Thriving In Motherhood Podcast | Productivity, Planning, Family Systems, Time Management, Survival Mode, Mental Health, Vision

This weeks conversation with Angela Red Elk is inspiring and eye-opening. Angela shares her perspective as a Native American healing from intergenerational trauma, as well as the importance of knowing who you are and where you fit in the world, and how this has all impacted her motherhood.

Are you a to-do list person? I know they are popular tool for getting things done, but I don't use them. Why? I go into all the reasons in this week's episode along with what I do instead. The result? Clarity, major progress in a small amount of time, ability enjoy spending time my kids instead of feeling interrupted, and I'm able to "get it all" done and have a break. Have a listen today for a simple alternative to the ever growing to-do list! Key Points: Pros of a To-do List: get everything out of your brain into one place. Cons of a To-do list: Tells your brain you need to do all of it right now (possible exception - when you have a major deadline like moving and there is a lot to do right now) Creates unhealthy precedent that checking everything off your list is most important Not an end in sight. Easy to end the day looking at all that isn't accomplished with hopes of being faster/more efficient tomorrow Recipe for exhaustion and feeling like you are on a treadmill. Looking at all those things every time you need to do something is making a ton of micro decisions which leads to decision fatigue. It is real and has a huge impact on the rest of your day - even your child asking you a question. You don't get a real break What I do instead: Plan My weeks, not my days Start by choosing my big 3 for the week Break down into context based todos It is a finite list I make on Sunday in my weekly planning. I choose what is most important this week and some nice tos, and let the rest go When I have a moment, look at the context - just a handful of things so only making a few choices make massive progress in a small amount of time End the week usually checking off most everything - if not everything. Get a break and rest in my brain. No treadmill. Pick priorities again next week.

We all know "doing it all" is a myth. And yet how many of us still drive ourselves to exhaustion trying to check off all the to-dos on our lists? How many of us keep pushing ourselves further than our limits? Well in this episode I share some principles and practices that help me juggle all the needs of my family and many of our wants. And spoiler alert - I don't have it all figured out. BUT I have been around the block a few times of complete burn out and I'm learning to stop myself before I drive straight into survival mode.

Do you ever have problems sleeping because your mind is racing? For me it is a sure sign I'm overwhelmed. In this episode I talk about the 5 steps I use to face the overwhelm head on and create space and calm in my brain. Key Points from this Episode: Steps I take when I'm feeling overwhelmed: Recognize that I'm feeling overwhelmed. Usually this means I can't sleep because my mind is racing. Brain dump everything in my head. Either mind map or just write it out in a list. Categorize my brain dump into three areas: single tasks (quick wins!), projects (multiple steps to complete), to research (need to learn more before I know what my next step is). Tackle a few quick wins to build momentum Identify the one or two pressing projects causing my stress and focus on them After a week or two of working on these pressing projects I'm ready for a long term planning session.

This weeks chat with Annie Stoker @annielynnfavoritethings is one that literally had us both in tears. As a young mom with two children, Annie shares how she is proactively working to diminish the effect that anxiety has on her life and the specific things she has been learning. She also shares deeply personal moments where she knows that God has been there strengthening her through the hard time and growing pains of motherhood. This is a powerful conversation that you won't want to miss.

Today I want to share some scripts that will help you advocate for yourself in a couple ways. We'll talk about when you are discovering things about yourself and you need to have discussions with someone you trust as well as how to ask for help. Key Points from this Episode: Step one to having a productive conversation is you learning to become aware of your own thoughts. You don't need a quiet place to start to figure out your thoughts. It can be while you're making lunch or doing other things. Try saying "the story I am telling myself is..." to start how you are feeling. Try saying "I am feeling ___ because of ___." Throughout a discussion with a loved one, listen to understand rather than respond. (Check out Episode 53 for more info) Podcast Episodes on the Seven Habits of Effective People by Stephen R. Covey The Emotional Bank Account with Madeline Casey [Episode 48] Living Your Life in Quadrant 2 with Madeline Casey [Episode 49] Seeking For Paradigm Shifts with Madeline Casey [Episode 50] Expanding Your Circle of Influence with Madeline Casey [Episode 51] Seeking to Understand and Thinking Win-Win with Madeline Casey [Episode 53] Synergizing in Daily Life and with Major Decisions with Madeline Casey [Episode 54] Create Your own Personal Mission Statement with Madeline Casey [Episode 55] If you're feeling defensive, try responding with "thank you for telling me that hard thing." Allow for responses of how the other is feeling. If you know circumstances are adjusting and you don't have the same capacities, you can say "I can tell I'm not going to be able to do all the things I was doing because of XYZ, so what can we let go of or decrease our expectations of so we can choose where my effort goes?" If you try to power through for too long, you'll likely crash and burnout and might even get sick. Choose what you let go of and do it in a way that is not a surprise to everyone else in your household. Practice with a friend so it's low-stakes.

Today I'm talking with Mary Caplin, mother of two and a certified doula. She shares some incredible defining moments in her mothering journey. She talks about paradigm shifts and some sacred moments of grieving through a miscarriage. Key Points from this Episode: Being a mother who is committed is more important than any "accomplishments." Thinking about your commitment to you kids helps you recognize the good that you are doing in your daily life. We can't be perfect 100% of the time, but we can be pretty good at commitment! Learning from other moms around you can help you relax into what you are doing. Letting go and giving our problems over to God will allow Him to carry you. Let go of the negative and it will make room for the hope to come in. You are a woman. You are strong. You are a mother. Just by virtue of being a mother, you are blessed with intuition. It's a real thing and you will be able to make the best decisions that are best for you and your family. Motherhood is vulnerability and strength together. Learning how to go through a grieving process with your spouse is unifying. Speak your feelings out loud in your car alone. Write it out. Talk to a spouse or other loved ones. Let the feelings out to be able to process them.

Today I'm talking about what thriving is! What the definitions of it are, how it has evolved over time for me and what it can mean for you. Key Points from this Episode: Thriving used to be this desperate wish that I hoped was possible for me during motherhood. Thriving is all about growing. Think about plants, if they are growing and doing well, we often call it thriving. When things are going well, if you are thriving, you are preparing for future challenges. (Ex: building routines, making freezer meals) Life is not split up into either you are thriving because things are going well or you're surviving and miserable because things aren't going well. Having a solid base of the 3 pillars (See Episode 115) gives you the space to live your personal mission in this life. Distraction and overwhelm can come easily without the base of the pillars. The goal is to take the fear out of that time when you are not thriving. Remember to have friends in motherhood! (See Episode 97 and Episode 98)

Today I'm talking about why I don't stress about homeschooling and how I do that. There are some very practical tips and some thoughts that I have that help me not totally freak out. Key Points from this Episode: There are going to be interruptions, so plan for them! Make food accessible to all your kids that they can reach and take care of those needs on their own. Keep carrots on the bottom shelf in the fridge. Make triple batches of muffins and keep them in the freezer. Have special toys like play dough or animals from the dollar store that get pulled out for younger kids during the school hours so they can be happy while you work with the older kids. If you're using manipulatives with older kids, have enough for the youngers to play with the same kind. If your older kids are using notebooks, have one for your youngers to color in and use during the same time. This lets them feel included in what you are already doing. One of my favorite things about homeschooling is that it allows for the kids to be intentionally involved in the daily household life. I wanted them to have time to help with the dishes, laundry, food prep, etc. We work that into our day and it's part of school for us! It's hard to take the time to teach them the household tasks, but it's an investment in the future for all of us. Make a clipboard (see resources below) with the have-tos for your kids so you aren't the one always dictating what's happening next. Directing to the clipboard makes it one boundary to keep rather than needing to keep boundaries separately for math, and reading, and handwriting, and a chore, etc. Find a system for your papers and notebooks and pencils and pens. I like having one bucket just for notebooking (century and nature in resources below) with the notebooks and writing utensils for that activity that stays out of reach until we are notebooking again. We lock away a lot of our homeschool materials as a training tool to help kids understand that not everything is available all the time. Homeschool is not about school. It's about a lifestyle. Choose curriculum that fits the priorities you have for your kids! (see below for what I use with my kids) Trust that the child is a whole person! They have everything they need to be able to become who they are. Our job is to help cultivate the room to grow. We can't choose the timing. Take a breath and know it'll be okay! I don't feel responsible for creating all these activities that go with homeschooling or all of these amazing experiences. I create space that lets them play out and explore the things that really caught their attention. Trust that time is a great teacher. Trust that space is a great teacher. What do you love? Do more of that. What do you not love? Why? Do less of that. Problem solve! What can I do to make this easier on myself? It's going to be messy and that's okay! Build in some structure so the kids can help with the household stuff so you can have some time for things you want to do too.

Today I'm sharing with you some lessons I learned from the last week of pregnancy and the first few weeks of postpartum. Our experiences may be different, but the process is what I want you to focus on with today's episode. That process can be applied to other circumstances in your life (even if it isn't pregnancy)! Key Points from this Episode: The Soul part of Pillars of Thriving (Soul, Scope, & Structure) makes or breaks if you are suffering in misery whether circumstances are great or difficult. When I'm uncomfortable, my first thoughts are to wish that the circumstances will change. Ex: I'm so tired of being pregnant. I'm tired all the time. I wish this baby would just come already! Write out what is in your circle of influence and your circle of concern. Try to let go of what is in your circle of concern. Make peace with what you can. It's okay to feel sad about something that you wanted and you're not getting. Being okay with being sad about it opened the door for me to actually be able to give my timing over to the Lord. Bad days don't last as long as I think they do. There will be an end to the hard days, even if it's just for another day or two. Enjoy the good moments when you have them! Be present with what you can do (even if it isn't much) and find peace with it because you can know it will change again before you know it. Let yourself have a break from the bad days emotionally, because they will happen physically too! I don't have to assign any meaning to how I'm feeling. At all. Neither do you. Take a break and flip the dialogue in your head if you're stuck in a negative cycle. If you can respond in the moment rather than being focused on what already happened or what will happen, it can allow you to find joy in the given moment.