Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay

Dr. Jill Corvelli has created "The Corvelli ND Compass", and she talks about how this model guides her work with neurodiverse couples, as well as how she is using the “Compass” to help neurodiverse couples better understand how they both navigate through time and space.  The model focuses on three core components and each is critical to moving from misunderstanding and challenges, to understanding and acceptance.  During this episode, Jill shares how her Compass helps couples increase "education" about each other, so they can come up with a playbook that helps them bridge different styles. How "Niche Construction",  helps both partners better understand the rituals, behaviors and practices that are important in their relationship. Increase understanding of "Developmental Change" and how couples move from "bonding", during the initial phase of their "love relationship” to "differentiation", where they are often activating each other, as they work on making space for their differences. Jill also talks about how challenging it can be when "reactivity" becomes an ongoing issue and then partners are chronically going into "flight, fright or flee" mode.  She provides ways in which to address this and talks about how triggering this can be to both partners. We also talk about the challenge of "pseudo-motivation", when one partner is not fully committed to working on themselves, or the relationship, and how Jill can help address and possibly change this.  Jill also talks about how important it is for her take a leadership role when she begins working with a neurodiverse couple and how she works to ensure that the couple is skilled at using the most valuable techniques and tools because they have educated themselves, engaged in niche construction and understand the developmental changes that have occurred in their relationship.  She also talks about the importance of both partners doing work between sessions, so that small and consistent changes can occur. We also review some of the assessment tools and processes Jill uses to better understand each couple she works with; the importance of understanding each other's values; and getting a better understanding of how each partner contributes to making it difficult for their partner to give them what they want.   We end this outstanding episode with a brief discussion about sexual intimacy and with Jill sharing how important it is for neurodiverse couples, and the therapists and coaches working with them, to have hope that neurodiverse couples can thrive and learn how to have a healthy relationship that can meet the needs of both partners. To contact Jill you can check out her website at: www.jillcorvelli.com.  On her website you can also find more information about her self-study courses, her 12 hour intensives and the groups she offers on 6 different topics. You can also purchase her self-study courses at: www.neuroific.com.   __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast, so that you don't miss an episode. If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com  You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com  Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!  

Jen Malia is an author, professor, autism advocate, wife and mom who received her autism diagnosis on the same day as her daughter.   She writes about this experience in her New York Times article.  Jen shares openly how challenging it was for her to get diagnosed and unfortunately, so many other autistic women will probably relate to her story.  Jen had done lots of research, seen various professionals who dismissed her requests for an assessment, however her persistence paid off when she met with a caring, knowledgeable clinical psychologist who properly assessed and diagnosed her.   Jen shares openly and honestly about how her husband responded to her and her children's diagnoses and how they have worked together to create balance and happiness as a neurodiverse family.  Her and her husband give each other a lot more space and grace, and have learned how to focus on their own strengths and self-care needs.  In addition, they have created access to resources and opportunities for each of their autistic children.    Jen also shares how she suffers from migraines and prior to her diagnosis she ended up hospitalized with a potentially life threatening medical issue.  After her diagnosis she realized that "autistic burnout" may have been a contributing factor to the hospitalization, which required a month of recovery. If you would like to follow Jen her handle on Twitter and Instagram is Jenmaliabooks.  You can also connect with her on LinkedIn or check out her website at: www.jenmalia.com.  Her children's book  "Too Sticky: Sensory Issues with Autism" is available wherever books are sold:-) Note from Mona: No one should have to go through life fighting to be heard, understood and accepted, however this challenge is one that so many undiagnosed autistic adults (and especially women and non-binary people) experience. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ The Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards are available for purchase.  If you would like to buy a deck, please check out the "Conversation Cards" page on our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast, so that you don't miss an episode. If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode,  Mona talks with Life Coach-Robin Tate.  Robin shares how important it is for her to continuously compliment the successes and strengths of the neurodiverse couples she works with and to remind both partners how their brains are "equal and different". She also discusses communication differences and the importance of addressing "perspective taking" during arguments and for both partners to remember their "on the same team".  Robin also shares how literal language and weak central coherence can sometimes cause unintentional misunderstandings and flooding that can lead to shutdowns or meltdowns (flight or fright response). We also address how physical, emotional and verbal abuse can become a reality in some relationships because of continued flooding, misunderstanding and unresolved conflict.  We also discuss how codependency and addictions can look in neurodiverse relationships and how each can impact both partners.   We address some very emotional, but important issues throughout this episode.  I hope this discussion can give couples an opportunity to address the importance of understanding themselves individually and in relationship to their partner, so they can both work to reduce misunderstanding and conflict and increase understanding and appreciation of each other's differences. Some of the issues we discuss in this episode may be triggers for some of our listeners, so we want to make sure that those of you who do not feel safe in your relationship know that you can contact the national domestic violence hotline at: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).  In addition, if you need help getting treatment for an addiction please call SAMHSA's National Helpline at: 1-800-662- HELP (4357).  In addition, there are several white papers on neurodiverse relationships that may be of interest to some of our listeners. They can be found at: https://mixedneurological.com/white-papers/ If you are interested in learning more about the research Dr. Pnina Arad has done regarding the physical and mental well being of women in neurodiverse relationships you can download her recent article at: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/359343205_Physical_and_Mental_Well-Being_of_Women_in_Neurodiverse_Relationships_A_Comparative_Study If you want to contact Robin you can e-mail her at: RobinTateLLC@gmail.com, connect with her on LinkedIn, or check out her website at: www.robintatellc.com __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ The Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards are available for purchase.  If you would like to buy a deck, please check out the "Conversation Cards" page on our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast, so that you don't miss an episode. If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

In this engaging discussion, Dr. Michael McNulty, a certified Gottman Therapist and Master Trainer, shares insights on improving communication in neurodiverse relationships. He dives into the infamous 'Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse'—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—offering strategies to overcome them. Listeners learn about the importance of taking responsibility, soft start-ups, and recognizing emotional needs. Dr. McNulty emphasizes the value of taking breaks to prevent shutdowns, ensuring couples can foster connection and understanding.

During this episode Matthew shares a little bit about his career in writing and the work he is doing in film and tv.  In addition, he talks about the path he took to get an autism diagnosis in his 40's.  He shares how his literal communication style has been both a strength and a challenge in his relationships and why his doctor once called him an "extrapolation engine".  Matthew is divorced, has 3 children and shares a little about how he managed some of the aspects of family life and the experiences he has had with some of his other romantic relationships.  Matthew also shares how he was diagnosed as hyperactive in elementary school and received many other diagnoses along the way, however autism had not even been a passing thought, until a friend (and her mother) suggested that he might be autistic.  Mathewt began to read more about autism and then went to see several therapists who both told him that that they thought he was autistic.  Matthew shares openly how his autism journey unfolded, as well as the advice he would give to others who may be on their own neurodiverse path. If you would like to contact Matthew, you can reach him on Instagram @the_other_tin_dog (The Disaster Autist) ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ The Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards are available for purchase.  If you would like to buy a deck, please check out the "Conversation Cards" page on our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast, so that you don't miss an episode. If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Moshe and Tobi share their journey as a neurodiverse couple navigating marriage and impending parenthood. Tobi's recent autism diagnosis has transformed their communication and understanding of each other's needs. They highlight the challenges of sensory sensitivities during pregnancy and the importance of advocating for autistic individuals in healthcare. The couple discusses how they learn to adapt their daily interactions, balance emotional needs, and embrace individuality in their relationship, leading to personal growth and deeper connections.

This is another fantastic episode for both partners in a Neurodiverse Love relationship to listen to together.  Dr. K. is a Board Certified Gottman Therapist and talks about the importance of knowing that Dr. John Gottman's research has shown that 69% of our challenges in romantic relationships are due to things that won't change.  However, understanding ourselves and our partners better can help us learn which problems are "perpetual" and which are "solvable".  She shares how important it is for both partners to know when they have reached their limits socially, emotionally or in other areas of life.  Dr. K. also provides valuable strategies for managing triggers that may lead to meltdowns or burnout.  She also talks about the strengths of neurodiverse relationships and how both partners will need to adapt and change and have better social and communication skills.  Dr. K. also talks about how factual, clear communication can be helpful for both partners to learn and grow and how important it is for partners to respond positively to attempts to "turn toward" each other when one wants more time together.  You will also learn about how all relationships have "poop in the pipes"  and there are proactive, healthy ways of dealing with that.  Since Dr. Gottman's research has shown that 69% of the things that bother us and cause challenges in our romantic relationships will never go away, how can you and your partner learn to value each other's strengths, accept and understand each other's differences and move beyond the immovable issues to make for a healthier relationship. Dr. K. provides some great tools for helping couples do exactly that! You can reach Dr. K. at: www.couplestherapyinc.com ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ The Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards are available for purchase.  If you would like to buy a deck, please check out the "Conversation Cards" page on our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast, so that you don't miss an episode. If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this fantastic episode, Mona has an opportunity to talk to two amazing researchers who are in the UK doing groundbreaking work to better understand autistic adults intimate lives.  Monique Huysamen and Marianthi Kourti share some of the findings from their phenomenal qualitative research study that is focused on learning what autistic adults want and need in their intimate lives.  This study included an analysis of a multitude of government documents on autism, interviews with 20 autistic individuals and on-line focus groups with 50 autistics individuals.   Learn more about what the autistic adults shared: what they like, what they want to be different and what some of their challenges have been. Many of the adults shared how they didn't know how to do relationships or intimacy because they had no guidance.  Unfortunately, as autistic children become adults they may feel more isolated and begin to lose some of the supports they had through school and government agencies.  Some of the participants talked about both the challenges and joy of sensory differences and understanding both.  Others addressed how they might be more comfortable exploring in different ways in their intimate lives.  In addition, others shared the importance of finding a community where they could feel safe and comfortable.  For some, this might be in the BDSM or Kink community, where the communication patterns were more direct and the boundaries clearly stated.   In the future, Monique and Marianthi will be creating toolkits for the autistic partners and non-autistic/neurotypical partners to help more autistic adults and their partners live their best intimate lives. Note: we apologize for the technical challenges we had during this episode.  We were also disconnected from one of the guests at about 1/3 of the way through the episode, but were able to reconnect with them.    You can contact Monique and Marianthi through the SAAIL website at: https://autlives.wixsite.com/research  or on Twitter @autspace ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ The Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards are available for purchase.  If you would like to buy a deck, please check out the "Conversation Cards" page on our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast, so that you don't miss an episode. If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Candice and Chris have a special, deep love for each other and couldn't understand why they kept having SO many communication challenges and misunderstandings in their relationship.  As Candice began to get feedback from Chris and her colleagues, she realized that she needed a way to communicate better.  Based on a look back at some of her past and current challenges she began to suspect she was autistic and moved forward on a formal diagnosis. After her diagnosis, everything changed for her and her husband Chris.  Candice calls Chris her "special interest" as she shares some of the things she not only understands better, but that she and Chris have worked on improving individually and in their marriage, so that they can thrive in all areas of life.   Working from a place of grace, compassion, and curiosity Candice and Chris have learned so many positive strategies for better communication and implemented lots of effective tools and strategies that have helped them create a healthy relationship, that is filled with lots of humor and understanding. Candice is a therapist and Chris is a coach who is working on getting his Ph.D. in psychoneuroimmunology.  Together, this amazing couple are shifting the paradigm for neurodiverse couples by inspiring hope, providing training, coaching and therapy and sharing information through "Fabulously Candice-The Sexiest Podcast About Neurodivergence". Both Candice and Chris have done IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy and understand how their "parts" have impacted their lives and their relationship. They are also Gottman certified and use both of these therapeutic modalities and the tools in each, to create a thriving, healthy relationship for themselves, as well as many of the individuals and couples they work with at "Namaste Center For Healing. We end this episode discussing porn addiction and sexual sensitivities and the ways in which Candice and Chris work with couples to heal from betrayal through porn.  We also address how they can help couples move forward to create a healthy sex life and a trusting relationship.  This is definitely another important episode that can be very helpful for both partners to listen to individually and/or together.  It was such a pleasure getting to talk to this awesome couple and I hope you will check out the services and resources they have available by checking out the websites below.   To contact Candice and Chris go to: www.namasteadvice.com You can also learn more about Candice at: www.candicechristiansen.com __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you like this podcast, please follow us or subscribe so you don't miss an episode.  Please also take a minute to rate the podcast. For more information on Neurodiverse relationships or to purchase a deck on the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards please check out: The Neurodiverse Love website at: www.neurodiverselove.com The Neurodiverse Love Instagram page: @neurodiverse_love If you would like to join one of our free online Neurodiverse Love peer support groups, please send a DM on IG, or send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Also, if you would like to share your Neurodiverse Love story, or you work with neurodiverse couples and would like to be a guest on the podcast, please send us a DM or an e-mail. Thanks for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Many of us would love to turn our special interests or passion into paid employment, however that isn't always possible.  During this episode, Mona, Heather and Natalie talk about the challenges they experienced in school and employment and how they have worked to create ways to use their gifts and talents through paid employment, volunteering or hobbies.  They also share some of the challenges and experiences their partners/ex-partners have experienced, as well as their children. They address the things they wish employers and our society could do differently to support everyone's strengths and meet their needs, so that more people could be successful and supported in school and in the workplace. Whether you are unemployed, underemployed, employed at a job you like (but don't love) or have been able to turn your passion or special interest into paid employment, this is a don't miss episode.  Knowing your needs and being able to ask for them in your personal and professional relationships can be the key to success.  However, how do you begin to understand your needs and be able to effectively communicate them to others in a way that you will be heard and understood, rather then ignored, judged or misunderstood? During this episode we talk about all these issues! Your well-being is SO important!  Learn how to become the CEO of your own "Department of Well-Being" and take small steps to do the things you love and are most passionate about.  Share this information with your partner, friends, family and mentors and hopefully one day, more people in the world will be doing what they love, sharing their gifts and talents with the world and living lives that are filled with the things that bring them peace and joy. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you like this podcast, please follow us or subscribe so you don't miss an episode.  Please also take a minute to rate the podcast. For more information on Neurodiverse relationships, please check out: The Neurodiverse Love website at: www.neurodiverselove.com The Neurodiverse Love Instagram page: @neurodiverse_love The Loving Difference on-line community at: https://www.lovingdifference.net If you would like to join one of our free online Neurodiverse Love peer support groups, please send a DM on IG, or send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Also, if you would like to share your Neurodiverse Love story, or you work with neurodiverse couples and would like to be a guest on the podcast, please send us a DM or an e-mail. Thanks for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community! .