Find Your Food Voice

Welcome to the Season 4 premier of the Love Food Podcast! I am so glad you are here. Let's dive into exploring a history of complicated family dynamics, genetic ties to eating disorders, trauma, and feeling stuck in binge cycles. Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds. Looking want more Food Peace? Want to help support the Love Food Podcast? Check out my new After the Letters Projecton Patreon. I have exclusive weekly mini-episodes for $29/month and other freebies. Find more at Patreon.com/LoveFoodPodcast This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peaceand Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. This episode's Dear Food letter: {CW: trauma, ED behaviors} Dear Food,   I don't really know exactly when my relationship became complicated with you, or quite how it came to control my life. I remember when I was in my early teens, being the one to say diets are bullshit, and not thinking about what I ate. Being anti-diet culture was practically a part of my identity, and such is where my values sit today, but I live in complete contradiction. At some point in my teens, I started restricted and using my vegetarianism to always choose the salad option at school. But it wasn't controlling, it wasn't overwhelming; it felt more like a natural reaction to being at an all girls school in the society that we live in - an image-based thing. Sometimes, it was reactionary, in spite of my (well-meaning) mother who would always tell me that 'soup is a starter not a meal', and check if I was eating enough despite her smaller portions. (I later learned she had a struggled with anorexia for years, and would still struggle to eat in times of stress.) I developed anxiety and depression by age 16, which ruled and ruined my sixth-form life. Perhaps it was the exam stress, the family troubles - growing up with a drug abusing brother who was in and out of school, in and out of home, in and out of hospital (not that I was always told straight away). We had a complex relationship with my father, who always vied for my brother's attention and allegiance against my mother. I tried to be always neutral, always loving of all parties - because I was, and couldn't not be. But with this came a lot of pain, a lot of confusion, and the earnest desire to always tread this precarious, and often punishing line.  Of course, when I couldn't - and can't today - there is guilt. I was a straight A* student until the slump during my sixth form years, when my energy broke, and I scraped my way through the last 2 years. I used to be, and still feel like I should be, the person who was able to succeed at anything and everything without dropping the ball - but suddenly I could do nothing, and have struggled ever since. Around this time I realised there was probably something wrong - a cause. Through an explosive conversation with my mother, I was pushed to a consultation with a therapist and given the diagnosis - anxiety and depression - but didn't receive further help.   In my first year of uni I tried to access help myself, but was turned away by the uni counselling services after a few sessions, saying they didn't know how to help me as I had already thought everything through so much myself. It was in this year I had a few episodes of bingeing and purging. This continued around occasional periods of stress, such as exams, but not as a regular method of coping.   In second year, my mental health worsened. Restricting, binging and purging became a secret indulgence, but never something I saw as a problem as it was so sporadic. I had difficult relationships with my flatmates, though I had stronger friendships elsewhere, I felt alone. I became so ill I had to defer my exams. I worked towards the summer session, hoping I could somehow manage. But two weeks before I was due to take them, I was raped.  Utterly broken, I moved back in with my parents for a few months, during which time I tried to use food to console myself while I tried to process what happened. But when a close family member was admitted to hospital with terminal cancer, I began majorly restricting. When they passed away and my family fell apart, I moved back to my uni town and started a new job, trying to get my life back on track. Pretty much all the friends I thought I had were no longer there for me. I managed to access CBT for 9 weeks, but developed bulimia in an dramatic way, binging and purging at least 3 times in a day, at one time losing a stone in a month. This continued through another exam deferral, and another.  I fought for a year to access treatment, being passed from waiting list to waiting list, rejected for being too symptomatic, too complicated or not fitting criteria. Along the way, I met someone who truly loves me and cares for men and helps me through these struggles. When I am with him, I eat normally and don't purge, but will find myself in tears most evenings because of food. My weight is stable at a healthy BMI, but I am miserable in my skin, mentally exhausted, and absolutely terrified: of this relationship with food that dominates my life. I cannot have food around me and resist it, regardless of whether I am hungry - I am so anxious about when I might need to eat, that I am constantly aware of a hunger, and I cannot discern the emotional from the physical. I know I use bingeing and purging as both a means of occupying myself when I am alone, as an emotional control and as a form of self-harm. And what started as a tool has grown like a weed to something that I am constantly aware of, and bothers me even when I am happiest. I love to cook, and often cook with my boyfriend, but cannot enjoy a meal without resenting myself and being overwhelmed with frustration as a result. In a month, I will finally be starting treatment (psychotherapy with a trauma focus), but I am worried about managing my relationship with food during this time, as I know it will be a gradual process, and not the focus of my treatment. Additional private treatment isn't easily an option for me. I am also worried about the strain I place on my boyfriend, who is always there for me, but who cannot fight the battle for me, no matter how much he may want to try.  I am trying to keep the willpower to fight for myself, to maintain the relationships I have left and succeed in my final chance to pass these exams in just a few months. I desperately need peace with you food, so that I can have more energy to make peace elsewhere in my life.  Yours,  Terrified & pleading for a truce Show Notes: Julie Dillon RD blog Link to subscribe to the Love Food’s Food Peace Syllabus. Find Eating Disorder Dietitiansnear you. Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com.  Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

