Bite Your Tongue: The Podcast

Dr. Charles Fay, CEO of Love and Logic, delivers a masterclass in parenting adult children with the perfect balance of love and accountability. Drawing from decades of experience and his family legacy in developing the Love and Logic approach, Dr. Fay shares transformative strategies that shift our focus from control to influence.At the heart of his message lies a powerful truth: "We can never consistently work harder on somebody else's life than they are." This principle challenges us to examine our enabling behaviors masked as care and instead embrace practices that foster true independence. Through relatable scenarios—like the adult child who needs $17,000 for a truck payment or returns home to play video games on the couch—Dr. Fay demonstrates his practical five-step approach that maintains connection while respecting autonomy.The approach begins with genuine empathy, followed by the crucial question: "What do you think you're going to do?" This simple query hands responsibility back to adult children while communicating your belief in their capability. When establishing boundaries with adult children living at home, Dr. Fay suggests focusing on two fundamentals: ensuring their situation doesn't interfere with their growth, and making sure their presence remains enjoyable for everyone. These boundaries, communicated with empathy and firmness, create the conditions for mutual respect and continued development.Dr. Fay offers this memorable wisdom: "The more words I use when things are going wrong, the less effective I become." Huge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Also remember to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. And once again, with just a donation of $5 you can help us keep going!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US.  Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

This was our very first Mother''s Day episode.  I interview my two favorite moms -- Doria and Sharon, two mothers of adult daughters and now both have several grandchildren.  I watch as they continue to share with their grandchildren their magical parenting skills.They share with us their wisdom on creating joyful, respectful relationships with grown children in this special Mother's Day episode. Their insights reveal how bringing a spirit of fun, maintaining connections across distances, and knowing when to offer advice (and when to bite your tongue) creates lasting bonds that evolve beautifully over time.• Creating fun, joyful experiences forms lasting connections that continue into adulthood• Modern technology like WhatsApp enables daily connection even with children living far away• The best conversations focus on daily life details rather than major decisions or judgment • Offering opinions rather than judgments by asking "What do you think?" after sharing your perspective• Shifting from leader to supporter as children become adults requires patience and trust• Wedding planning requires openness, support, and recognition that it's their special day• Grandparenting brings immense joy while requiring respect for the new parents' choices• The most important message to consistently convey is unconditional love and acceptance• Our hearts remain our children's home no matter where we all physically liveHuge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Also remember to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. And once again, with just a donation of $5 you can help us keep going!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US.  You can buy a "virtual" cup of coffee and support our work!Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

In today's episode, Dr. Gene Beresin, Executive Director of the Clay Center for Young and Healthy Minds, explores the complexities of adult children returning home and maintaining healthy relationships during life transitions. Based on four decades of experience with youth and young adults plus his personal journey as a father of four whose adult children all boomeranged at some point, he offers practical wisdom for navigating these delicate family dynamics.Drawing on revolutionary brain science, Dr. Beresin challenges our traditional understanding of development, revealing that neurobiologically, adolescence doesn't end at 18—but continues until age 26. This critical insight reshapes how we approach relationships with young adults who are still developing the neural connections between emotional impulses and rational decision-making.For parents navigating the return of an adult child, transparency becomes essential. Conversations about finances—typically avoided in most families—need prioritization alongside discussions about household expectations, timelines, and mutual support. "The rare family that speaks openly about money," Dr. Beresin notes, "is better equipped to navigate these transitions without resentment building." The key lies in balancing empathy for the challenges young adults face with appropriate boundaries that foster continued growth.He also reminds us of what he calls the "oxygen mask principle"—the essential reminder that both parents and adult children must attend to their own emotional regulation and self-care before attempting to help each other. When both generations put on their metaphorical oxygen masks first, they create the foundation for authentic communication, mutual respect, and relationships that continue evolving through life's inevitable transitions.Huge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Send all ideas to biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com. Remeber to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Support US!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US.  You can buy a "virtual" cup of coffee.Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

Today we rewind and delve into the much overlooked topic of sibling relationships.  We speak with Fern Schumer Chapman author of the book Brothers, Sisters, Strangers.  Siblings are the longest relationship we will have in our lives - and our children's.  Whether you're navigating your own sibling estrangement or watching it develop between your children, this conversation offers both validation and practical wisdom for one of life's most painful but least discussed family challenges.  It also makes you question: "Do you have a favorite child?"Chapman shares her personal life story that led her to write this book and highlights a number of key points:• Sibling relationships can last 80 years, making them our longest connections• Estrangement often occurs during "perilous moments" like marriage, having children, or parental illness• Parental favoritism significantly contributes to sibling rifts• The "dignity model" approach to reconciliation requires genuine listening without challenging each other's stories• Some relationships are too toxic to repair, especially with narcissism or mental illness involved• Birth order affects sibling dynamics and relationships• Estrangement ripples through families as relatives often align with one sibling• Strong sibling connections are cornerstone of emotional health, according to Harvard's longest study of well-beingHuge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Also remember to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. And once again, with just a donation of $5 you can help us keep going!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US.  You can buy a "virtual" cup of coffee and support our work!Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

We are doing an episode rewind today on our most downloaded episode - Mothers and Daughters.  This relationship carries a unique intensity that often follows us well into adulthood. When does healthy involvement cross into control? How do we navigate the painful territory when our adult daughters push us away?Certified life coach and mother/daughter expert Pam Tronson joins us to unravel the complicated dynamics of mother-daughter relationships with refreshing honesty. Drawing from her professional expertise and personal struggles with her own adult daughters, Pam gets straight to the heart of what makes these relationships simultaneously precious and challenging."We were expected to be in control," Pam explains, pinpointing why the transition to parenting adults feels so disorienting. "That was part of our job description." The expectation to curate, orchestrate, and manage gradually gives way to a new reality – watching from the sidelines as our children build independent lives. This transition feels like "jumping off a bridge" for many mothers who've built their identities around active parenting.Most powerfully, Pam encourages mothers to take responsibility without shame: "When you own the problems, you have the power to do something about them." Her advice to ask better questions like "what else could be true?" offers a path away from defensiveness toward genuine connection.Whether you're navigating a challenging relationship with your adult daughter or working to improve communication as an adult daughter yourself, this episode provides compassionate guidance for the journey. Subscribe and share your experiences with us – when was the last time you had to bite your tongue?Huge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Send all ideas to biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com. Remeber to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Support US!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US.  You can buy a "virtual" cup of coffee.Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

This is one of our most popular episodes.  Join us for an insightful exploration of the evolving dynamics in parent-child relationships and the often-misunderstood in-law dynamics in our latest podcast episode featuring Rachel Haack. Rachel, a seasoned mental health clinician and mother of five, shares her wealth of knowledge on fostering healthy relationships within family systems. We delve into the complexities that arise when adult children forge their own paths, and how parents often grapple with the shifts in their roles. Rachel draws from her personal journey as a mother and daughter-in-law, giving listeners practical advice on how to navigate potentially rocky waters. Key themes include the importance of establishing relationships with in-laws that are grounded in empathy, understanding expectations, and being open to engaging in difficult conversations. We tackle the notion of ambivalence in relationships—a concept often overlooked—and the necessity of nurturing compassion amidst the chaos of family life. Huge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Also remember to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. And once again, with just a donation of $5 you can help us keep going!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US.  You can buy a "virtual" cup of coffee and support our work!Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

This episode is a "must listen" for an parent of an adult child on the brink of welcoming a grandchild. We are thrilled to bring you a special episode with the wise and compassionate Kimberly Beppler, The Grandparent Doula.  Kimberly enlightens us with her journey from assisting postpartum families to recognizing the irreplaceable role grandparents can play in this delicate phase. We uncover her innovative approach of crafting a "menu" of support options, ensuring grandparents provide meaningful help without stepping on toes. It's an episode of advice for those eager to strengthen family bonds while honoring the autonomy and boundaries of new parents.Our conversation shifts to the fresh landscape of parenting and grandparenting, where emotional intelligence reigns supreme among millennials and Gen Z. This era demands a recalibration of old norms, as we explore the evolving expectations and challenges grandparents face today. Kimberly's insights highlight the delicate balance of offering support while respecting the independence and parenting styles of our children. Together, we navigate the fine line between being a source of wisdom and avoiding the imposition of outdated solutions, all while championing patience and empathy.We also tackle the modern pressures surrounding parenting, with a focus on breastfeeding and the overwhelming sea of information new parents encounter. Balancing personal needs with familial responsibilities also takes center stage, as we share strategies for maintaining emotional and physical well-being, ensuring grandparents remain a vibrant and nurturing presence in the lives of their families. A special call out to a product we love: Curiocity Travel Guides. The greatest tool of discovery and keepsake for traveling with kiddos. Listen for more on today's episode. Huge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Send all ideas to biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com. Remeber to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Support US!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US.  You can buy a "virtual" cup of coffee.Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

🌟 A listener wrote to us about Tina Gilbertson, the guest in today's episode. She told us that Tina "saved her life." The pain and guilt that parents go through when estranged from their adult children is unimaginable. We asked Tina what really is estrangement? Is it a troubled relationship? Is it silence? "No, she said: "It could also be you talk every day. But maybe there's a constant tension, or you're always getting into little conflicts, and sometimes you go apart and have to be apart for a while, and then you come back together."  This episode is about  building a stronger and  less stressful relationship with your adult children And we all need that!We talk about:Understanding the relationship between self-perception and parent-child connectionDefining estrangement and its various forms• The importance of addressing emotional distances and insecurities• Steps to take when facing estrangement: pause, reflect, research, and reach outEffective methods for navigating difficult conversationsResources and support available through the Reconnection ClubThe ongoing journey of healing and self-improvement in parent-child dynamicsHuge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Send all ideas to biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com. Remeber to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Support US!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US.  You can buy a "virtual" cup of coffee.Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

This is a very special episode for a couple of reasons. First, we’re thrilled to finally interview Dr. Ellen Braaten, the podcast's original co-host, about her incredible book, Bright Kids Who Couldn’t Care Less. It’s a great conversation. Second keep listening to find out big news about the podcastBut the conversation today is about rekindling your child’s motivation, and the tools she shares work wonders for any age group.As parents of adult children, many of us wonder if our kids are truly living up to their potential—or if we’re just looking at it through our own expectations. That’s the heart of today’s conversation. Here are some highlights of today's episode:🌟 "Parenting isn't over." Braaten reminds us that our role as parents continues even as our kids grow up. Braaten shares invaluable insights on understanding our kids' unique strengths and how to support them in finding their passions.🤔 Are you worried about your adult child's lack of motivation? We discuss signs to look for and how to approach these sensitive conversations. 💬 "Life is a puzzle, and we put pieces in the puzzle." Discover how to help your kids find their passion and purpose. 🤔 Are you worried about your adult child’s lack of motivation? Braaten discusses the signs to look for and when to seek professional help. It's crucial to recognize the difference between typical struggles and deeper issues that may need attention. 🎓 College isn't the only path! Braaten encourages parents to embrace diverse career choices and to support their kids in exploring what truly brings them joy, whether that's a trade, a creative pursuit, or something else entirely.Huge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Send all ideas to biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com. Remeber to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Support US!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US.  You can buy a "virtual" cup of coffee.Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

Today we speak with Karen Denison Clark as she courageously recounts her journey from being a young tennis star victimized by her coach, to becoming a fearless advocate against sexual abuse. Her narrative, shared through powerful media outlets, including The New York Times, serves not only as a beacon of hope for survivors but also as a call to action for creating environments where victims feel safe to voice their experiences.By establishing a foundation of trust and openness, parents can create a safe space for their children to express their feelings and experiences, should they choose to do so.  Highlights:Why it is not too late to talk to your adult children nowThe impact of repressed memories and the journey to recovery Encouraging open communication about uncomfortable topics Tips for parents on initiating conversations with adult children Advocating for awareness and change regarding sexual abuse policies The importance of believing survivors and nurturing their voices Fostering a supportive environment for future generationsThe surprising rules at Colleges and Universities that still allow relationships between coaches, professors and other people in positions of leadership with students.  Read Karen's OP-ED here. Huge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Send your ideas for episodes and guests to biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com. Also remember to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. And once again, with just a donation of $5 you can help us keep going!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US.  You can buy a "virtual" cup of coffee. Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.