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2017/10/episode-27-the-homework-slog/Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next! questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In our latest “Fresh Take” episode, we're talking to Dr. Jill Stoddard, author of BE MIGHTY: A Woman's Guide to Liberation from Anxiety, Worry & Stress Using Mindfulness and Acceptance.Jill's mission is to share cutting edge, evidence-based tools based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to help people find meaning and vitality in their lives even as they struggle with anxiety.We talk about why anxiety is a particular concern for women, especially right now– and how we an change our relationship to our anxiety and stress by becoming more flexible around it, rather than trying to shut it down.If you'd like to find out more about Jill's book and the tools of ACT, you can sign up for a 4-week Virtual Book Club about Be Mighty, including Live Q&A sessions with Jill, here: https://www.jillstoddard.com/pages/virtual-book-club.Jill Stoddard is a clinical psychologist and director of The Center for Stress and Anxiety Management. She is the author of two books: Be Mighty: A Woman’s Guide to Liberation from Anxiety, Worry, and Stress Using Mindfulness and Acceptance and The Big Book of ACT Metaphors: A Practitioner’s Guide to Experiential Exercises and Metaphors in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Dr. Stoddard is an award-winning teacher, peer-reviewed ACT trainer, and co-host of the Psychologists Off the Clock podcast. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Saying no is a lot harder for women. We’re conditioned to be compliant; studies show that by middle school, girls shy away from expressing authentic preferences in order to fit in. And when we do say no, the world holds that against us more than it would a man.Perhaps that explains how we might find ourselves running the grade school bake sale *again,* and being resentful, when we could just have said no in the first place.In this episode we discuss the difference between a hard no and a soft no where to practice your no how to decide once what's a no why you should say you “don’t” want to do something, instead of that you “can’t” In order to let go of our people-pleasing tendencies, the best place to start might be by looking within. Are we really the only one who can keep her finger in the dam in this particular situation?If not, saying 'no' might be worth the discomfort; it makes more room in our lives for the things we want to be there.Here are links to the studies and other writing on this topic that we discuss in this episode: Jackie Ashton for Washington Post On Parenting: The art of saying no: How to raise kids to be polite, not pushoversJessica Bennett for NYT: Welcome to the 'No' ClubBrené Brown for oprah.com: 3 Ways To Set BoundariesMeghan Keane for NPR's Life Kit: How To Say No, For The People Pleaser Who Always Says YesSarah Mendekick for LA Times Op-Ed: Men can’t hear it, women don’t say it — the everyday importance of ‘no’Katharine Ridgway O'Brien: "Just Saying "No": An Examination of Gender Differences in the Ability to Decline Requests in the Workplace."Samantha Radocchia for women2.com: LEARNING THE ART OF SAYING ‘NO’Kristin Wong for NYT: Why You Should Learn to Say ‘No’ More Often...and finally, the legendary E.B. White, who never had any problem saying no, reading Charlotte's Web Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In our latest “Fresh Take” episode, we've got an interview with Jessica Lahey, author of the bestseller THE GIFT OF FAILURE: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed. The Gift of Failure came out in 2016, when giving our kids healthy doses of autonomy and outdoor exploration felt a little more possible. But even during pandemic life, there are opportunities for us to be less protective as parents and to let our kids learn by failing.Jess tells us how to apply the book’s ideas to pandemic life, at-home learning, and living together 24/7.Jess also tells us a little about her next book, The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence, coming in April 2021. We can't wait! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

After a listener on our Facebook page declared “This is a sexist pandemic!” we got to thinking: what are the quantifiable ways in which life has gotten even harder for moms in 2020 than it has for our spouses? We all know it HAS, but why? And how?A study from Syracuse University found that four out of five adults who have stopped their usual work schedule due to the pandemic are women. Another study followed the possibility that, as the "invisible workload" became more visible to male spouses and children, it would spur more equal participation in household duties. That study's answer? No. They see it, they just don't care. The increased demands of this time have indeed fallen on women more.If it's taken a million small interactions to get to the place where everybody just assumes that if there's 40% more work to do, Mom is going to do it all, it's going to take small interactions to reset that expectation as well.In this episode, we talk about how to get started.Here are links to the research and other writing on the topic discussed in this episode:Elamin Abdelmahmoud for Buzzfeed: How The Pandemic Has Exacerbated The Gender Divide In Household LaborClaire Cain Miller for NYT: Nearly Half of Men Say They Do Most of the Home Schooling. 