While prepping for Season 4 of the Love Food Podcast, I am rebroadcasting conversations on PCOS and Food Peace. Listen as I chat with Kimmie Singh, co-host and Brooklyn-based dietitian, on worthiness and chronic conditions. This Chapter of the PCOS and Food Peace Podcast is brought to you by Julie's PCOS and Food Peace course. Get 25% off using the coupon code 'podcast' at check out. Get all the details here: PCOS and Food Peace Course Dietitian PCOS and Food Peace Course Did you enjoy the podcast? Leave us a rating, review, subscribe or share the podcast! Doing these small acts of kindness help the show grow and connect more with the concept of Food Peace. Notes: Your First 3 Steps Toward Food Peace with PCOS download PCOS and Nutrition blog posts (written by Kimmie) Kimmie's Web: TastingAbundance.com Kimmie's Instagram: @TastingAbundance HAES Community Association of Size Diversity and Health Intuitive Eating principles Julie Dillon RD blog Thank you to Theralogix, the makers of Ovasitol, for sponsoring the podcast. Ovasitol is an inositol supplement with a blend of myo-inositol and D-chiro-inositol, in the body's optimal ratio of 40 to 1. Inositols are nutrients that help to decrease insulin resistance, promote menstrual regularity, restore ovulation, and balance hormone levels. In convenient powder form, Ovasitol can be enjoyed in your favorite beverage or smoothie. Available in both a canister and convenient single-serving packets, Ovasitol contains 100% pure inositols, with no additives. Read our blog post about what Inositols can do to help your PCOS. Order online today at theralogix.com. During checkout, use "PRC" code 127410for an exclusive PCOS and Food Peace Podcast discount. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

While prepping for Season 4 of the Love Food Podcast, I am rebroadcasting conversations on PCOS and Food Peace. Listen as Kimmie Singh and I chat with Sasha Ottey, founder The PCOS Challenge which brings us the international PCOS Symposium, on turning challenges into advocacy. This Chapter of the PCOS and Food Peace Podcast is brought to you by Julie's PCOS and Food Peace course. Get 25% off using the coupon code 'podcast' at check out. Get all the details here: PCOS and Food Peace Course Dietitian PCOS and Food Peace Course Did you enjoy the podcast? Leave us a rating, review, subscribe or share the podcast! Doing these small acts of kindness help the show grow and connect more with the concept of Food Peace. Notes: Your First 3 Steps Toward Food Peace with PCOS download PCOS and Nutrition blog posts PCOS and exercise Sasha's web: PCOSChallenge.org Sasha's Instagram: @PCOSChallenge HAES Community Association of Size Diversity and Health Intuitive Eating principles Julie Dillon RD blog Thank you to Theralogix, the makers of Ovasitol, for sponsoring the podcast. Ovasitol is an inositol supplement with a blend of myo-inositol and D-chiro-inositol, in the body's optimal ratio of 40 to 1. Inositols are nutrients that help to decrease insulin resistance, promote menstrual regularity, restore ovulation, and balance hormone levels. In convenient powder form, Ovasitol can be enjoyed in your favorite beverage or smoothie. Available in both a canister and convenient single-serving packets, Ovasitol contains 100% pure inositols, with no additives. Read our blog post about what Inositols can do to help your PCOS. Order online today at theralogix.com. During checkout, use "PRC" code 127410for an exclusive PCOS and Food Peace Podcast discount. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

While prepping for Season 4 of the Love Food Podcast, I am rebroadcasting conversations on PCOS and Food Peace. Listen as Kimmie Singh and I chat with Shira Rose, found on Instagram @IAmShiraRose, on her PCOS journey including beauty, body positivity, and changing your language. Since Shira recorded this episode she has disclosed to her audience how her life has been controlled by a decades long eating disorder and made worse by fat phobia. Be sure to note the updated handles and web home. Get caught up her experiences hereand here. I have learned a lot from Shira and think you will too. This Chapter of the PCOS and Food Peace Podcast is brought to you by Julie's PCOS and Food Peace course. Get 25% off using the coupon code 'podcast' at check out. Get all the details here: PCOS and Food Peace Course Dietitian PCOS and Food Peace Course Did you enjoy the podcast? Leave us a rating, review, subscribe or share the podcast! Doing these small acts of kindness help the show grow and connect more with the concept of Food Peace. Notes: Your First 3 Steps Toward Food Peace with PCOS download PCOS and Nutrition blog posts Read our blog post about what Inositols can do to help your PCOS. Shira's Web: TheShiraRose.com Shira's Instagram: @theshirarose Beauty Redefined Podcast HAES Community Association of Size Diversity and Health Intuitive Eating principles Julie Dillon RD blog Thank you to Theralogix, the makers of Ovasitol, for sponsoring the podcast. Ovasitol is an inositol supplement with a blend of myo-inositol and D-chiro-inositol, in the body's optimal ratio of 40 to 1. Inositols are nutrients that help to decrease insulin resistance, promote menstrual regularity, restore ovulation, and balance hormone levels. In convenient powder form, Ovasitol can be enjoyed in your favorite beverage or smoothie. Available in both a canister and convenient single-serving packets, Ovasitol contains 100% pure inositols, with no additives. Read our blog post about what Inositols can do to help your PCOS. Order online today at theralogix.com. During checkout, use "PRC" code 127410for an exclusive PCOS and Food Peace Podcast discount. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

While prepping for Season 4 of the Love Food Podcast, I am rebroadcasting conversations on PCOS and Food Peace. Listen as Kimmie Singh and I chat with Dani Adriana, found on Instagram @IAmDaniAdriana, on her PCOS journey including weight stigma and slowing down. This Chapter of the PCOS and Food Peace Podcast is brought to you by Julie's PCOS and Food Peace course. Get 25% off using the coupon code 'podcast' at check out. Get all the details here: PCOS and Food Peace Course Dietitian PCOS and Food Peace Course Did you enjoy the podcast? Leave us a rating, review, subscribe or share the podcast! Doing these small acts of kindness help the show grow and connect more with the concept of Food Peace. Notes: Your First 3 Steps Toward Food Peace with PCOS download PCOS and Nutrition blog posts Dani's Web: IamDaniAdriana.com Dani's Instagram: @IamDaniAdriana HAES Community Association of Size Diversity and Health Intuitive Eating principles Health at Every Size (HAES) Julie Dillon RD blog Thank you to Theralogix, the makers of Ovasitol, for sponsoring the podcast. Ovasitol is an inositol supplement with a blend of myo-inositol and D-chiro-inositol, in the body's optimal ratio of 40 to 1. Inositols are nutrients that help to decrease insulin resistance, promote menstrual regularity, restore ovulation, and balance hormone levels. In convenient powder form, Ovasitol can be enjoyed in your favorite beverage or smoothie. Available in both a canister and convenient single-serving packets, Ovasitol contains 100% pure inositols, with no additives. Read our blog post about what Inositols can do to help your PCOS. Order online today at theralogix.com. During checkout, use "PRC" code 127410for an exclusive PCOS and Food Peace Podcast discount. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

While prepping for Season 4 of the Love Food Podcast, I am rebroadcasting conversations on PCOS and Food Peace. Listen as Kimmie Singh and I chat with Chevese Turner, co-author of the book Binge Eating Disorder: Recovery and Beyond, on her PCOS journey including mental health, grief, and loss. This Chapter of the PCOS and Food Peace Podcast is brought to you by Julie's PCOS and Food Peace course. Get 25% off using the coupon code 'podcast' at check out. Get all the details here: PCOS and Food Peace Course Dietitian PCOS and Food Peace Course Did you enjoy the podcast? Leave us a rating, review, subscribe or share the podcast! Doing these small acts of kindness help the show grow and connect more with the concept of Food Peace. Notes: Your First 3 Steps Toward Food Peace with PCOS download PCOS and Nutrition blog posts Binge Eating Disorder Association Web: BEDAonline.com Chevese's Web: BEDRecovery.com Chevese's Book: Binge Eating Disorder: The Journey to Recovery and Beyond(aff) Fat Friendly Docs HAES Community PCOS and Food Peace Support Club on Facebook Association of Size Diversity and Health Intuitive Eating principles Health at Every Size (HAES) Julie Dillon RD blog Thank you to Theralogix, the makers of Ovasitol, for sponsoring the podcast. Ovasitol is an inositol supplement with a blend of myo-inositol and D-chiro-inositol, in the body's optimal ratio of 40 to 1. Inositols are nutrients that help to decrease insulin resistance, promote menstrual regularity, restore ovulation, and balance hormone levels. In convenient powder form, Ovasitol can be enjoyed in your favorite beverage or smoothie. Available in both a canister and convenient single-serving packets, Ovasitol contains 100% pure inositols, with no additives. Read our blog post about what Inositols can do to help your PCOS. Order online today at theralogix.com. During checkout, use "PRC" code 127410 for an exclusive PCOS and Food Peace Podcast discount. Enter to win a 90-day supply here!(We will be picking 4 random emails from those who enter during September 2018. All will be notified via email.) Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

While prepping for Season 4 of the Love Food Podcast, I am rebroadcasting conversations on PCOS and Food Peace. Listen as Kimmie Singh and I chat with Laura Burns, aka @RadicalBodyLove on Instagram, about infertility and literal and figurative hurricanes. This Chapter of the PCOS and Food Peace Podcast is brought to you by Julie’s PCOS and Food Peace course. Get 25% off using the coupon code ‘podcast’ at check out. Get all the details here: PCOS and Food Peace Course Dietitian PCOS and Food Peace Course Did you enjoy the podcast? Leave us a rating, review, subscribe or share the podcast! Doing these small acts of kindness help the show grow and connect more with the concept of Food Peace. Notes: Your First 3 Steps Toward Food Peace with PCOS download PCOS and Nutrition blog posts Laura’s Web: RadicalBodyLove.com Laura’s Instagram: @RadicalBodyLove Fat Friendly Docs Dances with Fat blog Lean in/Lean out concentric circles…actually called The Ring Theory. Read a discussion here in the LA Times. Intuitive Eating principles Happy and Hairy Instagram @HappyAndHairy PCOS and Food Peace Support Club on Facebook Health at Every Size (HAES) Julie Dillon RD blog Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

While prepping for Season 4 of the Love Food Podcast, I am rebroadcasting conversations on PCOS and Food Peace. Listen as Kimmie Singh and I chat with Caroline Dooner, author of my favorite 2019 book The F*ck It Diet, on PCOS diet recommendations starting her eating disorder. This Chapter of the PCOS and Food Peace Podcast is brought to you by Julie’s PCOS and Food Peace course. Get 25% off using the coupon code ‘podcast’ at check out. Get all the details here: PCOS and Food Peace Course Dietitian PCOS and Food Peace Course Did you enjoy the podcast? Leave us a rating, review, subscribe or share the podcast! Doing these small acts of kindness help the show grow and connect more with the concept of Food Peace. Notes: Your First 3 Steps Toward Food Peace with PCOS download PCOS and Nutrition blog posts Caroline’s Web: TheFuckItDiet.com Caroline’s Instagram: @TheFuckItDiet Caroline’s Book: The Fuck It Diet(aff) PCOS and Food Peace Support Club on Facebook Laura Thomas’s Don’t Salt My Game Podcast (linked to an episode on PCOS) Intuitive Eating 10 principles Health at Every Size (HAES) Julie Dillon RD blog Thank you to Theralogix, the makers of Ovasitol, for sponsoring the podcast. Ovasitol is an inositol supplement with a blend of myo-inositol and D-chiro-inositol, in the body’s optimal ratio of 40 to 1. Inositols are nutrients that help to decrease insulin resistance, promote menstrual regularity, restore ovulation, and balance hormone levels. In convenient powder form, Ovasitol can be enjoyed in your favorite beverage or smoothie. Available in both a canister and convenient single-serving packets, Ovasitol contains 100% pure inositols, with no additives. Read our blog post about what Inositols can do to help your PCOS. Order online today at theralogix.com. During checkout, use “PRC” code 127410for an exclusive PCOS and Food Peace Podcast discount. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

While prepping for Season 4 of the Love Food Podcast, I am rebroadcasting conversations on PCOS and Food Peace. Listen as Kimmie Singh and I chat with Ivy Felicia, from Weightless Wellness, on feeling broken and finding comprehensive health care. This Chapter of the PCOS and Food Peace Podcast is brought to you by Julie’s PCOS and Food Peace course. Get 25% off using the coupon code ‘podcast’ at check out. Get all the details here: PCOS and Food Peace Course Dietitian PCOS and Food Peace Course Did you enjoy the podcast? Leave us a rating, review, subscribe or share the podcast! Doing these small acts of kindness help the show grow and connect more with the concept of Food Peace. Notes: Your First 3 Steps Toward Food Peace with PCOS download PCOS and Nutrition blog posts Ivy’s Web:MeMyBodyandLove.com Ivy’s Instagram: @IvyFelicia PCOS and Food Peace Support Club on Facebook Health at Every Size (HAES) Intuitive Eating 10 principles Julie Dillon RD blog Thank you to Theralogix, the makers of Ovasitol, for sponsoring the podcast. Ovasitol is an inositol supplement with a blend of myo-inositol and D-chiro-inositol, in the body’s optimal ratio of 40 to 1. Inositols are nutrients that help to decrease insulin resistance, promote menstrual regularity, restore ovulation, and balance hormone levels. In convenient powder form, Ovasitol can be enjoyed in your favorite beverage or smoothie. Available in both a canister and convenient single-serving packets, Ovasitol contains 100% pure inositols, with no additives. Read our blog post about what Inositols can do to help your PCOS. Order online today at theralogix.com. During checkout, use “PRC” code 127410for an exclusive PCOS and Food Peace Podcast discount. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

While prepping for Season 4 of the Love Food Podcast, I am rebroadcasting conversations on PCOS and Food Peace. Listen as Kimmie Singh and I chat with Sophie Carter-Kahn, co-host of the She's All Fat Podcast, on googling the diagnosis, hidradenitis suppurativa, and finding your path. This Chapter of the PCOS and Food Peace Podcast is brought to you by Julie’s PCOS and Food Peace course. Get 25% off using the coupon code ‘podcast’ at check out. Get all the details here: PCOS and Food Peace Course Dietitian PCOS and Food Peace Course Did you enjoy the podcast? Leave us a rating, review, subscribe or share the podcast! Doing these small acts of kindness help the show grow and connect more with the concept of Food Peace. Notes: Your First 3 Steps Toward Food Peace with PCOS download PCOS and Nutrition blog posts Sophie’s Podcast: She’s All Fat Sophie’s Web: sophiack.com Sophie’s Instagram: @_sophick_ PCOS and Food Peace Support Club on Facebook Health at Every Size (HAES) Julie Dillon RD blog Thank you to Theralogix, the makers of Ovasitol, for sponsoring the podcast. Ovasitol is an inositol supplement with a blend of myo-inositol and D-chiro-inositol, in the body’s optimal ratio of 40 to 1. Inositols are nutrients that help to decrease insulin resistance, promote menstrual regularity, restore ovulation, and balance hormone levels. In convenient powder form, Ovasitol can be enjoyed in your favorite beverage or smoothie. Available in both a canister and convenient single-serving packets, Ovasitol contains 100% pure inositols, with no additives. Read our blog post about what Inositols can do to help your PCOS. Order online today at theralogix.com. During checkout, use “PRC” code 127410for an exclusive PCOS and Food Peace Podcast discount. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy