What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms

When we were kids, there weren’t any IEPs. There weren’t any teacher conferences (unless someone was in BIG trouble). There wasn’t any school website. For better and for worse, the teacher/parent relationship was not something that our parents considered. It barely even existed.Today our kids’ homework loads, the ever-beckoning online portal, the costs of a good education— and okay, our perhaps sometimes-over-involvement in our children’s lives— all mean that we are meant to have a much more direct relationship with our children’s teachers, and they with us, than our parents could have ever imagined.We think this is a good thing. We also think it’s complicated. We also think it’s a great episode idea, suggested by one of our listeners who is a teacher. So on our Facebook page we asked teachers:“What do your favorite parents do (and not do) to support your work?”In this episode we discuss the advice those teachers gave us, includingwhat teachers want us to understand as parentsthe beat-the-clock madness of back-to-school nightshow to get the most out of a parent-teacher conferencethe things you need to make sure your child’s teacher understands (and they’re not all learning-related. Then again, maybe they are)how to email teachers without annoying themhow to keep conversations productive even in difficult situationsThanks to all the teachers who contributed their advice to this episode. Here’s two of our favorite answers. We’ll be keeping these in mind:ELLEN: My favorite parents are the ones that follow through at home. They never blame the teacher. They choose to work with the teacher. You can openly and honestly address academic and behavior concerns with these parents because you know they have your back and you are in it together for the year. Finally, a simple note of thank you or support goes a LONG way. It doesn’t have to come with a gift. It simply needs to come from the heart.LAUREN: I have been a K-2 teacher the past 10 years and the biggest thing that parents can do is listen to teachers and understand that most teachers have your child’s best interest at heart, are passionate about what they do, and are on your team. Those are the parents that I have always appreciated the most. Green Chef, Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When one of our kids is having a meltdown in Aisle Six of the supermarket, we will often remind ourselves: He’s not giving us a hard time. He’s having a hard time. And sometimes those words will seem zero percent helpful. But they’re true. As Dr. Ross Greene puts it, “Kids do well if they can.” Therefore, when they’re falling apart there’s a reason, as Dr. Vasco Lopes of the Child Mind Institute explains: “A majority of kids who have frequent meltdowns do it in very predictable situations.”Parenting expert Dr. Stuart Shanker suggests we reframe our responses by getting curious about where the outburst is coming from, finding patterns that might provide clues– and then teach our children the skills to regulate their emotions themselves. We loved this infographic by Kristin Weins, reminding us that tantrums are kind of like icebergs: there’s much more beneath the surface than what we can see.In this episode we discuss:how to help children of all ages regulate their emotions so tantrums occur less frequentlywhy toddlers’ tantrums are a biological imperative (sorry)the things to do during a tantrum vs. the things to definitely do later* how to keep ourselves out of “red brain” even when our kids are therewhat not to say once they finally calm downwhy teenagers’ tantrums feel like they come out of nowhereAnd here’s links to some of the research and resources discussed in this episode:Dr. Stuart Shanker’s Self-Reg Knowledge SeriesKathleen Megan for The Hartford Courant: The Biology Behind Teens’ Temper Tantrumsunderstood.org: Why Does My Child Still Have Temper Tantrums?childmind.org: How Can We Help Kids With Self-Regulation?Dr. Harvey Karp’s “fast food rule” for talking to a toddlerthe “chicken cheese bread” recipe Margaret mentioned:If all else fails, and you need new inspiration to keep calm, try this advice from Dr. David Walsh: If you feel your blood pressure rising, take a deep breath and remember this advice: ‘When you feel like taking the wind out of his sails, it is a better idea to take your sails out of his wind.’  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

 The biggest drawback to vacationing with kids may be this: wherever you go, your kids will still actually be with you.  But seriously… successful traveling as a family means keeping everyone happy. That doesn’t mean your choice of vacation destination needs to revolve around your kids, but it does mean your expectations for sightseeing or miles logged per day might need to be somewhat flexible. After all, you have even less of an escape from your kids complaining while on vacation than you do when you’re at home. And despite all the hassles, we both love traveling with our kids. Even when it’s not easy, it’s always worth the journey. So this episode is full of ideas for creating family vacations with appeal for all age groups, whether you’re going across the state or around the world. We discuss:  the wonders of RV travel why the anticipation of a trip can be as much fun as the trip itself the indispensability of Ziploc bags how older kids will accept sightseeing when it is offered with a tiny side order of danger our listeners’ very best travel-with-kids tips  Here’s some writing we love about traveling with kids: Meg Lukans Noonan for Travel and Leisure: The Age-Appropriate VacationMariam Navaid Ottimofiore for The Huffington Post: Seven Reasons Why Travel is Never Wasted on Young KidsSarah Clemence for Travel and Leisure: 10 Essential Hacks for Traveling with Small Kids…and our own Episode 20, on what to pack when traveling with kids Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Are audio books cheating? Must every book our second-graders read feature Poopy Man and The Toilet King? Are reluctant readers doomed to fall behind their peers? Will Margaret or Amy ever read anything other than their Facebook feeds ever again? This episode is full of ideas to get everyone in your family reading– plus books your kids will drop everything to read. We love this “book traps” idea from our listener Nicole:  Find books in the library that seem like they might be irresistible to your child and place them strategically around the house so that your child stumbles upon them and feel like reading them was their own idea.  What about audiobooks? Is it counterproductive to let kids who struggle with decoding listen to their books instead? Jamie Martin, assistive technology consultant for understood.org, says no: Listening to audiobooks isn’t “cheating.” The main purpose of reading is to get information. It doesn’t matter what path that information takes to reach the brain.Here’s some resources for parents that we recommend in this episode:Common Sense Media’s lists of books for reluctant readersAmy Mascott for PBS Parents: What To Do When Your Child Hates ReadingSusan Dominus, NYT, Motherhood Screened OffLinda Flanagan for KQED: How Audiobooks Can Help Kids Who Struggle With ReadingMary Ann Scheuer’s Great Kid Books, a blog which recommendis books for kids from 4-14.Here’s books and authors that Amy recommends in this episode:the Amulet series (graphic novels for grade-school readers)anything by Raina Telgemaier (graphic novels with heroines for grade-school readersYou Wouldn’t Want to Be… series (real history with a dose of gross-out humor)the American Girl collection (the best you’re-growing-up books out there)What If? Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions (a perfect coffee table book. Irresistible for all ages)and a few audiobook series recommended by Amy’s 10-year-old daughter:A Series of Unfortunate EventsThe Incorrigible Children of Ashton PlaceThe Mysterious Benedict Societyand of course, Harry Potter, with hundreds of characters all voiced by Jim Dale.Here’s the books that have gotten our listeners’ kids reading. Thanks for everyone who joined in with ideas on our Facebook page!Lauren: Pete the Cat, Wayside Stories from Wayside SchoolMaureen: Mo WillemsTracy: “Right now (8 years old) we are loving Super Rabbit Boy.” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What makes a “go-to dinner”? One pot is good. 30 minutes or less is better. But we’ll use every cookie sheet and pot in the house if it’s 1) not pizza and 2) all of our kids will actually eat it. Here’s links to all of our own go-to recipes that we discuss in this episode, plus the ones our listeners swear by: Margaret’s Go-To Dinners Beef Empanadas (use refrigerated pie crust for the dough)Green Soup (Margaret adds chicken)Slow Cooker Pork Shoulder Savory Muffins and, believe it or not, Lobster Thermidor (Lego Batman’s favorite, natch)Amy’s Go-To DinnersRoasted Broccoli with Shrimp (ten minutes, one pan. If you don’t have the spices, skip em.)Sheet Pan FajitasTaco Night (this is a super-easy recipe from Laura Fuentes)Our Listeners’ Child-Approved MealsRebecca’s Loaded Potato SoupMollie’s Chickpea Tikka MasalaDiane’s Asian Noodles (kudos to this brilliant bit of improvisation):and Nancy’s Spanish Rice (thanks, Amy’s mom!)Here’s some of our favorite places to get go-to dinner inspiration :Amy’s sister loves the Weelicious websiteMargaret’s favorite cookbook: America’s Test Kitchen: The Best Simple RecipesAmy’s favorite recipe app: Treehouse Table And our new obsession! Our podcast’s latest sponsor: HelloFresh. HelloFresh delivers weekly recipes and fresh ingredients straight to your doorstep. Last night Amy made their Veggie-Loaded Orzo with Sausage. Margaret and her husband made the Chicken Cheddar Fajitas. People, they were devoured. No planning, no shopping, no complaining. We are huge fans! We think you should try HelloFresh for your family-and you can get $30 off your first HelloFresh delivery by going to hellofresh.com and entering the code mother30.What’s your go-to dinner? Tell us in the comments or on our Facebook page!    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

“What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood” is a hilarious podcast exploring the joys and challenges of parenthood and adulting in general. Join hosts Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables as they navigate motherhood, careers, relationships, and the ever-changing landscape of women’s lives with a little research, a big dose of relatable stories, and a whole lot of laughter. “What Fresh Hell” is a Webby-honored podcast with 12 million downloads and hundreds of episodes. Use the search function in the upper-right corner to find the topics you want to hear more about. From toddlers to teens, from toxic positivity to rejoining the workforce, we’ve talked about it. Listen to "What Fresh Hell" wherever you get your podcasts. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices