Bitch Bible

It's Jacqueline Taylor Schimmel-Haas' birthday, and she's been preparing for months her 2025 list of things she hates - some are broad, some are niche, but all of them are felt deeply in her soul.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie gets her sphincter lasered, creates a fake Instagram for her husband, and has the harsh realization that she may never see Cheryl again.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie deals with a biohazard event with her drunken sorority sister Clyde, chastises the internet for its mediocrity and lack of intelligence, and does a very special Ask Me Anything.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie suspects she has been bugged by Scientology after her live show in Clearwater, discusses the real problem with Madi Prewett’s husband, and the traumatic experience of visiting a public splash pad on a weekend.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

How much does Jackie hate the beach? Let her count the ways…Jackie suggests JoJo Siwa is in desperate need of a transformational, spiritual journey to make up for the developmental damage she has accumulated as a former child star, asks Andrew what he loves most about her, and rails against frosted glass doors and the character flaws they harbor.Thanks for Supporting My Sponsors:Cornbread Hemp: Use code BITCHBIBLE at checkout to get 30% off your first order at www.CornbreadHemp.com/BITCHBIBLENutrafol: For a limited time, use code BIBLE to get $10 off your first month’s subscription at www.Nutrafol.comHero Bread: Use code JACKIE to get 10% off your order at www.hero.coLittle Spoon: Use code BIBLE to get 30% off your first order at www.LittleSpoon.com/BIBLEHomes.com: Everything you need to know about buying a home, all in one place at www.Homes.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie recaps the first leg of her Dim the Lights tour, discovers that she is brave and vulnerable, and introduces Clyde to the bright lights of show business.Thanks for supporting my sponsors!Magic Spoon: Get $5 off your next order at www.MagicSpoon.com/BITCHBIBLEWayfair: Shop outdoor furniture, grills, lawn games, and way more for way less at www.Wayfair.comPique: Get 20% off, plus a free rechargeable frother and glass beaker at www.Piquelife.com/BibleHome Chef: For a limited time, get 50% off and free shipping on your first box, plus free dessert for life at www.HomeChef.com/BIBLESKIMS: Shop my favorite bras and underwear at www.SKIMS.comHers: Start your free online visit today at www.forhers.com/BIBLESee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie deals with her Grammy nomination snub, why some funerals feel like low budge Coachella and delights with some new poetry she penned after a few cocktails of despair.Thanks for supporting my sponsors!Hungryroot: For a limited time get 40% off your first box, plus a free item in every box for life at www.Hungryroot.com/bitchbibleLittleSpoon: Get 30% off your first order at www.LittleSpoon.com/BIBLEHero Bread: Use code JACKIE at checkout to get 10% off your order at www.hero.coRitual:Get 25% off your first month at www.ritual.com/BIBLESKIMS: Shop my favorite bras and underwear at www.skims.com/bible #skimspartnerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is joined by Olympic figure skater Adam Rippon to discuss Chat GPT's lies, waxing mishaps, and Adam's obsession with collecting stone fruit, crystals, and life-size porcelain animals.Thanks for supporting my sponsors!Pique: Get 20% off, plus a free rechargeable frother and glass beaker at www.Piquelife.com/BibleChime: Open your account in 2 minutes at www.chime.com/JACKIEHungryroot: For a limited time get 40% off your first box, plus a free item in every box for life at www.Hungryroot.com/bitchbibleRitual: Get 25% off your first month at www.ritual.com/BIBLEHomes.com: Everything you need to know about buying a home all in one place at www.homes.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie takes up pickling, shoots up at a child’s birthday party in the park, and goes over her tour packing-list that will almost certainly get Josh searched by the TSA.Thanks for supporting my sponsors!Nutrafol: Get $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you enter the promo code BIBLE at www.Nutrafol.comHomes.com: Everything you need to know about buying a house, all in one place www.Homes.comHero Bread: Use code JACKIE at checkout to get 10% off your order at www.Hero.coSKIMS: Shop my favorite bras and underwear at www.skims.com/bible #skimspartnerAddyi: Check out the FDA-approved treatment for certain premenopausal women who are bothered by low libido and want their sex drive back at www.Addyi.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie mourns the death of quiet luxury, heralded by Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez’s childhood-trampoline-park-Chuck-E-Cheese style wedding invitations, grey CVS aisle carpet, and nonsensical guest list. Also, Sydney Sweeney’s collaboration with Basking Robbins - Gummy Bears!Thanks for supporting my sponsors:Pique: Nourish your body the right way. Get 20% off, plus a free rechargeable frother and glass beaker at Piquelife.com/BibleRitual: Don’t settle for less than evidence-based support. Get 25% off your first month today at www.ritual.com/BIBLEBetterHelp: Get 10% off your first month at www.BetterHelp.com/BITCHBIBLELittle Spoon: Simplify your kiddo’s mealtime with 30% off your first order at www.LittleSpoon.com/BIBLESee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.