Make Your Damn Bed

And every new human I meet and every new story I learn only encourages me more to show up fully in my own life. I like knowing the wide world has lots of options and there is not any expectation for me to be the best or worst of anything. I will fall somewhere in between and where I land is ultimately up to me and fate. If I follow the kardashians I am far more likely to end up on amazon buying waist trainers and brow Gel than when I follow financial literacy influencers who send me spiraling towards investment articles and financial planning appointments.and I am not saying your social media and social group has to be all education and elevation and optimization. I am simply encouraging you to diversify the shit out of your baseline. Plus, the more realistic you set your baseline - the more realistic your own expectations for your own life get and the better and you feel in the process of obtaining the one that works best for you.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

if people who are raw and “UGLY” or messy or open or authentic online, and that is off-putting to you - check in on why - is the reason valid or is the hesitation because you’re so used to seeing perfectionism and unrealistic expectations in your feed?I know people very personally who share very misleading versions of their lives online which genuinely makes me jealous even though I see them and know the reality behind it doesn’t actually make me feel that way. It almost doest matter that we know its fake. It’s like the cousin with the box analogy I used yesterday - If I didn’t know the flashy toy existed I wouldn’t care but damn my box looks like shit all of a sudden even though this box has been my favorite box in all the land for a very long time. We all have our shiny toy/box metaphor. It may be bodies that don’t look like yours - which for me - following fitness influencers and half naked confident humans with atypical bodies has changed my take on what is genuinely beautiful and I have always been a very inclusive lover but damn sexiness changes when you see it in various forms. Plus it’s helped me know the power my curves hold - which is an episode for. Different day.But maybe following fitness influencers that are both similar and different than you can show you bodies like yours and smaller and larger than yours can do hard things and so can yours if you start small but show up consistently. Also - this is no shame to anyone who enjoys filters or photoshop - it’s just saying - as soon as we recognize how inauthentic the things we’re comparing our lives to are - the better we are at setting our own standards and expectations for ourselves in a way that promotes long term happiness and sustainable success. If social media isn’t motivating you - change your feed to be more motivating. And I know I’ve said this a million times - but this time I’ve backed it with science and substantial reasoning so ha! Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A good place to start when it comes to expanding your baseline of comparison and relativity - is social media. And I recommend starting to realign that by looking around you - does everyone at the grocery store in your area look like the people that come up in your timeline feed? Or is your feed filled with one type of body or person? One type of content? If it’s all puppies or recipes - great. But if the influencers, friends, bots or whatever that make you feel like shit or feel like you need to buy more shit - you need to reset the baseline and reevaluate your relationships. Diversify diversify diversify. The more broad our spectrum is for comparing ourselves, the more likely we are too find a comfortable place in the middle of it.If I only follow bikini models - next time I see my body in a bikini - my brain will filter through the last few reference points for what this is “supposed to look like” and if it can only find bodies that don’t resemble mine - I may not feel as comfortable as I would if I was following people of all body types rocking all different types of swimwear and proving to my brain that they not only look amazing and confident but they also encouraged me to wanna look that good and confident in my own version of this metaphor. I like to think of social media as a tool and a resource that can inspire, educate, and motivate you. Of course, you can use it as entertainment, but even then - that’s a tool that can empower without damage. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Day III of series. Please go back to day one if you're new here! If you chronically feel not good enough - your baseline of comparison is probably too fucking high and unrealistic. Reevaluate and recalibrate that shit. The grass is always greener and our brains are designed to get bored of repetition so novelty is more important than getting ‘the best of the best’. Basically, we need to remember that comparison can be great for leading us towards our deepest wants and desires. Of course, it can also be a trap - we can often find ourselves fighting to experience shit that our friends experienced just because we saw it existed and that looked cool enough to distract us from our own goals but in reality - you will only reach true inherent success and happiness if YOU choose what creates that for you. And only you can know that. So change your baseline of relativity to reflect what you actually want and where you are to create a more realistic and reasonable comparison window that makes you feel inspired instead of lesser than - and you’re likely to stay the course that actually brings you TRUE real lasting happiness without distracting you with other baselines that aren’t even relevant to your actual pursuit of personal success or joy.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This extra special extended episode features the incredibly brilliant Dr. Darcy (you can find her and take the quick lil trust quiz at www.thetrustquiz.com) and we chat about common relationship drama, inheriting generational trauma, and why we act out around our mama*.*I did this for the rhyme, we cover why we get meaner to the people we are closest to, but you get it. I hope you enjoy this episode as I did making it happen for y'all! Hope the rest of your day is half as magic as you. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Success as a whole is relative - which means it’s kinda bullshit. They did a study on people wanting to own nice cars based on the proximity to lotto winners who won or immediately purchased nice cars and the chances of you investing in a new car multiplied by 50% ish if you were in the neighborhood and 80% if you were the next door neighbor. If your social media feed is filled with mean, fake bodied, rich influencers who manufacture every post to look casual - you will absolutely think that your real, genuine, authentic casual life is pale by comparison. But if you follow people who are being vulnerable and honest - posting photos without edits and makeup and posing and curating and filters and stylizing and whatever - you’re more likely to see that other people’s houses aren’t always tidy or they also have bags under their eyes or their hair also does that weird thing like yours - and you’re less likely to feel lack in your comparisons. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A big part of our personal baseline of happiness is based on our relative comparison to the world around us. Basically - we are only as happy as is appropriate to the level of happiness we believe the people around us are. In the most laymen terms - we are constantly comparing to what we know but we typically don’t know the whole story. Even when we’re aware of this shortcoming, we still seem to measure our own happiness and success by comparing ourselves to others. Studies show that bronze medal winners are happier than silver because they are comparing to the baseline of almost not ranking and the silver medal winner is more likely to be a bit disappointed because they’re comparing their baseline to ALMOST winning gold. Generally, we wouldn’t want nice cars or decent jobs or great educations if the society around us didn’t put value on that shit. We’d never buy name brands if we didn’t see other people - that we have deemed successful and happy - with those brands. Comparison is the thief of joy, but in a lot of ways it’s also the creator of it. So stay conscious of this shit, if you can and recognize when your baseline you’re using to compare yourself is unrealistic, unattainable, or just plain unattractive to you. Tomorrow I will continue this relative comparison series with some more examples from my real life and some ways to combat it’s tendency to make us feel like we’re lacking in comparison to the world around us. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Take time to make time. I recently spent 30 seconds to fix a drawer that has been inconveniencing me only slightly for the last 8 years. My life has changed dramatically since taking that 30 seconds out of my day and probably saved me 5 minutes of frustration already, and I only just fixed it.Look for ways in your life and surroundings where you can take a little time to make a little time. It’s worth it. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You’re not taking time for yourself you’re making more of it. When you're trying to catch up or get out of a funk, don’t focus on the tasks - focus on YOU and your systems and your foundations and the rest will fall into place. It sounds counterintuitive but when you take the extra time to eat your veggies and drink your water and shower and tidy and show up for yourself first - it actually buys you time to show up for the other shit better in the long run. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

https://www.nedratawwab.com/set-boundaries-find-peaceI have always struggled with boundary setting and even though I recognize my people pleasing tendencies now and avoid falling into the same patterns most of the time - I still struggle with saying no to things I like doing. It’s a weird thing - I can say no without explanation to any fucking thing that doesn’t interest me -but I will rework my entire schedule to accommodate anyone and anything if it means getting to do another thing I like doing. As you probably know based on some of the more vulnerable moments I have shared the past few days, I have been feeling a bit behind and overwhelmed in general. That said - other than the dog’s medical stuff - the overwhelm that I have been feeling is all things that are 1. Self inflicted and 2. Enjoyable tasks for me when I am in a more regulated state of mind. Don’t be afraid to analyze the boundaries you have with yourself. Do you go to bed when you want to or do you rebel against you own best interest in an effort to regain a sense of control before bedtime. Do you respect yourself enough to tidy the spaces that you know you work better after tidying? Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.