How To! with Mike Pesca

Matt's dad believes some crazy conspiracy theories—that the moon landing was faked, that JFK's assassination was an inside job, and that QAnon is real. Matt can't stand talking about politics—or really anything—with his dad these days, but he's desperate to preserve their relationship. In this episode of How To!, we bring on Colin Dickey, cultural historian and author of The Unidentified, to explain why conspiracy theories are more popular than ever. To get through to a loved one, Colin says, don't dismiss the conspiracy theory outright. If you want any hope of changing someone's mind you have to first understand the void that it may be filling in their life. If you liked this episode, check out "How To Confront a Crazy Neighbor With Tig Notaro." Do you have a struggling relationship with a family member? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Abe's girlfriend wants to try something different—sleeping with other people. In other words, she wants an open relationship. Abe could be on board, but he has some questions. How does that work exactly? What are the ground rules? And what if it ultimately causes them to break up? After all, they've been a couple for the better part of 10 years, and just moved back in together after some time apart. In this episode of How To!, we bring on Rich Juzwiak and Stoya, columnists for Slate's How To Do It sex advice column. Rich and Stoya have the expert tips—and the personal experience—to help Abe navigate this brave new world and decide whether an open relationship is right for him. If you liked this episode, check out "How To Talk to Your Son About Sex." Do you have a question about how to make your relationship work better? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Mike is an average guy on a mission to change the state of Florida—specifically, to convince the Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission to stop overspraying the rivers and lakes with herbicides. As a fisherman, Mike cares deeply about the waterways in his state, but he's struggling to break into the conversation and make a real impact. In this episode of How To!, we bring on Erin Brockovich, the citizen activist and inspiration for the Oscar-winning film Erin Brockovich starring Julia Roberts. Drawing on her new book Superman's Not Coming, she has tips for how Mike can follow in her footsteps to enact environmental change. As much as Mike may want to keep shouting about his cause until someone listens, he may need to switch tactics to actually get people to hear him. If you liked this episode, check out "How To Save the Planet (And Still Use a Plastic Straw)." Are you facing a challenge that seems insurmountable? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sam and his sister used to be close, but lately their relationship feels strained. Years of favoritism toward Sam by their parents has taken its toll and now, after one disastrous family celebration, Sam worries he may lose his sister entirely. Can Sam save their relationship before it's too late? In this episode of How To!, we bring on a pair of famous siblings who have navigated everything from an estranged father to Hollywood drama: Kate and Oliver Hudson, actors and the hosts of Sibling Revelry. The Hudsons know how hard it can be to redefine your relationship in adulthood. To start, separate your own struggles from your sibling's and bring the focus back to your shared experience. You don't need to sort out a lifetime of baggage in one conversation, but try to remember the original bond you had as siblings growing up. If you liked this episode, check out "How To Put Your Wife's Career First." Do you have a family problem you need a third-party perspective on? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever had a moment where you realized… I'm becoming like my parents? For many of us that can be a funny realization, but for Michelle it was a wakeup call. Her mother can be a bit of a drama queen, and as time has gone on, Michelle feels like the way she reacts to stressful situations mirrors that of her mother. In fact, Michelle's boyfriend once told her she was turning into her mother, which, according to Michelle, was "the worst thing anyone could ever say to me." In this episode of How To!, we bring on Susan David, a professor at Harvard Medical School, and the author of Emotional Agility. She has tips for how Michelle can recognize the patterns she's falling into and turn her emotional fragility into emotional agility. If you liked this episode, check out "How To Walk Away From an Impossible Parent." Do you have a relationship you'd like to mend? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Isabelle decided to spend her gap year as a political volunteer campaigning on behalf of Joe Biden. She's been writing postcards, making phone calls, and even posting on social media. But she worries she's not making enough of an impact, and is surprised by how many people are convinced their vote doesn't matter. In this special bonus episode of How To!, we bring on Don Green, professor of political science at Columbia and co-author of the book Get Out the Vote: How to Increase Voter Turnout. He recommends the most effective way to connect with potential voters and convince them to actually cast their ballot. It turns out yard signs are overrated. If you liked this episode, check out "How To Talk Politics Without Wrecking Relationships." If you have a question, send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Back in 2018, newly elected U.S. Representative Katie Hill was a rising star in the Democratic Party. Then unauthorized nude photos of her were leaked to a right-wing blog by her estranged husband, triggering a House Ethics investigation. Katie denied the worst allegations but admitted to a relationship with a female subordinate on her campaign, and, amid immense pressure, resigned her seat. Since then she has written a new memoir She Will Rise, and continues to fight for her reputation. In this episode of How To!, we bring on Jon Ronson, the author of So You've Been Publicly Shamed, to help Katie understand what she went through and put it behind her. They discuss other examples of public shaming and how gender factors into the equation. Who determines the appropriate level of accountability and how do you know when you've apologized enough? No matter what happened, Jon says, we should all think twice before piling on to a public shaming. If you liked this episode, check out "How To Say the Right Thing at the Worst Time." Do you have a relationship you'd like to mend? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On a recent phone call Shannon's mom didn't mince words: The only way she'd vote for Joe Biden is if Jesus himself comes down and tells her to. Growing up in a conservative household, Shannon understands her parents' support for Trump. But she no longer sees eye-to-eye with them and every time they talk about politics it turns into a fight. The result is a complete fraying of their relationship. In this episode of How To!, we bring on Bill Doherty, professor of family social science at the University of Minnesota, and co-founder of the non-profit Braver Angels, to help Shannon and her parents navigate this heated election season. The most important thing to remember, Bill says, is that you can't change your parents' minds. But you can still save your relationship by recognizing shared values and treating each other as people, not political opponents. If you liked this episode, check out "How To Get a Stubborn Parent to Listen." Do you have a relationship you'd like to mend? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

John needs to shed 15-20 pounds. At age 72, on the cusp of retirement, he wants to reduce his blood pressure medication and have more energy to travel. John knows how to lose weight—at an earlier point in his life he lost more than 50 pounds! But now he's gained much of it back, and with his wife baking him more sweets during the pandemic, he can't motivate himself to keep the weight off. In this episode of How To!, we bring on Katy Milkman, a behavioral economist at the University of Pennsylvania to help John try some new mental tricks to achieve his goals. Start by reengineering your environment, Katy says, then create a concrete plan with loved ones who can hold you accountable. John can use a turning point, like his impending retirement, to kickstart a new weight-loss regimen that sticks. If you liked this episode, check out "How To Lose 155 Pounds Happily." Do you have a bad habit you need to break? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One day in 1987, a young girl in a small town in upstate New York disappeared and then turned up dead. For seven years her murder went unsolved, until police finally caught the killer, a local man whom everyone knew. The town would never be the same, according to our listener Jen who grew up there. She's a true crime fanatic and first-time podcaster who wants to investigate how the murderer got away with it for so long. In this episode of How To!, we bring on Jessica Garrison, a BuzzFeed News senior editor of investigations and author of the book The Devil's Harvest. She shares the story of a notorious California contract killer who got away with more than 30 murders over 3 decades before he was brought to justice. In order to understand how that could happen, Jessica says, you need to look at the victims, who are often powerless and overlooked by society because of their class, race or immigration status. The ways in which we tell their stories can have outsized consequences on the entire criminal justice system. If you liked this episode, check out "How To Forgive the Unforgivable." Do you have a mystery in your life you need help solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices