Lessons from a Quitter

This week I have a super exciting topic that completely changed the way I thought. It's the concept of clean pain versus dirty pain, and it really helped me manage my mindset. This topic, which was first coined by Dr. Stephen Hayes, described the suffering we add to our human experience. We constantly make up narratives about ourselves that cause all of this unnecessary self-inflicted pain. It is crucial to understand when you're doing this so you can stop it. Join me as I dive deeper into this topic and discuss ways you can work around it.

This week I'm finally addressing one of the biggest blocks for most people: Overcoming The Fear of What Others Think. There is a reason that so many of keep falling into patterns of doing what others expect of us even if it makes us miserable. We're evolutionarily wired to want to be accepted by our tribe. But while it is natural it doesn't mean we have to keep living this way. In this episode, I break down how to push past the fear of what other people think about you and start living a life on your own terms.

Want to know the secret to my success? I stopped pretending that I had it all together. The more I share my mistakes, my failures, my insecurities, the more people are attracted to me. The more I stop pretending like I have it all together, the more I allow myself to show up exactly as I am. The more I show up and take imperfect action, the more successful I become. There is a reason that "vulnerability" and "authenticity" are such buzzwords right now. We're all sick of curated. We're all sick of perfect. We crave more humanness. Just think about the people you follow online. Do you love following people who act like they have it all figured out, are breezing through life, and have no problems?!? I'm guessing no. It's boring and fake. We love following people who share their struggles. Who show us that they're just figuring it out just like the rest of us. And, yet, so many of you are still stuck trying to look perfect in your lives. Trying to pretend like you have it all together at work. Trying to portray that you're not struggling with parenthood. Trying to put on a brave face. I want you to know that perfect is boring. Nobody wants perfect. Be human. Let people in. It'll lighten the load and make the experience so much more fun.

This week's episode is all about doing difficult things. Somewhere along the line, a lot of us adopted the mistaken belief that there is an easy way to have our dream life. But that's false, there are no shortcuts. When we adopt that mentality, we end up making it so much harder on ourselves. We fall short on certain goals, or we bypass certain milestones because we're hyperfocused on having an easy life. But hard things challenge us to grow and learn and live a life far beyond ourselves. We can do hard things, stop wishing your way out of them.

By far, the #1 question I get asked is some version of: "I hate my job but I have no idea what else I would do. How do I find some clarity?!" I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that no one can give you a clear answer to that question. Because what you're really saying is: "I've lost touch with who I really am. I've done what I was supposed to do and found myself unhappy. I feel lost and don't know how to get back to what I truly want." The clarity you're looking for can't come from outside of you. The answer isn't in some online assessment. It has to come from within. It only comes from getting a better understanding of who you are when you aren't trying to please everyone else or look perfect. But here is the good news: Doing the work to find clarity in what you want to do with your life will change every single aspect of it. It will bring you back to yourself. It'll lead to more self-compassion, self-trust, and self-acceptance. It will help you stop the self-sabotage that will otherwise continue to ruin your life. It will give you control over your own internal state so you're not at the mercy of reacting to everyone and everything around you. It will let you show up as the full, flawed human that you are so you can experience all that there is in this life. What more important work is there?! So don't go for the easy answer. Take the time to find out who you truly are and do it on purpose. This week in the podcast, I go more in-depth into how to start discovering clarity in what you truly want.

If you've listened to the podcast for a while now, you've likely heard me talk about the free coaching calls I do every month. I always love having new people join the calls because I'll inevitably get messages afterwards like: "Wow, that was so much more helpful than I thought it would be!" "Thank you for doing this. I'm not sure why I waited so long to join these." "This was so eye-opening. Just listening to everyone helped me so much!" I've realized that many of you may not realize how powerful coaching actually can be (and the fact that you don't even have to be the one to get coached for it to be powerful). So today on the podcast, I'm replaying last month's coaching call. I want you to see the power of group coaching, the fact that we all have the same fears and doubts, and that your mindset is pretty much the answer to every question (*wink, wink*). If you enjoy this call, feel free to sign up to join our FREE MONTHLY COACHING CALLS

This week's episode is truly one of my favorites. I never thought I would say this but my mom, Ziba Farzaneh is on the show. She has a pretty amazing quitter story that I want to share with you all. My mother was an accountant for a number of years. She served as VP of finance of a hundred million dollar company and grew in the role for 19 years. After being blindsided by a layoff she decided to go into entrepreneurship with my sister. Together they have a school for severely autistic children, and they recently opened up a ranch that does animal therapy for the children. Her story is one of courage, resilience, and hard work.

Last week we spoke about the thoughts we form around money. This week I want to talk about the equation that you need to think about when you want to quit your job. I hear from so many people saying that they can't quit because of finances. That can mean a number of things: They have too much debt, they just made a large purchase, they are not earning as much as they need, they don't have a savings, etc. But each of these things can be remedied. If your thoughts don't get you to bury your head in the sand, there are plenty of ways to tackle the issue of finances. Once we can begin to create a plan, we can figure out how long it will actually take us to be ready to quit.

This week we're going to dive into your money mindset. One of the biggest blocks for people from changing careers is finances. But they don't realize that most of their problems arise from how they think about money and not how much money they actually have. Before we get into how to actually plan your finances to quit, we have to deal with all of your limitations around money. So let's talk about all the thoughts you have about money.

This week I want to talk to you about rest. We rarely talk about it. It's not the type of topic that lends itself to an illustrious career or living your dream life, but it is so important. Today we're going to talk about seasons of rest: How to know when you're in one or when you need one (and how to maximize the benefits of being in this season). So stop pushing, stop hustling, look inside yourself to figure out if you need some time off and take a break.