What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms

A listener asks:I had my first child (and only child, so far) 18 months ago. It was a really rough experience for me and my husband: traumatic birth, intense breastfeeding struggles, very colicky baby that really did not sleep much, no support due to COVID, and I had PPD. My husband and I are really only just starting to feel sort of okay again in the last few months. Here's my issue. Within the last six months several of my friends have had their first babies. None of them are having even close to the intense/terrible experience that my husband and I did. Intellectually, I am happy about this because I love my friends, and I don't wish bad things on them! However, emotionally I seem to be struggling with watching all of them sail through (relatively speaking) something that was 100% the hardest, darkest time of my life. When I hear/see them having such an easy time I sometimes feel angry, or even like I want to cry. I hate feeling this way, and it makes me feel like a bad person/terrible friend. Has anyone else had a really rough birth/newborn experience, and then struggled when seeing other people have better experiences? Am I a terrible person for not being able to be fully happy for my friends who are having such an easier time?It's important to give yourself time and space to heal when you've suffered trauma of any kind. Amy kindly helps our listener understand that her feelings are completely justified, she is allowed to give herself a break, and that no, she's not the only one who has ever felt this way. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

KC Davis is the creator of the mental health platform Struggle Care, where she shares a revolutionary approach to self and home care for those dealing with mental health, physical illness, and hard seasons of life. She is a licensed professional therapist, author, speaker, and advocate for mental health and recovery. Her new book is How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing. Does just glancing in your messy playroom make you want to lie down and nap? We all get overwhelmed when we see our chaotic houses as endless "to-clean" lists that we never complete. KC Davis has simple and easy-to-implement strategies for making cleaning up functional--and giving you small wins along the way that really count.In this episode, KC, Amy, and Margaret discuss: How to take a new perspective on cleaning The five different categories of things in any given mess How to involve kids in cleaning house without tears (theirs OR yours) Here's where you can find KC: https://www.strugglecare.com/aboutInstagram/Facebook: @strugglecareTwitter: @KCDavisSaysYou can purchase KC's book, How to Keep House While Drowning, here.Special thanks to this month's sponsors: Aura Frame turns your family’s past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $40 off while supplies last by visiting auraframes.com/FRESH. Beam’s DreamPowder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com with the code FRESH. Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.Credit Karma helps you find low-interest personal loans that may well have lower interest rates than your credit cards do now! Head to creditkarma.com/loanoffers to see your personalized offers.Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!Indeedis the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/laughing.KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.Native deodorant and other body care products are paraben-free on the inside, and now plastic-free on the outside! Get 20% off your first order at nativedeo.com/fresh or with promo code FRESH.Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing. Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week we're revisiting one of our all-time favorite episodes, in which we review listener grudges, large and small, and deciding once and for all if those listeners should let it go, or no.Letting it go doesn't mean you're wrong to be annoyed. Sometimes you are totally right and you STILL have to let it go.And sometimes nursing a tiny bonsai grievance for a decade is sort of fun... but that works better when you aren't related to that person.Sometimes shifting our perspective is the best choice we have.As Margaret's Aunt Terry likes to say: you can't get pizza from a Chinese restaurant.Special thanks to this month's sponsors: Aura Frame turns your family’s past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $40 off while supplies last by visiting auraframes.com/FRESH. Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com with the code FRESH. Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.Credit Karma helps you find low-interest personal loans that may well have lower interest rates than your credit cards do now! Head to creditkarma.com/loanoffers to see your personalized offers.Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/laughing.KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.Native deodorant and other body care products are paraben-free on the inside, and now plastic-free on the outside! Get 20% off your first order at nativedeo.com/fresh or with promo code FRESH.Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing. Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Iris Chen was raised in the "tiger parenting" model, and began her parenting journey using similarly authoritarian and strict tactics– until she considered whether there might be another path, an approach to parenting that was rooted in partnership rather than in power. So Iris founded the "Untigering" movement, exploring a more peaceful parenting approach, and wrote the book "Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent."In this episode, Margaret, Amy, and Iris discuss: Navigating parenting at the intersection of American and Chinese identities The turning point for Iris when she decided to "untiger" How we all can practice peaceful parenting in our daily lives Find Iris on social media @untigering and at https://untigering.com/.Buy her UNTIGERING book here!Special thanks to this month’s sponsors: Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com/fresh with the code FRESH.Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!Firstleaf is a wine club that curates and ships wines that are personalized to your tastes! Get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95, plus free shipping, at tryfirstleaf.com/laughing.Home.Made.Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD.Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.Mathnasium is the place for online and in-person math education– whether your kids are a little behind, or need to be further challenged. Get your free consultation at mathnasium.com.Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH.Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to yourparade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.Renzo’s Vitamins “melty vitamins” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.Thrive Causemetics beauty and skin care products have clean, skin-loving ingredients– and are truly high-performance. Get 15% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/WHATFRESHHELL. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this bonus episode, Amy and Margaret discuss what they read, watch, and listen to between recording episodes of "What Fresh Hell." It involves stuffy upper class drawing rooms, brushes with death, and being "22."What We're Watching "The Thing About Pam" on Peacock Michael Clayton "Bridgerton" on Netflix "Dopesick" on Hulu "Sanditon" on PBS Masterpiece (Erica's pick!) "Gilded Age" on HBO (Sarah's pick!) Les Miserables (2012) "Station 11" on HBO Engaged to a Psycho (2020) on Lifetime What We're Reading:View Amy's reading list here.View Margaret's reading list here. I am I am I am: Seventeen Brushes with Death by Maggie O'Farrell The Deep Places: A Memoir of Illness and Discovery by Ross Douthat Colleen Hoover's books In Her Boots by KJ Dell'Antonia The Chicken Sisters by KJ Dell'Antonia Blueprint for a Book by Jennie Nash The Invisible Kingdom: Reimagining Chronic Illness by Meghan O'Rourke "The Stolen Kids of Sara Lawrence" by Ezra Marcus and James D. Walsh The complete works of J.D. Salinger (Aren't they great???) What We're Listening To:Here's our Spotify playlist of our "currently listening" podcasts"Folklore" and "Evermore" by Taylor SwiftCheck out the Audm app for longform journalism in audio format (Margaret's rec)Check out the Pocket app for saving reading material for later (Amy's rec)We love our sponsors! Check out the promo codes available through this month's sponsors here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Who makes the parenting rules? And how bendable are they? From picky eaters to sleep routines to playing outside, we all have to navigate the line between what we supposedly should and shouldn't allow as parents. But sometimes it's okay to break the rules if it works for you and your family. Amy and Margaret dive into the details in this listener-driven episode.In this episode, Margaret and Amy discuss: the different types of parenting rules which parenting rules they have broken "YOYO" dinners Other episodes we mention: Amee Severson on Intuitive EatingAsk Amy: Helping Kids Deal with Comparison and Envy Christina Martin on How Children Learn Through PlaySpecial thanks to this month’s sponsors: Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com/fresh with the code FRESH.Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!Firstleaf is a wine club that curates and ships wines that are personalized to your tastes! Get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95, plus free shipping, at tryfirstleaf.com/laughing.Home.Made.Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD.Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.Mathnasium is the place for online and in-person math education– whether your kids are a little behind, or need to be further challenged. Get your free consultation at mathnasium.com.Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH.Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to yourparade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.Renzo’s Vitamins “melty vitamins” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.Thrive Causemetics beauty and skin care products have clean, skin-loving ingredients– and are truly high-performance. Get 15% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/WHATFRESHHELL. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The discomfort and distress of a child experiencing separation anxiety can be hard to hear. The best responses are consistency and a heavy dose of reassurance. A listener recently posted in our Facebook group:My just-turned-4 year old has started experiencing separation anxiety both when going to preschool and when staying home with our regular babysitter . (My husband and I both work from home and I don’t know if it’s worse for her to know we are there.) On school days she says she feels like she’s going to throw up, then they call us to come get her. On days we are working from home, we end up having the sitter leave because she is sobbing uncontrollably. Another factor: she has two older siblings. When they are also home, she is not anxious about their all being left with a sitter. I did not experience separation anxiety with my older two kids at this age. We are trying to be compassionate and reassuring but we also need to work during the times she is in care, so we need to fix this soon. I need your ideas and strategies! Separation anxiety is a phase that many kids go through when they start spending more time away from their parents at school or daycare. Amy has some strategies for helping your little one understand that no, crying and screaming will not make you magically appear to pick them up, but yes, you will indeed come back for them at the end of the day.Amy references this book in this episode: The Kissing Handand this song: "Grownups Come Back" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mary Laura Philpott is the author of the national bestseller I MISS YOU WHEN I BLINK, and the brand-new memoir BOMB SHELTER: LOVE, TIME, AND OTHER EXPLOSIVES, which is out now. You can also find her writing in publications including the Atlantic, the New York Times, the Washington Post, and Real Simple. Mary Laura's moving memoir touches on why parenting is a paradox, her own experiences as a parent navigating the unknown, and what it means to be an "anxious optimist."In this episode, Amy, Margaret, and Mary discuss: Just who the turtle on the cover of Mary's book is Where the title "Bomb Shelter" originated from Why we feel the need to "follow the rules" of the universe in exchange for leniency Here's where you can find Mary on the web:www.marylauraphilpott.comInstagram: @marylauraphilpottTwitter: @MaryLauraPhOrder Mary's new book Bomb Shelter hereSpecial thanks to this month’s sponsors: Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com/fresh with the code FRESH.Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!Firstleaf is a wine club that curates and ships wines that are personalized to your tastes! Get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95, plus free shipping, at tryfirstleaf.com/laughing.Home.Made.Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD.Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.Mathnasium is the place for online and in-person math education– whether your kids are a little behind, or need to be further challenged. Get your free consultation at mathnasium.com.Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH.Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to yourparade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.Renzo’s Vitamins “melty vitamins” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.Thrive Causemetics beauty and skin care products have clean, skin-loving ingredients– and are truly high-performance. Get 15% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/WHATFRESHHELL. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why does it feel like I do all the work around here? Why can't my partner take on a little more? Why does a dad get to go on Good Morning America for DOING HIS DAUGHTER'S HAIR TWICE A WEEK??There is evidence (statistical evidence, not just tears and bloodshed evidence) that having kids reduces marital harmony. And for a woman, the birth of a child often means taking on a second shift while her partner's routine may barely be interrupted. So how can we communicate with our partners to find labor divisions that work for everyone?In this episode, Margaret and Amy discuss: What the science says about relationships post-children Signs that a partnership is operating unsustainably Tips for how to start the conversation about dividing up parenting responsibilities Episodes we mentioned: Making It Work for the Long Haul (with Belinda Luscombe) episodeParenting as a Team episodeThe Infamous "Husband Crimes" episodeResources mentioned in the episode: What Happens to a Marriage After Having Children?Fighting Constantly After Baby? Read This.9 Signs That a Relationship Just Can't Be SavedAnd a bonus from the Husband Crimes archives: Kurt Vonnegut's attempt at gender equity.Special thanks to this month’s sponsors: Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com/fresh with the code FRESH.Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!Firstleaf is a wine club that curates and ships wines that are personalized to your tastes! Get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95, plus free shipping, at tryfirstleaf.com/laughing.Home.Made.Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD.Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.Mathnasium is the place for online and in-person math education– whether your kids are a little behind, or need to be further challenged. Get your free consultation at mathnasium.com.Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH.Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to yourparade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.Renzo’s Vitamins “melty vitamins” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.Thrive Causemetics beauty and skin care products have clean, skin-loving ingredients– and are truly high-performance. Get 15% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/WHATFRESHHELL. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A listener posted on our Facebook page: "I’m wondering if any other moms on here have been diagnosed with breast cancer? I was just diagnosed and am terrified. I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday to get more information, but I am just looking for advice from someone who has been there on how to discuss this with my kids."Margaret talks about her own experience with her mother's breast cancer diagnosis when she was young and offers some helpful research on this difficult topic.Here are the links to the resources mentioned in the episode.The Reach to Recovery programSome suggested children's books about understanding cancer Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices