Soul Salon with Ayandastood

welcome to ACT 2 of our convo on longing for a romantic relationship and what wisdom we can learn from this longing. In this episode, I read you a love poems, invite you to define romance for yourself, and share my pov on what romance means to me, and how it can be accessed through friendship. I am sending you love, today and always. 🤎 ADVICE COLUMN: ☎️ seeking advice and want to PHONE IN with a question? ⁠⁠⁠⁠submit a voicemail here⁠⁠⁠⁠. 📩 OR WRITE IN an advice question anonymously at the ⁠⁠ASK Ayanda form⁠ here⁠. 🎥: Watch the video of this episode on Spotify or YouTube. key quotes from episode:  “I dreamed of romantic love and I thought I knew the packaging it would arrive in. But the substance was most important — and it did not come packaged as a romantic lover, but as a best friend”  “I will love and be loved. Save and be saved a thousand times.” — Kate Baer “Value all deep bonds equally” — bell hooks “Is it really so that the one I love is everywhere?” — Rumi time stamps (01:49): welcome to Act 2!  (06:50): poem: ⁠Idea⁠⁠ by Kate Baer  (20:10): my definition of romance (28:27): conceptual barriers  (36:43): poem: ⁠Looking for love⁠⁠ by Rumi  ☎️ advice hotline: phone in with a question here sources mentioned:  Poem: Idea by Kate Baer Poem: Looking for love by Rumi Essay: The Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power by Audre Lorde Book: Communion: The Female Search for Love by bell hooks join the community:  my newsletter: ayandastood.substack.com please join me here! Every Sunday: Join showing up together, a virtual working session every Sunday on Zoom from 9am-12pm EST. Follow me at @ayandastood on TikTok and @ayandastood on IG

today we are talking about longing for romantic relationship and what wisdom we can derive from this longing. how can we integrate rather than suppress our romantic longing? what else can it be channeled into? what does our longing have to say to us, and are we listening? we'll be leaning on works like bell hooks' Communion and Audre Lorde's Uses of the Erotic. This is part 1 of a 2 part series. stay tuned for next episode where we will be discussing things like: romantic friendship, the media we consume, and reimagining where we can find love and desire in our lives. sending all my love to you today, sunshine.  ADVICE COLUMN: ☎️ seeking advice and want to PHONE IN with a question? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠submit a voicemail here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. 📩 OR WRITE IN an advice question anonymously at the ⁠⁠⁠ASK Ayanda form⁠ here⁠⁠. 🎥: Watch the video of this episode on Spotify or YouTube. key quotes from episode:  “imagine we had a society structured on the principle of love: teaching us how we can be loving and receive love; creating the conditions for all kinds of love to flourish and thrive" "longing is love. what else can we channel the love underlying our romantic longing into?" Time stamps (00:44): poll + leave me a voice note <3  (03:10): what is romantic longing?  (07:45): honor your longing (14:22): integrate your longing (23:25): self-love is the beginning (25:10): longing is love (33:00): love as a practice (36:39): how can you be more loving today? ☎️ advice hotline: voice note me here with a question or thoughts sources mentioned:  Book: Communion: The Female Search for Love by bell hooks Essay: The Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power by Audre Lorde Podcast episode: Redefining the Erotic by me on Spotify, Apple, YouTube Book: Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds by adrienne maree brown Quotes: Love Quotes from the Works of A. H. Almaas Tweet by @northstardoll join the community:  my newsletter: ayandastood.substack.com please join me here! Every Sunday: Join showing up together, a virtual working session every Sunday on Zoom from 9am-12pm EST. Follow me at @ayandastood on TikTok and @ayandastood on IG

The podcast explores the paradoxes of proving ourselves and the unmet needs behind it; emphasizing pursuing things irrespective of outcome and finding love regardless of 'success'; discussing self-denial, lack of genuine support, and losing ourselves in societal expectations; revealing the importance of authenticity, self-acceptance, and creative freedom.

If you obsess over planning things instead of letting them unfold naturally, this episode is for you! Join me as we explore the notion and paradox of Becoming. Let’s release the illusion of control, and let the seed of your ideas and your relationships grow into what they wish to become. Nourishing the seed is meaningful and necessary — trying to control and define its possibilities may not be. Sending all my love to you today, sunshine.  ADVICE COLUMN: ☎️ seeking advice and want to PHONE IN with a question? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠submit a voicemail here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. 📩 OR WRITE IN an advice question anonymously at the ⁠⁠⁠⁠ASK Ayanda form⁠ here⁠⁠⁠. 🎥: Watch the video of this episode on Spotify or YouTube. Key quotes from episode:  “Honor the magic within you by understanding that you cannot fully contain, predict, or control its expression.” Time stamps (01:39): Controlling our creativity (04:37): Optimizing in dating (07:20): Nourish the seeds  (08:29): The Wisdom of Insecurity by Alan Watts (12:16): Accessing our wisdom (16:45): Breakups, birth & death (22:14): Trust the process (23:35): Examples (play, dance, etc) (28:30): My podcast’s Becoming (29:50): The importance of space  ☎️ seeking advice and want to phone in with a question? submit a voicemail here Sources mentioned:  Book: The Wisdom of Insecurity: A Message for an Age of Anxiety by Alan Watts Join the community:  my newsletter: ayandastood.substack.com please join me here! Every Sunday: Join showing up together, a virtual working session every Sunday on Zoom from 9am-12pm EST. Follow me at @ayandastood on TikTok and @ayandastood on IG Quotes from this episode:  “When we let something new Be, we also let it Become”  “In our very Being is the state of Becoming”  “Surrender the illusion that we are in control" “Suspend judgment, initially at least, and let yourself have the first draft. If you are writing and editing at the same time, for example, you are curtailing the possibilities of your words before they have even been given a chance to be fully expressed" “On a first date, you don’t need to interview someone. You can choose to just experience them”  “We have so much love to give. We only need to stop ourselves from constantly silencing that giving. We have so much wisdom to share; sometimes what we are craving most is just the space to let that voice inside of us speak; to let it unfold — to let it become" “What will you surrender to this week? What will you allow to manifest through you? Instead of trying to exert control — pause, and tap into a wisdom, power, and intelligence that is bigger than your ability to plan for it" “Honor your inner child, and your inner manifestation of love — the part of you that craves love, and the part of you that is love — and create from that place” 

today we are digging deeper into my own creative fear — why and how I fear cancellation, my experience with it thus far, and what I tell myself in the face of this fear. ADVICE COLUMN: ☎️ seeking advice and want to PHONE IN with a question? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠submit a voicemail here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. 📩 OR WRITE IN an advice question anonymously at the ⁠⁠⁠⁠ASK Ayanda form⁠ here⁠⁠⁠. 🎥: Watch the video of this episode on Spotify or YouTube. Key quote from episode:  "I fear the social death that comes with disposability culture, where Black creators are built up just to be teared down" "I'm not fearless, I'm terrified" "I want to love myself so much that I am never disposable; I am never worthless" Time stamps (00:24): quick affirmation for you (02:46): i'm not fearless I'm terrified (06:48): self-sabotage and fear (20:32): disposability culture and Black creators (28:49): what this fear stops me from doing (31:19): my past experiences with cancellation (42:05): what I tell myself in the face of fear Sources mentioned:  Book: Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds by adrienne maree brown Book: The Mountain is You by Brianna Wiest Essay: The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action by Audre Lorde Podcast: The Highest Self Podcast by Sahara Rose Join the community:  my newsletter: ayandastood.substack.com (www.ayandastood.substack.com) please join me here! Every Sunday: Join showing up together, a virtual working session every Sunday on Zoom from 9am-12pm EST. Follow me at @ayandastood on TikTok and @ayandastood on IG

Explore the myth of qualification and self-doubt, emphasizing the need to recognize personal worth and experiences. Learn to trust in your abilities and create a spiritual resume to chase your dreams. Challenge societal norms and embrace self-discovery for a fulfilling life and relationships.

Explore the freedom of recommitment as a vital part of the creative process. Discover how shame for avoidance can hinder your return to projects and relationships. Nature serves as a perfect metaphor for returning, reminding us that breaks can enrich our journeys. Delve into the importance of rekindling lost connections and embracing the courageous act of recommitment. This discussion encourages self-compassion, allowing us to reshape our paths and view every return as a brave and enriching act.

This is for anyone who is struggling to stay consistent with their creative project or goals in life. I am with you! And so are  the sunsets, the fruit trees, the weather, the harvest, the ocean waves. You are made to believe you are separate from and “above” nature. But we are all nature. A peach tree does not produce a peach every Monday on demand. So if you’re struggling to do the same, this is for you <3  ADVICE COLUMN: ☎️ seeking advice and want to PHONE IN with a question? ⁠⁠⁠⁠submit a voicemail here⁠⁠⁠⁠. 📩 OR WRITE IN an advice question anonymously at the ⁠⁠ASK Ayanda form⁠ here⁠. 🎥: Watch the video of this episode on Spotify or YouTube. Sending all my love to you today, sunshine.  Key quote from episode:  “Nothing in nature is perfectly consistent, and you are nature, so why would you be?” Time stamps: (01:12): The colonial imagination (06:38): You are cosmically aligned (11:58): Digital platforms & the mechanization of self (16:46): Examples in nature of inconsistency (33:43): In what way are you fluctuating? (41:33): Cosmic timing for our creations Sources mentioned:  Meditation series: 21 Days of Abundance by Deepak Chopra Book: The Creative ACT: A way of Being by Rick Rubin Novel: ⁠Under the Udala Trees⁠ by Chinelo Okparanta  Join the community: ayandastood.substack.com please join me here! Follow me at @ayandastood on TikTok and @ayandastood on IG

Today we unpack the prevalent myth of inclusive beauty. This episode is part of my Beauty Bites *insert chews* series, where we think against the Beauty hierarchy. I give 7 reasons why Inclusive Beauty is a myth, including: the way it functions is selectively inclusive which is not genuine inclusion, it leaves the underlying power structure of Eurocentricism untouched, and ultimately it's a profit strategy for corporations run by white western men to make more money! Sending all my love to you today, sunshine.  ADVICE COLUMN: ☎️ seeking advice and want to PHONE IN with a question? ⁠⁠⁠⁠submit a voicemail here⁠⁠⁠⁠. 📩 OR WRITE IN an advice question anonymously at the ⁠⁠ASK Ayanda form⁠ here⁠. 🎥: Watch the video of this episode on Spotify or YouTube. Key quote from episode:  “Inclusive Beauty does nothing to challenge the underlying power structure of the Beauty hierarchy”  Time stamps (00:00): Intro (03:49): Selective inclusion = exclusion (09:45): Underlying power structure remains (13:24): Barbie as an example (16:02): Erasure of personhood (18:35): The broader power structures surrounding inclusive beauty (19:17): A profit strategy (20:15): Optimization is not inclusion (22:30): Beauty is fundamentally exclusive (24:14): Closing Sources mentioned:  Book: Thick: And Other Essays by Tressie McMillan Cottom IG: @bysahra on the Black best friend trope Article: Racial hierarchy Essay: Beauty standards are killing my people by "Rachel" Chart: Statista Beauty Brand Values by age group, 2021 Join the community: ayandastood.substack.com is my newsletter and where I share community events Follow me at @ayandastood on TikTok and @ayandastood on IG

Today I expand on a recent TikTok I created about overcoming creative resistance. The idea of resistance is based on Steven Pressfield's book The War of Art. If you are an insecure creative like me — terrified of bringing your ideas to life because of self-doubt, perfectionism, avoidance, anxiety, how can you overcome your creative resistance? By leaning on forces much greater than you, such as spirituality, serving the collective, and becoming a student of nature. ADVICE COLUMN: ☎️ seeking advice and want to PHONE IN with a question? ⁠⁠⁠⁠submit a voicemail here⁠⁠⁠⁠. 📩 OR WRITE IN an advice question anonymously at the ⁠⁠ASK Ayanda form⁠ here⁠. 🎥: Watch the video of this episode on Spotify or YouTube (@ayandastood). Key quote from episode:  “We can serve the collective through viewing our art as an offering in mutual service of the other. An offering does not have to be perfect. It just needs to Be.”  Time stamps (00:00): My experience with creative resistance (05:35): Resistance (Steven Pressfield) vs Inspiration (11:24): Inspiration > Resistance  (14:10): 3 forces bigger than you (14:20): Spirituality (25:54): The Collective (37:20): Nature (42:10): Summary & Closing  Sources mentioned:  Book: The War of Art by Steven Pressfield (https://stevenpressfield.com/books/the-war-of-art/)  Podcast: Steven Pressfield: Unlock Your Creative Genius on Oprah’s Super Soul podcast (https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/steven-pressfield-unlock-your-creative-genius/id1264843400?i=1000427290930)  Book: All About Love: New Visions by bell hooks (https://bookshop.org/p/books/all-about-love-new-visions-bell-hooks/8888106?ean=9780060959470)  Book: The Creative ACT: A way of Being by Rick Rubin (https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-creative-act-a-way-of-being-rick-rubin/18543579?ean=9780593652886) Book: The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron (https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-artist-s-way-30th-anniversary-edition-julia-cameron/6665657?ean=9780143129257)  Book: Communion: The Female Search for Love by bell hooks (https://bookshop.org/p/books/communion-the-female-search-for-love-bell-hooks/8881836?ean=9780060938291)  YouTube: Shonda Rhimes on MSNBC (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKEtjy-K7r8)   Book: The Hidden Life of Trees by Peter Wohlleben (https://bookshop.org/p/books/retaliation/18887828?ean=9781771642484)  Creative Quest by Questlove (https://bookshop.org/p/books/creative-quest-questlove/7326388?ean=9780062670571)  Join the community: ayandastood.substack.com please join me here! Follow me at @ayandastood on TikTok and @ayandastood on IG.