How To! with Mike Pesca

Lee is worried that one day soon her 25-year-old adopted daughter, who is pregnant and struggling with a drug addiction, will show up on her doorstep with a baby in tow. How will she be able to explain the situation to her other daughter, who's only 6 years old? And how can she prepare her for the day she'll confront drugs and alcohol herself? On this episode of How To!, we bring on Jessica Lahey, a teacher and the author of The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. As a recovering alcoholic herself—and the mother of two kids—Jess knows firsthand how hard it is to talk to your kids about substance use in an effective way, especially when addiction runs in the family. "If you tell kids drugs and alcohol are just bad, they know we're hedging or lying because people wouldn't do drugs and alcohol if they were all bad," Jess says. "So a very important part of substance use prevention is being really honest and giving kids real information about consequences." If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Kick a Meth Habit." Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

For the past year, Brandon has been terrified of leaving his apartment. And so he's settled into an extreme pandemic routine. He cooks all of his own meals, has yet to see his parents, and on the rare occasion he takes the trash out, still wears double masks, rubber gloves and safety goggles. Brandon has been fully vaccinated for weeks now but the very low risk of a breakthrough Covid case seems like a grave danger because a few years ago he suffered another incredibly rare viral infection. On this episode of How To!, we bring on economist Tim Harford, author of The Data Detective and host of the podcast Cautionary Tales, and clinical psychologist and Stanford professor Debra Kaysen to help Brandon work through his anxiety—from a statistical and an emotional perspective. Most of us feel varying levels of anxiety about getting back to "normal," but Tim and Debra's advice can help us reframe risk and find coping strategies to get back out there. If you liked this episode, check out "How To Survive a Shark Attack." Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ever since she started taking a new medication a few years ago, Meme is worried that she's lost her sex drive. She still has a great relationship with her husband, but she isn't interested in sex the way that she used to be, and she's worried it's hurting her marriage. On this episode of How To!, we bring on sex educator Emily Nagoski, author of Come As You Are, to coach Meme through how to revamp her sex life. For busy couples, you should actually schedule a time on your calendar to be intimate. "Think of like when you were dating...that was date sex," Emily reminds us. She then breaks down the myths that so many of us have internalized about sex, and shares surprising tips to help anyone—no matter their age or relationship status—have better sex. If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Save Your Marriage." Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What does it take to persevere and succeed, not just in our careers but in all aspects of our lives? For psychologist Angela Duckworth, the answer can be summed up in one concept: grit. She explains the ingredients in grit and the experiences that make one person persist where another gives up — and offers concrete steps to instill grit early in life and sustain it. This is an episode of The TED Interview, a podcast from the TED Audio Collective. For more episodes, find it wherever you're listening to this. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Michaela is worried that her son, Asher, is constantly worried. At 8 years old, Asher is already dealing with some pretty intense anxiety. For example, he cried every day at school last year. Now that he's being home schooled during the pandemic, Michaela has seen how much pressure Asher puts on himself to do well. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Dr. Krystal Lewis, a clinical psychologist at the National Institute of Mental Health who works with kids with anxiety disorders. Krystal knows how hard—and how common—it is when kids struggle with anxiety early on, and she suggests some helpful coping mechanisms. But even more than these techniques, Krystal urges parents to learn how to manage their own anxiety. Instead of trying to hide your struggles, be a model for your kids as you work through difficult emotions. If you liked this episode, check out "How To Stop Being Anxious." Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Stacie is in her early 30s and is ready to have a baby. There's just one problem—she doesn't have a partner. As much as she wants to be a mom, Stacie is worried about being a single parent by choice. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Lori Gottlieb, therapist, author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, and solo mom herself. Lori opens about her own experience having her son on her own, navigating people's judgment, and finding ways to consider herself "enough" as a single parent. The hardest part? "Every decision you make is ultimately yours. On the one hand, that might seem liberating, but on the other hand, it's very paralzying because there's so much pressure," Lori says. What does Stacie ultimately decide? If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Decide Whether to have a Baby" and "How To Talk to Your Son About Sex." Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Shirley loves her job as a product manager for a startup, but she can't stand her manager. He's inefficient, old-fashioned, and entirely unsupportive of her work. "Just so you know, you don't deserve this," he told Shirley when she recently got promoted. Is there anything Shirley can do to make her work situation better? On this episode of How To, we bring on Patty McCord, former chief talent officer for Netflix and author of Powerful: Building a Culture of Freedom and Responsibility, to give Shirley some tips. Shirley ought to approach the situation the same way she would any product she works on: "Be the person that is the problem fixer, not the problem finder," says Patty. Complaining or staging a coup will go nowhere, but approaching your manager with tangible solutions for improving your relationship could make a difference. If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Get That Promotion You Deserve." Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Diane feels like she's constantly picking fights with her partner Mohammed—when he forgets to grab tomatoes from the grocery store or drops the ball on planning their son's birthday party. Their conflicts are complicated by layers of cultural differences: Mohammed is a Syrian refugee, Diane is an American, and they live in the Netherlands. "He lived through a war, so I can't win any argument," says Diane, who is increasingly desperate to find a solution. On this episode of How To!, we bring on investigative journalist Amanda Ripley, author of High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out. Amanda reveals that conflict can actually be good—as long as anger, and not contempt, is at its core. Drawing from her research on astronauts, gang members and politicians, Amanda coaches Diane through techniques that can help all of us have better fights. If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Win Arguments Like a Hostage Negotiator." Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dating is always tough, but during a pandemic it can feel downright impossible. "I'm incredibly lonely, and it's impossible to meet anybody my age right now," our listener Sarah said. Feeling isolated, Sarah has clung to a friends-with-benefit situation with Matthew, her friend and dance partner. But at 36, Sarah knows the relationship isn't meant to last. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Logan Ury, director of relationship science at Hinge, dating coach, and author of How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love, to help Sarah break up with Matthew and move on. And moving on, Logan says, doesn't necessarily mean just dating. What Sarah might really be missing is a community—and so she ought to search for not only a romantic partner but also friends who function as "other significant others." If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Find Your First Kiss at 38." Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When Shellye Archambeau walked into her first meeting as a board member of Verizon, she felt a moment of panic. "Do I actually belong at this table?" she remembers thinking. Shellye, one of the first Black women to work as the CEO of a tech company in Silicon Valley, has struggled over the years with what's commonly known as "impostor syndrome"—the feeling that you are a phony, despite all evidence to the contrary. On this episode of How To!, Shellye, the author of Unapologetically Ambitious, gives advice to Hannah, a medical student who is struggling with the same feelings of self-doubt, particularly as she's about to treat patients for the first time. Can Shellye help Hannah tame her impostor syndrome so she can be an effective physician? "I can't tell people how to get over it," Shellye says. "But I can tell you how to deal with it." If you liked this episode, check out "How To Be a Badass On and Off the Court." Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices