The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Parenting can feel chaotic, especially when kids have meltdowns. Discover how emotional regulation is contagious and why parents must stay grounded to help their children feel safe. Learn practical strategies for managing stress in the moment, emphasizing the importance of connection and community support. Explore the impact of co-regulation and self-compassion in navigating the challenges of parenting, especially for children with trauma backgrounds. Lastly, find out how a supportive community can bolster resilience in parents.

Self-regulation is a crucial developmental milestone and I’m thrilled that we are turning our eyes toward self-regulation instead of staying focused on behavior modification through rewards and consequences.  At the same time, we must remember that self-regulation is developed through repeated and regular experiences of co-regulation with an attuned, regulated, present caregiver.  If children are struggling to use their self-regulation skills, it’s quite possible that they aren’t regulated enough to access those skills.  They are getting dysregulated too quickly and need co-regulation before they can be expected to use skills on their own.  It is these experiences of coregulation that build the neural circuity for what is ultimately labeled self-regulation...so you don’t need to worry that the continued offering of co-regulation will impede the development of self-regulation- it’s exactly the opposite!!!We've rolled out the red carpet just for you!!! If you're looking for more tools, more strategies, more understanding, and more community (not to mention, growing your owl brain so you can actually USE the tools and strategies you learn) come join us in The Club! We're welcoming in new members until Friday!CLICK HERE! ---> RobynGobbel.com/TheClub :::Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

I love love love talking about self-compassion for two main reasons.  #1- Self-Compassion is solidly anchored in the relational neurosciences- and you know how much I love...and need...for things to be anchored in science.  #2- Self-compassion has tenacity.  There's no way out.  Self-compassion has an answer for all your reasons why you aren't worthy of self-compassion.  I love that about self-compassion (probably because people describe me as tenacious- especially, relationally).  In this episode, we will explore the science of self-compassion.  We'll look at why compassion is the neurobiology of change.  Why you deserve compassion.  Why compassion is how the brain heals and changes.  Compassion can feel risky- and I'll give you the science that might help you feel safe enough to take the vulnerable step toward self-compassion.To read more about self-compassion, visit robyngobbel.com/selfcompassionWe've rolled out the red carpet just for you!!! If you're looking for more tools, more strategies, more understanding, and more community (not to mention, growing your owl brain so you can actually USE the tools and strategies you learn) come join us in The Club! We're welcoming in new members until Friday!CLICK HERE! ---> RobynGobbel.com/TheClub :::Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

The brain has two modes- connection or protection.Protective behaviors include opposition, defiance, aggression- basically, any behavior that doesn't invite connection.If we want to help shift our children's oppositional behaviors, we must first help their brain shift out of protection and into protection!This episode was re-recorded on 02/13/2026You can read more on my blog: robyngobbel.com/connectionorprotection/Resources mentioned on the podcast:Match the Energy Not the Dysregulation ep 155Felt Safety Series- starts at ep 161Boundaries Series starts at ep 111Oppositional Behavior Series starts at 156All Behavior Makes Sense ep 198Focus on the Nervous System webinarWe've rolled out the red carpet just for you!!! If you're looking for more tools, more strategies, more understanding, and more community (not to mention, growing your owl brain so you can actually USE the tools and strategies you learn) come join us in The Club! We're welcoming in new members until Friday!CLICK HERE! ---> RobynGobbel.com/TheClub :::Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

In a word...EVERYTHING.I talk about regulation constantly.  So let's take a moment (or 25 minutes) and really define what that even is.This episode defines regulation and then defines why it even matters.When we can see how regulation is underneath behavior challenges, we can prioritize supporting regulation and not just stopping a behavior.  This leads to long-term change, not just a short term band-aid solution.Seeing our children's behavior challenges as regulation challenges means we see them for who they really are.  It allows us to stay more regulated and to see them as a child struggling with regulation- not a bad child.Because changing how we see people changes people!!We've rolled out the red carpet just for you!!! If you're looking for more tools, more strategies, more understanding, and more community (not to mention, growing your owl brain so you can actually USE the tools and strategies you learn) come join us in The Club! We're welcoming in new members until Friday!CLICK HERE! ---> RobynGobbel.com/TheClub :::Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

OOOOH...y'all are in for such a treat because Anne is just that.  A treat.  Anne is an author, writing coach, and adoptee.  Her memoir, "You Don't Look Adopted" is pure gold.  It's heart-wrenching and funny and raw and life-changing.  You should read it.But first listen to our little conversation today about the importance of figuring out how to say the unsayable.  The thing is...whatever is unsayable is always THERE.  We just need to find a way to say it.  And you know what...you don't even have to say it with words.  You can read all the details about our course The Story Under the Story at robyngobbel.com/thestoryYou can find more Anne at www.AnneHeffron.comYou can find more Anne AND Robyn at robyngobbel.com/dearadoptiveparents (free, hour-long webinar where Anne talks about how her parents could have shown up for her the way she needed)We've rolled out the red carpet just for you!!! If you're looking for more tools, more strategies, more understanding, and more community (not to mention, growing your owl brain so you can actually USE the tools and strategies you learn) come join us in The Club! We're welcoming in new members until Friday!CLICK HERE! ---> RobynGobbel.com/TheClub :::Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Explore the transformative idea of prioritizing arousal over behavior in parenting, especially for children from trauma backgrounds. Discover how understanding a child's arousal levels can lead to better emotional regulation and care. The discussion emphasizes the importance of felt safety and connection, moving away from traditional behavior modification techniques. Learn about Dr. Bruce Perry's arousal continuum model and how it relates to behavioral responses during stress, advocating for a compassionate and insightful parenting approach.

Dive into the intriguing discussion about the adaptive nature of all behaviors, challenging the idea of 'maladaptive.' Discover how understanding individual experiences fosters compassion, especially in trauma-related scenarios. Additionally, explore valuable resources designed to support parents and professionals in navigating challenging child behaviors. This conversation melds neuroscience with practical solutions, offering insights that can transform relationships and parenting approaches.

Setting nurturing boundaries is essential for parenting, especially for children who have faced trauma. It’s about connecting while ensuring safety—not punishment. Learn how to provide the support kids need to explore their world safely. The conversation emphasizes emotional regulation and compassionate approaches over punitive measures. Additionally, valuable resources are shared for further support, including blogs, videos, and community opportunities in neurobiology.

Welcome!!Parenting after Trauma is the most spontaneous, least frills podcast on parenting children who have experienced trauma.  In November 2020, I started doing Facebook Lives so I could quickly and easily connect with parents struggling to raise children who have experienced trauma.  Almost immediately I realized I could turn the audios from those Lives into podcast episodes!  I know I would much rather listen to a podcast than watch a video- especially if I have to be online to watch it- and I figured that might be true for you, too.  This is a no-frills podcast- which means there is almost no editing.  I did this intentionally so I could focus on getting you content as fast as possible- not on learning fancy software.  You may hear me say something about "checking the comments" and that's because these episodes originally aired live on Facebook and I was putting resources in the comments.  I'll do my best to put those resources into each episode's show notes!  Enjoy!We've rolled out the red carpet just for you!!! If you're looking for more tools, more strategies, more understanding, and more community (not to mention, growing your owl brain so you can actually USE the tools and strategies you learn) come join us in The Club! We're welcoming in new members until Friday!CLICK HERE! ---> RobynGobbel.com/TheClub :::Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)