3 Percent of Women Agree.Jessica Grose for NYT: They Go To Mommy FirstDanielle Rhubart for Syracuse University: Gender Disparities in Caretaking during the COVID-19 PandemicThébaud, S., Kornrich, S., & Ruppanner, L. (2019). Great housekeeping, great expectations: Gender and housework norms Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our listener Sabrina asks:My 4 year old daughter has a nasty ear infection. the medication she got is nasty and she wont take it. Attempting to force it ends with her spitting it out. We tried hiding it in applesauce but she wouldn't eat it all and said it was yucky. We've reasoned with her, bribed her, nothing works! Any ideas? Amy's top advice for getting kids to swallow meds is... teaching them to swallow pills. You can start earlier than you think, and it doesn't have to involve tears.Listen to this mini-episode for Amy's tips, including the "duck-shake technique," plus lots of other ideas from our listeners! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You know how sometimes a loved one or friend will do something that annoys you, but then you think: is it me? How mad should I be? Our listeners told us what past “crimes” they’re currently holding grudges about– infractions committed by their spouses, children, mothers-in-law, and even dogs.This week we are rating each of these grudges on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is “you have no right to be angry at all,” and 10 is “no jury would convict you.” Excluded from family photos because you’re “not really family”?Given a suspicious regift of corporate-branded popcorn for your anniversary?Told that you look tired, and should therefore exercise more?Oh, you get to be angry. And this episode is just for you.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Margaret answers this week's listener question: "How do you handle it when one partner is not a good disciplinarian? My husband is a caring and involved parent, definitely not the type to do things badly so I'll just have to do everything. Problem is, he has a really difficult time keeping our five-year-old in line, which means that anything he's in charge of turns into a huge struggle that's frustrating for everyone involved. For example, he's in charge of bedtime. She does all kinds of things to avoid going to sleep, which is understandable, but he doesn't seem able to handle it and actually get her to sleep. I don't know what to do in situations like this. If I step in he won't figure out how to do it himself, but he also doesn't seem to be learning how to handle her!"The rule that governs this situation is "All conversations about parenting happen when no one is parenting." You should not correct your partner while he's is the middle of trying to get your child to sleep, but you can find a calmer moment to seek out solutions to make the bedtime routine less stressful for everyone.It's also important to "watch your story" here. Help your partner discover resources to make himself a better disciplinarian (rules such as 'only saying things once' and 'putting a time limit on bedtime interactions'). Then, forget the story of "he's not good at this," and open up the story of "he's capable of this, with a little guidance".Submit your parenting question- we might answer yours next!questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In our latest "Fresh Take" episode, we're doing an extended interview with Meredith Masony, author of the new book ASK ME WHAT’S FOR DINNER ONE MORE TIME: Inappropriate Thoughts on Motherhood.You probably already know Meredith as the comic genius behind That's Inappropriate, an online community of 3 million+ moms and strong-minded women who are not afraid to own the fact that when it comes to parenting, the struggle is real.We discuss the crisis in Meredith's life that inspired her to tell the truth about her life as a parent, her hilarious new book, and the Hot Mess Express that is every Tuesday morning.Grab Meredith's book here: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781982117962 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

By popular request, we're back with another list of the things that are getting us through the days right now. Some of these are for our kids (since a happily occupied kid equals a mom with one less problem). Some of these are just for us.Here are links to the some of the must-haves we discuss. If your podcast app doesn't support hyperlinks, you can also find this list at https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2020/09/ep174/.The VowUncover podcastGorilla GymSlack lineEtsy shops like Speck Custom WoodworkKids' subscription kits like KiwiCoWall-hanging file foldersWireless earbuds that don't cost $100Mini trampoline  Zero gravity chair Pendleton blanketWeighted blanket Pete’s A Pizza by William SteigTotally Rudy's DIY American Girl YouTube channelSelling Sunset (Margaret's current "secret shame show")AllTrails appDisclosure: some of the above links are affiliate links, and What Fresh Hell may receive commissions for purchases made through them. But these are all products we highly recommend! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices