What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms

What do we do when we disagree with our parenting partners about bedtime routines for our little ones?Here's how to get on the same side of the net against this issue.A listener writes:"My husband and I disagree about how to handle bedtime for our 5-year-old. It’s been a struggle to get her to sleep before 11 pm. My husband wants to tell her "you need to be in bed now" when it’s 9 pm or 9:30. This kicks off a huge temper tantrum and sets bedtime back even further. I say, just let her play until she’s tired. Any advice on how to handle different approaches to bedtime routines?"Kids of preschool age need about 10-13 hours of sleep (including naps), so if a 5-year-old is going to bed at 11 p.m., they may not be getting enough rest.On the other hand, changing up a young child's bedtime routine can result in an "extinction burst," or a pushback against this new and unexpected boundary. Know ahead of time that it may take about two weeks of hard work to successfully establish a new bedtime with your child that works for everyone.As far as discussing it with your parenting partner, remember to get on the same side of the net against the problem. The issue is a bedtime routine that has become stressful for everyone, including your 5-year-old.Here's the link to the article Margaret mentions in the episode:Mayo Clinic: "Child sleep: Put preschool bedtime problems to rest"Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers!For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

These days, early is normal for puberty onset—and early is REALLY early. That means kids whose brains might not match the way they look, and parents who are freaking out about how to bring these delicate matters up in conversation. Help is here! Dr. Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett, co-hosts of The Puberty Podcast and co-authors of the new book This Is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained, offer clear explanations (for parents and kids both!) and ways to start talking. Margaret, Amy, Vanessa, and Cara discuss: How puberty has changed in the past few decades Why we should treat kids as the age they are, not the age they appear Why "the talk" isn't a one-and-done conversation Here's where you can find Vanessa and Cara: https://orderofmagnitude.co/ IG and TikTok: @less.awkward Buy This is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593580950 Listen to The Puberty Podcast We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whether it's the dreaded email sent to the wrong person or greetings gone wrong, we've all got moments we can't stop playing in our heads over and over. Here are some of our cringiest moments.Amy and Margaret discuss: Grammar school cringe High school cringe Dating cringe We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How can we support our kids' self-esteem when they take their frustrations out on themselves? Amy offers some tips for helping kids express frustration without getting down on themselves in the process.Keara asks:"My 4-year-old daughter is in preschool and just moved into a new classroom. Since then she’s been saying some unsettling things when she’s upset or thinks she’s in trouble. She’ll curl into a ball on the floor and say things like “I’m not good enough,” or “I ruined everything,” or “I’m not beautiful enough." I’m so afraid that’s the beginning of her inner monologue. How can I help her unlearn that kind of thinking at home?"Asking your child's teacher if there is in fact negative messaging happening at school is a good place to start. And you'll also want to ascertain if your kid is showing low frustration tolerance at school as well as at home, because the issue may lie more with increased frustration than with decreased self-esteem.If your child is saying these things only when they're upset or scared, that's another good sign that this is a way to express frustration that she's trying on, but which might not be the source of the frustration. It's an indication that her self-esteem isn't the issue so much as her ability to express these feelings of overwhelm.The most effective times to support your child's self-esteem are when she's not already dysregulated and upset. At those times, reassure her with your calming presence, but don't feel like you have to get her to unsay it all in the moment. She probably won't be able to respond in the way you want when she's upset.Take advantage of quiet moments to lean into positive self-talk. Pause those Disney movies (all of them have this moment) when the protagonist doubts themselves, and show your kid that even though people may doubt themselves, they can still get there in the end.Here's the link to the book that Amy mentions:A SMART GIRL'S GUIDE: LIKING HERSELF from American GirlSpecial thanks to our sponsor, Pampers!For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We may think that eliminating all anxiety from our kids' lives is the endgame. But Dr. Catherine McCarthy, Heather Tedesco, PhD, and Jennifer Weaver, authors of the new book "Raising a Kid Who Can," discuss why admitting you don't have all the answers is actually necessary to help kids thrive.Dr. Catherine McCarthy, Heather Tedesco, PhD, and Jennifer Weaver, LCSW are mental health experts, whose work provides parents with the tools they need to navigate a complex world and help their kids move from anxious to adaptable.Margaret, Jennifer, Catherine, and Heather discuss: Why we're living in the age of anxiety—and how to help kids navigate it Why letting our kids talk about their feelings too much can backfire Why the goal isn't zero anxiety Here's where you can find Catherine, Heather, and Jennifer: www.raisingakidwhocan.com @akidwhocan on IG #raisingakidwhocan Buy RAISING A KID WHO CAN: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781523518593 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why do we find it hard to stay connected to our friends without kids? Does the total separation of our daily experience, once we become parents, mean those friendships cannot remain the same?Allison P. Davis's recent cover story for New York magazine, When One Friend Has a Baby and the Other Doesn't, explored this dilemma from the childfree-by-choice point of view. Here's our own take on how our friendships have morphed and changed since we became parents.In this episode we discuss: Why our friends without kids aren't wrong to be annoyed by us sometimes Why we’re not conditioned to put the same amount of effort into friendships as we do other relationships How to know if a friendship is worth the long-term effort Here are links to some other resources mentioned in this episode: Christine Organ for Motherly: Motherhood feels lonelier than ever Fortesa Latifi for The Washington Post: "Spoon theory: What it is and how I use it to manage chronic illness" Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events: http://eepurl.com/h8ze3zWe love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Do we have the authority to keep other kids off their own devices in our home?A listener wrote in to ask:"How have you all handled other kids' devices in your home? My 9-year-old daughter has neighborhood friends come over most days. There is an 11-year-old with an iPhone and little to no restrictions on its use. Is it overstepping to say that if another kid's device comes in, it has to stay on our kitchen table until they leave?" Margaret says that it's totally within your control to decide how devices are used in your own house. Have a basket where phones and tablets can be placed at the beginning of a playdate. Or allow their use only in the areas of the house where you can monitor their use.Don't feel bad about keeping a hard line, even if you get comments or eyerolls from kids. You'll feel much better if you don't have to constantly worry about what kids might be doing on their devices in your house—because that really is your responsibility.Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers!For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How can we talk about America’s ongoing legacy of racism without sliding into despair? In his new memoir HOW FAR TO THE PROMISED LAND, Esau McCaulley tells his own story—and questions why Black failure is judged collectively, while Black success is perceived as the merit of an individual.Rev. Esau McCaulley, PhD, is an author and associate professor of New Testament at Wheaton College. His work has been published in The New York Times, The Atlantic, the Washington Post, and Christianity Today.Esau and Amy discuss: Why "escaping poverty" is a misleading term How experiences that set the context for heroic bravery also create the possibility for failure What caused Esau to change his definition of justice Here's where you can find Esau: www.esaumccaulley.com @OfficialEsauMcCaulley on Facebook @esaumccaulley on Twitter on Instagram Buy HOW FAR TO THE PROMISED LAND: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593241080 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year.How do we maintain healthy relationships with our extended family, whether they live five or five hundred miles away? Amy and Margaret talk about how their own extended families operate, and what works best to keep everyone connected.Amy and Margaret discuss: The types of conflicts that extended families typically experience The value of extended family—whether or not they live nearby How to model healthy extended family relationships for your kids Here are some links to further reading on the topic: Michele Meleen for Love to Know: Definition of Extended Families: Meanings and Roles Kiley Hurst for Pew Research Center: More than half of Americans live within an hour of extended family Frank Bruni for The NYT: "Tolstoy and Miss Daisy" Megan Carnegie for BBC Family Tree: The tensions that fan tricky in-law relationships Karen L. Fingerman, et. al, for Purdue University: In-Law Relationships Before and After Marriage: Husbands, Wives, and Their Mothers-in-Law Fatherly: 16 Tips For Creating Healthy Boundaries With Your Extended Family We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do we get our savvy stallers to get ready for bed in a reasonable amount of time? Amy gives a listener some tools for speeding up a bedtime slowpoke.Nici came to our Facebook group to ask:"Please help this mom of a very smart and savvy 11-year old who is some kind of Jedi master of STALLING. He knows it’s bedtime. He doesn’t want to go to bed. But instead of outright complaining, he subtly and consistently stalls his bedtime by doing little tiny things to stall the process. Pointing out each little thing he’s doing in order to stall is annoying and only makes him dig his heels in more. I love him so much, and I know this is all probably a ploy for attention, BUT COME ON. I feel like we give him a LOT of attention throughout the day and in general. What can I do?"What is your kid getting out of stalling? Maybe they do want to just stay up later. It could be that his bedtime needs to be rolled back by half an hour.You can also try doing the unpreferred activities before the preferred one. All the bedtime stuff (homework, shower, pajamas, teeth, whatever it is) comes before the preferred activity (TV, gaming, time with you).When something with a kid becomes an ongoing struggle, the best place to start is to ask these two questions: what can I add? What can I take away? You might add external motivation, rewards, a later weekend bedtime. You might take away your presence while he stalls, the dog that is there to distract him, the sugary treats that might be revving him up. Work these dials one at a time, and have patience. Once you figure out a kid's secondary gain, and/or the currency that motivates them, things will usually fall into place. Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers!For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices