Marriage After God

Change is inevitable. Some love it, some hate it and sometimes it can't be avoided. Today we talk about how we make changes and we also share some change that we are making with Marriage After God READ TRANSCRIPTAaron (00:00):Hey, we're Aaron Jennifer Smith with Marriage After Jennifer (00:02):God, helping you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. Aaron (00:04):And today we're going to talk about making changes together. Welcome to the Marriage After God podcast, where we believe that marriage was meant for more than just happily ever after. Jennifer (00:20):I'm Jennifer, also known as Unveiled Wife. Aaron (00:22):And I'm Aaron, also known as Husband Revolution. Jennifer (00:24):We have been married for over Aaron (00:26):13 years and so far we have five children under eight. Jennifer (00:28):We have been doing marriage ministry online for over nine years through blogging, social media, and writing over 10 books Aaron (00:34):With a desire to inspire couples to keep God at the center of their marriage, encouraging them to walk in faith every day. Jennifer (00:40):We believe the Christian marriage should be an extraordinary one full of life. Love and power that Aaron (00:45):Can only be found by chasing after God Jennifer (00:47):Together. Aaron (00:47):Thank you for joining us in this journey as we chase boldly after God's will for our life together. Jennifer (00:51):This is Marriage After God. Speaker 3 (00:59):Hey Jennifer (01:00):Everyone. Thanks for joining us on this episode of Marriage After God. We are so happy that you are here. And yeah, we just wanted to welcome you and what else, Aaron, you wanna share? Aaron (01:10):Yeah, if you haven't already signed up for our, we have a couple free things, but the one that we like to promote the most is the Free Marriage Prayer Challenge. Almost 80,000 couples have gone through this challenge and we wanna invite you to be one of those 80,000 couples. Let's make our way to a hundred thousand couples and it's at marriage prayer challenge.com, marriage prayer challenge.com. It's completely free. Just sign up with your name and email and we'll start sending you an email every 30 every day for 31 days with a prompt, something to pray for your spouse, either your husband or your wife and a reminder. So you'll get that email every day around seven 30 in the morning and it'll remind you to pray for your spouse in a specific area. So we just wanna encourage you to go to marriage prayer challenge.com and sign up for our free challenge. Jennifer (01:56):We also wanna encourage you that if you've been one of the couples that has already gone through this challenge, way to go that's so incredible. We hope and pray that it has blessed you and your marriage. And we also just wanna give this simple, small challenge to share it with a friend. So if the prayer challenge has impacted your life, reach out to a friend, another married couple this week and just let them know that it's available just to spread the love and encouragement around. Aaron (02:21):As a bonus challenge. And it might be even easier is share about it on social media, on Facebook, Instagram tag at Marriage after God, so we can see you shared it. Sometimes we'd like to repost people's shares but it would also let your people that you've done this prayer challenge they, it'll let them know where to go. Sign up for it and we'd be really blessed if you did that. Jennifer (02:40):Alright, so today's episode is about making changes together. So in marriage there's lots of different reasons why we would need to make change and we're kind of keeping it general here. We're not giving specifics cuz every marriage relationship looks different, every family life looks different and sometimes changes can come externally where you're forced to make change happen in your life and then having Aaron (03:05):To move loss of a job, you name it. There's a lot of things that could be pushing us beyond our control to make a change. Jennifer (03:13):And then sometimes it's internally, meaning you've been wrestling with something or maybe the Lord's stirring in your heart something that needs to change. And so then it comes Aaron (03:21):A conviction. Conviction of Jennifer (03:22):Something, a conviction. So then that would be an internal change where then you guys go to the table and talk about that and what changes would need to happen surrounding that. So again, this is just a general overview of what it looks like to make changes together because we don't know your guys' details, but the Lord does know your details. He knows everything that you guys are going through to the smallest little detail. And I think that we can find a resting place there and a trust there with the Lord that he's leading us and guiding us through our changes. He's walking alongside us, especially if we give him that room to do so. And we're leaning into him during those times. So hopefully this episode encourages you. Aaron (04:05):Yeah, I know some people I used to be this way love change. They just like new environment, new atmosphere, new season, quick new job, quick to adapt, quick to adapt very. I'm usually prone to that in the first few years of our marriage. In your book the Unbuild Wife, we wrote about being escape artists. Jennifer (04:24):Well for me it was a distraction from me, some pain that we were experiencing. So for me it was just like, let's just keep our minds go, go, Aaron (04:31):Go, go. We longed for a lot of change. So different moving to different places, different kinds of careers and jobs and pursuits and just change was something that we longed for over the years. More children being married longer, I think Jennifer (04:44):The change has changed. Aaron (04:46):Yeah, I've gotten a lot not necessarily against change, I'm just not so quick to be like, oh let's just run a change. Jennifer (04:52):We've learned how to navigate it a little bit differently Aaron (04:55):But there's something powerful about not being so afraid of change because oftentimes we don't make necessary changes in our lives because we're afraid of what it takes to make that change or we're afraid of what it means if we change in that way. I'll just give a simple example. It's a silly one, but remember when I had my beard and it was like a foot long? Yes, I remember that. I grew, it Jennifer (05:18):Felt like two feet. Aaron (05:18):I grew it for two years long after we had Elliot. I grew it until he was two years old. And then finally Jennifer was like, I think you should cut it. But within that two years I developed an identity around having this long beard. It was, it's people Jennifer (05:31):Complimented you wherever you went. Aaron (05:33):It became a part of me. And I would imagine it was very similar to how girls who have really long hair might feel they're going to have to chop it off. That's a big deal. But I remember just wrestling with the idea of, well what does this mean? Was it look like? And eventually I just had to do it. I you cut it, there's like a video of you just slicing it off. Jennifer (05:51):Fun day. For Aaron (05:52):Me that was a fun day, but it really wasn't that big of a deal in the long run. But change sometimes we avoid it when it's necessary. Sometimes we chase it when we should not. Jennifer (06:03):Sometimes we control so much that we grip whatever it is that we have and we don't let anyone touch it. And then that becomes the source of conflict, especially in marriage. Yeah, I think of control. Aaron (06:14):And so I guess my first thought for everyone listening, is there some sort of necessary change that needs to be happening in your life and family career? You name it, that you've been avoiding? And I'm not saying just jumping and do it. What I'm trying to encourage is have you even taken it and evaluated it? Which is one of the things we're going to talk about. What changes could must happen that needs to be talked about and not avoided, not put on the back burner, but hey, here's some things that we need to be talking about in our family we've this career move or family choices that we're making or Jennifer (06:55):Homeschool curriculum Aaron (06:56):Or there's Jennifer (06:56):A lot of things or public school versus homeschool. There's lots of different kinds of change that people could be going through right now. Aaron (07:04):And so I just wanna encourage you to not be afraid of asking the questions to look at it head on and say, what is this, these thing we should be talking about? Should we make this change? That's something for us because if we hold on to certain things, if we just want life as we know it, to not bud all who knows what God's trained to do in us that we might be hindering him from. And it's just because we like to be comfortable. Change is uncomfortable. It goes against, to be honest, the way we were built as humans, it's easier to not change because it's less thinking, it's less to prepare for, it's less you just get into a mode and you move. But sometimes we gotta stop and break that mode and be like, oh we've been just kind of going, what needs to change? (07:50):Maybe it's in our relationship, this happens a lot in marriages. We can just get so comfortable and we realize we haven't gone on a date in two years and we realize we haven't had a deep conversation in a while. We realize we we're not pursuing each other anymore. We realize that there's a lot of things, but are we pursuing God? We used to. Where's that passion at? So change is necessary in those moments of we need to stop being so I dunno what the word is. Not intentional, just kind of floating and we need to put on the brakes so we can look around like wait, where are we? Yeah Jennifer (08:25):I was just thinking as you're talking, what about for the couple who is just going through life and changes is happening without being intentional as in they're not talking about it and it's actually frustrating them. This change that has occurred over time, control over, or maybe they do have control over and they're just kind of letting it happen. What does that couple need to do? Aaron (08:45):Well, I mean things that we've experienced, I know there's people that go through some pretty hard changes that they have no control over. Just life is changing. Illness accidents you could think about. Yeah, you could just imagine Jennifer (08:58):Why finances. Finances gone like that Aaron (09:01):Is we could chafe against the change, which doesn't make it any easier, just fight it. Right? Which doesn't mean it's not never wrong to, it's always doesn't mean it's not wrong to fight if have, if the change is happening and you don't want it, there might be merit in trying to avoid that change or working against it. Jennifer (09:20):But if you're fighting it in the way of your countenance where there's nothing you could do about this and you're just walking around being grumpy or angry or frustrated, that's not helping. That's Aaron (09:31):Kind of what I'm talking about. (09:32):So you could surrender and not just let things happen, but okay Lord I have no control over this. How do you want me to be in the midst of this change, in the midst of these things that I have no control over? Because man, this is mostly when change happens is when we're forced to change. It's very rare that someone just chooses to change for the sake of change. Like I said, we're creatures of habit. We'd rather just stay in our vein and just move in that direction. So if you're in the midst of transition and change that you have no control over, just pray and surrender to God in that change and say, Lord, how are you using? What do you want from this? How do you want me to walk in this? How can I walk in your spirit in this situation? What are you trying to teach me? Because to be honest, we might miss something God's doing in the midst of that if we're just chafing and like, oh I don't like, this is so what was me frustrating and mad. We could miss what God's doing. Jennifer (10:32):Okay, so you brought up the first point that we were going to share on the practical side of how do you respond amidst change and navigate that together. And how do you this as a married couple and you brought up prayer. So what does that look like for those listening right now? What should they be doing as far as prayer with and for each other? Aaron (10:51):Well, we've talked about this a lot about making goals, dreaming together. If you don't talk about things, if you don't look out into the future, not that everything has to be so perfectly planned, but if you, at least with your spouse sitting down and saying, okay, what does the next 12 months look like? What are some things we could pursue or put on the table? What are some things that might be coming up? If variables change in your life, what might that look like? Jennifer (11:16):So before you even pray about it, you gotta talk about it. You gotta sit down and have that conversation and get the details. Even if you don't know all the details, you gotta know what you're praying for. Aaron (11:25):But you could also do the other direction. Maybe you have no idea, we have no idea what our life looks like, but Jennifer (11:31):We wanna be prepared for the change. Aaron (11:32):Get on your knees. Yeah. Say Lord, what do you have for us? What do you want? Where do you want to take us Is, are you going to make change in our lives? Is there something else you have for us? Are we focusing on the things that you want us to be focused on and asking the Lord to reveal things to us and open our eyes and help us to hear what he's saying. Help us to see where he's going. Because the Bible says to, it says, if you're going to walk in the spirit, it says to also keep in step with the spirit. It's this idea that the it's spirit's not something that we control. The spirit is a part of God. So we follow. Mm-hmm the spirit of God. We don't lead the spirit of God. So we keep in step. And so Lord, what's your spirit doing in our marriage, in our life, in our neighborhood, in our home? Jennifer (12:16):And we've done this over the years. And I'll say that one of the biggest comforts that I've received from walking in marriage with you, Aaron, is that anytime changes coming, anytime we have to make a decision about something and we do surrender our hearts and ourselves to prayer together and individually, that is where I receive the most peace and comfort. And even if we don't have the plans laid out in front of us yet, I know I can trust God and I can trust you with what's happening and what change is coming. So man, it's so important to be praying with each other and for each other. Aaron (12:49):And it also keeps your eyes in your hearts in the right spot. So the next thing that we usually try and walk in, again, we haven't walked into all these things perfectly, but it's things that we've definitely learned are much more fruitful when you pursue these things. Prayer being thoughtful. But the next one is why is counsel? It's easy to think that there's no one else that can help us with the answers. There's no one else that could understand our situation. There's no one else that could speak truth into our life. But that is the opposite of what the Bible teaches called members of one body and just like I'd been given the Holy Spirit and my wife's been given the Holy Spirit, if you're a believer, if you've put your faith in Jesus Christ, you have the Holy Spirit. So how much more safe and valuable is it? (13:37):If we take our ideas, thoughts, concerns, fears, potential change in late before brothers and sisters that we love and trust, we say, Hey, we're go, here's some thoughts we're having about this move. We're about this job or this idea. Here's some issues that we're dealing with that are hard. What do you think? What should our next step be? Now this doesn't mean that you have to take everything someone says and be like, I'm going to do it verbatim. But what is the verse? It says, Proverbs in Proverbs 24 6. It says, for by wise guidance you can wage your war. And in an abundance of counselors there is victory. So the idea is, I mean the best businessmen in the world do this. They surround themselves with very smart people, so often smarter people than them to give them advice. Hey, this thing's happening. What do I do? Well in this situation? In the past when I've dealt with this, this is how I dealt with it. Or this is what I saw. Or someone who is in something very similar to you dealt this way. And then most importantly, someone that's going to bring you back to the word of God. Hey, here's point you back in kind of attitude that we should have. Here's the kind of perspective you could have. Here's what the word God Jennifer (14:38):Says about that. Yeah, we've actually experienced this, Aaron, where we do go to our friends and we'll share with them our hearts are what's been rolling around in our minds. And they go, okay, well I don't know what you should do, but I know how you should do it. And they give us these tips and they point us back to God and remind us about all of these things that you're Aaron (14:56):Saying. Or they'll ask us questions that we didn't even think to ask ourselves. Yeah, why are you doing this? Yeah, what's the end result? Yeah, are you just trying to serve some craving or is actually, is there something very fruitful on the other end Jennifer (15:09):Of this? And those might seem hard questions, but they're really good for us to be able to answer before moving forward. Another thing that I think of going to Weiss Council would be having a different perspective come through. Because sometimes when we're married, we're one and sometimes we see things the same way. And you get another set of eyes on it and there's a different perspective and it could be really, really good. Aaron (15:32):And something that you get from Wise Council hopefully is objective. Yeah. Reasoning. Not someone that's going to be just biased and think, tell you what you want to hear. Yeah. That's not the person you want to go to. Sometimes those people are good to go to. But you wanna go to someone that's going to actually give you good advice that's best for you and your family, not just what you want to hear. Here's a good example because when we want something like that, there's a change we want to make, right? Oh, this sounds better. Oh the grass is greener over here. Something that could be fleshly, something that could be a craving, something that could be a fleshly desire of ours. We're really good at coming up with reasons why that is wise Jennifer (16:16):To justify why we're making that decision Aaron (16:17):To justify why we're making. So we have this decision we want to make, we already have the end result and therefore what we do is we compile the evidence to Jennifer (16:24):Prove why even if we are asking hard questions, we're asking all the questions we know will lead us that way versus the objective, which is what you're saying Aaron (16:30):Rather than, so if you have someone that you trust and they can come and like, oh that sounds awesome, that sounds good, but hey it sounds like you're trying to like this or it sounds like you've already made up your mind, rather than are you truly wanting to know if that's the best thing for you? Because there's these three things that you haven't even thought about. So just my objective counsel to everyone listening, if there's a change that you're pursuing , be careful that you're not just building a case for that change. That is get wise counsel, someone that's going to have objective reasoning with you that'd be like, Hey, let's think about this that you may not be thinking of or you're avoiding thinking about because you already know what you want the answer to be about that change. Jennifer (17:12):So good. So we need to communicate as we navigate this together. We gotta pray, we gotta reach out and receive Weiss counsel and go to scripture I would say is another one. Even though the word of God, it's not detailed in a way that's going to be super specific and say what Aaron (17:29):Job you should Jennifer (17:29):Take, you should take that job that's over on Second Street. No, but there is so much wisdom in scripture and the Lord is faithful. And so he will lead your heart as you go to make those choices. Aaron (17:43):Well Jennifer (17:44):In decisions Aaron (17:45):In first John, we're told to test everything, test every spirit. So when you hear things, we're supposed to test it. But also when we hear stuff from ourselves, it's good to test like, oh, why am I thinking this? Why do I want this? Why do I wanna make this change? And to go to the scriptures when we talk about prayer and asking God say, God, can you reveal some truth to me in your word about what I'm thinking or what this changes that's being in my happening in my life? A good example, there may be something that is forced upon you. Why is this happening to me? This change that's being made that I have no control of? Why is this happening to me? And you could think this isn't what God wants, this is wrong, this is and unjust. This is lots of things which those things may be true. And then you could pray and say, Lord, reveal to me what you're doing here. And let's say you get brought to this. I bring this up. Often you get brought to the story of Joseph, all he was doing was sharing dreams that he had that God gave him. He was just a, an outspoken young brother. And then boom, he gets, he's hated by his brothers thrown into a pit, sold into slavery, slow put in prison. So sold Jennifer (18:51):Things that are really hard Aaron (18:51):Things that he had no control over, no choice over. And you can think, man, not that we don't know that Joseph Kale, but you don't hear it in scripture. There's no complaint coming from his mouth. And then you find out at the very end, wow, God did something amazing through this series of circumstances. Jennifer (19:07):And Joseph recognized that. Aaron (19:08):And Joseph recognized, he said, what you intended for evil, God intended for good. And so you can look at that and boom, you all automatically have perspective on this hard thing that you have no control over and realize, okay, God's doing something here and I'm going to trust him in this. And so even though that doesn't give you the answer on what to do or how to change it, it gives you an answer on how to respond to it. Jennifer (19:28):How to respond. Yeah, that's important. That's good. Okay. So with some of these more practical things that we can walk through as a couple, I think it's also really important to discuss when you're at the table or in bed or wherever you're talking about on your date night talk about what will change because you don't wanna miss out on the details when you're stepping into something new or you've got a life transition coming up. It's really important to say what will change? Because we are only granted so much time in a day and physically we're only able to do so much. And oftentimes if change is coming, that means something over here is coming into your life that you're going to be pursuing and something over here is probably going to be let go of. Does that make sense? Aaron (20:12):Yeah. So Jennifer (20:12):We've talked about it a little bit on the podcast Aaron (20:14):Before, but it's having a sober mind about reality because often we can think, Hey let's just this new thing, let's just add it in, boom. And we can do that and we'll do everything else the same. And then you don't even Jennifer (20:24):Realize, you jump into it and you feel like you're floundering cuz you're like, I wait, I can't juggle all these balls at the same Aaron (20:28):Time. So here's the example. Take a full glass of water, that's our life. It's full of water and you want to put an ice cube in there, what happens? Jennifer (20:38):It's going to overflow, Aaron (20:39):Water pours out. Okay, you put another ice cube in there, water pours out, you put another ice cube in there, water pours out eventually. I mean it stays full, but you're losing something. So you have to thinking soberly about change. Whenever the laws of every action has a reaction true in life, you make this choice here, it's going to affect something over here. I'm showing my right hand on my left hand. And so having a sober thought on that, realizing, hey, here's this really cool thing we want to pursue. Jennifer (21:15):What is it going to require? What Aaron (21:16):Does it cost? What does it mean? Yeah. Because you can't just say that that thing's going to exist equally and at the same time as everything else in your Jennifer (21:23):Life. Now here's the important part. Couples, when you're talking about what will change, be sure that you take time to truly listen to one another because when you're navigating change like this, it can be so easy to feel unheard or misunderstood or you're just not clearly communicating what so , just kidding. It's so important for you guys to really take the time and listen because you may want something to go but your spouse is going, no, I wanna keep that thing and get rid of that other thing. So when you're navigating change, it can be kind of difficult, but allow it to be a process. It's not just a one moment event, it's a process that you're going walking through together. And it's important to listen to one another. Aaron (22:03):I'll give an example a small example. This isn't a big change, but let's say you wanna read the Bible more. Okay? You're like, man, I want to get into the word of God more. It's a great change to make in your life cuz a lot of people probably don't read the Bible enough. So you're like, I wanna read the Bible more. That takes time. So let's say you wanna be in the Bible for 20 minutes. Where does the 20 minutes come from? Is it in the morning? You Jennifer (22:27):Either gotta wake up earlier or Aaron (22:29):Go to bed later. So you can, how Jennifer (22:30):About time during the day? Aaron (22:31):Or is it like at nap time when you usually would be on social media or when you would, maybe that would be your time to do read this good book or go to for a walk. When are you going to get that 20 minutes? You have to figure out where it's coming from and that's how it is with everything. The change that you want, the thing that you want to add in or take out is going to be filled up or replaced or take away from something else. (22:59):So just some things to think about being sober about the thing that you want or the change that's happening. And then going back to the side of things that you have no control over and embracing it. Realizing some things will have to be let go of because of this thing that is now forcing itself upon you. This change that is being made in your life without your choice. And I hope this gives you some freedom. You might have anxiety or angst because you're like, oh I can't get this thing done over here. There there's these things that I'm just letting slide though they might have to, it just, there's the reality of life. Like you said Jennifer, we only have so much time. We only have so much energy. We only have so much ability. Jennifer (23:41):Well, and then I was going to add that after you guys have communicated clearly, after you've prayed, after you've gotten wise counsel and shared what that change will be and kind of made a plan then I think it's important to make the decision. And I'm really terrible at this, I'm just going to be honest with everyone cuz I get wishy-washy once we make a decision, I go back on and think, oh no, maybe we've made the wrong decision or I can't handle this change or whatever it is. So don't be wishy washy. Don't be like me. No, I do struggle with this, but Aaron, you've been super encouraging in this area for me. But it is important to make the decision together and not allow any root of bitterness to form in your heart against the decision that was made. Aaron (24:30):Be on a team. Be on a team. Do it together. Yeah, Jennifer (24:32):Do it together. Yeah. So hopefully that encourages some people out there. Absolutely. Aaron (24:35):And then also one more thing, we can make changes in our lives. So I wanna give permission, we can make changes in our lives and then change those changes. Totally. We can make a decision and be like, hey, we're going to explore this idea, we're going to go this direction. And then along the way realize like, oh man, this is not at all what we were expecting, what we thought, what we want. But then there could be this shame that comes in of like, oh, now we're going back on our own or now we're going to let people down. But realize as long as we're trying to be wise and we're trying to be upright and do right by people and not just throwing people out, not throwing everything out and being totally selfish, whimsical and selfish. As long as we're like, okay, just like we navigated the make to make the decision, let's navigate again. Mm-hmm. Changing that decision we just made. I just want to let people know that it's okay to change the change. Yeah. Jennifer (25:30):I also was thinking as you were talking, this isn't in our notes or anything, but just having kids, Aaron, would you say that if you are a family with children, that when change is going to happen that it's important to prepare your kids' hearts for it? Or even when you're thinking about the decision, you actually think about how it's going to impact them and what you guys can do as parents to Aaron (25:49):Bring them along, bring them along, yeah. Say, Hey guys, we're going to sit down and talk and even if they don't fully understand, at least communicating, here's some things we're going to explore. Here's some things we're going to change. Here's a direction we're going to move as a family, what are your guys' thoughts? Jennifer (26:01):And as you move into that change, be aware of your kids' hearts. If they're struggling in any way with it ask God and each other how you guys can come in and be a support for them, an encouragement for Aaron (26:15):Them. Get special attention to the one or two children that need it. Need it the most. Yeah. So another thing I wanna mention is why, who Jennifer (26:24):Probably started to started with this one? Aaron (26:28):If you're the one making the choice Jennifer (26:29):Why we're make, well you're saying why we make changes Aaron (26:33):Together because there's a myriad of reasons and variables. Anyone who's G thinking about some sort of transition or change, they know what their reasons are. But a good question to ask is, why am I doing this for God or in my walk with God? How is this change going to better us, grow us closer to God, make us more better lights for him present his gospel more. All these questions of how does it move, what God's doing forward? Jennifer (27:06):How do you make decisions together as a married couple and maintain the peace? Because peace is a big thing. The world sees our peace and they go, oh, they're different. That marriage is different cuz they can navigate hard things or make changes in their livelihood and they still have peace or they still have joy. So how do we maintain Aaron (27:24):Those things? So just a good question to be asking yourselves is how does this play out in your walk with God and what does it mean? So we're coming to a place in the episode where we're going to talk about a change we're making. That's why we're even talking about change because we've been navigating this in our own life. So why don't you, Jennifer, present the change we're Jennifer (27:44):Making. So first off, I just wanna just say thank you guys so much for being here in this marriage after God community and sharing this podcast with us. It's been a joy for us to be able to do. And so the change that's coming is we are ending the season today early. We're going to end it early. Aaron (28:07):Yeah, we are going to do 12 episodes, but we're only doing seven, which Jennifer (28:10):Is totally fine. And we had to navigate this together and it's what inspired this last topic but it's summertime and we just jumped into having another baby. So she's three months old now and Aaron (28:24):We have Jennifer (28:25):Five kids, we've caught five kids, they're super young. And we just thought, you know what, let's take the rest of the summer off and just be super intentional with them and engage as a family. And also we just have a couple things that we felt like the Lord has put on our heart to pursue that it comes down to that thing that we talked about earlier where you only have so much time in a day and so much energy and resources that if you're going to add something else has to go. And so this is really hard for Aaron and I, but we decided that in order to pursue those things that I just mentioned we're going to have to end this season early. So this will be the last episode of marriage after God Aaron (29:07):For this season. Yeah. What do you want to let them know? The couple project ideas or Good. So we're currently we're going to be working on two children's books Illustrated, read alongs with Kids not really long what are just an illustrated children's book. And then we're also going to be working on a family bible time devotional, which Jennifer (29:32):I think we mentioned at the beginning of this season. Season or last season, I can't remember. Aaron (29:37):So just so you all know that what the way we've been trying to walk as a couple marriage as a family Jennifer, you spent a lot of time with the children, homeschooling, raising them. And so we try and it really hard not to overwhelm her schedule with other things other than that. Which is why we go to, if we wanna pursue these other things, then we do have to take a break on something else. And so we're going to take a break on the podcast and we're going to work on those other projects. And when those are done, we're going to evaluate when we will come back. So I hope you guys are excited about that. We are. It's something that we've prayed about and something that we've talked a lot about. And although we love doing this and we're going to miss you all it won't be forever. And so yeah, I hope you will pray for us in this journey of doing these books and these resources that we think will be a blessing to you and your family. Jennifer (30:33):So the verse that we wanted to share and end this episode with is John 1427. And I think it's just super timely for the current state of everything, everything right now, but also as you guys navigate change in your own lives. And I know it's been a comforting verse for Aaron and I, but it's John 1427. It says, peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you not as the world gives. Do I give to you? Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. And I think that's just a really powerful verse, especially talking about change. Because no matter what, if we're following the Lord and we're seeking after him and abiding in him there is a peace that surpasses all understanding. So even if we don't have all the details, even if we don't know what might be coming we can rest assured that we're in Him, Aaron (31:26):Which is the most important thing. And our life's goal is to be in Christ, to abide with him to be in His word. So that's where our prayers for you and we hope this encouraged you. I know everyone goes through change sometimes we hate it, sometimes we love it, but we just want to encourage you to pursue it in prayer and conversation with counsel and above all just trusting the Lord. And so as usual and in prayer, Jennifer, would you pray for us? Jennifer (31:57):Dear Lord, thank you for today. Thank you for the work that we get to do. We pray we would glorify you in all of our work. Please help us to be a team in marriage. Help us to communicate clearly and respectfully, especially during life transitions. Please protect our hearts from the strain and stress that may come from change. And help us to persevere with strength. May your peace and joy be filled in our hearts and may it shine from our faces. In Jesus' name, amen. Aaron (32:23):We love you all. We thank you and we look forward to the next time we join you on the Marriage After God podcast. If you haven't gone through our old episodes, we wanna encourage you during this season that we're not going to be posting new episodes to listen to our old ones. And we hope you enjoy those. And please share the podcast with a friend who's never heard of us. And cuz there's how many episodes we have a lot of episodes, a lot. And just go through those and enjoy 'em and we'll see you soon. Did you enjoy today's show? If you did, it would mean the world to us if you could leave us a review on iTunes. Also, if you're interested, you can find many more encouraging stories and resources @ marriageaftergod.com and let us help you cultivate an extraordinary  Connect With UsInstagram | @marriageaftergodInstagram | @unveiledwifeInstagram | @husbandrevolutionCheck out our marriage resources!SponsorsGet our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage!

Dear Lord,Thank you for the responsibility of parenting. It is not always easy, yet it is a worthy and noble task. We pray we would be intentional parents who tend to the soil of our children’s hearts. We pray we would be willing to get down on our knees, to get dirty even when its inconvenient or challenging and show our children how to live according to your ways. We pray we would raise our children to know You and know your word. May you plant seeds of salvation in their hearts and may our children receive you and be world changers, bringing you glory! In Jesus’ name, amen! Connect With UsInstagram | @marriageaftergodInstagram | @unveiledwifeInstagram | @husbandrevolutionCheck out our marriage resources!SponsorsGet our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage!

In This episode we want to talk about a few people in the bible that have really encouraged us lately and we hope their stories encourage you and your marriage as well.  Connect With UsInstagram | @marriageaftergodInstagram | @unveiledwifeInstagram | @husbandrevolutionCheck out our marriage resources!SponsorsGet our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage!

Do you feel weak or powerless? Do you feel like you can't walk in freedom? If that is you today We want to encourage you from the word of God. http://parentingprayerchallenge.com2 Peter 1:3-4His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence,by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire.  Connect With UsInstagram | @marriageaftergodInstagram | @unveiledwifeInstagram | @husbandrevolutionCheck out our marriage resources!SponsorsGet our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage!

In this episode, we share how we both came to know and walk with the Lord! Connect With UsInstagram | @marriageaftergodInstagram | @unveiledwifeInstagram | @husbandrevolutionCheck out our marriage resources!SponsorsGet our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage!

The world as a whole seems to be experiencing crises. In the last five months, we have seen headline after headline in the news and on social media. There is so much hardship, pain, death, loss, uncertainty, fear, chaos, and unrest.In addition to it all, there are countless more trials, hardships, and painful circumstances that didn’t make headlines. We are all hoping for peace. We are all wondering how to walk out these things, especially together in marriage.Whether you are currently facing hardship or if those times are ahead to come, we want to encourage you to walk through them in your marriage together, supporting each other and looking to God's Word to guide you.https://marriageaftergod.comREAD TRANSCRIPT- [Aaron] Hey, we're Aaron and Jennifer Smith, with Marriage After God. - [Jennifer] Helping you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. - [Aaron] And today we're gonna share how we walk through trials and hardships. Welcome to the Marriage After God podcast, where we believe that marriage was meant for more than just happily ever after. - [Jennifer] I'm Jennifer, also known as Unveiled Wife. - [Aaron] And I'm Aaron, also known as Husband Revolution. - [Jennifer] We have been married for over 13 years. - [Aaron] And so far we have five children under eight. - [Jennifer] We have been doing marriage ministry online for over nine years through blogging, social media and writing over 10 books. - [Aaron] With a desire to inspire couples to keep God at the center of their marriage, encouraging them to walk in faith every day. - [Jennifer] We believe that Christian marriage should be an extraordinary one, full of life, - [Aaron] Love, - [Jennifer] And power - [Aaron] That can only be found by chasing after God. - [Jennifer] Together. - [Aaron] Thank you for joining us in this journey as we chase boldly after God's will for our life together. - [Jennifer] This is Marriage After God. - [Aaron] Hey everyone, thank you for coming back to the Marriage After God podcast, this is Episode two of season four. We missed a week, that's okay. We, sometimes things happen. And that's kind of what this episode's about. But before we get into the topic, we just wanna invite you if you have not already, join the thousands of marriages that have taken the marriage prayer challenge. It's a completely free resource that Jennifer and I have created for you. And all you gotta do is go to marriageprayerchallenge.com all one word. And just fill out the form and boom we'll start sending you every day for 31 days, a prayer prompt and a reminder to be praying for your spouse. And we literally just wanted to offer this to you to encourage your prayer life that you guys are praying for each other daily. And we hope it inspires a ongoing prayer life even after the 31 days. So that's marriageprayerchallenge.com, it's completely free. Go check it out today. - [Jennifer] Alright, so hi, everyone, Jen here . Thanks, Aaron for that awesome intro and reminder to do the marriage prayer challenge. I hope you guys do that. So today's topic is about walking through hardship and trials and, you know, I just wanted to start out by recognizing and acknowledging that the world as a whole right now, seems to be experiencing crisis after crisis. I mean, 2020 has been a little crazy. - [Aaron] Yeah, we're not even like halfway through the year, right? - [Jennifer] Oh, man. - [Aaron] And it's felt-- - [Jennifer] Five months, five in five months, we've seen headline after headline for I mean, disaster after disaster. We have had massive fires, locust invasions wreaking havoc, the whole COVID-19 thing and the lockdown and that, you know, causing the market crash. - [Aaron] Yeah financial crisis - [Jennifer] Yeah. - [Aaron] The highest unemployment rate in history. - [Jennifer] Crazy, injustices that just break our hearts and I mean, just seeing things online and social media and the division between people over all kinds of different things, all kinds of different opinions. - [Aaron] I'll say this, the internet used to be fun and funny, it's mostly dreary now. Which you look at it, and, yeah I'm sure we have our connections with our friends and family but, man this world is, it's chaos. - [Jennifer] I'll say this. I don't think we're the only ones who have thought recently, I just wanna unplug and go, you know, - [Aaron] Yeah. - [Jennifer] I just wanna go-- - [Aaron] Where can I go, - [Jennifer] for a hike. I just wanna go fishing. - [Aaron] Where no one else's - [Jennifer] Yeah. - [Aaron] Yeah - [Jennifer] But you know what? I think that when we experience times like these, it's so important to just stop and acknowledge it and say, "Okay Lord, what do we need here?" And so Aaron and I were just, you know, thinking about this topic today, and we're like, "We're not the only ones experiencing this, "everybody's experiencing this." On a grand scale right now and it just feels chaotic. And so we wanted to speak to this right now. And that's, like I said, on a grand scale, but that's not even including all the crisis's that have arose that didn't make the headlines. Things like people facing hardships in their health, in personal relationships and losing their job or experiencing anxiety. - [Aaron] Or depression or worse. Cause there's so much stuff going that no one knows about. Because there's too many of them to make deadlines. - [Jennifer] Yeah. So when we, you know, when we talk about hardships and trials, let's be reminded that it says this in John 16:33, "I have said these things to you "that in me You may have peace. "In the world you will have tribulation, "but take heart I have overcome the world." - [Aaron] Is that saying might have tribulation like maybe some people will have tribulation? Or we'll. - [Jennifer] We'll. - [Aaron] Have tribulation, - [Jennifer] We will. - [Aaron] And this is Jesus speaking to his disciples, and he's reminding them he's like you're going to have tribulation, on varying degrees, varying levels. So everyone's got things that they're going through and will go through. You can be in the bed, we talk about this often in our book, just the seasons of life, which are a beautiful thing when you look at just nature, which by the way, nature reveals the invisible attributes of God. You see seasons, you see cold, you see hot, you see rain, you see harvest, you see all these things and they show the different aspects of our ecosystems and how things work but they represent spiritual things too. They represent things that go in our life so you could be in a really great season and then you can go through a really hard season and then you can go through a cold season of like, you know, just questions and wondering, and then you can go through a season of just harvest and plenty, that's what seasons are for. Unless you live in California and there's only one season. I'm just joking. - [Jennifer] Even California has its seasons. - [Aaron] Yes. But we will have tribulation, but Jesus encourages us in His Word He says, "Take heart, I have overcome the world." And what's awesome is just real quick thinking about this. Being in Christ is our shelter, just like Noah and his family were in the ark. While there was turbulence and casting judgment and just the flood was happening. They were in the ark. And I just, this is our main encouragement is, for this episode is, we are in Christ for all those who name the name of Christ, who have their hope and trust in him, no matter how chaotic it gets, we're in him and he calms to the storm, so. - [Jennifer] I thank God for that hope. Like I could not imagine surviving this world without having that, you know, as an anchor. Okay, so we just wanted to give you guys some encouragement, some inspiration, something to help you as a married couple, survive, walk through, encourage each other through-- - [Aaron] Thriving maybe. - [Jennifer] Yeah, maybe even thrive through hardship and trial. - [Aaron] Yeah. So, on a personal note, we've been walking through some trials recently. I mean, we've gone through various trials in our life, but currently going through some pretty hard things. - [Jennifer] Things that, you know, have had a kind of heavy filling over our marriage, our daily life, our ministry, and, you know, we've felt tested, you know, through it. - [Aaron] Being tested, yeah. - [Jennifer] being tested through it, refined through it. - [Aaron] Challenged - [Jennifer] Yeah, humbled. - [Aaron] That's a good one. That's probably the biggest one is we're being humbled in this trial, reminding us how little we actually have control over in our life. - [Jennifer] Yeah, and I'll say this, when you experience hardship face-to-face like that, you go through the motions, you have emotion, right, like, - [Aaron] You mentioned something about like the seven stages of grief. - [Jennifer] When we were talking before, - [Aaron] I don't know what those exactly are, but it felt like that we were going through like boldness and then like weakness, and then fear and then like anger and then like, - [Jennifer] Frustration and then sadness, and it's like all of it. - [Aaron] Confusion and then silence and then like we've been going through all of them, as a couple and those are normal things, But, our point in this episode today is, there is something that we as believers get to hold on to because that, even everything I just said, feels like it's like a whip, like back and forth, - [Jennifer] Back and forth, back and forth, - [Aaron] Back and forth up and down, like the waves of the ocean being tossed by the wind. But as believers, those things may happen, and naturally in our flesh, we might want to be tossed around like that, it might be the easiest solution because it just happens. But is there something for us to grasp onto? Or is that just the fate of a believer when they go through trials? And that's what I wanna, I think we should dig into. - [Jennifer] Yeah, totally. And we're just sharing that with you guys, because we felt like if we're facing something like this, it's totally possible and probably-- - [Aaron] Likely. - [Jennifer] Likely that you are facing hardship in your marriage, in your life, in your family., so we just wanted to talk about this today and remind ourselves of some really important truths that God has laid out in his word for us. So yeah. Maybe we should get started with, when hardships come, first of all, we know they're hardships, right? Like, they suck. Nobody likes them. But how should we respond, Aaron? - [Aaron] Yeah, I think as believers, first of all, we have something to respond with, and we have someone to respond with, which is really awesome. So just encouraging that, we have a Savior, we have a God who loves us and knows us and actually isn't surprised by the things we're going through. So just first and foremost, knowing that is amazing. - [Jennifer] I'll say this personally. I think that the flesh is quicker to respond, you know, the flesh flares up really quick and you just want to respond in that, - [Aaron] It reacts. - [Jennifer] And reacts, so if you're not abiding in Christ, and you're not familiar with God's word, that flesh is gonna take - [Aaron] It's gonna react - [Jennifer] The lead, right? - [Aaron] Yeah, I would imagine just naturally if you think about, like, if someone turns a flashlight on quickly in your eyes, like you close your eyes, your eyes dilate naturally, you have no control over it, boom, it does what it's supposed to do. And so in our flesh, we do have natural fleshly responses, naturally, you know, you step into something cold, you feel the cold and your body responds to it. You get pinched, you feel the pain, your body responds to it. But what's amazing about knowing the Lord is He's given us of His Holy Spirit. And it allows us, you know, as the old Switchfoot song goes, "A new way to be human." we have a new way to respond in the flesh. And so we may react, like the reaction might happen, but then we can respond in to that reaction, and to the circumstance that's causing the reaction differently, then people that don't have the hope of Christ, people that don't have the word of God. But that right there is the walk that we get to take, the race that we get to run, is that natural, spirit and flesh, you know, convergence in our life. So I don't wanna condemn anyone. for responding, I should say reacting in the flesh to these hardships because we've been doing that. But the encouragement is, with the Spirit of God as it tells us in 2 Peter 1:3, "We've been given all things that pertain to life "and godliness in Christ Jesus, our Lord." So we get something, we have something else. We don't just have the flesh to respond, and we have the Spirit of God, that we can ask to animate our reactions, to change our reactions, to show us how to repent of our reactions, if necessary. - [Jennifer] So that's the key right there, as you said, ask God and so I guess the first response should be prayer, like before you even consider what the hardship is or what the solution is or how to resolve, we have to go to the Lord and say, "God, why is this happening? "What do you want me to learn from it?" - [Aaron] No, my way of responding is I'm gonna figure out the answer today, and like, we're gonna solve it right now-- - [Jennifer] Mr. Fix it, no. I think that it's so important to pray, you know, when we're going through this recent trial, our seven year old son said, he overheard us talking and he goes, "Hey guys, I think that you just need to pray." - [Aaron] So pretty much every time he's seen us discussing and where we're at, and he can tell that there's just hardness going on. He doesn't really know what's going on, but he would say things like, "Hey, make sure you pray before and after." He's like, "Oh, we need to pray." stop and pray. - [Jennifer] Actually, he told me to pray before and after, because God is the Alpha and Omega. I thought that was really-- - [Aaron] Oh, he did say that. - [Jennifer] Yeah, I thought that was really clever, or cool. - [Aaron] Yeah, like pray in the beginning, bring God in the beginning and bring God into the after and bring God into the middle. - [Jennifer] So, you know, we mentioned the marriage prayer challenge, and that all is about prayer. And I just wanna remind you guys like it is so important that we're praying together not just for our marriage and for each other in marriage, but we gotta be praying together. I think that has been such a powerful thing that has helped us survive and walk through hardship in our life. - [Aaron] Well, because it's us petitioning our Father in heaven saying, "Hey, help us. "We don't know, we're confused. "I wanna be this way, I wanna act this way." And we ask God not just to take it away we ask for Him to take these things away. - [Jennifer] But also for the wisdom to go through it. - [Aaron] Yeah, and how do we go through this? And will you make us stronger in this? - [Jennifer] So let's read some verses. Romans 12:12 says, "Rejoice in hope, "be patient in tribulation, "be constant in prayer." And I love that reminder of just like, bam, bam, bam, this is what you do. You rejoice in the hope that you have, you be patient throughout it cause who knows how long it's gonna last? We always hope that it's shorter than longer, but, you know, he calls us to be patient, but then be constant in prayer. - [Aaron] Yeah. And that it starts with that hope. Cause like I started this out with is, we have hope in Christ. And then we can be patient that's a fruit of the Spirit, love, joy, peace, patience. And then prayer is a weapon that God's given us. It's a tool to battle with, that we run to him and say, "I don't know what I'm doing and I think about, "you know, story after story in the Bible, "of men running to God in prayer." Almost all the songs in like the beginning of Psalms, when David's being chased by Solomon, all right by Saul, not Solomon is by Saul, is him praying for vindication, praying for safety, praying for protection, praying for humbleness, praying for all these things. He's saying, "Lord save me." So we run to prayer and Philippians 4:6-7, again, all these trials can bring on anxiousness, anxieties, worries, because we-- - [Jennifer] Cause we don't know. - [Aaron] And we can't control it. And, you know, what's gonna come next? And it says, "Do not be anxious about anything "but in everything, by prayer and supplication, "with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God "and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, "will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - [Jennifer] So something that stands out to me about that verse, which I love this verse, and I feel like I've held on to this-- - [Aaron] It's famous we've all heard it. - [Jennifer] Yeah, we've all clung to it - [Aaron] Yeah, remember this. - [Jennifer] But for me, going through this last trial Aaron, was your reminder to be thankful for whatever comes to mind, for anything and everything, even the hardship itself, even the trial itself. So, it says do not be anxious, which is an act, you have to actively choose not to be anxious. But in that, when those anxieties come, going to God in prayer with thanksgiving, like telling him what you're thankful for, and I think that shifts our perspective of the issue. What do you say? - [Aaron] Yeah, well and the other part of it that I wanna bring up is, it says, in the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding and that understanding peace often I feel like we're not gonna release the anxieties and the fears until we can understand. - [Jennifer] I definitely feel that way. - [Aaron] Yeah, so like, it's a fear of like, if I let go of what I'm feeling, then I feel like I'm gonna spin out of control, when in reality, we're already spinning out of control. And so we're looking for complete, perfect understanding before trusting God. Which may not come in the timing that we want. But what God's saying is, "Trust me, be thankful, come to me, "and my peace that surpasses your understanding, "which is what we really want, it's the thing that's gonna guard our hearts and our minds. Which in these, this time, it's our heart and our mind that is the most susceptible to deception. Like I feel a certain way therefore, that feeling must be true, right? And it might not be, most of the time our feelings are not right. You know, and so we can guard our hearts, Christ will guard our hearts with God's peace. - [Jennifer] That's so good. I just wanted to quick side note, tangent on peace. I was talking with a friend recently, and she was like, "You know Jen, I feel like, "I just need to encourage you." Because sometimes when you're going through a hardship, all you can crave is peace. But the kind of peace that our flesh tells us we need is that escape is that, well, I just wanna have a good day, out in the sunshine, which there's nothing wrong with, it's just, she was encouraging me that God's peace is so much more than a good day. God's peace is so much more than a vacation. God's peace is so much more than everything working out perfectly in your life all the time. His peace surpasses all of that. It's a different kind of peace. It's not a worldly peace. That's what she was showing me this contrast between what the world would say is peace, and what our flesh craves in times of hardship, and what God's peace truly is. - [Aaron] And this is what's awesome when there's kinda peace, go ahead. - [Jennifer] I was just gonna say, I really hope that that picture encourages you guys as much as it encouraged me. - [Aaron] Yeah, well, and this is what makes the gospel so amazing is, when we tell someone, the good news that Jesus died for their sins that they can be saved in Him, that they can have a right relationship with God, what we're saying is, is they can have peace with God. And God's peace, which is amazing. So peace as in no more turmoil, like we're not against, we're no longer enemies of God. But now we can also have His peace, and that Peace isn't contingent on your circumstances. It's not like Paul had peace while he was in prison, right? Peter had peace while he was in prison, and they were gonna be martyred for the gospel. So this peace is not a worldly peace. You know, Jesus even says that the peace I give you is not of the world, right? And so this peace is so much more, it's greater. It's a peace that surpasses understanding. Which leads me to this next verse of Proverbs 3:5-6, talking about this idea of our understanding like, "I can trust you, Lord, and I won't have peace Lord, "and I won't be able to have Thanksgiving Lord "until I can understand why." Or understand how, or understand when. Like all the answers we want, once I have all those, then I'll be able to. But it doesn't work that way. He says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart "and do not lean on your own understanding," "in all your ways acknowledge Him, "and He will make straight your paths." So we expect an infinite God, who knows all, who is orchestrating amazing things for you, and for others and the salvation of many, and in this world and everything that's going on, and we want him to give us understanding on our situation. Like, I don't think we could ever until we're in heaven in our perfect bodies. Understand the complexity and the circumstances in every way that what we're going through is going to be used for God's glory. Like my hardship, like we look at the apostles, the things they went through, the things that God allowed and ordained for them, was for our benefit. And they could not have known how their word being inspired by the Holy Spirit and be written in letters, to the early church were going to affect the current church. But it did. And so we have these words, to stand on. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart "and do not lean on your understanding." God is so trustworthy. Jennifer, do you agree? - [Jennifer] Oh, yeah. - [Aaron] Like, is your heart more trustworthy than God? - [Jennifer] No, God is trustworthy, and, I'll say this is not easy for me to say that because I'm human and, you know, we talked earlier about those fleshly responses to things and humans wrestle with doubt. They wrestle with wanting to have that full picture understanding like you said, and I've been guilty of that. I, you know, I wrestle in my relationship with the Lord, but when I bring those wrestlings to Him in prayer, and I thank Him for everything He's done in my life, and I tell Him with my words in my heart, in my mind, I trust you. That's when I have confidence in Him and what He's doing. And I also wanna just acknowledge that with, specifically with this verse, at the end it says, "He will make straight your paths." I love that because it just reminds us that He's got our future. He knows what's coming. He knows what the resolve will be, how the solution will come. And we can trust Him for those things. And it makes me think of the parting of the Red Sea and how miraculous that experience for the Israelites truly was, because they had been on this journey. They're fleeing from their enemy. There's mountains on both sides, and they're standing at the shore going, "Okay, there's a bunch of water in front, now what?" - [Aaron] Yeah, before you go on to the next part of this, you've been reading and I can't remember what book but there was a part that says, - [Jennifer] It was in in Psalms. - [Aaron] Yeah, it says, "What was the Lord's way?" - [Jennifer] It said that the Lord's way was through the water. - [Aaron] So, now go back to you. - [Jennifer] Okay, so they're standing there probably as any one of us would going, "This is impossible." - [Aaron] Yeah, enemy pursuing behind. - [Jennifer] This is impossible. - [Aaron] Walls on every side and then we got just like, - [Jennifer] Essentially there's-- - [Aaron] Body or water we can't-- - [Jennifer] They're facing death, they're going, they're saying there's nothing else for us, and yet God made a way and he did it in his own power, in his own way, and they got to walk through on dry ground through the waters. Now even that, in itself was probably terrifying. It says that there was a wall of water on both their left and their right side, so when we're facing hardships you guys, I just, I have to go back to that story and remember and say, "Okay Lord, I feel like this is an impossible situation, "but I trust you." And when we trust in him and we don't lean on our own understanding, He will make straight our paths. - [Aaron] Yeah and I love the straight your paths part because in the seasons of hardship it can be very cloudy, dark, so when I think about these, you know, seasons we're in it could feel dark and like blinding and like we have no idea what the next step is to take. And I think of the plague on Egypt when Egypt was complete darkness and it said it was a darkness that could be felt. That's what trials feel like, right? But the Israelites, the Hebrews, and I think they were in Goshen was light. They were not in darkness that could be felt. And so the enemy is gonna make us think in these times and he's done it to us, is that we are in darkness and we have no idea and we don't know what the next step to take is, but as believers when we trust in the Lord, and we say, "Okay, I'm just gonna take the next right step." I'm just gonna say, I don't know, what is your word say, I'm gonna step, God makes our path straight. You may not be able to see five steps ahead or even one step ahead, but we know God's gonna guide our steps as long as we're abiding in Him and His Word. - [Jennifer] Okay so, how else are we supposed to respond Aaron? - [Aaron] This is a hard one. Because going back to that idea of like, we just want like the happy day and we want the sunshine and the, you know, nothing hard and nothing, joy. - [Jennifer] Yeah, I want some joy. - [Aaron] Yeah, but we look at joy as something that's going to be coming to us. Like if all this was gone, then I'd have joy. - [Jennifer] Or someone give it to me. - [Aaron] Or Yeah, if someone just handed me, you know, the solution, then I'll have joy. But James 1:2-4 says this, "Count it all joy, "my brother's when you meet trials of various kinds." So this is a perspective thing. This isn't an external like we will get this thing, some of the time. We can count something joy, so we can look at the equation that we don't know the answer to and we can say, "Well, this is joy." I'm gonna count this thing right now that is hurting me, and isn't feeling good, and it's humbling me, and it's scary, I'm gonna count that thing, joy. - [Jennifer] And real quick. It's not just one thing that's a trial, it's not just one type of hardship, it says various kinds. And I think we also need to acknowledge that there are so many things that a married couple can walk through together and can face - [Aaron] Any believer. - [Jennifer] Yeah. - [Aaron] In reality. - [Jennifer] Yeah. - [Aaron] When you meet trials of various kinds. - [Jennifer] So keep going, keep going. - [Aaron] For you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness, so but real quick. If we're a believer, and we don't want our faith tested, we should just ask ourselves where our heart is before the Lord, Okay? So it says for you know, that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. So when your faith is tested, that's a good thing. - [Jennifer] It's producing something good. - [Aaron] It's a good thing. Cause a faith that's not tested is no faith at all. Because how do you know you have faith until you're tested in that faith, right? So you think about all the stories of Old, Abraham, God spoke to him, "Go to the land that I'll tell you." And then he got up and he packed his donkeys and he left, right? And then one step after another, everything that God told him, he was tested in his response. And so our faith is going to be tested. And it's like a refining fire, it makes that faith more valuable, which is awesome, if you think about it. - [Jennifer] So are you saying that as Christians, we should accept the testing? - [Aaron] Yeah, and receive it with joy, count it all joy. Because this thing we're going through, is gonna make us more like Christ, make us more steadfast. It says it produces steadfastness and let that steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete lacking nothing. This isn't the kind of perfection that we think of when we think of sinlessness. The perfect and complete means whole, okay? Cause we are broken people, with broken ways of thinking, broken ways of reacting, broken ways of being raised, lots of brokenness. But the perfect and complete lacking nothing, that steadfastness means you will have everything necessary. I just brought that up in 2 Peter 1:3, "You have been given all things." So the steadfastness, its full effect, makes us perfect and complete. Lacking nothing, means we're capable as believers to continue on in our faith, in our walk with God, with boldness, with strength, for Him, and His glory. - [Jennifer] Okay so, you know, we shared that we had been walking through a trial and I had been wrestling a lot with it, and you kept bringing up this Word, steadfastness or being steadfast, and-- - [Aaron] And you asked me a question, you said, "Okay, steadfast in what?" - [Jennifer] Sorry. - [Aaron] No, you have to apologize cause you were struggling and you said, I was bringing this up and I'm sure listeners are saying, "That sounds great, but what am I to remain steadfast in? "steadfast in what?" Because there's a trial, it's hard, does it mean just being in it? - [Jennifer] Yeah, so what do you say" - [Aaron] Cause it's a good question. What are we to remain steadfast in? Is it to remain steadfast in our strength? Our own strength, our own abilities? Because that doesn't work. Because we got to the end of ourselves real quick. Like, I don't wanna do this anymore. I'm over it, I wanna escape, I wanna run away. Our own knowledge, cause my knowledge is limited. I can try and navigate things, but I can only get so far in my knowledge. It's limited, I can't remain in my own knowledge. It's got very . - [Jennifer] Same with our abilities, they're limited. Even if you're the most able person out there, you still have limitations. - [Aaron] We are incapable of remaining steadfast in our own abilities, right? That's what it is, we're incapable. Which is why we need our Savior, because we are not able, He is. - [Jennifer] So you answered the question when I asked you, "Steadfast in what?" You said in the Word of God. - [Aaron] Yeah, it's our rock. It's our fortress. It's our foundation, - [Jennifer] to refuge. - [Aaron] Yeah, the Bible says that, "In the beginning was the Word, "and the Word was with God and the Word was God." And then later on, it says, "And it came and it dwelt with man." Jesus Christ, like the Word of God is the physical representation we currently have of Jesus. It's His Word. And what's amazing is and we've talked about this, what did God create everything with? - [Jennifer] His Word. - [Aaron] What is Jesus gonna destroy everything with? - [Jennifer] His Word. - [Aaron] His Word. This is what it says, it says in Revelation coming in on a horse and a sword coming out of his mouth, right? What's the sword of the Spirit? - [Jennifer] The Word of God. - [Aaron] That's what the Bible tells us. So the thing that we remain steadfast in, is the Word of God, the unchanging, living, active, sharper than a two-edged sword, piercing to the bone and marrow, right? Word of God. - [Jennifer] So practically speaking, is it just, when you say being steadfast in the Word of God, is it saying to yourself, "Yeah, I believe in the Word of God?" - [Aaron] No, it's meditating day and night, on the promises and the truths that it says to us about us. - [Jennifer] So reading it, believing it, saying it out loud. - [Aaron] Walking in it, right? When it says - [Jennifer] Doing what it says - [Aaron] Yeah, doing what it says, that is what we remain steadfast in. So just rewind a little bit. I'm spiraling out of control, I'm anxious, I'm worried I can't Oh, you keep telling me all these things, but I can't be anxious for nothing, but in all things by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, lift your request to the Lord, and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus, Okay? So the flesh wants to do this thing. So how do we remain steadfast? Okay, I mean, just Lord, thank you that I have life today. Thank you for your Son, Jesus and salvation. Thank you that, if none of this gets resolved, I have you. I'll have eternity with you. Thank you Lord, but also I am scared Lord, I don't know how to handle this Lord. That's what you're steadfast in. Not just repeating the words over and over again, but believing the words and doing what they say. Because they have power. Paul says, "I'm not ashamed of the gospel for, it is the power of God into salvation. Timothy, Paul tells Timothy, the Word of God, all of it is good for proof and for teaching and for education and for the maturity of the Christian. That's what it's for. So what are we to remain steadfast in? Our own knowledge, what we're capable of, what we can control? Man, I don't know, nearly enough to be able to answer the problems in this world, let alone my own life. But the Word of God does. And I can lean on it and say, "I don't know how this is gonna work God, - [Jennifer] But I trust you. - [Aaron] But I trust you. - [Jennifer] It's kinda hard to move on from that cause it was so good and so simple and so necessary to just abide in the Word of God. But there are some other ways that we can respond in times of hardship, and something that I really wanted to share with you guys was praise. Because sometimes I don't know what to pray. Sometimes I don't know exactly where to go to in God's word other than but I know that it's good, and like you said, we have to remain steadfast in it. But if I can quickly put my phone on to some sort of worship song, I immediately start to gain perspective on who God is. And that's the most important thing aside, you know, all the distractions of what you may be walking through, all the little minute details of the situation that you're familiar with. If you could just turn your eyes and turn your heart and turn your everything to God, in praise and in worship. - [Aaron] Real quick, in praise and worship, I mean, what it's doing is meditating on what God says about us. - [Jennifer] Yeah. - [Aaron] And who he is. So it takes our eyes off of us and puts it on Him, with melodies and with songs and praise, so - [Jennifer] And God just must love it, like that's how He sees that we're trusting in Him. He sits there and He sees that we're crying out to Him, saying, "God, I don't know what to do, but I trust you, "and I'm gonna sing to you." It just must be so beautiful to Him. - [Aaron] Isn't there a story in X where, I think Paul is in prison, and they're singing hymns in the cell? - [Jennifer] Yeah. - [Aaron] That's a good beautiful picture of that. - [Jennifer] That is really cool. Being amidst the suffering. - [Aaron] Yeah, amidst a pit. You're in a pit and you're just singing praises to the Lord. - [Jennifer] So even in impossible situations, we can still use our whole self to worship God. In Psalm 100, I'm just gonna read the whole thing, cause it's only five verses but it says, "Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth. "Serve the Lord with gladness, "come into His presence with singing, "know that the Lord, He is God. "It is He who made us and we are His. "We are His people and the sheep of His pasture. "Enter His gates with thanksgiving "and His courts with praise, "give thanks to Him, bless His name, "for the Lord is good, His steadfast love endures forever "and His faithfulness to all generations." - [Aaron] And that's why we can praise Him and worship Him because He is faithful. - [Jennifer] He is good. - [Aaron] Yeah, the Bible tells us that when we are faithless, like when we cannot do it, He remains faithful because He cannot deny Himself. And that encourages my faith. Because He is so good and consistent and steadfast and perfect and knows all and He's capable. And I can trust him. - [Jennifer] Sometimes, you know, sometimes when I'm at the end of myself and I don't know what to do, sometimes I'll just sing a prayer. So instead of just praying, I'll seeing what I wanna pray and it's really, really encouraging. Little encouragement for you guys. Some other songs that have really just inspired and touched our hearts lately is, "There's Another In The Fire." I don't know - [Aaron] That was really good - [Jennifer] I don't know if these are the titles of the songs or not. I probably should have looked that up, but it says "There's Another In The Fire" standing next to me and it's just like reminding us that, He is with us. "Here again" Is really good. "Give me faith" Do you have any other that-- - [Aaron] Yeah, the Shane and Shane song, "Though You Slay Me." - [Jennifer] That one's really good too. - [Aaron] Which just talks about being just the lowest, but even there, I will sing your praise. Even there, I will worship your name. Another thing that's important for believers and we talked about, I think we talked about this the most out of anything, is, and when you're in trials, when you're in hardships and when in you're in good things, is being in the presence of the Body of Christ, being with other believers, not secluding, not retreating. - [Jennifer] That's what the flesh will tell you is good. The flesh will tell you, you just need to be by yourself right now. You just need to walk away from everything and everyone because it's hard, right? - [Aaron] Yeah, Romans 18:1 says I think it says, "A fool separates himself "and goes out against all sound judgment, right? This idea is like going to be alone, in the midst of something hard, is way more dangerous and foolish than being around people who can remind you of who you are. Remind you of the truth and the Word of God, remind you to sing-- - [Jennifer] Who God is. - [Aaron] Remind you who God is. To hold you when you feel like you're falling. - [Jennifer] To comfort you, to pray with you, to sing with you, to... - [Aaron] We are all members of one body. And that is exactly what the enemy wants, is separation. And saying, you know what? Go hide, that's way better for you. You won't have to be accountable to anyone, no one wants to know what's going on, just hide it. And sadly, this could be done while you're around people. So the idea is not just be in the presence of people, but you be present as well. Like, reveal, I'm broken, I have no idea how to get out of where I'm at. I have no idea how I got where I'm at. I need help and prayer and encouragement And just being more afraid of the darkness than the light. because that's what it is, when we are walking through these things, we wanna retreat into the darkness. Rather than being in the light. And so I would say run to the light, so that the darkness becomes light, so that everything is seen visible and becomes light as the Word tells us. - [Jennifer] Yeah, and a part of being in the presence of his people is remembering that there are other people suffering as well. So even amidst your own hardship and your own trial and your own suffering, there's other people who are also going through their own things and-- - [Aaron] And maybe heavier things or harder things. Which is perspective, right? - [Jennifer] Or maybe not, and that's okay too. My point is that it's so important for us as believers and as a part of one body, we lift each other up. And so it's this, it's saying, even though I'm going through something really hard right now, I see where you're at, and I'm gonna pray for you and I'm gonna encourage you and I'm gonna do everything that I would want, someone to do with me, because that is what the body is supposed to do. - [Aaron] Yeah isn't that talk about that, that we use it for marriage, the core to three strands. But the idea is a person walking alone falls and has no one to help them. Two people may even be stronger and can fight off, you know, a robber, right? But three people, like it just talks about the strength in numbers. It's wisdom, it's wise to walk with brothers and sisters and we're commanded to do it. We're to be with each other. And to not forsake the gathering of the fellowship as some have done in a rebellious manner. Like we were to come together. That doesn't mean maybe you have a day off. That doesn't mean surround yourself 24/7, it means, don't avoid it. Run to your brothers and sisters, that open up your heart, say, "This is where I'm at, This is how I'm thinking." And don't be afraid to be honest. - [Jennifer] Don't be afraid to cry in front of them. - [Aaron] Don't be afraid to say I'm struggling in my beliefs, my faith. - [Jennifer] Or I'm wrestling with some doubt. - [Aaron] Yeah. And let them preach to you. Let them encourage you, let them remind you of the truth. Because that's what loving people do. - [Jennifer] So good. Okay, so we've talked a lot about how we can respond as a couple to hardships when we face those things. You know, on a practical of super basic, practical encouragement would be, be there for your spouse. I mean, we have the ability to text one another, to talk to one another, to share scriptures with one another, to pray for one another. All these things that Aaron and I have been talking about, it's for each other. And don't forget that because when you're in marriage, there's something so powerful and so beautiful about the way that God's given you, someone to truly not, like you're not walking alone. They're going through it just as much as you are. And we can be there for each other to lift each other up. - [Aaron] And pretending the thing is not happening, won't help. So being aware, say, "Hey, okay, we're in this season, "let's be in open communication more than usual." - [Jennifer] Yeah, more than usual. Also giving each other, having patience for one another and giving each other grace in the wrestling because sometimes, if one of the, you know, spouse is being strong and confident in the Lord, but the other one's wrestling and unsure and unstable, it's so affirming for the stronger spouse to come alongside the other one and say, "It's okay, I'm here for you, "I'm praying for you." - [Aaron] We're in this together. - [Jennifer] Reminding them of Scripture. I can't tell you how much Aaron, you've encouraged me recently in doing that. - [Aaron] And you've done the same for me. I know it's been different levels, but like we have, we've been in this together. It's not just you and your thing, it's ours. - [Jennifer] Yeah. And we need to do that for each other. Okay, so now we're gonna move on to, okay, so when we respond to hardship, what can we hope for if we walk faithfully through them together? - [Aaron] Yeah, and what we've experienced, as we've been trying our earthly best to do these things, is we've experienced a lot more talking. - [Jennifer] Yeah, better communication. - [Aaron] We've been communicating a lot more with each other more than usual. Like when things are kind of just going, we kinda forget to talk sometimes. It's kinda life. - [Jennifer] Yeah. - [Aaron] But we've been talking a lot. We've been talking with the kids a lot. We've been talking with each other a lot. We've been talking with friends a lot. So a lot more openness and communication has been occurring. - [Jennifer] I'd say it makes us stronger as a married couple cause we look at the last trial and go, "Well, we already made it through that one "so we can make it through this one." - [Aaron] Or if we feel like we can't make it through this one and we remind each other like, "Well, we did make it through the last one, "so let's keep going." - [Jennifer] Yeah. - [Aaron] Let's not give up. - [Jennifer] Yeah. - [Aaron] It's made us appreciate each other a lot more. It's also, I just wanna say, it's made me appreciate God's word, and God and like, how I've been leaning on him so much. On this each other thing, I wanna just step back one thing, and you were talking about the grace for each other and being with each other. Remembering also that we are not each other's Savior. - [Jennifer] Yeah. - [Aaron] Remembering that we are both weak, and we are still in the flesh and we're not perfect, and that your spouse isn't the one that can ultimately fix all of the issues. Now, they may be the one responsible for it, and that means they could repent and they could work on it. But again, don't look to your spouse as the solution. Look to them as a partner in the problem. Like we're working together and look to God as the solution. And our faith in Him and His word, just as an encouragement of, because I can look at this and be like, "Jennifer, if you were just stronger, this would be easier." But that's not the reality, like the reality is, is we're gonna be weak. And you can look at me and say like, "If you would just do this, this and this." And there might be some truth in some of these things, but we are people and it's gonna be hard. And so we trust in the one who is perfect. We trust in the one who has saved us, the one who's building a kingdom, you know. So I just wanted to go back to that each other part. - [Jennifer] No, it's really good. I think it's important that we kind of sit here for a second cause I'm just thinking too when God allows us to go through hardship, we also have to remember that we have an enemy, and the enemy will try and use whatever he can to make us divisive against each other, to make us feel, - [Aaron] brothers and sisters in Christ. - [Jennifer] To make us feel apart, to make us feel against-- - [Aaron] Alone. - [Jennifer] Or alone, or that were each other's enemies. And I think that's across the board. It happens with every marriage that this comes, I kinda had this picture of, Aaron we we're both in our bedroom and you were over by the closet and I was trying to explain this to you, but it felt like if you can imagine tendons or sinews between us, being stretched out and pulled almost like there was grips on both of us just pulling us apart and the pain of, you can imagine of that happening in someone's body, but trying to separate us. So we always say in marriage, we're one. But in this picture, I saw us being ripped apart into two and I think that if we allow division, amidst hardship to take hold of us, that is what we will feel, that is the pain that we will experience. And I'm so glad that I was able to share that with you cause I was letting you know like what I was-- - [Aaron] And you communicated with me. - [Jennifer] Yeah. And I think when we recognize that happening in our marriage, it's also so important for us to come back and like remind each other that we're physically present. So me just putting my hand on your shoulder or you holding my hands during prayer, or-- - [Aaron] Which does not feel easy . - [Jennifer] It is not easy to be close and intimate and loving during a time that feels so burdensome and so hard, and yet it's the thing that we need to do. And so I hope that encourages someone listening right now. - [Aaron] another thing that we can hope for and realize in the middle of our trials and tribulations is, we can be humble by it. Because the Bible tells us that God brings low the proud, but he exalts the humble. And the Lord loves humbleness, right? A humble and a broken and contrite spirit, the Lord will not, you know, distain, he wants that in us, he wants humbleness. And so if we just look at hardship or people coming against us, or things that are hurtful or painful in our life as just, oh, I don't deserve any of this, I shouldn't have any of this or this is just against me and like I just want this out of my life so I can move on. Then we're being prideful, because to be honest, all of us are being sanctified. The Bible tells us that He disciplines those He loves. If we're his children, some things in our life, we have to kinda say, like, "Lord is this discipline? "Is there anything in me that you're trying "to draw out of me? "That you want to cut out of me?" Cause to be honest those are prayers that we ask, "Lord change me, make me more like you. "Is there anything in me that you need to take away?" And sometimes the only way that thing's gonna come out is through trial. Through tribulation, through hardship. - [Jennifer] Well, because we get pressed against and then what comes out of us, right? And so, yeah, I think that's really important to ask God, "What do you want us to learn from this?" - [Jennifer] Yeah, so don't just take every trial, every, you know, thing that comes against you as like, Oh, you know, this is external and has nothing to do with me and I don't deserve this but humbly ask the Lord, "What do you want me to learn here? "What is there in me that you want me to repent of? "Is there something in me that this is highlighting "that you want me to grow in?" - [Jennifer] It reminds me in the Psalms when David says, "Search me, search my heart Oh God," - [Aaron] "And see if there be any wicked way in me." Because that's the thing is we still have a fleshly nature, we still have wickedness inside of us that the Lord's drawing out of us. He's clearing the rooms, just like Jesus made a whip and went into the temple and flip tables and kicked, and He said, "This will be a house of prayer." We are his temple. So when we invite Jesus in, we might have some doors shut, and he wants to kick 'em in, and he wants to clear 'em out - [Jennifer] Gimme that. - [Aaron] And he wants it for himself. And so I think, in these trials and these seasons, we should say, "Okay Lord, I'm gonna get on my knees. "I'm gonna say, here I am. "What is there that I need to repent of? "What is there that you're showing me, "you want changed and me to mature in "and you want me to let go of and release?" We gotta be humble. And we can know that God's gonna do that. He wants us to be humble. We should want to be humble. Because I don't wanna be brought low and destroyed. And it says, "Pride comes before destruction." It even talks about how great that destruction will be if we remain in our pride. So I'd rather be humbled and be lowly in spirit and say, "Okay Lord, like I'm here for you. "I trust you, I believe in you, I love you. "I know you got, "you want me to learn grow and you wanna sanctify me." And He uses many different means to do that in our lives. And we should be okay with that. - [Jennifer] So, there's also some scriptures, we wanted to share with you guys of things that we can hope for, as we faithfully walk through hardships together. So we're just gonna kind of read 'em or if there's anything you wanna share about 'em Aaron you can. But, the first one is 1 Peter 5:10. And it says, "And after you have suffered a little while, "the God of all grace, "who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ "will himself restore, confirm, "strengthen and establish you." - [Aaron] Yeah. And what's good about that is we wanna look at that as like right now. Okay, I'm gonna suffer a little bit and he's gonna restore me confirming certain things. Sometimes that happens. - [Jennifer] Yeah, a little bit, like, just a little bit. - [Aaron] But-- - [Jennifer] But just a little bit. - [Aaron] This is an internal perspective, right? - [Jennifer] Sometimes the little bit, is a long time. - [Aaron] So yeah, there's another scripture that says, "I count my current sufferings as nothing to be compared "with the coming glory." I believe it's in Romans. And that's the idea it's like we have an eternal glory that we're waiting for. This earth, it's gonna be judged, it's gonna be burned with fire, like all the elements, like , like what we see now isn't our permanent home. We're ambassadors, we're temporary residents, waiting for our home with the Lord. So he may restore and confirm and strengthen currently, but really, eternally we are that. - [Jennifer] Like for sure - [Aaron] For sure. - [Jennifer] That's the hope. - [Aaron] Right, yeah, Romans 5:1-5 says, "Therefore since we have been justified by faith, "we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." There's that peace again. It's eternal peace, - [Jennifer] His peace. - [Aaron] It's His peace, and it's in Jesus. Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, there's that word endurance or steadfastness again. And endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. So right there we have this hope with that's in Jesus Christ we have His peace, faith, spirit, endurance, all these things are all wrapped up in our abiding in him. And it's amazing. - [Jennifer] Another good one from Romans is Romans 8:28. Before I read it, I just wanna encourage you guys to go back and read all of Romans 8, it's just good. - [Aaron] Yeah, all of Romans 8 is powerful. - [Jennifer] But, Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that for those who love God, "all things work together for good, "for those who are called according to His purpose." - [Aaron] And what's interesting is it says, "For good." Not for my good, but for the ultimate good of what God's doing. - [Jennifer] Whatever His purposes are, cause, you know, He's got it all intertwined with other people and, you know, he's got a purpose and a reason for all of it. - [Aaron] Yeah, and our current suffering could be for the sake of a lost soul. And I wouldn't want to... I wouldn't want to negate that ministry that God has in my life. We know people that go through much, much harder things than we've gone through. And they've praised God through every bit of it, and their heart has always been those that we come in contact with, because of this hardship, we pray that they come to know the Lord. And so that could be it, like the good like God's good. And He has a purpose in what's going on. - [Jennifer] Another one is James 1:12, it says, "Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial "for when he has stood the test he will receive "the crown of life which God has promised "to those who love Him." - [Aaron] Yeah I love God, right? And I wanna remain steadfast in His Word. Under trial and in good times. You know, so that's my heart. So we just wanna end with some more scripture, to encourage you all, times may be hard, times may be chaotic and crazy. We don't know what tomorrow brings, we can't control it. - [Jennifer] You guys may be facing hardship like currently right now, or you may face it in the future, but Christ says that we will face tribulation and every marriage is bound to. And you know what? Marriage itself is hard, walking with another human being is hard, and so our hope is just that this episode would remind you of God's truth and help you feel more prepared to go through those hard things, knowing what to do. - [Aaron] Yeah, and for the believer, that's what exactly is that word through. That's what it is, you're going through it. And Christ is going through it with you, like that song, There's Another In The Fire, standing next to me. There's another in the water holding back the sea. And that's what we're doing. So we wanna end on this bit of scripture in 1 Peter 4:12, it says, "Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial "when it comes upon you to test you. "As though something strange were happening to you. "But rejoice in so far as you share Christ's sufferings "that you may also rejoice and be glad "when his glory is revealed. "If you're insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, "because the spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. "But let none of you suffer as a murderer "or a thief or an evildoer or as a meddler. "Yet, if anyone suffers as a Christian, "let him not be ashamed, "but let him glorify God and that name. "For it is the time for judgment to begin "at the household of God. "And if it begins with us, "what will be the outcome for those "who do not obey the gospel? "And if the righteous is scarcely saved, "what will become of the ungodly and the sinner? "Therefore, let those who suffer according to God's will "entrust their souls to a faithful Creator "while doing good." So I just wanna encourage us with a Scripture is, if we're gonna suffer in trial or persecution or tribulation, let it be for Christ's sake. Not because we are fools, not because we are breaking the law and doing wicked things, let it be for Christ's sake, and that alone and it says we should rejoice in that, because we're participating in the suffering of Christ . And with the others around the world who are suffering for Christ's sake, we get to rejoice with them. And the most powerful part of this, is let those who suffer according to God's will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good. So we can continue doing good while suffering because we have a faithful Creator. He is faithful. And man, I can trust that, I can trust him. I may not be able to trust my heart, I may not able to trust my own good works, but I can trust Him. - [Jennifer] Well, we just hope that this encourages you guys today. If you know someone that is going through hardship right now, especially in marriage, would you just share this episode with them, so that they can also be encouraged by it? - [Aaron] Yeah. And if you know someone that is going through something, not only, I mean, you could send them this episode like Jennifer said, but be praying for them. Reach out to them. - [Jennifer] send them scriptures even-- - [Aaron] Let them know you're available, yeah. - [Jennifer] Just a text, yeah. - [Aaron] Yes, send them scriptures. Sorry, I cut you off, but, yes, be available, draw them into the light with you, say, "Hey, I'm here, like, don't do this alone." Like, let me walk with you. And be bold in that way, for the sake of your brother and sister in Christ. If you know someone that doesn't believe, reach out to them, and ask the Lord to give you an opportunity and the words to speak to present the gospel. - [Jennifer] To hope. - [Aaron] Yeah, hope. - [Jennifer] To present hope to them. - [Aaron] Yeah, cause there's a lot of people that are without hope right now. And more so than ever. - [Jennifer] I mean, we started off this episode by sharing just all the headlines in the last couple months of just how hard life is and I don't know if it's gonna lighten up, I don't know if it's gonna get worse, I don't know what's to come, but... - [Aaron] The Lord does. - [Jennifer] The Lord knows every detail. He knows every detail of every hardship that we're ever gonna face. And He asks us to walk faithfully through them. - [Aaron] So we love you all. And we just wanna remind you, abide in Christ, stand firm in His Word, because it's the only thing solid in this world. It is solid, it's everlasting, it's forever, it's living. And it contains the words of life, I think about Peter, Jesus turned to all of His disciples, and many of them left Him cause He said some hard things. And He turned to the 12, and He said, "Are you also gonna leave?" And Peter said, "Where am I gonna go?" You have the words of life, right? And that's how I feel. I may not know what I'm doing, but I know I'm not leaving, because he has the words of life. And so dig in, dig into the Word of God. Don't neglect it. Feed on it, it is our sustenance. It's our life, it's our water, it's our food, it's everything. So as usual, we end in prayer, and so would you pray with us? - [Jennifer] Dear Lord, going through hardship and trials is painful on so many levels. It's complicated, and yet you know, every detail of every one of our situations and you know the outcome. We pray that your will is done. Even though we would rather not experience challenges in this life, we know we will. We pray we would be faithful as we go through them. We pray we would remain steadfast in your word and worship you. Help us to be strong and to be courageous. Help us to remind each other to look to you and to trust in you. May your purpose and may your will be done in these hardships. May these refine us and draw us closer to you, in Jesus name, Amen. - [Aaron] Amen. We love you all. And we pray that this blessed you and yeah, see you next week. Did you enjoy today's show? If you did, it would mean the world to us if you could leave us a review on iTunes. Also, if you're interested, you can find many more encouraging stories and resources at marriageaftergod.com and let us help you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. Connect With UsInstagram | @marriageaftergodInstagram | @unveiledwifeInstagram | @husbandrevolutionCheck out our marriage resources!SponsorsGet our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage!

We start season 4 off by sharing the story of our first home birth. READ TRANSCRIPT[Aaron] Hey, we're Aaron and Jennifer Smith with Marriage After God.[Jennifer] Helping you cultivate an extraordinary marriage.[Aaron] And today we're gonna share our first home birth story. Welcome to the marriage after God podcast where we believe that marriage was meant for more than just happily ever after.[Jennifer] I am Jennifer, also known as unveiled wife.[Aaron] And I'm Aaron, also known as husband evolution.[Jennifer] We have been married for over 13 years.[Aaron] And so far we have five children under eight.[Jennifer] We have been doing marriage ministry online for over nine years through blogging, social media and writing over 10 books.[Aaron] With a desire to inspire couples to keep God at the center of their marriage, encouraging them to walk in faith every day.[Jennifer] We believe that Christian marriage should be an extraordinary one full of life...[Aaron] Love.[Jennifer] And power-[Aaron] That can only be found by chasing after God.[Jennifer] Together.[Aaron] Thank you for joining us in this journey as we chase boldly after God's will for our life together.[Jennifer] This is marriage after God.[Aaron] Hey everyone, welcome back to Marriage After God.[Jennifer] Season four.[Aaron] We're on season four. Yeah, this is crazy.[Jennifer] Awesome.[Aaron] We've had a lot of episodes, but we're back for season four. So if you're tuning in, welcome. If this is your first time, we're so glad that you're here. Listening to the Marriage After God podcasts. We pray that it's an encouragement to you and a blessing, but if you've been listening for a long time, welcome back. We're so excited to have you here.[Jennifer] Hi everyone.[Aaron] Yeah, and we're recording this in our garage as usual and it's still locked down season. And I know that a little interesting for everyone. It's interesting for us. Jennifer, have you had any thoughts about the season we're in with lockdown COVID-19 pandemic, unprecedented times.[Jennifer] Yeah, I mean, I've had some thoughts about it. I think what's been really a blessing is that we've been in postpartum season, so we had our baby and so we would have been kind of having a low key life anyways right now. Just with me resting, nursing is always usually an issue with our kids. Baby Edith had a tongue tie like several other of our children. And so the first couple of weeks was just basically me and her figuring that out. And so-[Aaron] I do feel like though we started self quarantine earlier because we were leading up to having the baby and then all of this stuff happened right around the same time as having the baby.[Jennifer] Yeah. I would say this we had a really good distraction from what was happening in the world. And so now we're kind of like coming up out of that we just hit the six week mark after having the baby. And I think the most important thing has been for me has been to communicate with you in navigating this pandemic and what the world looks like these days. And it gives me peace, being able to talk to you. It gives me a bit of relief and just knowing that I can share my thoughts, my concerns, whatever that I'm going through with you. What would you say?[Aaron] Well, same. We've been having a lot of conversations about it. We've also had a lovely conversation with our kids. It's kind of hard to like hide it from them cause why can't we hang out with our friends? Why can't we go out? And we're like, "Well, there's a lot of things going on the world." which is going on.[Jennifer] And as an encouragement to parents, I think it's so important that we really understand that our kids lean on us for security and support, especially in times like these. So when they have these big questions, we should be answering them. If they see us being able to have peace and hope and joy amidst the chaos it will give them guidance on how they can respond in times like these. if they sense in us fear and anxiety over the situation, then that could also influence them. So I think as parents, I think it's really cool to see that God has given us an opportunity with our kids to help them navigate this whole thing. And I think it's good for us to engage in conversation with them. It doesn't mean we have to explain everything, especially we can keep it age appropriate. But just being able to willing to have conversations with them.[Aaron] Well, and also being honest with them and letting them know that sometimes we don't have the answers. Like we don't know the appropriate way to respond to all this. We don't know exactly how this is going to turn out. We don't know... Like we just, there's a lot of answers we don't have.[Jennifer] And then we tell them, but our trust and our hope is in God. And so it's another opportunity to point them back to God and encourage their hearts to be able to trust God and I don't know, just to be able to move forward still in life and know that he has us.[Aaron] Yeah, and it's also been good to, I feel like in America we have a lot of comforts and this has shown us how dependent we might be on some comforts. And also brought us to a point that one of the other benefits to this is reminding us of our need for Christ, our need for his peace, his satisfaction, being satisfied in him alone. So one thing we've been trying to encourage our children, whether we catch it or not, whether we are always healthy, we don't know how this is going to turn out. We encourage them to know that God is good. God has us, he knows his plans for us and that we can't control all of those things, but what we can do is look to God who's in control.[Jennifer] Yeah, Aaron, you brought up comforts and especially living here in America. However this whole thing has also allowed us to see how people might be struggling. So you use the word comfort, but I also want to just mention that there's a lot people who've been greatly impacted by this whole thing in a negative way in a lot of different ways. So, I dunno if you want to speak to that.[Aaron] Well, yeah, we know that there's millions and millions of people that have lost their jobs. Some might not get them back. And so our hearts break for that situation. And we know that there's people that are sick. We know that there's people that are, that have other issues going on, that are not COVID-19 related and are having a hard time dealing with that. There's mental issues, there's abuse, there's a lot of things going on in this world that are being exasperated by this situation. And so-[Jennifer] As Christians, I think that we need to remember all of that especially if maybe we're in a different situation, but no matter what our hearts should be to be in prayer for everyone who's been impacted by it.[Aaron] And also been asking the Lord how we can be used.[Jennifer] Yeah, cause we're his body.[Aaron] We might know someone that needs some love, some reaching out, some help. And so we should be aware of that and ready for that. And we should be praying for each other. Praying for those that are going through hard situations and our prayers should not just be, "God, make their situation better."[Jennifer] Or even, "God let us go just back to normal."[Aaron] Right, because that's a thing that I have is like, "Hey, can we just go back to normal?" Our kids keep praying like God make this go away. They miss normalcy. But our prayer should be that hearts are softened. Hearts are turned towards the Lord, that people are brought back to the Lord, that people that don't know the Lord and find him, that families are healed and mended, that like these deeper things. That even if the body is broken, the spirit can be made whole. And so, yes, we should be praying for healing. Yes, it's good to pray for being taken care of financially and being taken care of in these ways. But right now, this is the time when man, the spirit of God catches hold of people. And so we should be praying that hearts are ready to receive. Hearts are open to hear the word of God are being watered and seeds are being planted. And that's, I mean, I don't know, more than anything. I want people to be saved in this time for eternity, not just for the season. So do you have any last thoughts on, I mean there's gonna be lots of thoughts.[Jennifer] I know we could probably do a whole episode on it. Two things. The first thing I was just thinking, if people are listening to this episode in the future. So like going-Yeah, after the-[Jennifer] After the fact, after all this has kind of settled down a bit. I just wonder what their thoughts would be just being reminded of this time. And then my other thought was just an encouragement and it's just for husbands and wives, it's an encouragement to be communicating with each other because no matter what your situation looks like right now you have someone right next to you who's going through it with you. And sometimes, I don't know those listening are like me, but sometimes I get caught up in my head where I'm having conversations in my head, even with you Aaron, and I'm like answering for you. But, then I realized I haven't actually talked to you in a couple of days about how I'm feeling or about what I'm thinking. So my encouragement is, especially in times like these that we are open and transparent and vulnerable specifically with each other.[Aaron] Yeah, I was also thinking, we are friends and families. Not being afraid to just come straight out and say, "Hey, how are you dealing with all this? "Hey, how's your heart? "Are you going through any sort of depression? "Is there any fears that you're like-[Jennifer] Yeah, are you okey?[Aaron] "that are just getting inside your heart." And just asking so that they can be maybe brought out of that darkness, maybe brought out of their shell and not be afraid to ask those questions. Cause I would imagine there's a lot of people dealing with hidden fears and anxieties right now.[Jennifer] And it's okay if you don't know how to answer them. It's okay if the greatest thing you can even say is I'm going to be praying for you or just stop and pray for them right then and there. But I think it was important that we just spend a little bit of time on that since this is such a huge thing going on in our lives right now. And our hearts go out to everyone. And we know this is just crazy, but God is good, like you said.[Aaron] And God's not surprised by any of this stuff. I just wanted to bring up a verse. James 1:12 says, Blessed is the the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Over and over again the New Testament speaks of steadfastness and continuing on and standing strong and standing firm. And I just want to encourage everyone, you believers out there, that we need to stand strong in the word of God and we need to remember who's got us, whose hand upholds us, who guides our steps and makes our paths and brings light into our life and it's God. And so we need to put our strength, our hope and strengths in him because they're not, and our hopes are not in the government. They're not in a vaccine, they're not in treatments, they're not in the, it just going away or those things are going to come and things happen, but we can't control any of this stuff. We just can't. And if we put our hope in those things that our hope is gonna fail. So let's put our hope in the only thing that's consistent, the only one that is a firm foundation and it's God and his word. And let's look to him for wisdom and guidance on how as believers we are to approach this thing that was going on. Cause he's the only, James also says, "If you lack wisdom, ask. "And we will be given wisdom as long as we do not doubt." And so let's ask him for wisdom. I need wisdom. We've been talking a lot about this man. Like how do we deal with all of these things? And we're definitely don't deal with it in fear, but we don't deal with it on our own strengths, our own wisdom. We lean not on our own understanding, but on every word, on God's wisdom. So that's what I just want to encourage everyone with is remain steadfast in these trials. And let's look to God for answers and our hope and for our courage and our wisdom.[Jennifer] And our peace.[Aaron] Oh, most importantly, our peace. So, that was just a bit of a encouraging word for everyone. We need it ourselves. I mean, he reminded ourselves, but I just want to invite everyone to, if you have children or if you're thinking about having children or if you're pregnant, we have something that we've created for you. It's a free resource and it's called the parenting prayer challenge. You can go to parentingprayerchallenge.com all one word and it's completely free to sign up and we will send you over the next 31 days, email with something to pray for and a reminder to pray for it. And it's pretty awesome. We've had almost a thousand people sign up for it and we would love for you to take advantage of it. We created it just for you. And man, it's an awesome thing and it reminds us as parents to pray for our children and there's awesome prompts in there to pray for all these different areas of your child's life. So yeah, we just, it's parentingprayerchallenge.com it's totally free and become part of the people that are going through that challenge.[Jennifer] All right, so today's topic is our first home birth story. No, it's not our first birth story. Obviously if you've followed us for any amount of time, this was baby number five. And, it's just kind of an interesting story and we're excited to share it with you guys.[Aaron] What's more interesting is that we actually fit every one of our kids and us inside of our explorer.[Jennifer] It's tightly, but it's good.[Aaron] It's tight. But that was just a fun little adventure that we figured out.[Jennifer] Aaron was surprised by that.[Aaron] I was a little surprised. They would fit without car seats. But the trick is as we have five car seats. We have actually we have-Four cars seats.[Aaron] four cars and two boosters or is it three car seats, two boosters.[Jennifer] Right.[Aaron] And just the way it's all arranged, we barely fit. It will be a lot better when some of them are out of their boosters. That'll make a big difference, but-[Jennifer] That's okay. Thanks for sharing. so the first four births were done in the hospital and we were happy with those experiences and we had the same, what's it called? It's not a goal. Same birth plan.[Aaron] Our plan was, we'd love to having children in the hospital, actually really love our local hospital here.[Jennifer] And food is so good.[Aaron] The rooms are just really nice and quite.[Jennifer] The people are so nice.[Aaron] It's been good. So we're not opposed to hospital births by any means.[Jennifer] No, we had that plan held in our hands. My whole pregnancy really, and the word changed that at the finish line.[Aaron] Pretty much, yeah.[Jennifer] And so it was our first home birth and I got gotta be honest, I was nervous. Even in the past I've been nervous to even consider a home birth, even though I know people and I've followed people online that have had them.[Aaron] And even though your pregnancies and labors have all been considerably like easy, not easy and-Easy is a funny word-[Aaron] It's safe, I should say.[Jennifer] Yes. Not emergency or anything.[Aaron] Nothing, you haven't had any big emergencies. It's like it just, it goes as planned usually.[Jennifer] Yeah. So anyways, I don't know. We just, we held our birth plan loosely as we believe people should and we submit it to the Lord. And really the last trimester is when all of the world started falling apart with the pandemic. And even more so in the last few weeks of my pregnancy. Protocols at the hospital started changing.[Aaron] They started limiting the number of people that could be in the rooms.[Jennifer] We started seeing a lot more articles online being shown stories of that happening. And I came home from one of my last appointments and I was sharing with Aaron these changes that had just been made and we were about to have our baby and I, there was a part of me that just was wondering what is the hospital experience going to be like? And we're just sharing some of our thoughts with each other.[Aaron] And we also, because a big part of this conversation is what was going on in the world. It wasn't just like whether or not we wanted to have a home birth. It was what is our, what does this situation look like for us amidst all of like the virus that's going around. And so we were discussing this and I just wanted to let everyone know that our number one discussion was, are we afraid? Are we gonna be in fear? Are we gonna make decisions or are we gonna be going into this with any anxieties? Because those are realities like, "Oh my gosh, we got to go to like the hospital, "which is where everyone goes that has, "that gets the virus." So that was a part of this conversation was. We are not going to be afraid regardless. Like whether we are going to be exposed or not. We want to have no fear. We want to trust the Lord because he does know what's going on, so.[Jennifer] Totally. Yeah, and also so everyone knows Aaron has been an advocate for home birth for several of my pregnancies. You would ask me like, "Hey, are you interested this time?"[Aaron] I've been pushing for a while.[Jennifer] But you've always been supportive too of what we've decided together. And so, when I came home from that appointment, I shared everything with you. And you suggested it again. You're like, "What about a home birth?" And I'm like, I kind of laughed about it. I was like, no, no, no, no. Like if I'm too far in my pregnancy that's crazy talk, I would have to adjust mentally and it just seems-[Aaron] And I would even be able to get a midwife. How is this gonna work?[Jennifer] It seemed impossible. And you were so hopeful and you're like, "Why don't you just call them and just see what's going on? "Cause maybe they've talked to other people about this." And so I made the phone call and no one answered. And I said, "See, okay, so we're not doing that."[Aaron] Did you leave a message?[Jennifer] Yeah. So by the end of that day, I had been praying and it had been on my heart just to consider both a hospital birth or a home birth. And the Lord gave me so much peace and I was okay with either one.[Aaron] And the same, yeah.[Jennifer] So when I said earlier about having an open hand, having my birth plan and an open hand and open heart, it was this piece that I had that was like, no matter what happens or how I give birth, it's the Lord.[Aaron] I actually remember, I think it was a, I don't know the exact date, but it was about a week before this. You posted a picture of the kids or something on Instagram and you wrote this beautiful thing saying, "Hey, here's my birth plan. "We want to do this." And you said, "but open-handed of course."[Jennifer] Yeah, it was an infant story and it was right at the bottom.[Aaron] And I said, but open-handed of course. And you had this whole idea. And it was before everything started getting really crazy. News-wise, but I remember you got someone messaged you and said, "Please don't have it at the hospital." Cause they were so concerned that's where you shouldn't be. And there were, it was so loving and so concerned. And we saw that and we're like, huh. But we didn't like talk about it.[Jennifer] I didn't think about it.[Aaron] But looking back on it, I was like, "Oh, that was kinda cool. "It was like open handed." Someone was like encouraging you in that direction, but.[Jennifer] So anyways, we were praying about it, but we hadn't heard back from the midwife and until the next morning. Give me some questions and I think they were just being really nice given the situation of what was happening in our world and our state. But because I had established care throughout my pregnancy, I didn't have any-[Aaron] There was no flags.[Jennifer] There was, yeah, there was no red flags, there was no problems or issues that I had throughout my pregnancy. My past pregnancies have been healthy and my labors have been fine and I haven't needed interventions or anything like that. And so they said yes and they were willing to meet with me that day.[Aaron] Which is they never do.[Jennifer] I just felt-[Aaron] They were willing to do this in this season for you.[Jennifer] Yeah. It just felt like an impossible situation that God just said, "Here, this is what I want you to walk through." And I got off the phone almost in tears because I then I had to tell Aaron that it was a go and I was, I was like, okay but like, yeah, this is, I didn't know, I was speechless really. I don't know how to explain that.[Aaron] Did you want not to tell me?[Jennifer] No, no, no, no, but I, and there was a part of me that was really excited, like I have never done a home birth before. Like how cool that I get to do this now. And then my next immediate thought was, "Oh my gosh, are we prepared for this?" Because I didn't know. I hadn't been researching about what to have for a home birth. So that, the next thing-[Aaron] I know is a little weird to think about. Like, what am I supposed... Am I supposed to have anything?[Jennifer] Yeah. So the other cool thing is that we didn't really need much. I felt like what I had like in my hospital bag and things at home already we were prepared for. There's just a couple of other things that you went out to get like an extra set of sheets and I don't remember.[Aaron] Some pillows and something like that.[Jennifer] I don't remember.[Aaron] The midwife give you a list of things. We had like 90% of the things on the list already.[Jennifer] Yeah. And they provided-[Aaron] There was only a few things I had to get. So that was pretty cool.[Jennifer] Then I had to wrap my head around it mentally and that just took prayer and me so many into God and saying, okay Lord, help me transition.[Aaron] Yeah, I think you mentioned a little bit ago that I've tried, I've been a proponent for home births and you said you don't know and I was okay with you doing hospital births, but I remember you saying like, "I'll do it when I have to."[Jennifer] Yeah like if something's gonna push me to do it, then I will. Like I'm not opposed to it. I just, I'm not ready for that yet.[Aaron] And I was like, "Maybe this is the thing making you have to," but it was perfect cause it was what you had committed to in your heart was like, "Well, when I have to, I will." And this was kind of one of those situations where I was like, we didn't have to, it would probably would have been totally fine, but we had the opportunity.[Jennifer] Well that's the thing is at the end of that day, I just knew I had peace that, or I'm sorry that the day before I knew that God would help us through no matter what we chose, whether it was home birth or hospital. And I had so much peace about it and I think that's why getting off the phone with the midwife, I was excited and okay and yet nervous about it.[Aaron] Of course yeah.[Jennifer] It was so neat that God provided a way for that. And so we started preparing for that. We started telling the kids we were cleaning the house, we were making a way for that to take place. And it was just a really exciting time for our family. A very short time.[Aaron] Yeah. Though the week prior, I was on maybe five days before we had the baby, I took the, we do have a chalkboard in our kitchen I did a little game with the kids and I said, I want, so who, what day do you think mom is gonna have the baby? And we started doing this voting and I would put down like, do you think it's going to be Monday? And it was like, leading up to the due date. And so everyone put their little dates down, even Truett voted. And I'm just bringing this up because me and Elliot were right. And so, we actually voted for the due date, which was the 20th.[Jennifer] I actually remember coming out and you explaining this whole thing to me and Elliot looking up at me going, "Mom, the reason I chose your due date is because 'you haven't had a baby on your due date yet." And he just thought that would be so cool.[Aaron] Yeah, and that's why we actually voted that because I feel like all the babies have been either right before or right after and it wasn't like way after.[Jennifer] Yeah, well Elliot, our first and Truett our fourth, were both due, were both born a day before their due date. Olive was three days past. And Wyatt was eight days past.[Aaron] Yeah, he was a big baby. But so we voted for the 20th, which is pretty cool because you were having like on the 19th, I remember you were kind of having some contractions but it didn't like go anywhere. And then the 20th, when did they start?[Jennifer] So I didn't have any, like I wasn't feeling any contractions the day before, but I just felt like it was going to happen soon. Like I could just tell my body was getting ready. But contractions started at about 1:30 in the morning, on her due date.[Aaron] Oh, that's what that, okay. It was 1:30 in the morning. That when it was.[Jennifer] Yeah. And they started and they were pretty close together. I mean seven, eight minutes apart, pretty consistently for a few hours. And then we got disrupted. Truett woke up, which he never does with a huge explosion, poop explosion. I'm trying to keep it clean here.[Aaron] It was horrible. It was all over his bed. It was all over him.[Jennifer] I've never had an experience like with having five kids now, I've never had an experience like this. So to be contracting and have that, I'm like, wait a minute.[Aaron] What time was that?[Jennifer] It was like five o'clock in the morning.[Aaron] It was early. So I'm up, like we're putting him in the bath and there's like poop everywhere. It was like, so gross.[Jennifer] So I told Aaron, you go lay in bed with him and since I'm up anyways, I'll do the laundry and-[Aaron] We couldn't put him back in his bed. It was like a war zone.[Jennifer] It was crazy. So now that you guys are all grossed out, I know. I feel like that just distracted my mind and body or maybe that's just the way it was supposed to be. But contractions kind of slowed down and were more sporadic. So it was like 11 to 15 minutes apart for a long time. I mean hours and I have a cute story, another cute story about Truett. This one's cleaner. About 10 o'clock in the morning I came out of the bedroom and Aaron had been hanging out with the kids and you left to go to the bathroom or something. And I started contracting. I had a big contraction and so I threw two pillows down on the living room floor and I was kneeling in front of them because I was gonna kind of try and either lay down or hold them. And Truett comes up and lays down on the pillows looking up at me and I'm just like on my hands and knees looking down at him. But I'm like trying to breathe through this contraction and he's just smiling. It was like a little redemptive moment for us, but it was sweet. So I labored all day at home. And one cool thing that I wanted to share with you guys is, the night before I went into labor, I was doing a little bit of research and just reading people's home birth stories that they've shared on their blogs. And I can't remember exactly who's I read, but she said this, she said, "Through every contraction "I used the opportunity to pray for someone else. "My husband, my children, friends." And I remembered that as soon as I started contracting and I said, "Oh, I'm gonna do that." I was determined. I was like committed to it, to this idea of prayer throughout each contraction. And it was such a beautiful experience. You guys, every time a contraction came, I would quickly think of someone who I would want to pray for my family, friends, really random things that, I kinda just like allowed the Lord to bring to my mind in that moment, whatever he wanted me to pray for. And so I would pray from the beginning of the contraction, throughout to the end. And not only was it a good distraction from the pain, but what a cool experience to use that opportunity to draw closer to the Lord and to lift up others. Like it was just, I recommend that for anyone going through labor. It was so beautiful.[Aaron] Yeah, it was actually beautiful to watch because you told me you're like, I'm using contractions to pray. And I was like, "Oh, that's awesome."[Jennifer] Yeah. What was actually even crazier was there was this one contraction that I was determined to pray for kids who during specifically this pandemic and stay having stay at home orders who have experienced abuse at home. And I had seen something on social media, maybe Facebook about this. And I hadn't thought about it before then. And so it stood out to me. And so, the contraction started and I started praying for these kids who are at home and possibly experiencing abuse. And as I was praying, you guys, the contractions started building up and becoming more intense and more painful. And it hadn't been like this in all the other contractions and it lasted the longest. And I just kept praying for these children. And by the end of it, I remember telling you, Aaron, that I felt like the Lord was showing me like almost like in relation to their pain, how bad my contraction was. It was kind of really interesting, but my heart just broke for that.[Aaron] Yeah, I think I remember you were crying a little bit in that one.[Jennifer] So, anyways, if you guys are pregnant or if you are gonna have a baby and you're thinking about contracting. I don't know, just remember this, pray, use that time to pray for other people. It's really cool.[Aaron] It's a similar experience to fasting. Like the point of fasting is when the hunger pains come on. When your flesh wants to be fed or to be consoled, we pray. It's the trigger point to pray. I wanted to just bring up a verse real quick, just talking about this whole experience because we have so many plans in life, we have this, we set in our mind how we want something to happen, how we want something to go. I mean, I don't think it was in anyone's mind that the world was going to change the way it's changing, but guess what? It changed. And things are changing every day. And, Proverbs 19:21 says, Many are the plans in the mind of a man but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. And so it's awesome. I mean, in this situation, we got circular, whatever your purposes, we want that to stand. We'd get, of course we have plans. We're going to make plans, there's many of them. But are we gonna be irritated when our plans get foiled? When our plans don't come true and we get blinded to see like, well, what is God doing? Like, God apparently wants something else to be happening right now. That's contrary to my own plans. And so when we can say, "Okay, Lord, like yes, we've made plans, "but what we want more is your purposes to be, to stand."[Jennifer] That's really good.[Aaron] So that's kind of what we saw happening here. And there's other things that God had in store for this, but I just wanted to point everyone back to God's purposes.[Jennifer] Awesome. So as my contractions progressed, they got a little bit closer together and, but nothing really was like showing us that delivery was soon. So this was probably around nap time. So I remember Aaron coming in the bedroom after he laid the kids down and, you just started praying for me and you weren't telling God what to do because we don't do that. But you were like, let's get the show on the road. I want to meet my daughter. And you were really excited for things too.[Aaron] Well, I remember you told me, like, you're not, you don't know why it's slowed down. You're like, I feel like we were getting somewhere. Cause we were, it was getting, they were getting closer and closer and closer and consistent. And then it was like, they just totally like tapered off and slowed down. They were still there, but, and you were just like, I don't know. And I was like, "Well, let's pray about it."[Jennifer] Yeah, and it was kind of a sporadic day, like a very, like when I think about my other four and I even told the midwives this, when I first met them that with my other four kids, once contraction started, they would-They don't stop.[ Jennifer] they don't stop and they just keep going. And then I have the baby and they're generally short labors and this was not like that. This was just different and-[Aaron] Maybe being home made you much more relaxed.[Jennifer] I don't know. I don't know what it was, but I do think this, something that was on my mind. And I remember sharing this with you after you prayed for me, was that I love end times, when we think about Christ return and all of that, and there's a verse, people probably know what I'm referring to, but it's in Matthew 24. And one of the disciples asked when the end of the age is going to come and Jesus goes off explaining the Wars and rumors of Wars and famines and all these things that are hard. And then at the very end, he said, all of these are, but the beginning of the birth pains. So they're like contractions and-[Aaron] He points out the world chaos as contractions, just like in labor.[Jennifer] Yeah, until the delivery of our King.[Aaron] Which showed off light and distant and they get more and more aggressive and closer together.[Jennifer] But sometimes they also slow down. It's kind of like, we get these moments of peace and everything's great. And everything in the world seems to be going fine. And then you get this really big contraction or you get this really painful one, or you get this really long one. And you're like, "Wow, this is not stopping." And so I felt like the Lord kind of gave me this picture with what I was physically and experiencing and enduring, with how sporadic the day was with my contractions and showing him a picture of the world and saying, sometimes it feels like you're about to have that baby. And then it slows down and stops. And there's this rest period.[Aaron] Well, and I wanna expound on that encouragement a little bit, because I think as the church at large, would it be valuable for us to continue to remember that we do have? The Lord is returning. And the things that he's shown us in scripture, like what we see going on in the world, the Wars, the rumors of Wars, the pestilence, the massive earthquakes, the volcanoes, all these things, like everything. Like the chaos in the world, there birth pains. And so it could look scary, but for the believer for the one who has our faith in Christ.[Jennifer] We know it's to come.[Aaron] There's something good coming on the other end. The Bible says, that in birth, the woman is in pain, but once the baby comes, she's forgotten the pain. And the point is of course you don't forget the pain, but the thing that you've been waiting for and going through the pain for is now here.[Jennifer] I think there's a version of the Bible that says that she's in anguish. Is not even just pain. It's like emotional and physical and it's draining.[Aaron] So church believers, we can look at the world and these things that we see going on the world shouldn't cause fear in us, it should bring us hope. And that's what even Jesus has. He says, I tell you these things that you might have hope because when we see these things, as the believer, we know what they mean. Just like when I see my wife going into contractions, I don't think, what's happening? I think, "Oh man, the more painful "and the more close these get together, "the sooner I'm gonna meet my daughter." And so even though it's painful and it's a struggle and it's a trial, it's temporary. And we even know that Paul says, "I know that our current struggles "are nothing to be compared with the coming glory." So I just want to encourage you believers out there that, the Bible, Jesus and the Bible gives us this idea of birth pains for a reason, because the example we get in birth of the contraction starting far apart, we get to look at the things going on the world and say, wow, the more that we see these, the closer they get together, it should turn our eyes up to look for our savior.[Jennifer] Yup. That's good. So, I feel like right after you prayed over me during that nap time, the Lord must have heard because things started picking up-[Aaron] Pretty quick.[Jennifer] pretty quickly. The contractions started getting closer together, more painful and just really the signs of labor were just all converging. And what was really cool was Olive's home. And so she got to participate. I remember so many times-[Aaron] Another benefit of having the baby at home.[Jennifer] Yeah, our four year old little daughter, almost five, was so thrilled to be able to participate in it. And she would, I would be on that big, the big bouncing ball, through contractions and she'd be sitting in front of me on my bed and she'd reach out and put her hand on my leg and encourage me. She'd rub my arms.[Aaron] Shoulders.[Jennifer] She'd look up at me and she go, "Mom, you can do this." Or she'd caught pretty much copy Aaron, anything that Aaron did, she'd do five minutes later. So she'd say, mom, she'd see a contraction coming. She goes, "Mom, just breathe." And then she breath with me-[Aaron] Yeah cause I kept reminding you like breathe, open your mouth.[Jennifer] Yeah, so that was really sweet. There was a handful of time. She prayed for me.[Aaron] What was that thing she told you? There was a moment as you got closer and you were just like, I think you said, I can't do this. Or I don't think I could do this. That's what it was. I don't think I could do this. What did she say?[Jennifer] She said, "You could do it, mom." I don't remember.[Aaron] It was really powerful. She was like, "You can do it mom. "And actually you have to do it the baby is coming."[Jennifer] Yeah. She's serious.[Aaron] She was good.[Jennifer] She's so funny, but such an encourager. And actually now she would love to be a midwife when she grows up after realizing what they do, handling mamas and babies all day.[Aaron] She wasn't freaked out by any of it.[Jennifer] No, she was such so strong. So yeah, things started picking up and I knew I was getting closer. So we called the midwife to come check on us and my friend Angie, who was going to be present at the birth. And another thing that I wanted to share with you guys is one of my desires from the beginning of this pregnancy was-[Aaron] Plans.[Jennifer] I mean, yeah. Was to praise my baby out. And I know it sounds kind of weird, but I've heard other phrases of like breathing the baby out or just letting your body kind of push the baby out. But my heart was that I would worship God throughout the whole experience. And I wanted to be like highly aware that I was able to do this during labor and delivery. And not only did Olive remind me to be singing very loudly because she was doing that. We had a specific playlist that we were playing and the songs like Waymaker and I Will Wait For You by Shane and Shane, like just some really great songs.[Aaron] Did you have in Christ alone in there?[Jennifer] In Christ alone, it was my Anthem throughout pregnancy. I just, I played that song every day. I just, I love that song and it was actually the song she was born too, which is really cool.[Aaron] It came on, and then-[Jennifer] She came.she came.[Jennifer] It was so cool you guys. And also Angie, cause I have a really close relationship with her. She knew this was a desire of mine. And towards the end specifically, I remember hearing her voice saying, "Jen remember to praise," like remember to sing, remember to worship and as hard as it was because I was giving birth and it's hard to even breathe at that time to be able to sing. It was like, my flesh was like, I don't want to do that right now. And then I heard the words of the song playing and I would just jump in and start singing. It was such a cool experience.[Aaron] I think you were singing it while you were pushing her out. Like it was that-[Jennifer] I was saying, "God you're good, " I feel so good."[Aaron] Yeah, it was pretty powerful and what's awesome is, another one of your plans and your heart's desire was to be like ministering and you wanted your labor to be a witness and a blessing to the nurses at the hospital.[Jennifer] I was just gonna say to the nurses at the hospital, it was one of my prayers throughout the pregnancy. I was praying for their hearts. I was praying for whoever was present at the birth to see God in it, whether it was in our relationship and the way we were interacting or in the actual birth. But my heart was that God would use this labor and delivery in a purposeful way in the hearts of those who were experiencing it alongside me, but what I didn't know was, I had been praying for the nurses and doctors. And then at the last minute we changed to a home birth.[Aaron] But God knew.[Jennifer] But God knew who was going to be there.[Aaron] And I remember that, I mean, you're singing worship songs. You're like are just the way we were interacting was really peaceful, really strong, really calm. And with our daughter there and just, I feel like the whole experience was very worshipful. It was really peaceful, really cool. And I know that it impacted the midwives that were there.[Jennifer] I hope so.[Aaron] First of all, they were awesome.[Jennifer] They were amazing.[Aaron] Really quiet, really calm like just really in control.[Jennifer] But also attentative.[Aaron] And attentative, yeah. And I remember afterwards, one of the midwives was saying, what did she say? We are truly honored to be a part of this. It almost looked like she's gonna cry. I don't know if she was or not, but it looked like they were truly like blessed if anything, by your labor, babe, like you did such a good job.[Jennifer] I praise God.[Aaron] Yeah it was awesome.[Jennifer] So little Edith joined us at five on the dot.[Aaron] Five o'clock yeah.[Jennifer] 5:00 PM on her due date with bright copper red hair. It's so beautiful.[Aaron] Yeah, we're praying really hard right now. And if you want to pray with us that she keeps that hair.[Jennifer] Oh, it's okay. It's just, all of our kids are blonde, so I'm assuming it'll change, but it's such a sweet color, especially in the side.[Aaron] Olive came out with really dark hair.[Jennifer] Yeah, it wasn't as red, but it was-[Aaron] It wasn't as red, Wyatt came out with like a-[Jennifer] Well, he was bald and so it was Truett.[Aaron] But its cute when it grew and it was a little red.[Jennifer] It was like a strawberry blonde. He's still kind strawberry blonde.[Aaron] But she is like, you were looking at it right now. It's super, she's super red.[Jennifer] She's sleeping. So anyways, all to say this, you guys, it was a really neat experience to be able to have a peaceful home birth. I thank the Lord that my past pregnancies and history was there. They were fine. And there was no interventions or-[Aaron] No complicated ones.[Jennifer] Yeah, there was no complications or anything like that. And that the Lord gave me the confidence to be able to say yes to this and that we were able to lean on each other, Aaron, to be able to do that.[Aaron] Do you feel like it was what God wanted?[Jennifer] I do. I feel like he had a plan from the beginning that he just didn't reveal to me until the end. Maybe he knew that's what I needed. I don't know.[Aaron] And we have no idea what God's doing in the hearts of those ladies that were with us and we need to keep praying for them because we don't know where they're at.[Jennifer] Or a daughter.[Aaron] Or a daughter. Yeah, But I mean-[Jennifer] I mean we know what's going-[Aaron] She's gonna become a midwife nurse.[Jennifer] She had all kinds of questions afterwards, but she just, she was thrilled to be able to participate in that way. I know it made her feel super special.[Aaron] So here's a question, probably all the pregnant ladies are thinking, would you do it again?[Jennifer] I remember texting a friend that later that night and she goes, so how was it? And I'm like, I'm a fan.[Aaron] Cause we have several people be like, "You can do this, you can do this." Cause we have a lot of friends that have done home births, almost all their kids, I think. And so they've been, they were really cheering you on another excited that you're like switched. And we know it's not for everybody.[Jennifer] But here, it's also something that I just keep telling myself as it's open. So like, even if we ever had another baby, I would be okay with having it in the hospital or at home. So it's just really submitting that to the Lord and saying, what do you want? This is for you.[Aaron] So babe I know there's probably a lot of women that are considering a home birth. If they've never had one before, how would you encourage someone who's already considering this?[Jennifer] Well for someone that's already considering it, I would just say again, pray about it and submit it to the Lord. Talk about it with your husband and do what research you need to do. All the questions that you might have surrounding it, go ask them, ask your friends, ask your care providers. Whoever's looking after you. But don't be afraid of it. I had a good friend tell me, like having a baby is not an emergency. It's a natural thing that God built our bodies to do.[Aaron] It's a good encouragement.[Jennifer] And we need to be able to trust that God's design works. Now there's a lot of cases out there where for whatever reason, someone needs to give birth in a hospital or someone needs an intervention and that's okay, too. So even for someone who's already planning a home birth or someone who desires a home birth, even they have to hold that birth plan loosely in their hands and submit it to the Lord and say, "God, what do you want from me?" And he might even change their plans to be a hospital birth. And I think the greatest thing is to just have peace no matter what that plan is and say, God, it's yours.[Aaron] Yeah, something I just want to remind everyone also is, and if you're not having caught it yet, we talk a lot about how our lives are to be ministry. It's not just like we have ministry over here. Like, "Oh, I work at this church "or I have this job over here. "That's some sort of ministry which no, those are bad." But when we realized that when Christ comes into us, when we have the Holy spirit, our life now is a ministry being poured out. We're being poured out into the world. We're lights set up on a hill. And so even in our home birth, we are doing ministry. Our life and the way we present ourselves and the way we react to each other and interact with each other and interact with the midwives and those around us is how the gospel is spread in the world. It's by our words and our actions, it's not by this thing set over here. And that happens once a week or every other week or once a month. It's everything we do. And if you're wondering what that looks like, ask God, say God, "How's my life? How is the things that we're pursuing, our labors, our work, our at home life, our schooling, our jobs, our everything? Our hobbies. How are we representing you everywhere we are? Because we are the body of Christ. Where we go, Christ goes. And so that's what we, our heart was for this labor. And it's what our heart is for this podcast, is what our heart is for our books, for our home, for our neighborhood. And so if you haven't thought that way, our parent hope is that your mind would be changed and that you would start to realize and recognize that every bit of your life is the Lords. And he desires it to be a offering to him. He desired, he calls us to be living sacrifices. And so, that's, what's amazing is we can be at home doing home birth, something that we don't need, didn't plan and say, "Okay, Lord, how are you gonna use this for you? "What do you want from us? "How can we participate in what you're doing "in the lives of those that are going to be here? "And also, what are you gonna do in us?" Cause there's a lot that God did in us, challenging us and changing our minds about things and showing us how to trust him more. So that was a little bit about our home birth story, which we think it's, God's story of course, all of our births. I wouldn't say this birth was any better than any of the other ones. Cause they all were amazing. I love meeting my children, but I did love a lot doing it at home. I really enjoyed it.[Jennifer] I really did too.[Aaron] So husbands out there, it was a pretty awesome experience if your wife is considering it, just know it's pretty awesome. You're home, it's more comfortable you're in your bed. If you have other children, they get to participate and see how it and know what's going on. And it was a really cool thing anyways. Yeah, that was our story, is there any last thing you wanna add?[Jennifer] I feel like, no, I think that what we shared was really cool and I'm, I just want everyone to hear me say that I love you and that I'm really proud of you. You're a really awesome support for me, especially during that time of labor and delivery and managing our other four kids during the whole thing. I just really love doing life with you and I'm excited that the podcast is back up and we're in season four. So I'm excited to be doing this with you.[Aaron] Awesome. Well, that was really nice. Thank you babe. I love you too and ditto and all of that. And bonus baby Edith this year and she is awesome.[Jennifer] She's doing really great.[Aaron] She's starting to smile and she's, I want her to cue a lot more, but she's just barely started.[Jennifer] She likes open's her mouth like she's gonna and then she just sit there and wait, she doesn't do it.[Aaron] She teases us, but she is so sweet. All right. We love you all. My hope that was an encouragement to you and a blessing. We're praying for you. We pray that God just moved mightily in your marriages and uses you for mighty things for his kingdom, wherever you're at. And during the season of chaos and craziness, just remember God's our peace and our hope.[Jennifer] And he is good.[Aaron] And he is good. And if you have been wavering in your faith in the Lord, I pray that you would just ran to him like, like you've never ran to him before and that you would surrender everything. He's the only thing worthy of giving your entire life to, and one day we're gonna be able to spend eternity with him.[Jennifer] One day soon.[Aaron] Birth pains.[Jennifer] Yeah.[Aaron] So-[Jennifer] We'll just pray through those contractions.[Aaron] As usual, Jennifer will you pray's out?[Jennifer] Dear father, you are the giver of life. Thank you for the gift of children. We pray we would have a deep understanding of children and we pray for a strong desire to bless the children in our lives. We pray, we would understand our purpose and role in raising children that know you. May our examples of life and marriage and everything show them the way that honors and glorifies you. Lord we also pray and ask for your peace to be in all of our hearts and in all of our homes, especially when the world seems to be lacking peace. Help us to be confident in trusting you for everything. In Jesus name. Amen.[Aaron] Amen. We love you all. If you haven't left us a review, would you take a moment and do that today? Those reviews help us rank in all the podcast apps and it also lets people know what the podcast is about and what other people think. If you have a lot to review, you are awesome. Thank you so much. Don't forget to get the, to take the challenge. It's parentingprayerchallenge.com. We talked about in the beginning of the show. We love you and we'll see you next week.[Aaron Voiceover] Did you enjoy today's show? if you did, it would mean the world to us if you could leave us a review on iTunes. Also, if you're interested, you can find many more encouraging stories and resources at marriageaftergod.com and let us help you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. Connect With UsInstagram | @marriageaftergodInstagram | @unveiledwifeInstagram | @husbandrevolutionCheck out our marriage resources!SponsorsGet our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage!

This Q and A topic is all about communication in marriage. Which we mention often in almost every episode because it is such a vital component of marriage. You have to talk to each other! We answer several questions that were submitted by our listeners. Please enjoy. Read Transcript[Aaron] Hey, we're Aaron and Jennifer Smith with Marriage After God. [Jennifer] Helping you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. [Aaron] And today we're gonna answer your questions about communication in marriage. Welcome to the Marriage After God podcast, where we believe that marriage was meant for more than just happily ever after. [Jennifer] I'm Jennifer, also known as Unveiled Wife. [Aaron] And I'm Aaron, also known as Husband Revolution. [Jennifer] We have been married for over a decade. [Aaron] And so far we have four young children. [Jennifer] We have been doing marriage ministry online for over seven years through blogging and social media. [Aaron] With the desire to inspire couples to keep God at the center of their marriage, encouraging them to walk in faith every day. [Jennifer] We believe the Christian marriage should be an extraordinary one, full of life. [Aaron] Love. [Jennifer] And power. [Aaron] That can only be found by chasing after God. [Jennifer] Together. [Aaron] Thank you for joining us in this journey as we chase boldly after God's will for our life together. [Jennifer] This is Marriage After God. [Aaron] Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Marriage After God. It's actually the last episode of season three. So if you've been following along, we're gonna be taking a break, we're about to have a baby. If you've been listening to the last few episodes, you know that. And so, we're gonna have a little break. And then we're gonna come back in another season, in season four. We don't have a date for that yet, which is fine. [Jennifer] We'll let you guys know on social media. [Aaron] Yeah. And then, we'll do some new episodes. And so, just as a side note, if you have topic ideas for the new season, go ahead and shoot those in a message to us on Instagram at @marriageaftergod. But, today we're gonna be answering some questions from the audience, but before we get to the questions we like to talk about some things in life, but really, this first thing I wanna talk about is, I wanna encourage everyone listening today, because I know that there's a lot of fears, there's a lot of anxiety going around with the coronavirus, with things that are happening in the world, and I think some of them are legitimate things to be thinking about and considering. We wanna be wise people, that's what the Bible talks about. We don't wanna just pretend that none of this stuff's gonna affect us. But, my encouragement is to remind everyone listening that our trust is not in this world. Our trust is not in the vaccine that they might come out with. Our trust is not in the government. Our trust is not in the healthcare system. Our trust is not even our bodies. [Jennifer] Or money. [Aaron] Or money. The Bible is very clear where are trust lies, and that when we trust in anything other than God, other than His son Jesus, that trust is faulty, that hope is false, and we're actually insecure in those hopes. So I just wanted to point our hearts and our minds back to the Giver of Life. To the One that we look forward to, the One where our hope should lie, which is in Jesus Christ. Guys, one day we're gonna be with Him forever, and we're gonna have new bodies, we're gonna be healthy, He's gonna make the world right. All these things that are in the world, the destruction, the death, the injustices, the sickness, the pestilence, all those things are going to be made right. And so, once this thing passes, and whatever the damage is going to be, we don't know. But there's always gonna be something else. That's why our eyes need to be on Christ. And so I just hope that if you're having anxieties about this, the Bible tells us how to deal with our anxieties, it's to lift up our request to the Lord with thanksgiving, and to pray to Him. And He says He'll give us a peace that surpasses all understanding. And what I love about that is that our peace in God is completely standalone from everything in our life. That it doesn't matter what's going on in the world, it doesn't matter what's going on in our life, it doesn't matter about our circumstances. You could be like Paul, in prison and be praising God. You can be like Peter in prison, writing letters to the church. You could be in the midst of whatever it is that this world and that the enemy, or whatever it is, wants to throw at you, and you can have complete and perfect peace in Jesus. And so, I just wanted to quickly encourage everyone with that. [Jennifer] No, it was really good. I think that there is just a lot of attention specifically on the coronavirus. What I would say is, it is important to pay attention to what's going on in the world, current events and things like that, but-- [Aaron] Wisdom is good. [Jennifer] When we get those thoughts of fear, or anxiety, or frustration even, we need to remember that even in those times we need to submit those feelings to the Lord, and ask Him to guide us, to lead us, to give us wisdom on how to approach the situation and deal with it. And then remember that our bodies are gonna fail us. Our bodies are gonna get sick. There's gonna be, if it's not this thing, it's another thing, and so we just need to be able to trust the Lord that He knows what's gonna happen to us. He knows everything. [Aaron] He's knows all, He's omniscient. [Jennifer] So we can trust that. [Aaron] We can totally trust Him. And again, this isn't to say do not be wise, like we be wise, if we can make that take measures we do, but we have to remember that we could take every perfect measure, we could take every precaution, we can totally stock up what on whatever, just imagine it, whatever you think you could do to prepare, and your trust in that would still be faulty. Because none of that is actually secure. So, our trust is only good when it's in Christ. So, be prepared to the level that you can, and let the Lord have your fears and rest in Him. That's our encouragement. [Jennifer] Another thing that we wanted to share with you guys is just how incredibly blessed we feel for our relationship with Hobby Lobby. And, I don't know if you guys all know but they carry our books. [Aaron] Which was a total God thing, because there was no way that we were connected with them. I wasn't reaching out. We didn't reach out to them. They actually reached out to us and asked if they could carry our books, and I think it's so awesome. It's one of the cheapest places you can get our books. [Aaron] The cheapest place. [Jennifer] And, who doesn't love Hobby Lobby? I mean, just to be able to go there and peruse, and look at everything. [Aaron] People who've never been to one. [Jennifer] Well, if you haven't been to one, you should go check one out. I'm sure there's one near you. If you're near one, yeah. [Jennifer] But I just wanted to first give a shout out to Hobby Lobby and say thank you. Thank you for being someone who advocates for books like ours, and resources that point people back to God. And I also just wanna thank everyone who has been picking them up and buying them from Hobby Lobby, 'cause that keeps our relationship with them good. [Aaron] That reminds me, I love when people go into Hobby Lobby and they take a picture. And they #hobbylobbyfinds. So if you ever do that, we love to re-share those. So if you are in a Hobby Lobby and you pick up a copy of our books, please take a picture of it, and we'll probably re-share it on our Instagram. [Jennifer] Just make sure you tag us @marriageaftergod so that we see it. [Aaron] Exactly, 'cause if you don't tag us, we don't know. But yeah, so that's just a couple of things, just encouragement on the chaos in the world that had our peace. And then just, we're incredibly blessed and honored by Hobby Lobby and their partnership with us. That, to be honest, I don't think we deserve. I don't think we've, it's a God thing, that He set this up and we just wanna give Him the glory for that. [Jennifer] And if you're like me and you have been wanting to order our books, and you want it today, you can go pick one up today. You don't have to order it online and then wait for it. They have them in stock. And they're in every Hobby Lobby, which is amazing. So, it doesn't matter which one, unless they're out of stock. But they carry them everywhere. [Jennifer] Once I know what I want, it's so hard to wait when I do online shopping and stuff. I just wanna go get everything. [Aaron] But now Amazon has one day shipping, which is crazy. [Jennifer] I don't know how they do it. [Aaron] I don't either. But it gets here. Okay, so, one last thing, we have a another prayer challenge. I don't know if you've taken the marriage prayer challenge yet. Over 50,000 people have taken the marriage prayer challenge, which is incredible. So, we have this new challenge called the parenting prayer challenge, and it's a prayer challenge for you to pray for your son or your daughter, or both. Or all of them. Or all of them. Depending on how many kids you have. Yeah, all your kids. And it's completely free. Just got to parentingprayerchallenge.com and fill out the form and choose who you wanna pray for, and we'll start sending emails every day. [Jennifer] You guys might be wondering how it's set up because, obviously, they're not individualized prayers for you and your child, but they're prompts. So, it'll suggest pray for this specific thing, and then, as you're praying, you're making it personal because you know your family best. [Aaron] And it's a scheduled daily reminder. So you get this email, it says hey, you're gonna pray for your son right now, and here's what you should pray for. And it's not to replace your prayer life, it's to encourage it, inspire it, and give you a new outlook on your prayer life, and maybe expand upon it. One more time, it's parentingprayerchallenge.com to go sign up for the parenting prayer challenge. [Jennifer] All right so, this last episode of the season is a Q&A. We polled the community, the Marriage After God community, and Unveiled Wife and Husband Revolution, and we asked you guys to submit your questions, specifically about communication in marriage. And so, first of all, we just wanna thank everyone who sent us your questions. It's been cool to be able to poll the questions from the audience from Instagram, from you guys, and to answer them here. It makes me feel more connected and I love it. [Aaron] They often ask things that I'm not even thinking about. I'm like oh, that's a good question. So, it's really fun that we ask you guys. It also makes us feel like we're connected with you on another level. So, if you follow us on Instagram, that's usually where we poll our audience. You could follow @marriageaftergod, or @unveiledwife, or @husbandrevolution. We're gonna be doing Q&A's often, so if you see us pop a question and ask you to give us your questions, just submit them there, and we store them and we pick from them, and we try and answer them on here. [Jennifer] Yeah, and just let you guys know because of timing, we don't always get through every question, and so if you're listening and you're like, "I know I submitted a question "for communication in marriage," and we didn't answer it, please reach back out to us and just let us know, and maybe we can just answer it on Instagram for you. [Aaron] Or on the next time. [Jennifer] Or on the next Q&A. [Aaron] Cool. So, before we jump into the questions, why don't we just talk about some of the scriptures that, when I think about communication, these scriptures aren't just, they're not necessarily communication between a spouse. But it's-- [Jennifer] With each other. [Aaron] Yeah, it's with [Both] people. With one anothers in the church. [Jennifer] Very applicable to marriage. [Aaron] So I'm just gonna read through a handful of scriptures. [Jennifer] I'll read the first one 'cause it's shorter. You read the second one. [Aaron] All right. [Jennifer] Psalm 141:3 says, "Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; "keep watch over the door of my lips." [Aaron] Yeah, and I pulled some of these scriptures to just show what a biblical perspective over our mouth is. And the things that we say. In Matthew 12:33 Jesus is talking to the Pharisees, and He says this, "Either make a tree good and its fruit good, "or make a tree bad and its fruit bad. For the tree is known by its fruit." [Jennifer] Like we know a peach tree is a peach tree because it has peaches. [Aaron] Or it's one of those fruit salad trees. [Jennifer] Well, that would be confusing. [Aaron] Which totally ruins the analogy. But anyways, "You brood of Vipers, "how can you speak good when you are evil? "For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. "The good person out of his good treasure "brings forth good, and the evil person of the evil treasure "brings forth evil. "I tell you, on the day of judgment, "people will give account "for every careless word they speak. "For by your words you will be justified, "and by your words you will be condemned." [Jennifer] So what you're saying is words are powerful? [Aaron] They matter, yeah. We need to know that, we can't, like this specifically, and we just talked about this, actually, the other day, we say something and then we say I'm just venting, or I'm just kidding. But in reality if, it's coming from somewhere, those words that we just conjured up out of our mouth. They came from somewhere, and so we need to be careful and aware, like wait, so I said this thing and I wanted to make it sound like it wasn't that bog of a deal, but why did I say that? Why did I say that about so and so? [Jennifer] If someone has self control of their tongue, and they think, they're about to say something, but they decide not to, which is good, I would say they still need to evaluate their heart and question why was that even on the tip of my tongue? [Aaron] Why did it come out so quickly? And often, I would imagine this is about people in our life, and then if we say something so quickly, even if it's to someone in confidence, and we think, wait, am I actually angry at this person, or am I actually annoyed by this person, or bothered, or judgmental or whatever? And we have to think about that 'cause sometimes that comes out of our mouth and it's not from a pure heart. [Jennifer] And I'll say this, words cut deep, and when, especially in marriage, you see that person, you just see their face and you're reminded of what they've said, either recently or years ago. And you can hear them saying it in your mind, over and over again. And so, I think we just need to be reminded that we have a huge responsibility with our words. [Aaron] The next verse is from James, but there's another verse in James that we didn't write down here, that talks about having control of your tongue, and how the tongue is a, it's a small member of a body, but it's actually like a flame that can start a fire. And you're in the members of your body. It's also talked about as a rudder, something that, you have a large ship that is controlled by such a little thing. The things we say actually matter to a point of it directing our lives. But it starts off with saying, if someone has complete control over their tongue, they're a perfect man. So, we all know that we don't have complete control over our tongue 'cause we're not Jesus. Jesus was perfect. And everything He said was controlled. [Jennifer] So, when we're not perfect, and we're not controlled, what's our response should be? [Aaron] Repentance. At least recognizing it and saying, whoa, what I said was off. [Jennifer] Apology, reconciliation. [Aaron] I know I can't put those words back. It's like toothpaste, it comes out, you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. So James 1:19-20 says, "Know this my beloved brothers, "let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, "slow to anger, for the anger of man does not produce "the righteousness of God." So this is more a practical tip of, hey, to save yourself from saying something you don't mean, [Jennifer] Be slow. [Aaron] Be slower to say it, probably stop yourself. [Jennifer] I just wanna say, it also says be quick to hear. And I think, sometimes we wanna justify the things that we say. [Aaron] What? [Jennifer] We're not actually listening to how our words are affecting the other person, and so I think, I know you said this is practical, a really practical tip is just questioning, evaluating, making sure that you're being a good listener in your marriage. [Aaron] Listening to yourself, and listening to the person talking to you. [Jennifer] And to the Holy Spirit. [Aaron] Yeah, and to the Holy Spirit. [Jennifer] Okay, next one Proverbs 12:18, "There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, "but the tongue of the wise brings healing." [Aaron] Again, showing the power of our words towards others. [Jennifer] Such vivid imagery there. [Aaron] Here's one, Proverbs 18:2, "A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, "but only expresses his own opinion." So, we have to be careful about this, this is something I've struggled with in the past, my foolishness of just only interested in sharing my opinion. Like, oh, well let me tell you what I think, let me tell you what I think, rather than listening, rather than being thoughtful, rather than actually considering the other person. I've dealt with that for sure. [Jennifer] Another one is Proverbs 18:13, "If one gives an answer before He hears," again, going back to be a good listener. [Aaron] This ever happens to me, I don't do this. I do all the time. [Jennifer] "If one gives an answer before he hears, "it is his folly and shame." [Aaron] So, the next one, and the last one, which is by far not the last verse, 'cause there's tons of scripture that talks about how we communicate and the way we communicate. Proverbs 18:21, "Death and life "are in the power of the tongue, "and those who love it will eat its fruits." So, understanding that our tongues are powerful. If we love the power of our tongue, we're going to eat the fruits of it. Meaning, if we want to share our thoughts, and we're totally fine with just speaking things, we need to be able to be aware that those words are ours, and we have to own them. [Jennifer] All right, so that was just a little foundational prep for communication in marriage, just looking at a biblical way to communicate with your spouse. [Aaron] And get a perspective on how we use our words. [Jennifer] 'Cause honestly, no matter what question we answer, that was probably the most important that you hear today. [Aaron] Yeah, the scripture. Not our words, the Bible's words. Always. So, question one from the community says, how do you two come together and talk about your dreams as a couple and as a family? [Jennifer] Oh cool, I like that it's as a couple and as a family. Which we do talk about, dreaming together, in "Marriage After God", and I just love that chapter. Just because it's something that Aaron and I have found a lot of joy in. [Aaron] It's fun. [Jennifer] It's fun. And what we do is, we look at our life and we say, okay God, what do you wanna do with us? And we get to talk about it. [Aaron] How would you say, how have we been doing it over the last few years? [Jennifer] So, our biggest, probably dreaming session, as a couple happens at the end of the year, and we take time to go over what did that last year look like? What's still on our plate? And what things do we wanna try and accomplish in that next year? And it takes a good three hours or more to get through. [Aaron] But they're fun. [Jennifer] Just because it's a lot, but it's so fun, and we do it over dinner. And then we have checkups throughout the year, when things change, circumstances change, or goals change, or we accomplish things sooner than later. So, we just check in with each other throughout the year. [Aaron] Or we're in the middle of a goal, accomplishing a goal, and we evaluate, is this what we really want? Now that we're in the middle of this thing, which we've done. [Jennifer] I will say this, our dreams don't come from nowhere. Well, for one thing, there's seeds planted by God that we feel really strongly about that God gives us these desires that we have. But we also, what we call the tool belt, our marriage tool belt, we look at what we have, and we go from there. [Aaron] Yeah, and it's not like, we talk about this in the book a lot more, the practical side of it. We're not just throwing out, and casting a line out as far as possibly, and trying to see what we can grab. We look at what God is doing in our life, what we've already accomplished, in Christ, of course. [Jennifer] It's like we take that next step. [Aaron] And we say okay, if we have any money, we say okay, how do You want us to use this money? Our home, our cars, our business? And then we even talk about things that we would love to explore and pursue. And we hold all of it loosely, pretty much usually, right? [Jennifer] Yeah. 'Cause there's nothing we can guarantee. [Jennifer] Another fun way to do this is, on those smaller check ins or smaller dreaming sessions, when we like to talk about it, we like to go on a drive, let's say like a 40 minute drive. It's super fun. We're both buckled in. Can't leave the conversation. And we just talk about it there. But, I love doing this and I think that, over the years, Aaron, wouldn't you agree, that it's something that's been cultivated in our marriage because of our intentionality? It's not really something that is just gonna happen on its own, but it's also something that, I don't know, we put the time in to do it. [Aaron] Well, I'll say this, and this would be my one tip in this section, is yes, it needs to be scheduled. So, you and your spouse need to say, we are going to do this, and we're gonna do it on this date. So it's on the calendar. And then the other part is, setting actual goals, writing them down. So, for us, you may not be us, you're goals are gonna look different. Maybe they'll be the same, but, we'll say we want to have this book self published, or traditionally published next year or this year. Or, usually, the traditionally published is a little bit more out of our control. But, self publishing, we wanna have this book published by this date. And then that one goal gives us a whole list of tasks that need to be accomplished before, for that goal to happen. And so, setting that goal and giving it a realistic time frame, and writing it down on paper, and verbalizing it out loud. [Jennifer] The success rate is so much higher. [Aaron] Oh yeah. [Jennifer] Let's use finances. If we had a goal for finances and we just talked about it-- [Aaron] We wanna save $1000. [Jennifer] By next week, we would have forgotten what the plan was. So it's like, oh yeah, we talked about that, I think. So, when you go to write something down, I feel like it's super helpful. [Aaron] The finances is actually a good one. I would imagine almost everyone has some sort of financial goals. Maybe getting out of debt, or saving for a vacation, or pay for college, or who knows what it is? And so, setting the goal, a realistic goal, the thing that you know you can attain, and you can come up with those strategies of, we're going to save $10 a month, or $100 a month, or we're not going to buy this thing every week. When you do that, and you say it out loud, there's now accountability as well. So, something comes up and you could spend the money on it, and you both look at each other and be like, are we willing to cast out that goal we set four months ago? No? Then we have to say no to this. Even though it's difficult. And so now you both are on the same page. And man, that actually feels like victorious. You're like wow, we just said no to something that we really wanted, because there's this better thing down the road that we're saving for. So, I would say set those goals, put them on paper, say them out loud, put them on the refrigerator, put them on a chalkboard, make them visible. And it's true, your success rate exponentially grows. [Jennifer] Again, I really like the second part of this question 'cause they also wanna know how do you do it as a family? So, you have kids involved. I'd say, as our family, Aaron, you are really good about leading our kids through these things, and prompting their hearts, and preparing their hearts. [Aaron] Well, thank you. [Jennifer] And just asking them really good questions. Our children are still pretty young, so we don't download every dream or goal to them. We don't feel the need to explain everything, but as we talk about dreaming together, and as we set goals we do keep the impact it will have on our family in mind. [Aaron] Well, always, yeah. [Jennifer] And so, we share it with our kids, and we'll talk about it, and we'll invite them to participate in the ways that they can. [Aaron] And I would say, because we have this pattern of setting goals and dreaming together, we teach our kids how to do it. So, I'll tell my son, and he's drawing, and he might get to a point of not wanting to complete the thing he's creating. And then I'll tell him, I'll be like, hey, do you wanna be a really good artist one day? And he'll be like, "Yeah." I'll be like well, the way people become really good artists is a lot of practice. I said, so I know that it's difficult to finish this, or you wanna move on to the next thing, and I totally get that because you're excited but, there's a lot of value in you sitting and finishing this and coloring it, and you'll see a completed work. So, that's a little way of teaching my son on how to set a goal. [Jennifer] And that's really good, what I would call that is casting vision, 'cause you're showing him what the future would look like, but what it requires, and I think the same exact thing is important for marriage that both the husband and wife are reminding each other constantly. Because this whole episode is about communication, our words matter. We need to be encouraging each other. We need to be reminding each other, hey, remember we set this goal, hey, remember, this was our strategy, hey, this is what's gonna happen once we meet it, and encourage each other and stimulate each others hearts toward those those goals in that way. [Aaron] I totally agree. That's good. Let's move on to the second question, how do you gracefully bring up subjects that have been touchy in the past? You don't, you just skip over them, you just ignore it. I'm just kidding. No, this is a hard one 'cause sometimes you can't avoid the sensitivity of it, in some scenarios. [Jennifer] I think it's good to be sensitive to it. [Aaron] What I'm saying is not that we be just harsh, or cold about it. I'm just saying you could come, I would imagine that there's some conversations that you can come perfectly gentle, with the best intentions, with the best words, and it will still be a hard conversation. That your spouse still may take it very personally. So I would say you come cautiously, you come patiently. And I would say the number one thing is make sure your heart's right. Is your intention because you're just bothered and you want this thing to change and there they go again? Is that your heart, or is your heart that you actually care that they're growing, they're changing, they're following through with their own words, because of their integrity, 'cause you love them, and you wanna see the mature? So, if your heart is a selfish one, like, I'm gonna go deal with this because I'm offended, which doesn't mean you're not allowed to have offenses. We have to deal with our offenses. But, if it's a conversation from the past, we have a lot of these, about specific things in our life, and some things are little, and some things are big things. I would say, don't avoid them, but make sure that our hearts are right, and make sure that the intention is for actual growth and maturity in your spouse, or for healing. Do you have any tips on that? [Jennifer] Yeah, I was just gonna say that, when I go into conversations like this, I genuinely desire a good conversation about it. And, I think the most important thing that we could do, knowing that it's been touchy in the past, is pray for each other before we even get to the conversation. So, praying that I have the right heart, bringing it to the table, if I'm the one bringing it, and praying that I share in a respectful way, with the right words, words that will bring you understanding, but I also pray for your heart that, if there is sensitivity or anything like that, that you would be able to respond in an understanding way as well. That we're able to come together and have a good conversation about it. And I think that doing it with God at the center is the most important thing that we could do. [Aaron] The tip for the person having the topic brought up to is humbleness. And also, being aware of defensiveness. I do this. I get defensive, we just had a conversation and I was defensive. And you called me, and you're like, "Why are you being defensive about this?" Often, defensiveness is self preservation. It's selfish, often. And so, if we're defending ourselves, then we're not in unity, and we're also not being humble. [Jennifer] You're also not being quick to hear. [Aaron] And I'm also not being quick to hear. Thank you for reminding me of that. [Jennifer] I don't know if this helps practically but, when we go into conversations like this, I'll usually say something to Aaron like, hey, I really wanna share something with you, but, just so you know, my intention's not to upset you, or point the finger at you. It's just something that I've realized or recognized recently that I wanna talk about. Is that okay? Making sure that there's a place and a space for that conversation. You don't wanna just bring it up when you're at the dinner table, or you're walking into-- [Aaron] Right here on the podcast. Actually, I've been wanting to bring up to-- [Jennifer] No. [Aaron] Not on the podcast. [Jennifer] No. [Aaron] And then, one last note on this. I think we can get in a pattern sometimes. Some relationships are special in this way, but I think a lot of us can, in some way, have this pattern of bringing up everything. And not overlooking certain things. There's this one thing that we actually, it's not that big of a deal, but I just have to bring it up every single time 'cause I don't wanna have to deal with it ever again. And so I think, truly internally evaluating, is the thing I wanna bring up, is it a thing that needs to be brought up? Or is it something that I can actually just let go? The Bible tells us that love covers a multitude of sins. So not that we overlook sin and pretend sin doesn't exist, but if I said something one time, we're talking and I said something and you're like, "Well that was rude." But you know I didn't mean it, it doesn't need to be brought up, in that one scenario. Now, if it's a pattern, like I'm always rude, that's one thing, but if I said something, and you think, "He must've not meant that." Or, the way they are with something. Sometimes it just needs to be let go. [Jennifer] And I wanna speak to the other side, if your spouse is coming to you with something, I was gonna say something of importance, but, no matter when your spouse comes to you, how would you answer this question, does your spouse feel like they're walking on eggshells around you? Does it feel like you're here, there's a layer of eggshell around you, and they can't come that close to you? Does that make sense? [Aaron] Yeah. So I think it's important for both sides that people listening can evaluate, okay, am I being aware of what I'm bringing up, and is it necessary? And then, how are my responses towards my spouse? Am I someone who gets defensive? Am I being selfish? [Aaron] Am I being critical? Like I'm just over-critiquing my spouse. [Jennifer] Yeah, and so I think that's it's important to think about are we setting ourselves up for putting eggshells down to where no one wants to come close to us and ask us those hard things. [Aaron] And I think a good remedy for this, specifically, 'cause we're not tryna say, don't have conversations that need to happen. What we're talking about is evaluation and discernment. Is the thing that I want to bring up something that should be brought up? So my solution to that is, when you wanna bring something up, first evaluate in yourself if the thing that you're seeing or wanting to talk about in your spouse, is something that you deal with, but maybe in a different way. Because often, we're very keen to sin or issues in other people's lives that we ourselves deal with. Someone's always late to something for you and it bothers you. And then you realize that you're always late for something else. But you don't think about it. So, ask yourself, is this something that I deal with? And truly ask yourself, because if you care about it in them, you should care about it in yourself 'cause want to. So, just a little tip. [Jennifer] It's good. All right, question number three is, how do you talk to your spouse when they are distracted by their phone? Can we just skip this one? Just kidding. [Aaron] Again, I never do this. [Jennifer] Okay, repeat that for everyone to just take a minute and hear. [Aaron] How do you talk to your spouse when they are distracted by their phone? You can't. [Jennifer] We have struggled with this so much you guys. [Aaron] Before there was phones, there was TV. If you're ever sitting next to me and I'm looking at a TV, I'm not even watching what's on the TV, everything's shut off in my brain. Which is why we don't have a TV 'cause I would just sit there and I'd be gone for hours. [Jennifer] This is true, but, what I was gonna say is, before phones there was an iPod. And I remember when the first iPod came out and we were dating. [Aaron] And it only did one thing. [Jennifer] I know, one thing. And I'm sitting at a restaurant, next to you, and you've got the wire from the cord in your ear, both ears, and you're scrolling through music on your iPod. [Aaron] Now, to my defense, I had just got it. [Jennifer] You were so excited about it. [Aaron] Yeah, I was excited about it. [Jennifer] But here's the point, we do get distracted, and it's a real thing, and I think it's important to talk about. [Aaron] Yeah, I would say, and Jennifer, you've gotten good at this, Aaron, I'm tryna talk to you, can you put your phone down please? Because I didn't even know you were talking to me, and you've been talking to me. And I'm on my phone. Which we have whole episode on phones and boundaries, which is something we're constantly working on. But being free to say that, say hey, can you put your phone away? I wanna chat with you. And you've also gotten good at voicing to me how it makes you feel. You're talking to me and I-- [Jennifer] Mid-sentence you'll pull it out. [Aaron] And then I'm on my phone. Maybe it buzzed or something, and I'm on it. Or, we're talking about something, and it's something that I need to do, and so I go to do it while you're talking to me. [Jennifer] Yeah, oh gosh. [Aaron] You're like, can you-- [Jennifer] Can you wait 'til I'm done? [Aaron] Do that after we're done? I know that you're excited to do that. Yes, it's mostly on my side, sorry. I would say yeah, just get really good at voicing it, hey, can you put your phone away so we can have a chat? I know that's distracting. You're gonna get on it afterwards, but, so we're not distracted, let's put our phones away. But, be willing to receive it on both sides. 'Cause we're cellphone generation. [Jennifer] I was gonna say, I think it's important to have patience with each other because, yes, we are a part of a generation that uses technology on a daily basis. This is such a hard one because it's not just you, Aaron, it happens to both of us. But being aware and allowing your spouse to help you be aware, so not getting defensive when they say something about you being distracted on your phone. I don't know. [Aaron] A little side note about cellphones, something fun that we've done in our community for a long time, I don't know if I started it or someone else did, someone must've started it, but if see someone on their phone and they're spending time with you, just lean over and be like, hey, who you hanging out with? [Jennifer] It's kinda mean and sarcastic but. [Aaron] What's powerful about it is, oh, I'm hanging out with people on my phone, not the people that I'm actually hanging out with. But that's has nothing to do with someone distracted by their phone. If you're distracted, you just gotta ask, hey, this is an important conversation, or I wanna tell you something, can you put your phone away for just a second so we can chat? [Jennifer] I will say this, Aaron, you have been making it a point this last year to leave your phone in the car, especially-- [Aaron] On Sundays. [Jennifer] On Sundays, so that we are not distracted during fellowship time. You leave it out in the living room at bedtime, so you're not constantly scrolling in the bed. On date nights, you tend to leave it in the car. [Aaron] What I'm tryna to do is just, because I know how prone I am to just pick it up when it's near me, I'm tryna find ways of getting it away from me. Which I wish that I could do more. [Jennifer] We've also had some pretty deep encounters with our kids, where they recognize that we're on our phones in front of them, and I think we've shared this on the podcast before, but just realizing how it impacts our relationship with them as well. [Aaron] I think that's an adequate answer for now. [Jennifer] Which is, what is the solution here? [Aaron] Tell them. [Jennifer] Tell them. [Aaron] Can you please put it down so we can chat? [Jennifer] Hey, just so you know, it hurts my feelings when I'm talking to you and you're looking at your phone. Oh also, I gotta mention this, if you're in the middle of a really heavy conversation, and there's no resolve yet, but there's been silence for a while, don't just jump on the phone, that hurts so bad. Just-- [Aaron] Remain in the situation. [Jennifer] Remain in the situation, remain in the silence until it gets figured out. And if it doesn't get figured out, communicate that with each other say, hey, we're just gonna put this on pause until we can figure it out, and then move on. But don't do it without that communication. [Aaron] That's a very good point. [Jennifer] Okay, number four. [Aaron] As a wife, how do you teach yourself to respond, ask, speak respectfully to your husband? [Jennifer] So I guess I have to answer that? [Aaron] Well, it's not for me. [Jennifer] Okay, so first you have to know what respect is. I remember back when we were first going to a marriage ministry, probably in third, fourth year of our marriage, and there was a group of young wives that I was friends with, and we're hanging out one night, and I remember asking them how would you define respect? I don't remember really growing up understanding. I kinda knew it what respect was, and I could get by with a makeshift definition, but I didn't actually know what it looked like in marriage. And they didn't either. It was like they looked at me like why would you even ask that question? [Aaron] Why're you even bringing that word up in our midst? [Jennifer] And I'm just sharing that because I do think it's important to know what respect is. So Google says respect is a feeling of deep admiration for someone. So, if you want to teach yourself to respond respectfully, you should know why you respect your spouse, right? [Aaron] Right. [Jennifer] You should know why you deeply admire them. 'Cause that's what's gonna fuel you or propel you to respond that way. [Aaron] Do you think a wife can respond respectfully to husband who is not respectable. [Jennifer] That's a really hard question, and I don't feel comfortable answering it for every single person, 'cause I don't know every single situation, but I would say this as an encouragement, that there are some things that you can find to admire about a person. [Aaron] The thought I had, and I was thinking about, not a spouse, how should we respond to a stranger that we know nothing about? With honor, with respect, with kindness, right? So my point was, I think, that in pretty much most situations, on the individual level of a person who loves the Lord, we can find, even if it's not for the husband's sake, or the spouse's sake, out of my respect and love for the Lord, I'm going to speak to this person the way Christ speaks to me. [Jennifer] That's a better answer than I gave. [Aaron] I think you were being careful. I don't think your answer was bad. That's what I was thinking about is, regardless if they find something respectable, 'cause a lot of people might struggle with that, I don't respect my husband, therefore I'm gonna talk-- [Jennifer] I'm not gonna, and then that becomes a justification. [Aaron] And on both sides, I don't respect my wife because of this, this and this, therefore I'm going to, rather than treating them the way Christ wants you to treat them. [Jennifer] That's good. Well, I think that we can, just as you're talking about we can be respectful, and it's not contingent on other people. We can be respectful in our communication towards others, towards our spouse, and like you said, out of that love and admiration for the Lord. I love that. And that that will influence our relationship. My admiration for you has grown over the years. [Aaron] Totally, and vice versa. And I would say also, none of this subtracts from the kinds of things we get to say. If you need to tell someone, which you told me before about my sin in my life, what it was doing to God, what the reality of it was, but you said it so respectfully, so honoringly. And the Bible says to speak the truth in love. It doesn't say don't speak the truth because you want them to not feel bad. You can still say really difficult things to someone in a loving, respectful way. So that's just a thought I had. [Jennifer] Just to clarify too, the question was how do you teach yourself to respond, and ask, and speak respectfully? I would say the one word that comes to mind is practice. That's probably what I should have just started with. But practice. As you practice this, and as you walk in it, it will become more natural for you to respond respectfully. [Aaron] That's good. And remember who you're doing it for. It's not necessarily your spouse, it's for God, because you love the Lord. Yeah, that's good. And it goes for the husbands too. The answer is the same. Okay, so number five says, what do you do when one spouse gets tired of talking and stops listening, and refuses to respond, or to keep the conversation going? This is like that situation, we're having, it's a difficult conversation, maybe it's a frustrating conversation, maybe it's just another one of those conversations that we've had 20 times. Well, first of all, you can't control your spouse, just, I think, the quick answer is that you can't control me-- [Jennifer] You can't force them to give you an answer or or to-- [Aaron] You can lovingly say hey, it's really hurting me that you're refusing to finish this. Is there a better way we can finish it later maybe? Or can we finish it now? I would say also, being understanding in the situation of how the conversation's going. Often, these kinds of conversations are the ones that are, both spouses are at each other, both spouses are annoyed, both spouses are selfish. [Jennifer] Both probably need some humility. [Aaron] Yeah. I would say just, sometimes maybe you just need to step back and pray for your spouse and say hey, I get that you probably aren't interested right now, but we need to have this conversation. Can we do it another time? [Jennifer] I know some things that I like to do with you is, hey, I get that were not in agreement on this, can we just pray about it and close with prayer, and ask God to reveal things to you over the course of however many days, or until you talk about it again. [Aaron] And I would also say, for the one who's wanting to continue in the conversation, so one's checking out, and the one's like hey, we're not done. Maybe ask yourself, are you elongating because you haven't gotten retribution yet, or are you wanting this to keep going because you haven't convinced them yet of your side? Are you wanting to, discern and spiritually evaluate if you're wanting the right thing? Are you wanting reconciliation or you wanting to be right? Are you wanting unity or you waiting for them to yield? And this goes for the husband or the wife. And so, ask yourself, are they checking out because they're not getting to where I want them to be? And that's why I keep going. Rather than hey, are we gonna find a solution, a unifying solution? Are we gonna find reconciliation, are we gonna find a place that we're back in the right relationship with each other? Rather than I'm getting my way and they've come to my side? [Jennifer] That's good. I know I keep going back to prayer, but if your spouse is getting tired of the conversation and refusing to continue it, pray for their heart. Pray that the Lord would minister to them, and transform them, and bring resolve through them, because ultimately, it's the Holy Spirit, right, that does it. Mm hmm, amen. [Jennifer] Okay, moving on to number six. How do you overcome the fear of vulnerability? That's a really big question, but it can be simplified. [Aaron] I think it has to be. Well, first of all, most people are afraid of being vulnerable. [Jennifer] I would say everybody is. Vulnerability isn't something that's like, yeah, let's be vulnerable. It's hard. [Aaron] It's spiritual nakedness. It's showing what's on the inside, and often we don't like what's on the inside. And so I would say, you said earlier, practice. But really, asking the Spirit of God. Say God, transform me in this because, it was other people's vulnerability with us that freed us to be more vulnerable. [Jennifer] It gave us the courage. [Aaron] So yeah, if you're struggling with this, just pray and say Lord-First of all, regardless if you never reveal anything about yourself, we all know who we are. We are wretched. We are sinners who need a Savior, who need His righteousness, who need His power to transform us. And so, just recognizing that and say, okay Lord, humble me, and help me be open so that you can A, change me, the things that I'm afraid of, the things that I don't like, the ickiness, the grossness inside me, but also use that vulnerableness, use that transparency to free others, to heal others. Not because of me, but because of You, Lord. I don't know, that's my idea. [Jennifer] I think a big thing that I learned through being vulnerable in marriage, is having this resolve to understand that love requires risk in making yourself known. So, what I mean by that is, in order for me to know that my husband loves me, like actual me, not someone who's pretending over here is-- [Aaron] Not what you show me. [Jennifer] You have to know me, so I have to reveal it to you, and that requires risk. Because that means I'm gonna share something with you, and then you get to respond. So there's a risk involved, and that's what makes it hard. But I'd say, like you said, practice is really good, and then I was just gonna plug the Unveiled Wife here, because if you wanna get to know someone who wasn't vulnerable, and then was extremely vulnerable, not just with you, Aaron, but with the whole world by writing a book about it. [Aaron] It was a big deal for us. [Jennifer] The Unveiled Wife is my journey of learning vulnerability in marriage and with God. [Aaron] That was good. So, question number seven, we have been married over a decade and feel like we lost things to talk about. [Jennifer] Aah. So, I would say, Find things to talk about. [Jennifer] I would say start learning again. So, Aaron has this really great quality about him where, when he gets excited about something, he just starts learning about it, I don't know. [Aaron] I research. [Jennifer] Yeah, you have this research brain where you just, you get hooked on something. Even with the kids, like when it comes to Legos, it's like, oh Elliot, I figured out this new thing. You're even learning the Rubik's Cube, okay. You been researching. I have been. [Jennifer] Watching YouTube videos, and you been sharing it with me. So you'll sit down on the couch with me and be like, "Babe, look at this," what do you call it? Algorithm. Algorithm. And you do this twist thing and I'm not following, but I'm just smiling 'cause my husband loves to share this with me. [Aaron] And then you see it working and you're like, "How'd you do that?" [Jennifer] Yeah, it's pretty awesome. So start learning something again that you can share with them. It could be anything. And then talk about it with them. [Aaron] And to be honest, if you've lost things to talk about, I don't know this person. I don't know their life. But if you guys are in a place, if you're in a place that you have nothing to talk about, first of all, that's not true. There's never nothing to talk about. There's never nothing to explore with each other, and to walk with in each other. There's, at minimum, there's tons of challenges in life to have to navigate. [Jennifer] So you're saying they're choosing not to share things? [Aaron] Yeah, I would say, I don't think it's possible to have nothing to talk about. [Jennifer] Especially if you have children. If you have children, you have a lot to talk about. [Aaron] Well, and the other thing is, is if we're pursuing God together, if we're looking to what He's doing, He's going to reveal to you sin in your life, He's gonna give you jobs to do, like this idea of He's got work for us to do, good works that He's prepared for us since the foundations of the world, those things are remarkable, meaning that they are able to be remarked about. There's something to be talked about. And so, I think that if there's nothing to talk about, there's potentially, maybe your minds aren't on heavenly things. Maybe your minds are an earthly things, and worry, and things that you're not looking up. [Jennifer] Or maybe there's sin your guys's life that you've been avoiding confronting because-- [Aaron] Mm hmm, sin keeps us in darkness. So I would just challenge you, if you think there's nothing to talk about, I would start praying and say Lord, what's in my life, what's in our life that is keeping us from each other? Keeping us silent, keeping us in the darkness, keeping us from moving forward and being excited about life? Guys, if you're believers, we have the greatest hope, everyone in the world, the greatest hope is for the believer. That's remarkable. That's something to talk about, forever. We're going to do it in Heaven. We're gonna be worshiping the Lord, forever in Heaven. So, if we've lost that excitement now, we gotta ask ourselves why? What's taking it away? Where have we misplaced that? [Jennifer] Now simply, if you're just bored, and you've forgotten how to communicate with each other, and ask each other good questions, I have to let that we have a freebie for you called Date Night Conversation Starters, and you can take these out on your next date, or just hanging out in the house, and use one of those to prompt a question and get started talking. [Aaron] Start asking questions to each other. You can go to datenightconversations.com. Was that prompted, was that planned? [Jennifer] I just thought about it. [Aaron] These are some good things to think about. [Jennifer] Okay, we're gonna get through these next ones fairly quickly, just for times sake, but, how do you get an introvert to communicate? Here, let me change it, Aaron, how did you get me to communicate in marriage? 'Cause I'm an introvert. Keep asking you questions. Never give up. Do it gently with love. The goal is not to ever change someone, the goal's to engage, and the goal is to encourage, and exhort, and to lift up, and to love, and to strengthen. Remember, you're one, and God's given you unique characteristics for a reason. So, they're not things to be bothered by or hated, they might be things that need to be grown in. Just because, quote unquote, I'm an introvert, doesn't mean that quote unquote, you need to stay an introvert. [Jennifer] Don't label yourself that way. [Aaron] You can grow. You never know, what God wants to grow you into, and transform you into. So don't just say well, this is what I am, and therefore that's what I am. [Jennifer] I'll say this, over the years, Aaron, your affirmation and encouragement has really gone a long way in that, you ask me a question, and maybe I'll answer it very quickly or short, or maybe not at all. And you say, just so you know, I want to hear from you. That affirmation, hearing that over and over again, reminds my heart, my mind, he really does just wanna know. [Aaron] And then, one last little thing I would say, recognizing and cultivating the differences in your spouse will make them feel loved and makes your spouse more able to communicate in those times that they can't-So, if they're introverted, recognize that in your spouse in saying, hey, why don't you get some time alone, when you go be with the Lord, I'll take care of the family, I'll take care of the kids, or whatever. And that let's them know that you appreciate them, and their differences, their uniqueness, and you're excited about it. You're like, how can you use that in a good way, so that in those times that it's necessary, you're not allowed to just retreat into your title, into your whatever. They they know that you love them, and that you're saying hey, I know this is hard for you, but we do need to deal with this. [Jennifer] Yeah, that's really good. Okay, so the next one says, how do you stay in touch with your spouse when your husband works two jobs and you're a stay at home mom? I'm just gonna answer this one really quickly for what comes to my mind is get creative, text them, send love letters, make a journal where you guys can pass it back and forth, putting things on the schedule and protecting that time, even if you're super tired or there's other circumstances going on. I would say that those are some practical ways that I would answer that. And I'm sorry, that's such a hard question to try and answer, but the communication is still a priority. [Aaron] I would say if it's a priority, we'll do it. And we have a brother in our church that leaves real early in the morning, comes back real late, and he just he works a long job, and he records videos of him reading the Bible, and asking questions and sends them to his kids. So even though he can't be home, when he has the break, when he has the time, he make sure to, everyday, send them something to lead them and disciple them. So, father's who have these jobs, if you're listening to this, and maybe you're on the road right now, don't use your absence as an excuse to not disciple and lead your children and family. There's ways to do it, especially in this day and age, man, we have technology. You could FaceTime every day, there's ways to do it. So I just wanna encourage you that, get creative like my wife said, find ways of connecting with your spouse and your children regularly, to show them that you're there. Because even though you can't physically be there, you can spiritually. [Jennifer] Cool. Okay, we got two questions left. The next one is, how do you handle conflict when you are very irritated? Which happens to all of us, right? No one's immune to irritability or irritation. But the verse that I thought of was Psalm 4:4, it says, "Be angry and do not sin. "Ponder in your own hearts, on your beds and be silent." [Aaron] And that's a good point is, when you're frustrated, make sure that, again, you're coming with the right heart. So, you've dealt with your frustrations with the Lord first. Doesn't mean you don't say something about it, and you don't address it. [Jennifer] It's that being slow to speak. [Aaron] And then also, maybe wait. Wait for when you've cooled down. That's always a good posture to take. Right, so the last question we got for you guys is, what are important questions you need to ask your spouse every week? Aah. [Jennifer] Okay, so we don't ask each other the same questions every week, but, we do have a standard of questions that we lean on when we want to know each other more, Aaron. And it's stuff like hey, how's your heart? Or hey, what are you thinking about? Or hey, what's God been teaching you? What are you gonna be working on today? Or what do you need help? [Aaron] Or what are you reading in the Bible? These are interesting questions that help, if the other person maybe hasn't been, they say oh, well nothing. I'm gonna get into the Word, right? So they're encouraging. And if they are, you can start a conversation with them about what they're learning for the purpose of growth. And we have some friends, really good friends, Jeremy and Audrey Roloff, they actually have a resource called the Marriage Journal. And it's an awesome resource. They actually have, it's a weekly check up for your marriage. [Jennifer] There're actually specific questions that you ask every week. [Aaron] And they draw you closer to your spouse, they help you get to know each other. It also helps you stay on track with each other. So, if you're asking this question, if you're out there thinking yeah, what should we be asking ourselves? It's called the Marriage Journal by Jeremy and Audrey Roloff. You should go check that out, it's an awesome resource, we totally support them, we totally love them. And it can totally help you in growing in your marriage. So, we love you all, and we thank you for joining us on this last episode of the season. If you haven't checked out the other episodes from this season, please go do that while we're on this little break. And also, check out last episode because we have a giveaway going right now. And it goes only until April 10th, so go check out our last episode and find out how that giveaway is gonna work. But, as usual, we pray before we sign out. [Jennifer] Dear Lord, thank you for the gift of marriage. We pray we would be husbands and wives who are willing to communicate with each other in a respectful way. We pray we would have the courage to say the hard things in love. We pray we would be good listeners, and truly hear what our spouse is sharing with us. We pray to share our heart with one another, always. We pray that your Holy Spirit would infuse our speech and open our ears, so that we can hear. Help our minds to understand each other, and to extend grace to each other. We pray the posture of our hearts would be humble. We pray we would strive to make marriage a safe place to communicate, and not a scary one. Help us to work through our marriage issues, and the things that we're experiencing to gain knowledge of each other and of You. Help us to grow in how we walk, and may it be in a worthy manner as we navigate life together. In Jesus Name. [Aaron] Amen. We love you all. And we'll see you next season. Did you enjoy today's show? If you did, it would mean the world to us if you could leave us a review on iTunes. Also, if you're interested, you can find many more encouraging stories and resources at marriageaftergod.com, and let us help you cultivate an extraordinary marriage.  Connect With UsInstagram | @marriageaftergodInstagram | @unveiledwifeInstagram | @husbandrevolutionCheck out our marriage resources!SponsorsGet our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage!

We are hosting a giveaway at the beginning of this episode!!! Listen to find out how to enter :)FREE DOWNLOAD: datenightideas.comIn this episode, we have a fun conversation about the experience Moses had with the Lord and the burning bush. Reading the Old Testament and the many miraculous things God has done over history is a powerful way to see who God is and His plan for redemption even from the beginning.  Connect With UsInstagram | @marriageaftergodInstagram | @unveiledwifeInstagram | @husbandrevolutionCheck out our marriage resources!SponsorsGet our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage!

Our physical health and learning how to take care of our bodies have played a large role in our growth of the years. In the beginning of our marriage, we dealt with sexual issues and after 4 and a half years living with those problems we finally discovered what we believe was a major contributor to those problems. We began replacing our toxic products with non-toxic products and almost immediately found healing in the area of intimacy. We have had many people over the years ask what kinds of products we use now and so in this episode we share a little of our journey and the products we like to use. Pleas enjoy! PRAYERDear Lord,Thank you for our bodies. We pray we would be good stewards of our bodies and consider all that goes on them and in them. We pray we would be willing to take the time and research the items we use on a daily basis, using things that help us and not hurt us. Lord, we ask that you would give us wisdom as we navigate living a healthy lifestyle. Help us to make good choices and be on the same page in marriage so that we can enjoy the benefits of living toxic-free. Please help us not to be overwhelmed by the process of learning, but rather, help us to be humble and willing to learn so that we can choose what is healthy for us and be advocates of healthy living for the sake of others. We pray living healthy would not become an idol in our lives and would not hinder any of our relationships. May we be people who don't just consume, but who are about our bodies and take care of them.In Jesus’ name, Amen! Some things mention this episode. http://Parentingprayerchallenge.comhttps://shop.marriageaftergod.com/products/the-unveiled-wife-embracing-intimacy-with-god-and-your-husband-by-jennifer-smithhttps://ENG.orghttps://unveiledwife.com/oils/https://norwex.bizDr. Bronner’s - https://amzn.to/2vRCQ91https://www.bendsoap.com/Native Deodorant - https://amzn.to/2VXpWkzBert's Bees - https://amzn.to/3cPJkpNBurt's Bees 100% Natural Moisturizing Lipstick - https://amzn.to/3aKRNs7Ancient Minerals Magnesium Lotion - https://amzn.to/2TQu6YT READ TRANSCRIPT[Aaron] Hey, we're Aaron and Jennifer Smith with Marriage After God. [Jennifer] Helpin' you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. [Aaron] And today, we're gonna share with you our favorite non-toxic products. Welcome to the Marriage After God Podcast, where we believe that marriage was meant for more than just happily ever after. [Jennifer] I'm Jennifer, also known as, Unveiled Wife. [Aaron] And I'm Aaron, also known as, Husband Revolution. [Jennifer] We have been married for over a decade. [Aaron] And so far, we have four young children. [Jennifer] We have been doing marriage ministry online for over seven years through blogging and social media. [Aaron] With the desire to inspire couples to keep God at the center of their marriage. Encouraging them to walk in faith every day. [Jennifer] We believe that Christian marriage should be an extraordinary one. Full of life-- [Aaron] Love. [Jennifer] and power, [Aaron] That can only be found by chasing after God. [Jennifer] Together. [Aaron] Thank you for joining us in this journey as we chase boldly, after God's will of our life together. [Jennifer] This is Marriage After God. [Jennifer] Welcome back everyone to another episode of Marriage After God. We are happy to have ya, and today we are just going to share some, it's kinda like a funner episode, where we're gonna share, not just our non-toxic products, but why we choose those, and part of our story. [Aaron] Yeah, and well, we've had a lot of people over the years, kind of, 'cause we've talked about our journey with health, and we talk about products we use, and you have people often asking, "Well, what do you use?" [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] And so-- [Jennifer] A large portion of my first book, "The Unveiled Wife," you know, talked about our journey, you know, figuring some stuff out, and so, we'll probably start there. [Aaron] Yeah, but it'll be fun. We believe that it's good to have a healthy life, I mean, everything we talk about it spiritual, but there's something to be said about, taking care of our bodies, and being careful with what we're putting on, being thoughtful, we even talk about, yeah, we talk about this often in our books, we talk about it in our life. We actually try and live it also, doesn't mean we're perfectly healthy in every aspect, but what's been awesome about it also is, we actually have less stuff, which is cool. So we'll talk about that a little bit too. So first, before we get into that, why don't you give a little update on baby Edith? [Jennifer] Yeah, is everyone as anxious as I am to meet her? I'm-- [Aaron] Some people are probably like, "They're having another baby?" [Jennifer] I know, [Aaron] Yes we are, number five. [Jennifer] Yep, I'm 38 weeks, and just starting to feel like way more ready and prepared, mentally, [Aaron] Some of that pre-labor stuff [Jennifer] Yep, and my body, but also, just in our home, I feel like, we are all kind of getting to that transition point where, I don't know, we're just, we're just ready. [Aaron] So I'll say this, if you don't hear of any more podcasts coming out, after this one, it's because we had the baby. [Jennifer] But, I haven't ever gone that early, so-- [Aaron] Yeah, you-- [Jennifer] I don't know. [Aaron] We're usually like, I should say, you're usually right on the dot. [Jennifer] I will say this, usually nesting kicks in, and I you know, look forward to, just utilizing that energy, that extra energy to clean the house, and get every nook and cranny, and this time I didn't get that way at all. I had to like, really rely on the Lord, and just um-- [Aaron] Well I'll say this, I think you did have the desire to nest, but you didn't have the energy this time. [Jennifer] Yeah, I had the desire for sure. [Aaron] You're like, "I just can't get up off the couch, "I just, I don't feel like I," So, there was all these things that you wanted to do, but it took a lot of my helping, it took a lot of like, extra stuff that you didn't have-- [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] and so, but that's just unique for this time. [Jennifer] But we got some stuff checked off our to-do list this weekend and now I feel ready. So thank you Aaron, thank you for your help with that. Yeah well, I'm sure we'll have a little bit more stuff before the baby comes. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] Gettin' the house ready, just gettin' some things off of our plates, so that we can enjoy little baby Edith, [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] when she's here. [Jennifer] What I did do, was I got through Olive's old clothes, and got like a drawer ready for her, and all of her clothes are ready, so, [Aaron] Oh, we also moved all of, 'cause right now we have all of Truitt's clothes, in our bedroom, like right below the changing station, so that we can like change him, and put clothes there, but we moved those. Now he's got his clothes in the boys' room. [Jennifer] Yeah, [Aaron] I'm imagining, we're probably gonna move him into the boys' room soon, right? [Jennifer] Soon, yeah. [Aaron] And then he's gonna be one of the big boys. [Jennifer] Uh? [Aaron] I know [Jennifer] Everyone's growing up too fast. [Aaron] Who in the world? [Jennifer] Elliot feels like he's seven feet tall. Doesn't he feel so big? [Aaron] Yeah, he's gonna be a tall one. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] But it's awesome, seeing them grow, we were just talking tonight about if we would have had children earlier, which kinda goes into a little bit into our story, but if we would have started, day one, we'd have a 13 year old. [Jennifer] Yeah, just recognizing, how long we've been married and-- [Aaron] And we probably have 13 kids. So, [Jennifer] At our rate. [Aaron] Yeah at our our rate, yeah. Hey, I just wanted to also bring up something that I've been doing lately, and maybe you can chime in on this, Jennifer, as well, but for the men listening, something I've been trying to do, I know not everyone has our situation. We totally understand that. We get that. But Jennifer and I both, I would say I work the majority of the time, it used to be much more equal, but as we've had more kids, Jennifer's desires, and our desires has changed to, you spending a lot more time homeschooling, [Jennifer] My work just looks different [Aaron] Totally looks different, but the idea is that we're keeping things going, but what I've been doing lately, is letting you have Fridays to yourself, often that's so you can get, you know, the work that you need to get done, done. But sometimes it's just to go. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] To get into the Word. To meet with a lady [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] From the church. To just have time to yourself, or a little bit of both, like you get some work done in the morning, and then you have like a hair appointment, or you have a meeting with a friend, [Jennifer] Yeah, I try and use that time to schedule appointments-- [Aaron] Yeah. [Jennifer] But um, I will say this, I've really enjoyed it, and it's been super beneficial in a lot of ways, but I also recognize that change is coming, with having the baby and post-partum, and all that. So it'll be something that we reevaluate, come very quickly. [Aaron] Right 'cause we go through seasons, and ebbs and flows, and we have to adjust our schedules and our way of living to the situations in life. But, I just wanna encourage the men out there, that even if you're not in a situation, where maybe your wife works with you, or works at home, or maybe, I don't know, like your situations are gonna look differently. The idea is being intentional, to let your wife know that, especially if she doesn't have like, a regular nine-to-five job if she is at home with the kids, if you have a similar situation in that aspect, is giving them time. It may not be every week, maybe it can't be every week, but if it's once a month, if it's every other week, if it's for a couple hours, there's times like, "Hey why don't you, "I got the kids you get out of here--" [Jennifer] And maybe it can't be during the day, but it's at night or, if it can't be during the week, it's you know Saturday morning or something like that. [Aaron] Yeah, there's always going to be a way to just let your wife know that you're thinking about her time, and also, as men who are leading our wives, spiritually, giving them time specifically like, maybe it's at home like, "Hey, why don't you just go lock yourself in the bedroom? "Open up the Bible like, read, journal, "go take a bath, and listen to some worship music." Giving them time to themselves, time to recharge, regenerate. I know some women probably recharge around people, not alone, but, whatever it is, maybe they need to go be with some friends. Just, keeping that in your mind, something we've been practicing, like we said, it's a it's a seasonal thing. So it's not necessarily that it's always going to be this way, but currently Fridays have been your day, and you've been enjoying them, we've been slowing down on that with the baby coming. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] Also 'cause, you're having less energy, and you're like, "I just wanna be home." [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] But, it's been a cool thing. [Jennifer] I think it's a really good encouragement, and I think it's good for husbands to hear, that when it's even spontaneous, 'cause this was something that we kind of scheduled out, and looked at our situation, and said, "This needs to be happening." But even when it's at random, you know, spontaneous, it's a huge encouragement to the wife's heart to know that the husband is thinking of her like that. You've done that for me plenty of times over the years and so, I love that you're bringing this up. I think it's cool. [Aaron] So hope you're encouraged by that. One more thing before we get into our, our list of our favorite non-toxic products is, we just want to invite you to join the Parenting Prayer Challenge. We created this prayer challenge, it's very similar to the Marriage Prayer Challenge, where you get 30, 30 some-odd emails everyday, reminding you to pray for your children, and giving you a topic to pray for over them. and you can actually sign up for one for a son, or one for a daughter, or you can sign up for both, which is pretty awesome 'cause some of you probably have a son and a daughter, or just sons, or just daughters, or just one or the other, but you can go, you go to parentingprayerchallenge.com, all one word, and you sign up, it's completely free, and we just pray that God blesses you, and your prayer life for your children, because praying for your children is so important. Just like praying for your marriage. Just like praying for your brothers and sisters in Christ. Prayer is so important. God wants to be praying people, and so this is just a fun challenge. It's a way of being a catalyst for your prayer life, for your children. It's parentingprayerchallenge.com, it's completely free. [Jennifer] Okay, so for some of you listening you may have already read "The Unveiled Wife," if anything we talked about today, you know sparks interest and you haven't read that book yet, that was our first book that we came out with, you should go check it out, just because it shares more in depth of our journey, of kind of coming to this place of like, being aware of healthy living, and living a healthy lifestyle. But we're going to kind of summarize it. Just to kick off this episode, just so that you guys can, just get some background into Aaron and Jen. How about that? Okay. [Aaron] Let's see how quick we can make this summary. [Jennifer] Okay so I would say that when we first got married, Aaron, we didn't really, we didn't have a strong foundation of what it look like to live healthy. We grew up on fast food, and and home cook meals, but there was no, [Aaron] We didn't have an awareness of healthy living at all. [Jennifer] Yeah, and so we didn't really care about looking at ingredients on products, or you know reading the labels of things. I would say that you know I used all the all the really good smelling lotions and body washes, and if you didn't have more than three or four in your shower, it was like, "What are you doing?" You know, that type of thing. Fragrant candles, the kind of laundry detergent that you just never think about, you just use it because your parents used, or that's what so-and-so use. I remember using MAC makeup. This one, actually, I didn't really ever talk about this one, but this was one that affected me, in my teens because I was caking on the foundation, but I was using it to cover up acne, [Aaron] Which that made more acne. [Jennifer] Which made more acne. And I was actually allergic to something that was in it, and so I stopped using that, even probably around like 18. But anyways, the point that I'm getting at is that we didn't care about what was inside of these bottles that we were using to put on our skin, you know, the soap that we use, the body wash, the lip balms, the hairspray, we just consumed it. [Aaron] Not internally necessarily. [Aaron] We were consumers. We bought what we liked, we didn't have any consideration of what it was, and I actually think, back then, not very many people did. There was movements of it, but social media wasn't a huge thing back then, so not a lot of people were talking about it. Like news wasn't talking about it, like it was just, you got these products, and it wasn't until there was some sort of, big blow up or news story about something that people were aware of something, but I think with, now looking back, everyone is much more considerate about what's in products, people care about it, but back then we didn't have that experience. No one was telling us to, like, "Oh, do you know what those ingredients are?" Can you even understand what there, like, we just figured, like, "Oh, that's what they put in everything. [Jennifer] Yeah, and then, on the side of like, I'm not gonna go too much into this, but medicine, it was kind of just like, the Benadryl, Tylenol, like, whatever you could get over the counter type stuff. And I wasn't raised with a really big awareness of homeopathy, or how to, you know, use what you have at home. [Aaron] Right. [Jennifer] To help through sickness or things like that. Or to even just look at what's the root of the problem here? Of whatever symptoms you have. [Aaron] Or having an understanding of what those, why those symptoms exist. How fevers work, and how, like, why are you coughing, and sneezing, and these kinds of things. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] Rather than just, medicating the symptoms, which we're not totally against medication. [Jennifer] No, I'm just saying this is kind of like, where we came from. [Aaron] Yeah. [Jennifer] So we get married, and I, you know, it was just like a normal thing people talked about, to go on birth control, so I did that. 'Cause I thought that was-- [Aaron] It's what you do. You get married, [Jennifer] What we were supposed to do. [Aaron] birth control, wait. [Jennifer] Yeah, wait. And I only on it for about two to three months, and it like, drastically effected my body, and so that was the first thing that I noticed should go. And so we did that. But that was also in conjunction with trying to find a solution for what we were dealing with in our marriage, which started immediately-- [Aaron] Physically, yeah. [Jennifer] And for those of you who don't know, Aaron and I, we struggled with intimacy right off the bat, like, zero, none. [Aaron] Like sex, specifically we couldn't have sex. It was very painful for you, and we've talked about this in the past, there's a few episodes where we talked about our story, and in your book you talk about it, we talk about it in our new book, "Marriage After God." We talk about it so much because it was such a influential season in our life, and how it brought us to our knees before God. Because, it drew out of us, so much other sins, and frustrations, and bitterness, this situation we were going through. Which is often when we go through things that are hard. They often will draw out those negative things in us. Which is cool, because then God gets to deal with them. But that was, yeah, we didn't know it, you would go to see doctors, and they would say, "You're young." [Jennifer] "You're fine. [Aaron] "You're fine-- [Jennifer] "You're really great." [Aaron] "there's nothing wrong, "this should be working just fine." And then we'd go home and cry, because it's not fine, it doesn't work, nothing's changing, it hurts you. [Jennifer] Yeah, it was like at least if you told me that something was wrong, I can work with that. I can't work with nothing. But moving on, so year four of our marriage, we had a conversation with some friends, we were being really transparent and honest with them about our struggles, and they kind of like, I remember them sitting across from us, just looking super confused, like, "How-- [Aaron] Dumbfounded, or like, "Are you serious?" [Jennifer] "Yeah, is this really happening?" but she goes, the girl, she goes, "The only thing I can think of to help relate your story, "to someone else's that I heard is, "a friend of mine has PCOS, and she changed out all "of her products to be more organic, "and just cleaner, and three months later, "she ended up pregnant." Which people with PCOS, it's a hard thing to do, and they weren't even trying to get pregnant. She was just trying to heal some of her other symptoms. And we quickly disregarded that because we thought, "Well, we're not trying "to get pregnant, we're just trying to start off "with the first thing, which is-- [Aaron] Yeah, how do I have sex? [Jennifer] "sexual intimacy." And we didn't think about it again for about five, six months. And then what happened, Aaron you share. [Aaron] Well, I would just, it got worse of course, 'cause we're like, "There's like no hope, "like this in never gonna change." You know, it started off with a lot of hope, like, "Oh, it'll get better, it'll get, "but it can't possibly keep going the same way." And it just did, and you know, I'm praying through this, God was working in our marriage. There was a, if you read in our book, in both of our books, actually, there's this moment that God gets ahold of my heart, and just totally convicts me of my wrong heart, towards my wife. Not just over the situation about our sex, but about a lot of things. And it brought me to my knees, I repented, and I just said, "Lord, I'm gonna obey you. "I'm gonna walk with you, "and I'm gonna love my wife, "regardless of if I ever get what I think I deserve, "or whatever she owes me, or whatever. "I'm gonna love her. "The way you've called me to." And that was the beginning of a lot of transformations, in our marriage, in our life, and our being. But how, I don't know how, it was like. [Jennifer] It was shortly after-- [Aaron] It was like that weekend, maybe, [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] or the next weekend, or that week, 'cause it was at church that this you know revelation that God gave to me happened. And I'm in the shower, and I'm just praying, 'cause I'm still like, "God, there's gotta be something, "that's gonna fix this." 'Cause even though, I've totally committed my heart to say "I'm gonna love my wife," [Jennifer] You still wanted change-- [Aaron] I still want a change, right? But my heart was totally in a different place now. And I'm just praying, and I'm like. "Lord, what is it? "It's been since before we were married, "like this is, since we've been married, I mean, "and there's gotta be something." And I looked down in the shower actually, and there's a face wash in there, and I just immediately remembered this story about the PCOS, and the girl that got rid of her stuff, and I just asked myself, I was like, "Is it possible that there's something reacting "with my wife's body?" And then I started thinking like, "What has there been, that you've used, "ever since the beginning, of our marriage?" [Jennifer] 'Cause shampoo and conditioner changed out, body wash changed out, a lot things changed, in those four years, but my face wash was the one main thing that I always was consistent with. [Aaron] And so, I said, I just yelled from the shower, I remember like, "What have you been using "since before we were married?" And you were like, "My f-why?" You were like, confused. Anyways, I take the face wash out of the shower, and I hop onto our computer, and I just start researching every ingredient on the thing. And there was like, first of all, like, half the ingredients were, I went on this site, and it talks about the toxicity level, of ingredients, right? You type the ingredient in, and it just tells you what the level is. [Jennifer] Had you ever done anything like that before? [Aaron] Never, never done like that before. Didn't even know it existed, I had to Google, and I'm searching like, how do you figure out, I'm typing these, and then this site shows up. And like half the ingredients in this thing, were-- [Jennifer] It was EWG. [Aaron] Toxic. [Jennifer] EWG.com. [Aaron] EWG.com, I don't even know, is it still a thing? [Jennifer] I think so. [Aaron] Okay. So half the products were toxic at some level. And then there was several of the ingredients that had specific terms that it said it was, that the affect. Specifically the endocrine system in your body. Then I looked up, I was like, "What's the endocrine system? "I'll just start looking it up." I'm getting all technical, and we're not scientists, we're not biologists, we don't know, like, I'm not gonna try and diagnose people, but all I know is the Lord lead me to something. [Jennifer] We were putting pieces together. [Aaron] I started researching, and regardless if it has any effect, the fact that it had all these toxic chemicals, and I'm like, "Maybe she should, regardless, "she probably shouldn't be putting this on her body." and the endocrine system something that's, it's super important to the whole reproductive system. To the normal function of the woman's body. Like secretion of normal hormones, and I was like, "Dang, that sounds like a lot "of like the things that we deal with." And so it-- [Jennifer] The specific thing that you're talking about is parabens. [Aaron] Parabens, yeah. [Jennifer] So there's four, different types of parabens, in this specific face wash. [Aaron] Methyl, propyl, like all these different kinds. [Jennifer] And this was before parabens was a thing, [Aaron] Yeah, like no bottle said paraben-free, back then. [Jennifer] Nobody was talking about it yet, but it soon became a thing, shortly after that. [Aaron] A few years later. [Jennifer] I mean, I remember a few years later, you'd go into like, Ulta, or Sephora, and you'd start seeing, you know, makeup lines that say, paraben free this, paraben free that. [Aaron] Which is interesting because back then, no one cared. I should say no on knew. And then we're like researching this and finding this out, and I don't wanna say, like started move, we actually didn't start anything. Other people are already trying to get this moving, but because of social media things like that, that it exist. Things were a lot slower. I think things are way faster now. But I was just like, "Hey. "I want to be with you, physically." And in this is a big deal because Jennifer has been using this forever, she believed that without it, she was gonna have acne. And be, and feel ugly, or whatever it was, and I remember I was like, "Hey, would you get this up?" [Jennifer] I said no. [Aaron] And she was like "No!" And I'm like, "I'd rather you have acne and us be able "to be together, than you have clean skin, clear skin." [Jennifer] And then I was like, "Well maybe there's something, okay. "I'll just do it 'cause you asked me." [Aaron] So you did, you chose to put it away. And now, I'm sure everyone's thinking like, "Yeah, I'm gonna go use this to get my wife, "or get someone to stop doing something." But, I, my heart was not just to get her to stop using this. I actually had never thought about it until this moment, and I was just like, "Would you be willing to experiment with me?" Like, "Let's just delete this from your life." [Jennifer] Yeah, it was an experiment. And here's the thing you guys, three days later, three days later, I was at work and I remember just feeling different, and I called Aaron and I was like, "I don't get too excited but, I feel different, "and I wanted you to know that my body feels, "it feels like things are changing." And I feel like it was just like two more days after that that we had sex for what feels like the first time. [Aaron] Yeah, in four and a half years. [Jennifer] Like pain free. [Aaron] Pain free. Not just pain free, but like it was enjoyable. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] Like it was, like we were like, "Whoa. "Like that's what it's supposed to be like. [Jennifer] There was nothing else that was gonna convince me, that what we stumbled upon, was the thing. [Aaron] Right, and I would also say, we, God lead us a new place, in our hearts toward him. We had been repentant, of things that were going on, and I think that the Lord revealed thing to us, so I would say I definitely think that there is certain things are engaging, or interacting with your body. I mean we know over the years that you're sensitive to certain things, I'm sensitive to certain things. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] But I also think that the Lord, was like working in us. So I'm not trying to over-spiritualize it but, I don't wanna take away from what God was doing. [Jennifer] Sure. [Aaron] And he revealed this to us-- [Jennifer] Well and I think, he's the one that revealed this to us, and it was really awesome, and so the next step was, "I'm getting rid of all parabens." Like parabens became this like, [Aaron] We literally threw [Both] Everything, [Jennifer] And I am telling you guys, [Aaron] All of our shampoos, all of her makeup. [Jennifer] It was it! [Aaron] My makeup too. I'm just kiddin'. [Jennifer] It was in everything. It was in so much stuff. People will message me on Instagram, and they're like, "So you know, "You talked about parabens in the "Unveiled Wife," "and what kind of stuff did you have to look at?" It was like, [Aaron] Everything. [Jennifer] I tell 'em, "everything." And so what's funny is that, I look at our shower now from what it used to be, and it's like you had mentioned earlier, [Aaron] There's two things in there. [Jennifer] Yeah, which is one of the reasons why I wanted to do this episode. 'cause we just thought it'd be fun to share with you guys, some of the things that we use now, but this indecent, this thing that happened over something as small as face wash, is what stimulated our hearts to say, "Hey, what were putting in our bodies. "What we're putting on our bodies, "is important because it has an effect on us." [Aaron] And I mean it's definitely not our main focus, I mean everyone that listens to our podcast would know that this is not, we're not like a health and fitness-- [Jennifer] Freaks, [Aaron] Podcast. No, we just know, that there's a holistic view that God has of us. He wants us to love him with our minds, our souls, our bodies. Like so, when we look at the world it's not just, "Oh, we can be unwise over here, "as long as we're wise over here." we look at idea of, what we, we gotta be wise in every aspect. And we seek God on that. So what's wrong with just, caring about what goes on our body and in our body? Not out of a, like, not putting something on my body and not putting something in my body is not making me more holy. It's making me more healthy. [Jennifer] It's taking care of yourself. [Aaron] it's taking care of the body that God's given me. [Jennifer] Yeah, and I will say this, back then, it felt a little bit harder to know what to switch to, because-- [Aaron] Well, there was also less things, I think. [Jennifer] Less cleaner things available and so I just wanted to make that clear, that, you know, anyone who wanted to make a switch today, like if they want to go to their products or-- [Aaron] There's a million products now. [Jennifer] be more healthy in this way, there are so many good products out there and so, it's a lot easier, I would say. But another thing that triggered our healthy lifestyle, was doing the Sugar Busters diet, which we-- [Aaron] This was long time ago. [Jennifer] that was just a couple months, after all of this, and we made the commitment to do it together. We even took a class on it do you remember that? [Aaron] I do. [Jennifer] And they taught us how to read labels-- [Aaron] It was at the church. [Jennifer] Yeah, it was at our church. [Aaron] The church put this like health class on. It was cool. [Jennifer] Yeah so, it taught us how the read labels, and so I remember going grocery shopping with you, and we're looking at the back of like pasta sauce-- [Aaron] Well, everything we bought, had added sugar in it. Every single thing. [Jennifer] But we were like, amazed, we were like, "And this has it too!" [Aaron] I was like, "Bread doesn't have sugar in it." and every loaf of bread, was like, the second ingredient was sugar. And we're like, "Okay, what's going on here?" So anyways, [Jennifer] And then you had to go with a list of what are sugars called? because there's a lot of-- [Aaron] All the different names of sugar, yeah [Jennifer] Different names, for it. But that was another one, when we talk about eating, like that was what stimulated our healthy movement towards eating healthier and just buying things so that we're aware of what we're putting inside of our bodies. It doesn't mean we don't consume sugar, and we don't, you know, we'll have Chick-fil-A, we'll go out and-- [Aaron] No, but that education, the learning about how to read labels. What are ingredients, you know, how they order the ingredients, that's important, I can give a little tip on that. Even though we don't still do Sugar Busters, that month or how many? It was a couple months maybe. [Jennifer] It grew a muscle in us, We now, that's how we shop. When we go grocery shopping, of course there's gonna be stuff that we grab that has added sugars to it, but for the most part, we look at the ingredients in almost everything we buy. Everything, now especially with you, you need to be gluten-free. We look at, we actually buy less things that have wheat in it period, because of that, but it was a good tool in our tool belt, as we talk about in "Marriage After God," to just help us be healthier, help our kids be healthier. They enjoy things, here and there, we just had icecream tonight, so we're not like, sans sugar in our life, we're sans sugar all the time. [Jennifer] I was gonna say, we try and make the best opportunity, or we take every opportunity, when we can, to be healthy, eat healthy, and you know, choose the right thing, but it doesn't mean that we don't get, [Aaron] We also enjoy things. [Jennifer] Yeah, we also enjoy things, so, [Aaron] In moderation. [Jennifer] in moderation. That's good. [Aaron] So, Oh I wanna give that quick tip real quick, 'cause people are probably thinking like, "Well, what about the ingredients?" Just a quick tip on ingredients, the order of ingredients on the box, so like starting from the first, to the second, to the third, the higher up an ingredient is on the box, the more of that ingredient is in the product. So if sugar is in the top three ingredients, that means there's a lot of sugar in that item. So if wheat's the first or water, that's how they order the ingredients, based off of amount of ingredients. [Jennifer] So here's another one, it's really random, but I've been seeing a naturopath for my thyroid issues through this last year, and one of the things she asked me is if we use Weed and Feed. And I didn't even know, 'cause you usually do-- [Aaron] For the lawns? Yeah. [Jennifer] the lawns, yeah. And that was just one instance where she was like, "Well, instead of using that, "why don't you just pick the weeds?" like-- [Aaron] Or leave the weeds. [Jennifer] or leave the weeds. So there's a lots of things in our life that we can look at and evaluate, and say, "Oh, we should probably make change." It doesn't have to happen all at once, but it is something that we should be aware of, to go, "Hey what's happening to this exposure "that we're doing to our bodies. "And how can we maintain a healthy body?' [Aaron] And the Weed and Feed was important because was saying, "You guys walk on "that grass all the time." And like, it goes into your skin, and you're going to be affected by it. Because you're you're working with your thyroid and all of these things, effect that. Which is interesting because, we knew back then that you were probably sensitive to some stuff, and now we know now, you are definitely sensitive to things. Your body's gonna react, maybe differently than someone who, has normal functioning thyroid, or endocrine system or all that. [Jennifer] Right. Okay so, we we're just going to get into kind of a list of our non-toxic products because-- [Aaron] These are literally things that we use, pretty much on a regular basis. [Jennifer] Two reasons, one we just thought it would be fun to share these things, and if you guys you know want to know more, you can reach out to us on Instagram @marriage-- [Aaron] Reach out to Jennifer about the [Jennifer] I was going to say @marriageaftergod. [Aaron] Ah there ya go. [Jennifer] or @unveiledwife We also know that everyone's always looking for, you know, new things or ideas or inspiration so, we just hope that by sharing these, it's an encouragement to you, and give you some information. [Aaron] And I'll also let you guys know that we're not like necessarily sponsored by any of these people. We're just we're literally going to share with you guys the things that we love-- [Jennifer] Now I will say, [Aaron] and use. [Jennifer] that some of these things that I put on the list, and we've been using Young Living Essential Oils for [Aaron] Several years now. [Jennifer] about four or five years now. And we did just recently, just be more open to sharing the business side of things on social media. You may have seen that, maybe not. And so I know you said that we're not sponsored by this, but we,-- [Aaron] But we use it. [Jennifer] but we do use Young Living, and we do believe in what they have to offer, and and have really fallen in love with their products. So, I just wanted to put that out there, just so that people know and we're clear about that. [Aaron] We're not trying to be tricky or anything, we just, these are literally products we love and no one's asked us to share about them. Except for us, wanting to share about them. [Jennifer] Okay so when it comes to cleaning I really love the Thieves Spray, which in the beginning I was using wrong, because I didn't know it could be diluted. I literally would just put the spray cap-- [Aaron] And everything was just like slimy and had like, film all over the [Jennifer] Uh yeah, like a residue. [Aaron] We had residue everywhere. [Jennifer] On the countertops. [Aaron] Oh man, there was no germs I bet. [Jennifer] Ah, probably not. So the Thieves container comes, and then you dilute it, and it lasts a long time. But it smells really good, and I can use it for-- [Aaron] Everything. [Jennifer] I feel like every, one product, I feel like I can use for so much. [Aaron] And what's awesome is like, if you sprayed it on food by accident, I'm not saying you should eat it, but it's not going to be like spraying Lysol on something. Like you spray the table, you spray the the highchair, you spray, you're not worried about this, you know hurting your children. Which is awesome. It's an added benefit to this kind of cleaning product. [Jennifer] Another awesome cleaning product, is by a company called Norwex, it's really awesome you guys, they do these microfiber cloths, but they're like-- [Aaron] Aren't they infused with like silver? [Jennifer] Yeah, they're infused with silver, and they just, I don't know what about it is, but like, when you go to clean the stove, you barely have to even scrape, it's just like, [Aaron] Reusable [Jennifer] It like makes you want to clean. The window rag, you just you put water on it, and just wipe your window down, and they look crystal clear. I bought these mitts for the kids that have, they're just really easy slip-on gloves, but they're good for dusting, [Aaron] So that they can help clean? [Jennifer] So that they can help clean. Oh and our mop, I use the Norwex mop, and it's just really nice. It's good, I like it. I like their stuff. [Aaron] I wouldn't say those are necessarily, healthy products, they're just good products that we love using. [Jennifer] Oh yeah. [Aaron] On that specific one, [Jennifer] On the Norwex side of things. [Aaron] I did wanna go back, and just real quick, the Thieves Spray, we just talked about, I wanted to say it like it what it replaces. Because I think, as we go, we should just remind them, also, what it replaces like, it replaces Lysol spray, it replaces window spray, it replaces like toilet cleaner, it replaces all these things that you'd use to clean your countertops, or your floors, or your tables, or your, it does all of those things. [Jennifer] So for all you minimalists out there, [Aaron] You get one thing, and it does all. [Jennifer] It'll make your cleaning closet, or cupboard very pretty looking. [Aaron] It also smells really nice. [Jennifer] It does, that's true. For laundry, again that they sell Thieves Laundry Detergent and we've really liked that. And I just noticed that, there's a drastic difference when washing towels and washcloths. They're just so much cleaner. [Aaron] And they smell fresher, and they feel nicer. I've been really liking that, as well. This is this one's kind of like for me. So Jennifer, actually, doesn't use the the Thieves Laundry Soap for me, because I'm really sensitive, my skin, if we, if there's any laundry detergent that has any sort of dyes or perfumes or anything, I get like a rash, on my whole body. [Jennifer] If I even think about changing it, he breaks out-- [Aaron] Now, it happens, we've gone, we've stayed at hotels in the past, and I wake up in the morning and I'm just like red, and I go down and I'm like, "What are you guys washing your stuff with?" And they're like "We don't know, why?" And I'm like "I like I need something else." It's like horrible 'cause I'm like sleeping on these blankets and pillows, and so the only thing that we found work, we've actually tried venturing out, into other things, is the Arm & Hammer Sensitive Skin laundry detergent. [Jennifer] But it's fragrance-free, it's clear, [Aaron] Dye free. I'm sure it's got a couple of bad things in it, but literally, it's the only one that I've been able to use and not like break out in a rash on my body. But that comes in a huge bottle and we use it for me so. [Jennifer] Okay so earlier, we mentioned the shower, and just how the bathroom is much [Aaron] less cluttered, [Jennifer] Yeah, less cluttered. So we use dr. Bronner's for just about everything when it comes to washing our bodies. [Aaron] Body wash, shampoo, [Jennifer] I use it in the kids hair, I throw it in their bath and they have different scents, and they come in big bottles [Aaron] I like the rose scented one. [Jennifer] I will say this, the first couple times that we used it, do you remember how it felt like, really different, almost oily, but then once you got out of the shower it was like, [Aaron] Yeah, 'cause it doesn't suds the same way, as like a regular shampoo and also, you have to dilute it. And so you if you use too much, it's like everywhere but it comes off really easy. Doesn't leave any residue, but it's, we love it we use it for everything. Apparently you can use dr. Bronner's for like, laundry soap, [Jennifer] Yep. and dish washing soap [Jennifer] You can use it for a lot of stuff. [Aaron] We use it mainly in the shower, but yeah, you can [Jennifer] I use it for my face wash now, face and body wash, [Aaron] You can use it for everything. We wanna make a note that, the company that that owns dr. Bronner's, they write a bunch of weird stuff on the packaging so we're not necessarily endorsing what is written on the packaging, but we love the product. [Jennifer] When it comes to my like, lotions and things like that, Cetaphil is pretty bland, there's not very much stuff in it. I've used that for years now. I love the orange blossom and ART brand from Young Living when it comes to face moisturizer. The Genesis lotion is also really great, especially because, well, it smells clean and fresh, but it's not super fragrant. That one's good, just an overall lotion, I use that one for the kids. But also, Aaron, [Aaron] Yeah, there's a lotion that I, I hate lotions, like I don't like putting anything in my hands, even though, like right now, my hands are so dry because it's so dry out. But I hate feeling like greasy and the lotion I love the most is from Bend Soap Company, they're actually right here in our hometown. And they make this goat milk lotion, they make goat milk soap, they make a lot of really awesome things. So if you have really sensitive skin, like eczema, things like that, their soaps are amazing for it. That's actually why they started the company, 'cause one of their sons had issues with skin like that. [Jennifer] What I like is their milk bath, it comes in these like shavings, [Aaron] Oh yeah. [Jennifer] And it's just, you toss it in the bath with the kids, and it's just so fun. [Aaron] So just go check out Bend Soap Company, I can't remember the domain, but just Google Bend Soap Company. And their lotion, does not feel greasy. Once it's rubbed in, it's like, it smells nice, it feels great. [Jennifer] You don't have to go wash your hands [Aaron] It feels soft, yeah I don't have to wash my hands afterwards. [Jennifer] For toothpaste we do use Young Living. The Thieves whitening, specifically, is really good for us. And then we use it the kid's ones for the kids. But for the deodorant, this was a big one for me, because I feel like every time I try to use like, a natural deodorant, it just felt weird [Aaron] They don't work. [Jennifer] and didn't work [Jennifer] Yeah, but there's a new company out I'd say a fairly new. They're gaining ground, they're like in Target now, [Aaron] Yeah, they actually have some body washes now, I saw. [Jennifer] Oh really? [Aaron] Yeah, I almost bought a bottle of it. [Jennifer] Oh you should, I'll have to try it. [Aaron] But I like my Bronner's [Jennifer] I know. It's called Native. And they have great scents, it goes on smooth, almost silky like, and it works. Someone asked me, "Do you think it'll work during postpartum?" And I'm like, "That I haven't tried yet, "so we'll know this time around." But I've really really enjoyed Native. [Aaron] Yeah, it doesn't have the heavy metals, or nothin' in it, [Jennifer] Paraben-free [Aaron] So it won't necessarily protect you from perspiring, I should say. It's not an antiperspirant, it's a deodorant. So it protects from the smell, but-- [Jennifer] I don't, really notice-- [Aaron] Yeah, well, it's winter right now, so I don't know, sometimes. [Jennifer] I've been using it for a while though. [Aaron] But I like it a lot. It smells great, it feels good, and deodorant is another one that's really been a, hard one for me because, like, pretty much any deodorant I use, I used to use the Arm & Hammer deodorant, but that has some metals in it, and so I've since switched to Native, but Arm & Hammer and Native are the only ones that don't give me rashes on my arms. And they're painful, you've see them. [Jennifer] Yeah, [Aaron] Like, I they hurt. And I've loved their deodorants. [Jennifer] Another good product for chapstick, is Burt's Bees. [Aaron] Yeah that's good. Especially their vanilla brand, [Aaron] I think a lot of people are like, "yeah, I like that." Burt's Bees, they've been pretty synonymous for chapsticks. [Jennifer] That or coconut oil. Which coconut oil, you guys, you could used for literally everything. [Aaron] Yeah, we should do an episode on that. [Jennifer] Dry skin, lips-- [Aaron] intimacy, oh we're gonna talk about it. [Jennifer] Lubricancy, or, lubricancy? [Aaron] Lubricancy [Jennifer] Whatever that is. [Aaron] It's like, new word. [Jennifer] Okay before we get there, supplements, some things that I've been taking his last year, Nordic Naturals-- [Aaron] You've been, just real quick, you've been getting a lot, into the supplements, just because of your-- [Jennifer] Thyroid. [Aaron] your thyroid. So you've been learning a lot about these. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] Because we're, we're trying to avoid going with other stronger, methods, we're trying to do the natural way, [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] and you've been, pretty consistent with this. [Jennifer] Yeah, and just as a testament, after being on the supplements, I have actually, my numbers have gone down, and in my symptoms have pretty much dissipated, but I've also been pregnant the last nine months. [Aaron] Which does change things, yep. [Jennifer] So it does change things. But Nordic Naturals has a really great, strawberry flavored, omega-3. Which I love. And I've been taking-- [Aaron] So it doesn't just taste like fish? It tastes like strawberries? That's good. [Jennifer] Yeah. We've taking D3 a lot. Young Living has a great line of supplements that we use, like the vitamin C, the vitamin B, Multigreens, [Aaron] Yeah, I've been loving their Master Formula. It's like a pack of like five little supplements, and vitamin B, C, D3, all these different ones. I've been taking that, pretty much regularly, every day, I really enjoy that one. [Jennifer] Cool. Okay so for pregnancy and post-partum care, my friend recommended ancient magnesium lotion for restless legs, and it works. [Aaron] Do you get restless legs when you're pregnant? [Jennifer] Yeah, mostly towards the end, [Aaron] I'm being facetious, because I know. [Jennifer] I know, Aaron does the massaging, with the lotion, [Aaron] Yeah [Jennifer] Thank you, Aaron. [Aaron] You've had pretty bad restless legs this time. [Jennifer] Yeah, [Aaron] And the magnesium lotion-- [Jennifer] It's been good. [Aaron] And lavender, on your feet. [Jennifer] Yep. [Aaron] Has been, really helping you. [Jennifer] Yep, that's true. [Aaron] 'Cause I can tell, 'cause then you fall asleep. [Jennifer] Yeah. I've love it. And then the other thing that helps, has helped me during this pregnancy is the Young Living Deep Relief roller and I don't necessarily put it on, but like I smell it, like especially when I'm nauseous, or anything like that. [Aaron] I personally don't like this one because of how cold it feels. It's like all this-- [Jennifer] When you put it on, yeah. [Aaron] Like the peppermint in it, I just can't. [Jennifer] The cooling effect. [Aaron] But it does work, but it's too cold for me. So you brought up makeup in the beginning, I remember you used to go to the MAC store and you were like, "We have to go to the mall, I need some MAC." And I was like, "Are you serious? "You look beautiful." I've never liked you wearing makeup. You remember this? I was like, "You don't need to wear makeup." But you've used since not used makeup, the MAC makeup and for a long time, you didn't use almost anything, because we couldn't find anything. What do you use now? I'm sure some of the women are like, "What kind of makeup do you use?" [Jennifer] Yeah, so I would say, like my everyday would be, a primer from Urban Decay, which just kind of holds the eyeshadow on, and the eye shadow is also from Urban Decay. And I just like it, they're neutral colors, easy to put on really quick, and the times that I do use foundation, it's a powder foundation from Young Living, it's called Savvy Minerals, it's like a mineral makeup. And it goes on super light and so, [Aaron] But that's rare. [Jennifer] Yeah, it's like on Sundays. [Aaron] I would say you used to use a lot more makeup, and now it's like, you do a little eyeliner, [Jennifer] Yeah, [Aaron] You do a little mascara, [Jennifer] I don't use eyeliner actually. [Aaron] You don't use eyeliner? [Jennifer] No but my mascara, Smashbox has been a really good favorite, paraben-free, and Clinique. [Aaron] Clinique, [Jennifer] Yep. [Aaron] So no eyeliner, but mascara, okay, and then you use some lipstick sometimes. [Jennifer] Every once in a while. [Aaron] Yeah. [Jennifer] The Burt's Bees tinted is really nice. [Aaron] 'cause it's kinda like lipstick, and it's moisturizing [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] Yeah, so I'm just making a note that you wear way less makeup than you use to [Jennifer] Oh yeah. [Aaron] And I think you're beautiful. [Jennifer] Thank you. [Aaron] Yeah, well, I'm not lying. I've never been a fan of a lot of makeup, and because of this, you've since found contentment in just a very little. [Jennifer] Yep. [Aaron] Which I think is really awesome. [Jennifer] Okay so when it comes to intimacy, you guys we ditched pretty much, well, we did all lubricants because of-- [Aaron] And we've tried a lot of lubricants 'cause, [Jennifer] We've tried a lot [Aaron] 'cause, things didn't work. [Jennifer] But there were so many of 'em that had parabens in it. [Aaron] All of them. [Jennifer] Every single one, [Jennifer] We didn't even know, [Aaron] Had parabens, yeah. [Jennifer] And then other things on top of that that were just not good for you, so, we stuck to coconut oil for a really long time. [Aaron] So, tip, coconut oil's amazing, for that, specifically, and it's so good for you too. And it feels good. That was a little side note, for the adults in the room. So, I guess what we wanna get at, and I'm sure there's like a ton more things that we-- [Jennifer] I know, [Aaron] we use that are healthy, and we could probably, make a whole other list, but we essentially, wanted to show you that we've simplified, we found the handful of products that we love, and that we know what's in them, and we just, what's really awesome about this is, we it makes shopping easier, it's actually cheaper 'cause we're not buying a bunch of stuff and always experimenting, we're not always saying like "Well, let's try this new thing." We just say "Nope, we love this product. "Let's just go with it, we know it works." And so it makes, we don't think as much about those things. We know that we're minimizing the amount of chemicals we're putting on us, on our kids. And so we can have some peace of mind, and just one less thing that we have to think about, in our home. And we can put more intention into the spiritual growth of our family, into our careers, into our children, into each other, and we're not like worried about these other things. [Jennifer] Yeah, or when you say, "don't put as much "thought into them," I would say initially we do, because we do look at ingredients. We look and we do our research and figure out what we want to use, and we're in agreement when we choose things, but then, once we know what it is, it's kinda like that going back to that spaghetti sauce, once we found the one that didn't have sugar in it, we just stick to that one. [Aaron] And it's great. We love it. [Jennifer] And it makes it easy. It makes it so easy when you know what you are good with. [Aaron] Well, and grocery shopping's hard. I don't know if everyone who's listening is like, "Yeah grocery shopping's hard." Like, for us it's hard, like, so once you, instead of trying to reinvent the wheel every single time, we've kinda, we slowly over time with built, our list of things that we like, "Oh, these are the things-- [Jennifer] Stick to the basics [Aaron] "that we can, "we're just gonna go to those things." And some of them are a little but more expensive. But what's awesome is we don't get as much of everything, like we get those handful of things and I was just at the grocery store the other day, and I was just thinking how awesome it is, that we have these habits on the things that we get. There's just the staples in our home, there's things that we get often. We've already looked at the ingredients. We know we enjoy them. We know that we like them. And it just makes these normal, everyday things so much more enjoyable and easy. They're less stressful like, all around like, this this this way of thinking, is just good for our everyday life. To simplify, to know the things that we like, and we create the good habit. And then that habit is there. So we don't have to reinvent the wheel, every single time we walk to the grocery store. Or every time we are shopping for something for our home, and for our kids. [Jennifer] And we also gotta know when we do choose that organic, clean, non-toxic, or non-GMO, whatever the thing is, we can't be up so obsessive about it that when we go out, or someone offers us, or brings us-- [Aaron] Right. That's a good point. [Jennifer] food during, postpartum, or whatever it is, that we're not nitpicky in a way that promotes-- [Aaron] Is this from that specific brand? [Jennifer] Yeah, let's not be like that. [Aaron] Yeah, we're not, yeah. [Jennifer] And I guess what I'm trying to say is we can't make it in idol. I think it's important to be healthy, and do the best that we can, but there's going to be times that we can't, and that's okay. We can't make living out this way, become an idol in our lives, and especially not become a strife point between husband and wife. I think this is something that you guys, [Aaron] Or friends, [Jennifer] can learn about together. Engage in together, and agree on together. [Aaron] That's a really good point, you know it's good to, in general, be making healthier habits in our life, but the point is not just to be healthier, it's too have a good habits. It's to walk rightly and have wisdom. And so is that thing, if those things, are getting in the way of your relationships with other people, they need to be put on the shelf. Not forever, but like you need to check yourself, and say "Am I letting this thing get in the way of them?" [Jennifer] Yeah, or if you really, truly have a heart to encourage your friends, or family members, or whoever to also, live a healthy lifestyle, be patient with them, because it might take someone else more time, than maybe it took you, or I don't know, I just feel like we need to have compassion for people's learning experience, [Aaron] Yeah, well and also don't let this, one last little warning, don't let this be the message you preach. It's good to encourage people and say "Hey like, you know, why don't you try this? "Why don't you try some more healthy things? "Here's an idea." It's one thing to share, healthy lifestyle, and to encourage someone, but if that if that replaces the message we should be preaching, the message of Christ, if like we have this opportunity and we're instead, we're encouraging someone to be healthier, and then what were thinking is, holiness comes from that. Rather than encouraging someone in Christ, and making the healthy lifestyle thing, that's an ancillary thing in our life that were like, "Oh and I like to live healthy, "and here's some ideas if you're interested." So the main messages is our life represents Christ and we preach him. 'Cause, we could do that sometimes. I got excited about crossfit, and every conversation I had was about crossfit, and I have to check myself and be like, "Hey, is this getting in the way "of the message I should be preaching right now? [Jennifer] That's really good Aaron, and I just, you know, just even thinking about this episode, it's little bit fun and quirky, and you know, not very Christ driven, but yet, I think the encouragement here is that we're aware of what we're putting in and on our bodies because, the scripture to tell us about, our bodies being the Holy Temple. [Aaron] Right, and we're, it's just being wise. Let's be wise with our bodies, and we can't control everything, and we shouldn't try and control everything. But what we can control, with moderation, with wisdom, and with sober mindedness, you know, thinking rightly, I think there's wisdom in that. And walking good, and not just putting junk in our bodies, and on our bodies. [Jennifer] And it has felt really good, I think you would agree with me, in having the conversations from time to time, about our lifestyle choices, about the things that we're doing, the things that were buying, and it's something that we evaluate often. You know, even when we go to the grocery store and so, I would hope that this episode, encourages couples to do that. [Aaron] Yeah. [Jennifer] So I also wanna let you guys know that if you, especially the wife, if you're interested in following me on Instagram, @unveiledwife, there's a highlight tab called toxic, free, healthy living, and you can get more information there. And also if you're curious about more things, if you want to hear more about, you know, the things that we use just message me. [Aaron] So before we close in prayer, I thought it'd be cool if we let everyone know some of the resources and people that we follow that kinda promote, some healthy living, so what are you share some of those? [Jennifer] So Dashing Dish, she's a good friend of ours and she is-- [Aaron] She's awesome. [Jennifer] really good at just like, meal planning, healthy fitness, [Aaron] Believer, loves the Lord. [Jennifer] everything you can think of, if you want some inspiration she's a great resource. Dr. Mark Hyman H-Y-M-A-N, is a really great resource, he just talks about the holistic living, like that Aaron mentioned. Carrie Vitt, I think it's a Vitt, or Veet. It's C-A-R-R-I-E V-I-T-T and on Instagram, that's where I follow her, and she talks a lot about thyroid health. So I mention that earlier-- [Aaron] Yeah, which is important to you. [Jennifer] Yeah, if you guys are interested in more inspiration for thyroid health, she's a great one to listen to, or watch, or follow. Follow, yeah. [Jennifer] I don't know what it's called. Another one is just.ingredients. She is going to really fun resource, a newer resource that-- [Aaron] Someone shared this with you, yeah. [Jennifer] someone shared with me, and she does like, Costco overhauls, she'll compare products and it's just been really great. [Aaron] A note on her, isn't she the one, that she'll say "If you can't do this, "at least do this?" [Jennifer] Yeah, I think so. [Aaron] And so she shows you like, if you can't afford this, the best product, here's one that's a little bit better than that other product. [Jennifer] I know she shows pictures too, of like, comparing products and things like that. So that's just.ingredients. And then another one I've been falling recently, is Purely Parsons. She's a fun one, just a mom, also nurse, who shares a lot of things, and her highlight reel, I mean, so much about birth, postpartum care, flu season, just home remedies, farming, like, anything that you can think of that you want to know more about, she's just a fun person to follow. And I really appreciated, how much time she takes in explaining things, and sharing resources. And then we had mentioned Sugar Busters, but if you want to know more about the toxi, I can't say that word, [Aaron] Toxicity. of sugar, Dr. Robert Lustig L-U-S-T-I-G [Aaron] Oh yeah, he's the guy [Jennifer] he's the guy. And especially on YouTube. Just research him and check out some of his-- [Aaron] He talks about what sugar does in our bodies. and this is not to be an anti sugar talk, we just when we're aware of how things interact with our body, how God created our bodies, it's pretty interesting 'cause it's not normal things to learn, so just wanna encourage you to check that out. So hey, we just want to thank everyone for being here today. As usual, we like to close in prayer. And so just Jennifer, why don't you pray for us? [Jennifer] Okay. Dear Lord, thank you for our bodies. We pray would be good stewards of our bodies and consider all that goes on them, and in them. We pray we would be willing to take the time and research the items we use on a daily basis. Using things that help us and not hurt us. Lord, we ask that you would give us wisdom as we navigate living a healthy lifestyle. Help us to make good choices, and be on the same page in marriage, so that we can enjoy the benefits of living toxic-free. Please help us to not be overwhelmed by the process of learning, but rather, help us to be humble and willing to learn so that we can choose what is healthy for us, and be advocates of healthy living for the sake of others. We pray living healthy would not become an idol in our lives and would not hinder any of our relationships. May we be people who don't just consume, but people who care about our bodies, and take care of them. In Jesus' name, amen. [Aaron] Amen. We love you all, We thank you for joining us on this episode. We hope it was enjoyable and educational. Go follow @unveiledwife and check out some of her, some more of her things. She posts about them often. And again, we love you, and we look forward to having you next week, possibly as long as we don't have the baby before then, we'll get some episodes up. See you next week. Did you enjoy Today Show? If you did, it would mean the world to us if you could leave us a review on iTunes. Also, if you're interested, you can find many more encouraging stories and resources at marriageaftergod.com. And let us help you cultivate an extraordinary marriage.    Connect With UsInstagram | @marriageaftergodInstagram | @unveiledwifeInstagram | @husbandrevolutionCheck out our marriage resources!SponsorsGet our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage!