The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair

You think you're a good person, you genuinely love your partner and you try to do the right thing …so why are you struggling in your relationship? Why do you and your partner feel unhappy, disconnected and maybe even headed for divorce? These are the questions Matt Fray asked himself after his marriage ended. He knew he was a decent guy. He knew he had loved his wife, been faithful and done the things he thought he was "supposed" to do in a marriage – yet one day she came to him and asked for a divorce. As he walked through the grief and pain of that experience, he began a journey of self-reflection and blogging to try to understand what went wrong and how people can truly have healthy relationships. What he uncovered was a series of small habits and dynamics that added up in his relationship and eroded trust and safety over time…and that these dynamics exist in nearly all relationships, including relationships made up of good people who really do love each other. Now, he's on a mission to help good people become good partners by understanding the root of relationship problems and how to fix them. In this episode, Matt reveals the invisible habits that kill relationships, how we can turn our relationships around and how to build trust, safety and lifelong love. Listen to discover: Matt's story of his marriage ending and what he did next The habits and blind spots that damage and even destroy our relationships The three ways we invalidate people unintentionally Why defensiveness can be so damaging The importance of empathy and consideration in relationships How to break the cycle of invalidation and build trust and safety Nothing in life is static. Either we're cultivating our relationships and on a trajectory of trust or we're neglecting our relationships and on a trajectory of breakdown. Too often, we can't see this trajectory until it all falls apart. I love Matt's work because he's helping us open our eyes to the invisible ways we're either creating or damaging our relationships, even when things seem "fine," and giving us one of the most important gifts a person can have: the power of choice to do things differently and change the trajectory we're on. "There's so much power in that 'I'm not alone' experience." - Matt Fray "That's when healing truly began — when I took ownership and responsibility for my lot in life." - Matt Fray "When you think you're a good person, it's so easy to not accept responsibility for harm that's being experienced by someone else."- Matt Fray "Very good people who really, truly love each other can do this to one another." - Matt Fray "Once you associate invalidation with the erosion of trust, then you can make the conscious decision to validate." - Matt Fray "When we go through something unusual, it is our job to share, 'You know, I really need help with this,' and it's our partner's job to show up and say, 'I've got you.'" - Michelle Chalfant "It's not about being right – it's being there in it with that person." - Michelle Chalfant "The low-hanging fruit…is 'I'm not going to invalidate.'" - Matt Fray LINKS & RESOURCES Matt Fray Website https://matthewfray.com/ "This Is How Your Marriage Ends" (Matt Fray book) https://www.amazon.com/This-Your-Marriage-Ends-Relationships/dp/0063072254/ "The Mask You Live In" Documentary https://therepproject.org/films/the-mask-you-live-in/ The Adult Chair® Membership (April Theme: Emotional Regulation) https://theadultchair.com/membership/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

When we're born into the world, we're born into a set of assumptions and norms. When this is all we've known, we think this is just the way the world works — but what if it's all just an illusion? What if there's another way to live – outside of the status quo – and how can you manifest that life for yourself? Yemi Penn calls this "bending reality," and, no, she's not talking about some kind of Star Wars-like force – she's talking about questioning societal norms, thinking outside of the box for ourselves and removing what gets in the way of the life we want to live. After experiencing childhood trauma and a period of homelessness, Yemi decided it was up to her to transform her trauma and turn it into a gift. This led her to live all over the world, run four successful businesses, tell stories through books and documentaries and build a life inspiring others to overcome fear, find their power and grow into their potential. In this episode, we discuss healing from trauma, how we can reframe our norms and preconceived ideas about life and four steps to radical change – first in our minds and then in our reality. Listen to discover: The definition of trauma Methods that work well for healing trauma What "bending reality" is and how to break out of the status quo Four steps for radical change The role of ego and identity The power of suspending disbelief and seeing possibilities for your life I love Yemi's perspective because this isn't pie-in-the-sky thinking or idealism. It's grounded in science, authenticity and real-life experiences of overcoming trauma and failure in order to show that anything is possible. She is a phenomenal person with so much wisdom to share, and I hope this inspires you to live a bold life of connection, bravery and power. What is a reality you would dream of for yourself if there were no societal conventions and expectations holding you back? What if you decided they didn't matter? "I'm asking the question, 'Can trauma be transformative?'" - Yemi Penn "I think there's so much wisdom in our own bodies that we haven't even connected with." - Yemi Penn "We need to start trusting ourselves." - Michelle Chalfant "Bending reality is almost removing yourself from the reality that we all appear to live in...It means not signing up for what we have been told is the only way to be." - Yemi Penn "Bending reality for me is beginning to learn how to dance with the fear of criticism." - Yemi Penn "Pretend you were not in this version of reality and you were somebody else. Who would you need to be to make it happen?" - Yemi Penn "The ego really puts us in these boxes and says, 'No, you have to do it this way.'" - Michelle Chalfant "You can't expect life to show up differently. You have to have radical change." - Michelle Chalfant "We have to subtract the fear from that innate power we have that most of us have forgotten." - Yemi Penn LINKS & RESOURCES Yemi Penn Website https://www.yemipenn.com/ Yemi Penn TED Talk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrKE2vMamA4 Yemi Penn Documentary https://www.yemipenn.com/documentary "Did You Get the Memo?" (Yemi Penn book) https://www.yemipenn.com/book Yemi Penn Facebook https://www.facebook.com/YemiPenn/ Yemi Penn Instagram https://www.instagram.com/yemi.penn MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

There's a funny meme I see floating around the internet that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was winter." It's a joke, but as always, there's truth in humor – and the reality is that winter REALLY does affect our mood (and how we react to others) at a scientific level. This is due to something called "seasonal affective disorder," or SAD, and it has everything to do with the amount of sunlight we're getting and how it affects our brains. It can even show up as major depression. And in today's episode, I'm interviewing the scientist who discovered this phenomenon himself, Dr. Norman Rosenthal. Dr. Rosenthal is a fascinating man who loves everything from science to poetry and how people can experience greater well-being. He is passionate about, quite literally, bringing more light to this world, and he shares the creative and scientific process of how he and his colleagues discovered SAD, how they tested light therapy for SAD, who SAD affects the most, and some steps we can all take to make it through the winter. Listen to discover: His story of discovering seasonal affective disorder What SAD actually is and how it works The genetic and hormonal roots of SAD The difference between the winter blues and SAD The benefits of light therapy Surprising healing tools like poetry and Botox Rosenthal's latest work with poetry for healing As we spring forward and April is around the corner, I'm beginning to feel a sense of hope and reawakening, but we're not out of the woods yet. SAD is still affecting our friends in the Southern Hemisphere, in places that get a lot of rain like Seattle and England, and any of us who don't spend enough time getting out in the light. So, here's your reason to get up from your desk and take a walk around the block on the next sunny day – maybe with a book of poetry in hand. "Where previously you'd only seen light as a vehicle for vision, now you see it as a vehicle for well-being." - Dr. Norman Rosenthal "It's genetic, it's hormonal and it's environmental." - Dr. Norman Rosenthal "SAD is actually a form of major depression." - Dr. Norman Rosenthal "I'm a great believer in training yourself to realize when you're getting enough light." - Dr. Norman Rosenthal "I don't think a lot of people understand that this is what happens to so many of us [in the winter months]." - Michelle Chalfant "When you really sit and listen or when you're reading [poetry], it just speaks to our soul." - Michelle Chalfant "As a human, we get to experience everything from love to fear and everything in between. They're rich, beautiful emotions – every single one of them." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES "Poetry Rx" (Dr. Norman Rosenthal book) https://www.amazon.com/Poetry-Rx-Inspiring-Poems-Bring/dp/172250546X "Winter Blues" (Dr. Norman Rosenthal book) https://www.amazon.com/Winter-Blues-Fourth-Everything-Affective/dp/1609181859 Verilux HappyLight https://verilux.com/collections/happylight-therapy-lamps-boxes Carex Day-Light https://carex.com/products/carex-day-light-classic-plus-light-therapy-sun-lamp MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Does it ever feel like other people in your life just have more capacity than you? They float through busy social calendars, difficult family situations, work stress and world events while you feel overwhelmed, bogged down and exhausted. You wonder what's wrong with you and if they're right: you really are too sensitive. If that sounds like you, there is NOTHING wrong with you; you just might be an empath or highly sensitive person (HSP) – someone who takes in more emotions, energy and input from the world around you. Being an empath or highly sensitive person is something that many people live with, but many don't know it (or even know that it's a thing!). And while being an empath can be an amazing gift, it can also create challenges in life when we're unaware. Because we feel others' emotions so deeply, it can be very emotionally overwhelming and even lead to depression, anxiety and numbing behaviors if we don't have self-care strategies in our toolbox. This was the story of my life for years until I learned to honor this part of myself, set good boundaries and recharge! In this episode, I'm helping you understand the difference between an empath and a HSP, the signs you might be an empath and steps to take care of yourself if these traits resonate with you. Listen to discover: The definition of an empath and a HSP The difference between empathy and being an empath 13 traits of empaths How to raise awareness to these traits in yourself Survival and self-care strategies for empaths and HSPs Empaths and HSPs don't have any less capacity or ability to handle life than anyone else. They don't need to "toughen up" or get thicker skin, and there's no such thing as being too sensitive. In reality, empaths and HSPs are very strong people who are just taking in more of the world than the average person. Through self-care, we can learn to manage all the "inputs" coming in and create time to recharge, so we can balance our wonderful sensitivity with our needs. I hope the strategies in this episode help you survive and thrive in an overwhelming world without numbing out or squashing your beautiful empathetic gifts. "There's a big difference between just someone who's sensitive with a lot of empathy and an empath." - Michelle Chalfant "An empath is highly attuned to the energy of others." - Michelle Chalfant "We're picking up on other people's emotions and we think they're ours." - Michelle Chalfant "If you are moody, if you feel low a lot, even if you're depressed, it could be that you're taking on too many people's emotions." - Michelle Chalfant "I learned not to open myself up to everybody's problems." - Michelle Chalfant "No matter what you are – HSP or empath – please practice excellent self-care." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Empath Meditation for Cleansing and Clearing Your Energy https://theadultchair.com/portfolio_page/empath-meditation-for-cleansing-and-clearing-your-energy/ A Guided Meditation for Cleansing Relationships and Cutting Cords https://theadultchair.com/portfolio_page/a-guided-meditation-for-cleansing-relationships-and-cutting-cords/ The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Relationships are one of the most basic human needs, but building healthy relationships takes self-awareness and work. While we talk a lot about behaviors that can make a relationship unhealthy, such as narcissism and gaslighting (which are both more than unhealthy – they're abuse), I thought it was time to talk about what makes a relationship a keeper. What traits can you look to as your benchmark to see if your relationship is healthy and what should you aspire to if you're working on creating healthier relationships in your life? In this episode, I'm sharing eight traits that healthy relationships have in common – whether that's a relationship with a partner, friend, family member or anyone! Listen to discover: The 8 qualities of a healthy relationship What an apology is and what it isn't How to have open, honest communication Relationship truths to live by This doesn't mean you have to get this right 100% of the time to be healthy, but healthy people DO work to repair mistakes and deepen connection, and that is what these practices will help you do. Remember that, while it takes two to tango, you can change the dance of your relationship just by working on yourself. As you live more authentically from your Adult Chair, you will find the way you respond to others and the way you show up and communicate changes. If you're in a relationship with another healthy individual, they will be drawn to match your energy and meet you with more authenticity, vulnerability and openness – the keys to connection. "We don't need to change other people to become who we want them to be." - Michelle Chalfant "If you hurt someone you care about, you apologize." - Michelle Chalfant "People in healthy relationships are interested in knowing what you need." - Michelle Chalfant "We remember to use the word 'I' and not 'you.' We express OUR needs." - Michelle Chalfant "Relationships take work – they really do." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Episode #302: Gaslighting 101 https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/302-gaslighting-101/ Episode #301: Narcissism 101: What It Is & How To Heal It https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/301/ Episode #261: How to Receive a Boundary from Your Adult Chair https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/261/ Adult Chair® Coaches https://theadultchair.com/coaches/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

When we think of trauma, many of us think of war, a car accident or a major, life-altering event. Though all of these events are certainly traumatic, they are only one type of trauma – what we often call "big T" trauma. But there are many other forms of subtler trauma, including small events that happen over and over again (especially in childhood), that overwhelm our nervous systems and shape the way we move through the world. I would argue that most humans have had some sort of trauma in their lives, and you'd be surprised by how many times I've sat with clients who didn't even know they had trauma. Heck, it took me decades to realize I had trauma from childhood! I think this is partly because trauma is such a loaded word, so on today's show, I'm talking with a trauma expert, Ilene Smith, about what trauma actually is, how to notice if we're living with trauma and how to heal it. Listen to discover: What trauma is Clues that you might be living with trauma How trauma affects attachment style as adults What trauma bonding is How to heal a dysregulated nervous system Steps to heal trauma starting today Here's the thing about trauma: it has less to do with what actually happened (the event) and everything to do with how that event was interpreted and processed by our nervous system. Even small things can be overwhelming to the nervous system when they happen over time, when we're children (because we don't have any filters or discernment) and/or when we don't have a strong sense of safety and support to help us process the painful events of our lives. And once our nervous system has been "trained" to react a certain way, it can get stuck there even once the trauma is over. Bringing a sense of safety back to the nervous system is key to building up resilience and allowing yourself to process the stuck fight, flight or freeze energy. This happens in the body, which means the ability to heal your nervous system is as close to you as you are to yourself. I hope this episode brings you some lightbulb moments on what might be happening in your body and how you can begin to connect and heal. "People often think of trauma as an event, but it's really the energy that gets locked in the body around real or perceived threat." - Ilene Smith "Trauma can be a series of lots of little things." - Ilene Smith "The way we're living could be the residuals of those childhood experiences." - Ilene Smith "As a kid growing up, we don't know, 'Oh wait, I'm emotionally not safe.'" - Michelle Chalfant "When there's childhood trauma, relationships are much harder when you enter adulthood." - Ilene Smith "There's usually something unhealed if we can't attach in healthy ways." - Ilene Smith "When we get into reactivity, we don't get into our experience." - Ilene Smith "The healing journey is about the body." - Michelle Chalfant "When you think about going towards a distraction, think about what it might be like to get into your body in a safe way." - Ilene Smith LINKS & RESOURCES Ilene Smith Website https://ilenesmith.com/ Ilene Smith Instagram https://www.instagram.com/ilenesmithhealing/ "Moving Beyond Trauma" (Ilene Smith book) https://movingbeyondtrauma.co/ ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) Test https://www.acesaware.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/ACE-Questionnaire-for-Adults-Identified-English.pdf The Adult Chair® Membership (March Theme: Self-compassion) https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Do you know what anxiety really feels like? I'm not talking about the emotions of fear or stress, but what it feels like in your body. So many of us live with anxiety and don't even know it because it's SO physical. It's even easy to mistake it for physical disease, like heart issues or digestive issues. That was the case for Abbe Greenberg and Maggie Sarachek, two soul sisters who are both mental health professionals and the founders of Anxiety Sisters, a supportive community for those living with anxiety. Though they can now see how their anxiety began showing up in early childhood, for years, they bounced from doctor to doctor and even spent time in the hospital before realizing the root cause of their suffering was anxiety. This began their passion to help raise awareness around anxiety and help anxiety sufferers learn how to live full, happy lives – anxiety and all. We had an incredible conversation about all things anxiety and how to heal it, and I resonated with so many parts of their story…these ladies are the real deal! Listen to discover: Our stories of recognizing and healing anxiety How anxiety manifests as physical symptoms The power of acceptance in managing anxiety Why connection is key to healing anxiety How to pack a "spin kit" so you'll be prepared when anxiety strikes The difference between anxiety and a panic attack How to overcome phobias and agoraphobia I know I have a lot of favorite topics, but anxiety is one I really feel we can't talk about enough. Too many people in the world are suffering from anxiety without even knowing it, and we have so many tools – from our support system to our sensory system – to help us find peace and balance in life. It's not about never feeling anxious again but learning how to find your own brand of happiness and how to take charge so anxiety no longer runs the show. "I still didn't have the vocabulary or the words to make these connections of what I was feeling and how that was connected to anxiety." - Maggie Sarachek "Anxiety becomes really debilitating when it's in the driver's seat." - Abbe Greenberg "I think there is this process of accepting anxiety." - Maggie Sarachek "Acceptance doesn't mean anything other than, 'This is where I am.'" - Michelle Chalfant "Our brand of happy is anxious happy." - Abbe Greenberg "Anxiety can no longer sneak up on you. And when it can't sneak up on you, it takes away two thirds of its power." - Abbe Greenberg "No two people have the same exact anxiety and panic." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Anxiety Sisters Website https://anxietysisters.com/ Anxiety Sisters Facebook https://www.facebook.com/anxietysisters *Home of a Tuesday night book club + supportive community The Spin Cycle (Anxiety Sisters Podcast) https://anxietysisters.com/podcasts/ "The Anxiety Sisters' Survival Guide" (Anxiety Sisters Book) https://anxietysisters.com/anxiety-sisters-survival-guide/ Adult Chair® Coaches https://theadultchair.com/coaches/ The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

You love them, and you think they love you…so why does it feel like you're going crazy so often in your relationship? You leave conversations feeling confused, questioning your reality and maybe even questioning your own sanity. You might be in a relationship with a gaslighter. Gaslighting is a term that is thrown around frequently, but it is far more than someone questioning us or challenging us. Gaslighting is intentional, manipulative and designed to whittle away someone's self-confidence. In short, it's abuse. Though gaslighting often happens in romantic relationships with narcissists, it can also happen in friendships and family relationships, with men and women and with people who don't struggle with narcissistic traits but who might struggle with control issues or other mental disorders. In this episode, I'm sharing what gaslighting is, what it looks like in real life and ways to tell if you're being gaslighted. Listen to discover: What gaslighting is What it looks like and sounds like 5 tactics of a gaslighter 2 signs you might be in a relationship with a gaslighter What to do if you're being gaslighted The term "gaslighting" actually comes from a 1944 movie about a man who tries to make his wife think she's going insane…and that is exactly how being gaslighted feels – crazy making! If you are experiencing this type of abuse, you can start the healing process by building up self-worth and finding people who can help guide you back to what is true about you and your life. The more connected you are to yourself, the better you will be able to see what is real and what is not and make decisions about how to move forward. "Gaslighting – let's be clear – it's abusive." - Michelle Chalfant "If someone is gaslighting you, you're going to feel confused, and confused a lot." - Michelle Chalfant "Gaslighting is all about manipulation, power and control." - Michelle Chalfant "'I'm sorry you feel that way,' is not an apology." - Michelle Chalfant "When the person that you love keeps speaking to you like this, it wears you down." - Michelle Chalfant "A gaslighter is the eternal victim." - Michelle Chalfant "If someone is gaslighting you, stay in your own reality. Do not challenge them...you'll never win." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Episode #301: Narcissism 101: What It Is & How To Heal It https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/301/ The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Narcissism is such a buzzword these days...it can be tempting to throw the label at anyone in our lives who isn't healthy or who is a little bit full of themselves. While I love that psychology is so accessible and that the world has a lot more awareness of narcissism than in the past, it's so important to understand what narcissism really is, so we can spot it and heal from it – whether you are in a relationship with a narcissist or believe you're a narcissist yourself. In this episode, I'm breaking down the core traits of narcissism (it's more than just a big ego), the childhood wounding that leads to narcissism and the steps you can take to heal the painful effects of narcissism. Listen to discover: What narcissism is The top traits of narcissism How narcissism forms How to spot narcissist red flags in a relationship Breaking down "love bombing," "gaslighting" and other common narcissistic tactics (with examples) How to heal if you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist How a narcissist can heal Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be incredibly painful. It's often filled with emotional abuse and manipulation, put downs and a lack of empathy that can be incredibly confusing and damaging to our sense of self. If you're experiencing any type of abuse in a relationship, get out! At the same time, it's important to remember we're all human, and the narcissist is also in pain from deep childhood wounding that has caused them to cover up their true selves. With awareness, any of us can heal, and I hope this episode helps shed some light on the topic of narcissism and gives you practical tips for healing, whether you're recovering from a relationship with a narcissist or have narcissistic traits yourself. "Let's be really clear: true narcissism is a personality disorder." - Michelle Chalfant "Narcissists can love, but they can't empathize. They can't feel their emotions, so how in the world are they supposed to connect to your emotions?" - Michelle Chalfant "Narcissism is a mask." - Michelle Chalfant "They inflate their sense of self to feel important in the world." - Michelle Chalfant "At the root of both these narcissistic pathways is deep shame." - Michelle Chalfant "The narcissist just wants admiration from you, and once they hook you, everything starts to change." - Michelle Chalfant "You did not get into the relationship knowing what you know now. In a sense, you were tricked." - Michelle Chalfant "Anybody can heal that wants to heal. Anybody." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Adult Chair Podcast Episodes on Feeling Emotions https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/?sterm=emotions The Adult Chair® Membership (February Theme: Crack your mask) https://theadultchair.com/membership/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Are you convinced you're just bad at boundaries? Do you worry this is a trait that you were born without and you're just destined to feel taken advantage of and resentful for the rest of your life? The truth is that no one is born good at boundaries! They're not something you have or don't have; they're a skill you develop. That's right – you CAN become a boundary boss! My guest today, Terri Cole, is a boundary boss herself and a licensed psychotherapist who helps people from all walks of life overcome the "disease to please," speak their truth clearly and confidently and live more free, peaceful lives. We talk about how our boundary scripts form (and why it's not your fault), how to navigate conflict in a healthier way and a POWERFUL list of "boundary rights" you have that will inspire you to take more control of your life today! Listen to discover: Why boundaries are so hard to set Steps to stop abandoning yourself and set better boundaries "The Boundary Boss Bill of Rights" (this is SO powerful!) How to handle pushback against boundaries What to do about boundary "repeat offenders" The cool thing about boundaries is that once you start setting them, it gets easier and easier. Though some people will push back against your boundaries, you might be surprised by the amount of appreciation and respect you get from others when you begin setting boundaries. You will learn that conflict doesn't equal disconnection – in fact, boundaries deepen connection and prevent resentment – and you will really experience what it feels like to be loved for your authentic self. And once you know how that feels, there is no turning back! "We all have this downloaded boundary blueprint in our unconscious mind." - Terri Cole "It's your own personal rules of engagement…All of our boundaries are incredibly unique." - Terri Cole "We were raised and praised — most of us — for being self-abandoning codependents." - Terri Cole "It's so much easier to say no when you haven't already said yes." - Terri Cole "'Isn't self-care selfish?' No, it's self-loving!" - Michelle Chalfant "Once you start doing it, it feels so good to be known. It feels so good to be accurately seen." - Terri Cole "We can stay lovingly attached to the people in our lives while we set boundaries." - Terri Cole LINKS & RESOURCES Terri Cole Website https://www.terricole.com/ Terri Cole Instagram https://www.instagram.com/terricole/ "Boundary Boss" (Terri Cole book) https://boundarybossbook.com/ The Terri Cole Show (Terri Cole podcast) https://www.terricole.com/podcast/ Free Boundaries + Codependency Resource from Terri Cole https://boundaryboss.me/michelle Episode #140: Love and Boundaries with Terri Cole https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/140-love-and-boundaries-with-terri-cole/ Episode #261: How to Receive a Boundary from Your Adult Chair https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/261/ The Adult Chair® Membership (February Theme: Crack your mask) https://theadultchair.com/membership/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant