The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair

Sometimes, it takes losing everything you know to start over and begin the journey of healing. Caroline Strawson is an internationally recognized trauma-informed therapist and coach who helps her clients recover from narcissistic abuse and complex PTSD and create thriving lives. Her journey began with her own story of loss when, in a very short period of time, her mother passed away, her narcissistic husband left her and their two young children and she discovered he had gotten them into $100,000 of debt, leading to the loss of her home and the life she had built. Facing PTSD, anxiety, depression, self-harm, guilt and shame, Caroline turned inward and took a close look at herself, her life and her relationships – and has since become a leader in trauma-informed recovery and healing from abuse. In this conversation, Caroline shares her story of overcoming narcissistic abuse, how she finally recognized the abuse and how she began the journey of healing. She offers deep insights into how childhood wounding forms, how we develop "protector parts" and how those parts can lead to struggles like codependency and narcissism. She is a wealth of knowledge on trauma, how we get stuck in life and how to move forward. Listen to discover: The source of childhood wounding and trauma How our nervous system is designed to protect us Why codependents and narcissists are magnets for each other (and why it's easier for the codependent to change) How we can feel compassion for wounded people without accepting abuse Why people stay in abusive relationships and how to help a friend in an abusive relationship The difference between PTSD and complex PTSD How to begin building self-worth even if you're still in an abusive relationship Whether you've been in a relationship with a narcissist or not, you will get SO much out of this episode and gain a greater understanding of why you do what you do, what is going on in your brain in relation to trauma and how to heal your wounding so you can form healthier relationships with self and others. "Initially I was waiting for that epiphany of him changing to then be ok for me to move forward. And of course, that isn't the case. Because we can't change anybody." - Caroline Strawson "Trauma isn't a person. It's not an event. It's what I feel and what I'm saying to myself about those events." - Caroline Strawson "Our system all of the time is working to keep us safe, keep us alive, protect us and move us away from the biggest perceived pain." - Caroline Strawson "No narcissist is born. They are created from their childhood." - Caroline Strawson "The codependent is giving, giving, giving trying to soothe their self-worthiness wounds. The narcissist is like, 'Give it to me. I'll take, take, take,' to soothe their self-worthiness wounds." - Caroline Strawson "I think of narcissism on a scale." - Michelle Chalfant "When we're in these relationships, our reality is so distorted. To build self-worth is to then start seeing reality much clearer." - Michelle Chalfant "Grounding and getting all five senses online also helps us with our reality. We stop doubting ourselves." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Caroline Strawson Website https://www.carolinestrawson.com/ Caroline Strawson Facebook https://www.facebook.com/carolinestrawson/ Caroline Strawson Instagram https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/ "Divorce Became My Superpower" (Caroline Strawson Book) https://www.amazon.com/Divorce-Became-Superpower-Caroline-Strawson/dp/1726255549 The Adult Chair® Membership September Theme: "I'm a self-care badass!" https://theadultchair.com/membership/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

"Be a man." It's a loaded phrase that our culture uses to tell men to be tough, not show their feelings and just keep pressing on. But is this true masculinity? Is there a better way to be a man? My guest today, Traver Boehm, is on a mission to redefine masculinity, bringing together what he calls "primal savagery" and a connection to the heart that is spiritual, emotional and whole. He believes this is what true masculinity looks like, before culture told men who to be, and he spends his life teaching men how to unapologetically become their most authentic self. And as a woman, let me tell you: this is the kind of masculine energy that the world is looking for! In this conversation, Traver tells his story of being one of the guys who looked like he "had it all" until his life unraveled and he forced himself to look inward at the ways he was numbing his pain. From there, he developed his "uncivilized man" ethos that calls men back to their authentic selves and helps them succeed in all areas of life – from relationships to work to mental health – from a heart-centered place. Listen to discover: What true, healthy masculinity looks like How and why the culture has conditioned men not to feel Why it's so important – and manly – for men to do their work and heal themselves What to do when your partner doesn't want to engage emotionally and spiritually How to get the things you want in life without killing your soul in the process Whether you're a man looking to be the healthiest version of yourself or a woman looking for resources for the men in her life, I know you will be inspired by Traver's beautiful example of what masculinity was designed to be and how healthy men can change the world. "Primal savagery and a deep connection to your heart: that to me is 'uncivilized'" - Traver Boehm "The part that's been missing has been going into the heart." - Michelle Chalfant "Culturally, we have asked men to not feel." - Traver Boehm "The old paradigm said, 'Men, you are responsible for everything external and nothing internal.'" - Traver Boehm "We've numbed ourselves to the point of getting to ignore what is true, which is we are hurting." - Traver Boehm "We've got to connect with ourselves – and we do that through feeling our emotions – before we can ever connect with anyone else." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Traver Boehm Website https://www.manuncivilized.com/ "Man UNcivilized" Book https://www.manuncivilized.com/thebook Traver Boehm Instagram https://www.instagram.com/traverboehm/ The Adult Chair® Membership September Theme: "I'm a self-care badass!" https://theadultchair.com/membership/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

When Niraj Naik started his job as a pharmacist, he immediately knew it was not for him. But family and cultural expectations led him to believe that it was the path he had to take in life...until it all fell apart seven years later. Career stress and disillusionment led Niraj to develop an autoimmune condition, and nothing in his medicine cabinet helped. After trying all types of traditional medicine, he went "renegade" and began studying yoga, Ayurveda and breathwork, completely healing his condition through these natural methods. His illness became the "gift of desperation" in his life that led him to his calling: teaching the world about energy, breath and how to bring the body into balance through SOMA Breath®, his online school teaching breathing techniques to people around the world. In this episode, Niraj shares his story of healing through ancient wisdom and the science behind the power of the breath. He gives several breathing techniques for us to try and explains how these impact our oxygen levels, energy levels and overall physiology for optimum wellness. Listen to discover: How Niraj turned his lowest moment into a gift of healing Using music and breath to reprogram the subconscious mind How to listen to your body's "indicator light" that something is off Questions to ask yourself to check in with your wellness The power of breathing for your physiology and health Three sample breathing techniques to try This is an eye-opening episode about the true power we have to heal and how our bodies were designed for balance. It's up to us to pay attention to when we are out of balance and to care for ourselves at the most fundamental level – our breath. "We tend to be conditioned by our parents, the school we go to, the media, just the culture we live in to follow a certain path." - Niraj Naik "So many of us just push through, we ignore, we numb out, we just keep going and we're not tuning into what your soul is trying to tell you." - Michelle Chalfant "Diseases affect you where you're weakest in your body." - Niraj Naik "In that moment, as humans, we have a choice: we can look at it and learn from it and ask, 'What the gift is in this?'" - Michelle Chalfant "Stress can eat away at us, and we ignore it. We have to start paying attention." - Michelle Chalfant "We help people to wake up to who they really are." - Niraj Naik Resources SOMA Breath® https://www.somabreath.com/adultchair Use code ADULT for 10% off SOMA Breath Colostrum Supplement https://www.somabreath.com/adultchair-organic Use code ADULT for 20% off Episode #73: The Healing Power Of Breath With Michelle D'Avella https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/73-the-healing-power-of-breath-with-michelle-davella/ Episode #254: Change Your Life With Breath With Nevsah Karamehmet https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/254/ Adult Chair® Coaches https://theadultchair.com/coaches/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

I think it's universally agreed upon: raising teenagers is hard! A natural part of growing up is becoming an individual, which comes with challenging limits, venturing away from the family structure and challenging parents in the process! Not only do our teens challenge us by pushing back on our boundaries, but the process of letting go of our kids also challenges our egos and attachments and pushes us to do our own work. I get so many questions about parenting teenagers in a healthy way, and I'm thrilled to bring the wisdom of today's guest, Dr. Pam Staples, to you. Dr. Staples has worked with teenagers for 37 years, and she is so grounded and knowledgeable on how to not just get through the tough teenage years but also help your teen develop into the adult they're called to be. We talk about how to let go and let our children become more independent, setting healthy boundaries while maintaining a safe space for our kids to mess up, building trust, how to have tough conversations and so much more. Listen to discover: What's going in teenagers' brains and bodies during adolescence Why teenagers need their friends to create a bridge to their adult life Why you should celebrate when your kids push the limits Healthy boundaries parents should have with their teenagers (and when to discipline) The importance of mutual trust in parent/teen relationships Empty nesting and how to grieve in a healthy way Practical steps for building positive relationships with your teenagers As parents, our job is to be the guardrails for our kids as they find who they are and their unique purpose and destiny. Too often we focus on outcomes, performance and our dreams for our kids, when in reality, they need to learn to find their own inner voice and intuition and be who THEY are created to be (which might be very different from who we are). As kids grow from children to teenagers, we begin to "widen the lanes" on the road, giving them more space and freedom while still being that safe touchstone to come back to. When we set healthy limits for our kids rooted in mutual respect, we invite them to turn to us when they need guidance and become partners in their personal development, while growing as people ourselves. This doesn't necessarily make it easier when you find out your teen has been drinking or when they want nothing to do with you, but parenting from our Adult Chair helps us lead with love, curiosity and acceptance...which is exactly what our kids need to grow into the amazing beings they're becoming. "Once they hit adolescence, they start turning away from the family and more towards their peer group." - Dr. Pam Staples "We want them to have that God-given intuition turn on and stay on." - Michelle Chalfant "In order for them to differentiate and individuate, they need to push off of something, and it's going to be the family." - Dr. Pam Staples "It's important to create flexible boundaries where you allow for that teaching, mentoring and guiding aspect of parenting." - Dr. Pam Staples "It's letting go of these kids so they can become whoever it is that they're here to become...I didn't say, 'so our kids can become who WE think they should become." - Michelle Chalfant "We have to get out of the way with our children. They have their own destiny. They have their own life path. They have, in my opinion, their own soul that has a purpose and mission to be here. And we've got to get the hell out of the way." - Michelle Chalfant "As a parent, you can't impose your hopes, your wishes and your dreams for your children onto them. You have to let them cook up their own." - Dr. Pam Staples "When kids make choices to please their parents, it takes them longer to find themselves." - Dr. Pam Staples "Let your kids find their own potential." - Dr. Pam Staples Resources Dr. Pam Staples ​https://www.myrelationallife.com/ Episode #35: Parenting In The 21st Century – Growing Healthy Teens With Guest Dr. James Wellborn https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/35 Episode #79: Raising Teens From Your Adult Chair With James Wellborn https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/79 Episode #123 : Helping your Kids Cope with Anxiety with Sharon Selby https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/123 Episode #134: Repairing Relationships with our Kids (or Anyone) https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/134 Episode #225: Raising Kids from The Adult Chair https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/225 The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

While our go-to image of mental health might be a couch in a therapist's office, the world is slowly changing (and I'm SO glad it is!). Don't get me wrong...I'm not anti-therapy (I'm a therapist myself), but I think it's only part of the equation. I believe we need more. I believe true healing must be holistic, looking at our experiences from every angle and using methods that heal body, mind and spirit. Dr. Nicole LePera is a kindred spirit when it comes to holistic healing, the creator behind one of my favorite Instagram accounts @the.holistic.psychologist and a self-healing guru that I am thrilled to finally bring on the show! Drawing from psychology, spirituality, the mind/body connection and more, Dr. LePera believes mental wellness is for everyone and we all have the power to heal ourselves with the right tools (can I get an amen?). In this episode, Dr. LePera shares her own story of transformation, her philosophy of self-healing and tools you can use to regulate your nervous system, figure out who you are and what you need and change limiting patterns in your life by turning in and tuning in. Listen to discover: The power of consciousness and being in the present moment The nervous system's role in healing The importance of breathwork The power of journaling to create consciousness and set intentions How to update and rewire programming Interdependence and how to be healthy in relationships Dr. LePera believes healing begins by going inside and connecting to self, and I couldn't agree more (it's ALL about awareness)! If you're on a journey of transformation, I hope this episode encourages you to look at your healing through a holistic lens and reminds you that you have the power (and tools) you need right where you are. "We need to understand the whole being in an integrative way, and I believe we need to expand the tools we're practicing outside of therapy as well." - Nicole LePera "You can be awake but still not be fully in the body and conscious about what you're doing." - Michelle Chalfant "There isn't one universal way to heal." - Nicole LePera "My goal is to empower within so we can cope with the ever-changing without." - Nicole LePera "With conscious effort, every single day, a little bit of something...we do find that people can change. We REALLY can change." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Dr. Nicole LePera Instagram https://www.instagram.com/the.holistic.psychologist/ Dr. Nicole LePera Website https://yourholisticpsychologist.com/ The Adult Chair® Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

We've talked a lot about narcissistic abuse and the emotional effects of it on this podcast, but we haven't dug into how this experience affects the brain and how neuroscience and healing from narcissistic abuse go hand in hand…until today! In this episode, we're diving deep into this very important topic with Dr. Rhonda Freeman, who is an expert on the brain, neuroplasticity and trauma and who brings a message of hope to anyone wondering how to heal. Dr. Freeman is a neuropsychologist who works with patients with neurological conditions and brain trauma, and after her own experience in an abusive relationship with a narcissist, she began using her knowledge of the brain to help survivors of abuse and trauma heal. This is an absolutely fascinating episode that gives an inside look into what is actually going on in the brain during and after an abusive relationship, how the healing process works and the hopeful science that shows why anyone can change their brain after trauma. Listen to discover: How a romantic relationship with an unhealthy person changes the brain The effects of narcissism on children Why anyone can heal and how the healing process works The prefrontal cortex and trauma How to get back into a balanced brain state The importance of body work in changing the brain One of the most interesting things Dr. Freeman talks about is how abusive situations activate parts of the brain that wouldn't be activated otherwise...for example, the bonding system and threat system being triggered at the same time. When we can see what's going on at a brain chemistry level, it helps us understand why these situations are truly so unique and damaging...and why none of it is your fault! But the hopeful side is that the brain is constantly changing and being shaped by new experiences, so with the right tools, you can heal and transform your brain and get back to a hothealthy, balanced state...and this episode will show you how! "In general, experiences change our brains." - Dr. Rhonda Freeman "The brain will do whatever it takes to protect you." - Dr. Rhonda Freeman "We're bonded...and even though we're in threat, we can't let go." - Michelle Chalfant "You have to have others to heal." - Dr. Rhonda Freeman "Pay attention to your intuition. If it feels off, don't sweep it under the carpet." - Michelle Chalfant "Bonds don't necessarily mean love." - Dr. Rhonda Freeman LINKS & RESOURCES Dr. Rhonda Freeman Website https://neuroinstincts.com/ Dr. Rhonda Freeman Instagram https://www.instagram.com/neuroinstincts/ BrainHQ (Brain Training) https://www.brainhq.com/ Diner Dash (Video Game with Cognitive Benefits) https://www.crazygames.com/game/diner-dash The Adult Chair® Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/ The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ August Theme: I live in peace. P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

As you know, codependency is one of my "things." Fortunately, it's less of a thing these days, but I understand firsthand what it's like to spend years so focused on others that we lose our sense of self. That's part of why we talk about this so much on the podcast — so many people suffer for years not knowing about codependency, and I'm passionate about helping you get free...quickly and simply! My guest today, Darlene Lancer, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, author and expert on codependency and relationships. She has worked with couples and individuals for 30 years, and she shares SO much valuable information in today's show about what codependency looks like, how to begin recovery, the connection between shame and codependency and practical steps to becoming a healthy, whole you. Listen to discover: The three stages to codependency recovery The shame and codependency connection Shame attacks and how to get out of them The importance of mindfulness in recovery How to start feeling your anger as a codependent The connection between codependency and attachment styles 10 ways to love yourself Darlene closes the show with her 10 tips for loving yourself, and let me tell you, they are so beautiful! I remember when I was beginning my healing journey and being told I needed to learn self-love but having no idea where to begin...and these tips are exactly where to start! I hope this is an enlightening and empowering episode for anyone ready to unlearn codependency and learn to love themselves. "We become alienated from who we really are because of faulty parenting, and we keep trying to fill up that emptiness or feel more alive by trying to connect to something outside ourselves." - Darlene Lancer "Self-esteem in action is being self-empowered." - Darlene Lancer "A parent's most important job is to reflect their child." - Michelle Chalfant "Codependency is based on faulty beliefs." - Darlene Lancer "The unconscious doesn't distinguish between messages it hears from the outside and messages you tell yourself." - Darlene Lancer "When we realize what's going on, it's like Act 2. And it's a very exciting time." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Darlene Lancer Website https://www.whatiscodependency.com/ Episode #249: The Power of Self-Compassion with Dr. Kristin Neff https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/249/ Episode #253: Codependency and Anger with Michelle Farris https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/253/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification Doors open August 1 https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Everyone wants a caring, loving family, right? But is it possible for close to become too close? "Enmeshment" is a term that's been gaining more traction recently, and it describes family systems that are intertwined in unhealthy ways. These families appear very loving from the outside, but that love is often based on guilt and obligation...and usually the family doesn't even know this about themselves! My brilliant guest today, Dr. Ken Adams, is pulling back the veil on enmeshment and helping us understand what it is and when and how it forms. One of the leading researchers and teachers on this topic, Dr. Adams helps us understand when closeness crosses a line, how to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy family structures and how to break free and develop secure attachments to your partner, friends or other relationships you've created. Listen to discover: What enmeshment means How it forms in childhood The effects enmeshment has on a spouse or partner How to change the family system Why getting free is something you have to do for yourself Often, enmeshment is rooted in a lonely parent who substitutes their child for their partner. This leads to adult children who feel a sense of obligation to the parent's well-being, even at the expense of their own needs or the life they've created. The good news is that this doesn't have to be an either/or scenario. It's possible to love your family without feeling tangled up with them, and you CAN redefine the relationship and become free to be who you're meant to be — including a great son or daughter. "The love contract is defined by obligatory guilt and loyalty, not about freedom to love." - Dr. Ken Adams "The empathetic, sensitive soul in the family gets glommed onto by the lonely parent." - Dr. Ken Adams "Enmeshment has a direct impact on romantic availability." - Dr. Ken Adams "Emancipation is not a negotiation." - Dr. Ken Adams "The idea of cracking [the false self] open and becoming the true self is terrifying because we don't know who we are without that mask." - Michelle Chalfant "It feels like your spouse is having an affair, but it's with their mother or their father." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Dr. Ken Adams Website https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/ Dr. Ken Adams YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzFj2abP0cx8tEO1eLyjbDA "When He's Married to Mom" (Dr. Ken Adams book) https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/books/when-hes-married-to-mom/ "Silently Seduced" (Dr. Ken Adams book) https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/books/silently-seduced/ The Adult Chair® Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Wow — I was blown away by the response to last week's episode with my one and only, Graham Chalfant. It seems like so many could relate to our relationship dynamics and the learning and work we've done over the years...and so many of you also asked how we started doing the work and making changes in our relationship. In this week's episode, I'm focusing the conversation back on the self and how we can each choose to show up differently in our relationships from our Adult Chair. We can't make anyone change, but if we think of relationships as a dance, we can change the way we're dancing, which gives our partners the opportunity to shift and fall into step with us. This is true for all kinds of relationships, not just romantic ones. Listen to discover: My story of changing the dance in my own marriage How to change the tone of your relationship by doing your own work Finding your self-worth and setting boundaries in relationships How to be more open and relational We all bring our wounds, expectations and "stuff" to a relationship. When we do our work, we not only transform our own lives but we change the tone of our relationships, inviting friends and partners who are a true match for us into a new way of relating to each other. Everything — including strong, connected relationships — starts within! "If you want to change your relationship with anybody, you've gotta change the dance." - Michelle Chalfant "We are always attracting in other people based on our unconscious programming." - Michelle Chalfant "You've gotta see yourself as a very beautiful, precious diamond, and when you can see yourself like that, boundaries become more natural." - Michelle Chalfant "When you own your stuff, it sets you free." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Episode #251: How Feeling Your Emotions Can Change Your Relationship with Graham Chalfant https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/251/ The Adult Chair® Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Everyone wants connection — we're hardwired for it as humans! But we can only connect as deeply with others as we've connected with ourselves. Strong relationships start by going within, feeling our emotions and being willing to open up and share with our partners. On this week's podcast, I have a very, very special guest...my husband! We're talking with you today together and sharing some very personal details about our marriage and how feeling emotions has changed our relationship for the better. Graham comes from a background where emotions weren't expressed, and I come from an Italian family that was very expressive. For so many years, we both saw the other as not emotional enough or too emotional. Learning to feel, honor and share our emotions has deepened our connection so much and been so transformational for us. In this episode, Graham shares what helped him learn to process his emotions, how that's changed his response to different situations and the changes we've both seen in our relationship. Listen to discover: How relationships can help us overcome childhood issues when we approach them with consciousness The importance of raw, open communication in a relationship Somatic processing and the power of feeling emotions in the body Navigating anger and stress in a relationship How feeling emotions deepens intimacy (both emotional and physical) By the way, Graham did all of this work on his own (no bonus points for having a spouse who is a therapist and coach!). Which means YOU can do this too! We're all born with the ability to feel our emotions, but we have to tune in with intention instead of running away from them. When we do, we'll find they stop coming out sideways and are instead an invitation into deeper connection with others. "When we engage in a relationship with another human being, our childhood issues are going to rear up. That person is here to help us work through those childhood issues." - Michelle Chalfant "Once our youngest child left the house, then it all slowed down and it became more apparent to me that I needed to figure out this 'feeling' thing." - Graham Chalfant "I learned I could just sit with it and in 30 seconds, that heaviness would literally melt away." - Graham Chalfant "Everybody has the ability to feel emotions. At some point along our life journey, we turn them off and turn them down." - Michelle Chalfant "When you feel an emotion without building a story around it, the emotion goes through you in 90 seconds." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Episode #42: Inviting Your Relationship into The Adult Chair with Michelle and Graham Chalfant https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/42-inviting-your-relationship-into-the-adult-chair-with-michelle-and-graham-chalfant/ Episode #49: Am I a Fraud? Imposter Syndrome & You! https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/49-am-i-a-fraud-imposter-syndrome-you/ The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ July Theme: I live in balance. The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ Applications open for those on the waitlist July 12! P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com