Flusterclux With Lynn Lyons: For Parents Who Worry

Summer's here, and after our spring, we all would like to have some special summer moments outside with our families. In this episode, Lynn Lyons discusses how to handle common reactions from children.Maybe your child is anxious the virus and doesn't want to ease back into normal activities. Maybe your older kids are wanting to be too social or not social enough.We unpack boredom and its connection to creativity and unstructured play so that listeners can be ready with a constructive response to "I'm bored".And finally we discuss our ultimate summer guide to family fun. We asked podcast listeners to share their ideas on ways to make some magic for their kids this summer. The guide has 33 ideas: inside, outside, virtual, and local; you're bound to find ideas right for your family.We mention several things for summer activities and socializing that we compiled as an Amazon list. It includes the chocolate coins, picnic and hiking supplies, and the portable potty system Robin discusses.Music at the end of the episode includes "Summertime" with permission by Susie Tallman whose children's albums were some of our favorites when our kids were younger. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This has been a crazy 2020. I mean, things were changing month by month, then week by week now, day by day, and kids are feeling more emotional. Maybe you're seeing an uptick in their anxiety, they're a little more withdrawn, more depressed, maybe there's an increasing feeling of anger or fear or frustration about what's going on in the world with the virus and with the protests.So today, we're going to take questions from you, the listeners, about the things you're seeing emotionally in your kids and what we can do to help as we try and navigate what continues to be such a tricky time. Lynn answers five questions from members of our Facebook group. And we discuss our next episode on ways to make your summer still memorable with several ideas for socially distanced family fun.Read a complete transcript on our website. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

As the world reacts to the Black Lives Matter movement, we discuss how emotional management can help white people handle white fragility and why families should stop the cycle of raising colorblind children.We provide additional resources for our listeners to read, watch, and listen to for themselves and their children.Articles for Therapists, Teachers, and Parents An Invitation to White Therapists Specific, Candid, and Helpful Responses to Expressions of Racism and Bias My White Friend Asked Me on Facebook to Explain White Privilege. I Decided to Be Honest As a Black Mother, My Parenting Is Always Political Dear White Parents, My Black Son and Husband Need You Right Now White Kids Need to Start Using Their Privilege for Good — Here’s How to Teach Them 9 Phrases Allies Can Say When Called Out Instead of Getting Defensive Beyond Blackout Tuesday: Starting Your Lifelong Anti-Racism Journey Suggested Reading So You Want to Talk About Race, by Ijeoma Oluo Waking Up White, by Debby Irving  How To Be Less Stupid About Race, by Crystal M. Donaldson  How To Be An Anti-Racist, by Ibram X. Kendi Antagonists, Advocates, and Allies by Catrice M Jackson Me and White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad They Were Her Property by Stephanie E. Jones-Rogers, PhD I’m Still Here by Austin Channing  Social Media To Follow Ally Henny's Facebook Page Rachel Cargle's Instagram Page Waste Free Marie's Instagram Page Podcasts By Black Mothers  Articles by Black Bloggers To Support 5 Movies To Watch On Netflix In June 2020 Starring Black Leads Black YouTube Family Vloggers DO Exist! 3 TV Moments That Perfectly Portray “The Talk” For Black Families Teach Your Child to Be An Advocate For Change Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What did you learn about handling anger, sadness, and worry as a child from your family? How does that affect your parenting? We unpack our family baggage in this episode to see how we can stop dysfunctional generational patterns and give our kids the space for healthy feelings.This is a very special episode about three of the most powerful patterns that shape not just our relationships with our families, partners, children, and friends but the world outside our homes.Lynn walks us through the very big sweet spot where we want to be modeling for our kids healthy emotional management and examples of the extremes to avoid.Links to what we talked aboutThe Jane Fonda documentaryOur prior episode on flattening our emotional curve"Ac Cent Tchu Ate The Positive" that great Bing Crosby and the Andrew Sisters coverEveryone should watch Lynn's video on her website of a lecture she gave called "Can Mr. Rogers Save Us All?" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mom guilt, burnout, and stress over remote learning has most parents exhausted these days. Hear psychotherapist Lynn Lyons share ways to manage these common pandemic parenting stresses.In this bonus episode, we asked listeners to share what they needed help with most, and Lynn delivers strategies to make days smoother.1:38 We address burnout and how to fill an empty tank is small breaks.6:56 A listener mentions that she feels guilty telling her children she is working when they want her attention.Lynn discusses the real purpose of guilt as an emotion and the toxicity of misapplied guilt.12:06 The conversation moves to schoolwork stress and how to give the right space for kids to perform and why getting involved isn't always best.19:06 We discuss how the lockdown has been a teacher of resilience for kids used to getting what they want. Lynn describes the difference between disruption and devastation and how the pandemic affects families differently.Lynn explains that our own self care must be independent of our children's emotions.29:29 Robin asks Lynn to relay a time as a mom that she couldn't easily show her vanilla ice cream face.Read the whole transcript on our site. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our sleep is very illustrative of other things that are going on. When we opened it up on our Facebook group and asked people if they had questions, we got a lot of responses. So, for anybody who's listening and who's wondering whether or not the sleep issues that they're dealing with in their family are unique, the answer is no. They are not.3:42 Our first section of the show, Lynn offers guidance to parents of younger children. Starting at age four, Lynn offers ways for children to fall asleep and stay in their own beds.Lynn gives a glimpse of the recorded scripts she makes for her clients to help their children go to sleep, and we offer a free download of an example for you to use.13:15 Lynn talks about the "mommy fruit scale" and how to convey to your younger kids that you just feel out of gas.14:45 Lynn goes over realistic boundaries for tween and teen sleeping schedules and how to negotiate healthy sleep limits with them. We talk about the role of devices in sleep disruption and how to manage it.We discuss a WiFI device that can shut off at night to prevent kids from accessing the internet past bedtime. Use our affiliate link for a $20 off coupon.22:35 We discuss the need to limit our exposure to the news, particularly children, who cannot process it well, as one listener's 4th grader is now waking throughout the night and watching news throughout the day.26:20 Lynn gives parents her own favorite sleep trick that prevents the brain from ruminating. She goes over her ABC game and its magical amount of cognitive functioning to prevent rumination.Outro music is the wonderful Susie Tallman and her cover of "Slumber Song" from her album Lullaby Themes For Sleepy Dreams. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Helicopter parenting isn’t just about being nervous at the playground. Helicopter parents is a loaded label, and we define it in this episode as a hovering parent trying to control an outcome.4:27 WHEN WE CAN’T GO TO THE ER AS EASILYWe discuss the pragmatic balance of reducing the risk of physical play during a pandemic when the same medical care isn’t as straightforward of an option.7:19 HELICOPTER PARENTS DURING PLAYLynn gives examples of parents intervening in play that isn’t helpful.She answers a listener’s question about her 6 year-old’s right to privacy and potty language habits while using Facetime.10:12 HELICOPTER PARENTING AND ACADEMICSLynn talks about the opportunities for parents who helicopter and intervene to step back in this new pass-fail scenario where the stakes aren’t so high and encourages ways to inject more independence with students.13:06 WHAT DOES HELICOPTER PARENTING MEAN?Lynn explains that academic helicopter parenting is a fear-based effort not let the chips fall where they may, to not let a child fail out of fear of failure, being judged, or other reasons.15:54 BRINGING UNSCHOOLING INTO THE HOMEWe talk about the opportunity to introduce the importance of learning life skills from parents around the home, and discuss the chance to introduce unschooling opportunities—the chance for child-led learning on topics they choose over the summer.Here’s the remote learning platform we are using.20:23 NEARLY EVERYONE HELICOPTERS IN AT LEAST ONE AREASome parents intervene more in their children’s school work, the safety of their play, their friendships or appearance. Lynn asks how parents might step away now from those areas and see what happens when the stakes aren’t so high.24:41 THE CRUX OF THE HELICOPTER PARENTINGWe want to protect our kids from hard feelings. Lynn gives examples of moms who won’t buy a pet so her daughter won’t have to grieve for it when it dies.Her "Mr. Rogers Talk" is referenced. Watch it here.Lynn outlines the key parenting habit that is a predictor of anxiety disorders developing in children.28:26 HOMEWORK FOR PARENTSLynn gives parents to some homework to think about and some language to use with their kids.We suggest you join the Facebook group so you can submit questions for future episodes.A full transcript is available on our site. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You've finally gotten your little one to stop asking you to wipe his bum. Or you've finally gotten your teenager to be able to handle things without huge emotional disruptions. And now, the behaviors are back. Parents, that's called regression. It's a normal part of development. It's normal under the most usual of circumstances. And it's certainly normal during this time of pandemic parenting.1:28 WHY WE’RE SEEING SO MUCH CHILD REGRESSION NOW3:49 REGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR SHOWS UP AT TIMES OF STRESS AND CHANGELynn references the book Touchpoints-Three to Six: Your Child's Behavioral and Emotional Development by T. Berry Brazelton and Joshua Sparrow7:13 REGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR IS LIKE COMFORT FOODRobin references Susie Tallman's "I've Been Working on the Railroad"10:15 LISTENER QUESTIONLynn answers a listener question about a 7-year-old boy who is now hitting and talking back, behavior that has happened since staying at home.12:30 HYPO AND HYPER AROUSAL AND HOMEOSTASIS IN CHILDREN'S BEHAVIOR16:37 WHY EVERYONE FEELS OUR OF GAS22:00 LISTENER QUESTION #2Speech regression and stuttering in a 3-year-old boy. Mom wonders if this new behavior is related to being stuck at home.25:45 REGRESSION TEENS AND TWEENSJoin the Facebook group where you can submit questions for future episodes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

As states try and determine the safest schedules to reopen businesses and schools, parents will want to think about an eventual transition back to normal and which family quarantine habits will be tough to break.We didn't have time to prepare when we were thrown into this traumatic change, but we can prepare for our journey out.Full transcript available on our website.1:37Lynn identifies the importance of bringing back structure, chores, and sleep routines to assist children, and8:40She shares how teens might even angrier and more withdrawn more and what to do about it.We discuss this internet device to set screen limits. You can use our affiliate link for $20 off.10:58We discuss Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig doing a great lip sync duet to “Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now” from the movie Skeleton Twins. The scene will make parents of teens feel validated.17:55Lynn asks what we are seeing in our families and how has this increased stress manifested in your family patterns. Who is being more rigid? Blaming? Emotive? Withdrawn? How can this experience be a teacher showing areas of family behavior that can shift.25:15We discuss how the pandemic brought some powerful revelations, like "It took a pandemic to make me realize blank." Lynn references Jill Bolte Taylor's book My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Parents must attempt to manage their emotions in front of their kids. Lynn talks about how to handle powerful moments of anger and panic in an an ideal way as well as how to conclude unintentional emotional outbursts in a positive way to model emotional literacy for your kids. What is emotional vomiting and why it is a destructive habit.We also talk about the trap of unhealthy reassurance, even when the Hogwarts ride breaks down at the Harry Potter theme park.Lynn outlines the list of behaviors that should always be off limits at home, too, around physical behavior and language.Full transcript available on our site. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices