What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms

Sometimes we need to stop trying so hard for things to get easier. We asked our listeners: where’s an area of your parenting where you got better results by doing less? In this episode we discuss our listeners' best advice on how to parent more lightly by caring less about our children’s: homework potty training outfits palates basic hygiene birthday parties We also talk “bare minimum parenting” in its many forms with guest James Breakwell, author of Bare Minimum Parenting: The Ultimate Guide to Not Quite Ruining Your Child.James says bare minimum parenting isn’t about the number of kids you have: “Two children aren’t twice as much work as one. If you’re already yelling at the first kid, just add the name of the second kid at the end.” For James, bare minimum parenting is about playing the long game. Can you look around at a group of adults and pick out which ones had baby massage or language-immersion preschool? Okay, sometimes they’re dead ringers. But most of the time you can’t, and we think James’s new book is slyly revolutionary in the way it enables all of us to do less, worry less, and get our kids to pretty much the same place in the end.In other words, Bare Minimum Parenting doesn’t have to mean no rules. It can mean basic rules that work for your family. But those rules aren’t set by the family next door, or that clickbait-y guilt-inducing article you just read.And when the rules don’t work? Put them aside for a bit. No regrets.ICYMI: in this episode Margaret mentions this slackline as her key to bare minimum backyard fun— her kids play on it for hours.Here's where you can find James: Buy James's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781982599294 @XplodingUnicorn on Twitter @ExplodingUnicorn on Facebook We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

At what age are our children ready for the sometimes shark-infested waters of social media? What limits can we set and tactics can we use to keep them safe while allowing them to communicate with their friends and stay connected?Megan sent an email to questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com to ask:"I’m getting so worried about social media as my kids grow older. As a mom of three (ages 9, 12, and 14), I find myself at a loss when it comes to navigating this digital landscape. My oldest, who is in 8th grade, is starting to express a desire to get social media. She keeps talking about how all of her friends have it. However, I can’t help but worry about the unrealistic standards it sets, and how that could affect her development and self-esteem. Am I crazy for not wanting her to get Instagram and Tiktok? I want her to grow up like an average kid and not miss out on things her friends are doing. I just wish social media wasn’t so toxic, especially for girls."Your kid is likely telling the truth when she says that most of her peers are on social media. That doesn't mean your concerns as a parent for her safety and privacy aren't incredibly valid.Social media doesn't have to be an either absolutely-none or no-holds-barred decision. Privacy settings, and controlling what your child is posting, give you some control. It's possible to start with tighter reins and more oversight and then slowly let out the slack line.Take the particulars of your own kid into consideration. You know what's right for your kid. Set the rules you want with an open dialogue, rather than have it become something that your daughter can't talk about with you at all.Approaching social media with your child, rather than forbidding until she figures out how to do it behind your back, is probably the better option.Links to resources Amy mentions in the episode: Wait Until 8th: https://www.waituntil8th.org/ Devorah Heitner's book Growing Up In Public: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593420966 Bark.us (use this code for a free trial: https://www.bark.us/?ref=2R4XYRK) Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Two recent national studies underlined that there's a surprising group of children at risk for worse mental health outcomes: kids who go to high-achieving schools. How do we protect our kids from the pressures all around them to succeed at any cost? Jennifer Wallace, author of the new book Never Enough, shows us how to teach our kids that they matter intrinsically.Jennifer Wallace is an award-winning journalist and a frequent contributor to the Wall Street Journal and the Washington Post. She lives in New York City with her husband and their three teenagers.Amy, Margaret, and Jennifer discuss: Why achievement pressure is at an all-time high How parents contribute to, but are not solely responsible for, this pressure How to teach our kids that they matter independently of their achievements Here's where you can find Jennifer: jenniferbwallace.com @jenniferbwallace on IG @jennifer.b.wallace on FB Buy Jennifer's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593191866 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What happens when the usual parenting advice feels zero-percent applicable to our own situation? The first step is to let go of any "second arrow" self-blame that that is the case. The second step is to chart our own paths.Amy and Margaret discuss: What types of kids may not benefit from the one-size-fits-all parenting advice Why the concept of default parenting advice is harmful Why kids "irritating behaviors" are signs that they are growing and learning appropriately Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Sarah Lyons for Western NY Family Magazine: "One Size Doesn't Fit All" Our episode "When Your Kid Doesn't Fit the Mold" Jeanie Lerche Davis for WebMD: 10 Commandments of Good Parenting Dana Bosu: How to Cope When Your Child is Different Andrew Solomon: Far From the Tree Ross Greene: The Explosive Child Rita Eichenstein: Not What I Expected Deborah Reber: Differently Wired Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year.We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What do we do when, despite every tactic we can think of, our child refuses to eat dinner? Margaret puts a mom's anxieties around missed meals into perspective.Jillian asks:"What do you do when your two-and-a-half-year-old absolutely refuses to put a lick of dinner in her mouth? Night after night I offer multiple items. We've tried eating on the couch and in front of theTV, hoping the mindless eating scenario might happen. None of it has worked. At my wit's end!"Margaret recommends buying the book Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense by Ellen Satter. Satter explains that the parent decides what to serve, and the child decides what to eat. It's not our job to force feed our kids when they would rather be doing anything else. They may simply not be hungry, especially if they had a late afternoon snack.If you think there's something serious underlying this reluctance to eat, definitely reach out to your pediatrician. But if your child eats well at other meals, there is probably not reason for concern. Don't chase your child's behavior and bend over backwards to get them to eat at all costs. Even if they don't want to eat, they can sit quietly at the table while everyone else enjoys dinner. If they start throwing food or otherwise misbehaving, don't hesitate to end the meal for them or otherwise give appropriate consequences.And as Margaret can attest from the other side, it will get better as they get older!Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What does it mean to have an identity outside being a mother? How do we forge a new sense of self that includes motherhood but isn't defined by it? Life coach Bea Kim provides tips for defining our true values and then living those values out.Bea Kim is the founder of Parent Refresh, a company that provids parent-focused services through life coaching, fitness, and community, and Awaken, a diversity, equity, and inclusion educational company. Bea and Margaret discuss: The liminal space between pre- and post-parenthood How mismanaged expectations cause problems for new moms What it means to define our own values and why it's important for mothers Here's where you can find Bea: https://beakim.com/ https://medium.com/bea-kim-coaching on Medium https://www.linkedin.com/in/beabahn/ on LinkedIn @beakimcoaching on IG We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We all know someone who causes chaos, lawful and otherwise, wherever they go. Those people, are called "crazymakers," a term first coined by Julia Cameron and which perfectly describes the unwelcome disruption they bring to our own peace of mind. Here's how to spot the crazymakers in your life, and how to avoid getting caught up in their mischief.Margaret and Amy discuss: The true definition of a crazymaker and the three top types Why crazymakers use low-power strategies of dominance How maintaining your own self worth helps deter crazymakers Check us out on YouTube! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do we tell our kids not to curse when they insist that everyone around them—maybe even their parents—do so? Amy explains different scenarios for cursing and what she deems appropriate for her own kids.A listener asks:"Can you talk about when kids curse, when we curse...does it matter? My kids are almost 13 and 15 and they say everyone curses. We allow some cursing—heck, we have even been known to toss out some ourselves—but now I think my oldest curses too much and yet she is a straight A student."When it comes to younger kids, Amy explains, it pays to be strict about cursing or else you'll run out of room to enforce rules around such things when they're older.There's a big difference between cursing at, say, a stubbed toe, and cursing at someone or calling them a curse word. The latter never flies in Amy's house. You can also differentiate for your kids the kinds of conversations that happen amongst friends and those that occur in formal settings like school and work.Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers:For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Can we grieve the person we were before motherhood? Jamilla Svansson-Brown, who runs a YouTube channel with her wife Que, discusses how motherhood changes us, strengthening marriages, and listening to people with different lived experiences.Jamilla and Que are a two-mom family based in Atlanta, GA, who have been creating content for over 7 years after recognizing a gap in the influencer industry and not seeing creators who were Black Women, Fem/Masc presenting, or a part of the LGBTQ community.Jamilla and Margaret discuss: How parenthood changes our relationships with our partners How the division of labor works in the Svansson-Brown household What it means to be an authentic ally Here's where you can find Jamilla and Que: www.jamillaandque.com @jamillaandque on YouTube, TikTok, and IG We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Are people with clean houses doing a bit? Are people with messy ones somehow less worthy? Kendra Adachi, author of THE LAZY GENIUS WAY tells us how to make a just-good-enough system that works for exactly us - and stop caring about everything else.Kendra Adachi also hosts "The Lazy Genius" podcast and is the mother of three young kids.Kendra, Margaret, and Amy discuss: How to implement systems that are practical rather than Pinterest-worthy Why we should stop applauding chaos as the only indicator of vulnerability The power of putting everything in its place Here's where you can find Kendra: www.thelazygeniuscollective.com Buy The Lazy Genius Way: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780525653936 @thelazygenius on IG We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices