Absolutely Not

On this episode of the absolutely not podcast, Heather is talking about civilian chemistry and mixed signals from her stallion. She is spiraling from the human growth hormone and trying to understand why everyone is being the worst and why no one buys her more gifts? Right. Ok. cool.    Get started today at StitchFix.com/absolutely and you’ll get 25% off when you keep everything in your Fix!   Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order!    Get your hands on some of GoMacro’s delicious MacroBars today by going to gomacro.com and using promo code absolutely for 30% off plus free shipping on all orders over $50!   To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com/ABSOLUTELY.     Produced by Dear Media.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode Heather breaks down one of her most embarrassing moments from this past weekend at the airport and explains why no one knows how to behave themselves. We're all wildly socially awkward and no one knows how to behave anymore.    To get 15% off your next gift, go to uncommongoods.com/absolutely.   Give your mom the most meaningful gift this Mother’s Day with StoryWorth. Get started right away with no shipping required by going to StoryWorth.com/absolutely. You’ll get $10 off your first purchase!   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely.   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Heather catches up with friend and OG podcast guest Raymond Padilla! They discuss Ray's recent move to New York (spoiler: its been a bumpy ride) and how he is living his "gay ass truth".   Head over to WOO More Play and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20 percent OFF your order!   Treat yourself to ultimate comfort with Brooklinen’s comforter collection. Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $25 off, with a minimum purchase of $100!   As a listener of this podcast, you’ll get $100 off of your first month with Talkspace. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com. Make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY to get $100 off of your first month and show your support for the show.   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather claps back at herself bc the hormones are making her feel like a genetically modified chicken tender with a side of sassy dont-give-a-F#ck ranch. She takes your voicemails and realizes y'all are pretty much in the same boat. Love and Light!    Head over to WOO More Play and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20 percent OFF your order.   Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% OFF your order   Get started today at StitchFix.com/absolutely and you’ll get 25% off when you keep everything in your Fix!   Get your hands on some of GoMacro’s delicious MacroBars today by going to gomacro.com and using promo code ​absolutely​ for 30% off plus free shipping on all orders over $50!   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather Breaks down her recent surprise in the Turks and all the trouble she stirred up in Charleston. There was leather, edibles, bootcut jeans and lots of questions. She also hits the hotline and tries to fix your problems one drunken message at a time.      Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely.   For a limited time, Spanx is offering Absolutely Not listeners 10% off their order on Spanx.com!   To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com/ABSOLUTELY   Produced by Dear Media.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather chats with herself in a downward spiral about this dumbest shit ever, per usual. It's her birthday and she is reporting live from the Turks and Caicos. RIGHT BY THE BEACH BOIIII. She is full of gratitude and rosé and a slight flicker of positivity.      Head over to WOO More Play and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20 percent off!      Head  over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order!    Go to FunctionofBeauty.com/​absolutely​ to take your quiz and save 20% on your first order.   Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $25 off, with a minimum purchase of $100.   Produced by Dear Media.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Heather's long time friend and fellow thespian extraordinaire, Tina T, is in town and the ladies are spilling the literal HIGH TEA on their weekend debauchery and breaking down the riveting Oprah interview. Heather is wildly concerned the Monarchy is coming for her so buckle up and get your beverages set!    Go to DRINKOLIPOP.com/​ABSOLUTELY​ or use code ABSOLUTELY ​at checkout for 20% off PLUS free shipping!    To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com or download the app. Make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY to get $100 off of your first month and show your support for the show.   Get started today at StitchFix.com/absolutely and you’ll get 25% off when you keep everything in your Fix!   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the absolutely not podcast Heather is stepping in her pisces self-loathing season and realizing her physical well being is important but also almost impossible to keep up with. Her pants are tight, her skin is dry and vagina is gaping. Lots of Voicemails and self-indulgent things to discuss!   Receive 25% off ​your entire first purchase of Super Coffee. To claim this deal go to DRINKSUPERCOFFEE.com/​ABSOLUTELY​ or use code ​ABSOLUTELY ​at checkout.   Treat yourself to ultimate comfort with Brooklinen’s comforter collection. Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $25 off, with a minimum purchase of $100.   Upgrade your hard seltzer to Vizzy. To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com/ABSOLUTELY.    Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather checks in on her friends down in the hill country and has some major Absolutely Nots. She isn’t fucking around with weather shaming, COVID shaming or grandma shaming. ITS ENOUGH. She's also getting back into the swing of things, quite literally, playing Golf again and thrilled she made some new friends on the links. That and more!    Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order.   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely   Go check out Usual Wines at www.usualwines.com - use my discount code “ABSOLUTELY” for $8 off your first order and try your first glass on us!   Get key nutrients–without the B.S. Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off during your first 3 months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY to start your Ritual today.   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews her husband, Jeff Daniels on all things love and marriage. It's Valentine's week and who better to answer your relationship questions than Tony Soprano himself.    Receive 20% off PLUS Free Shipping​ on Olipop's best selling variety pack. This is a great way to try all of their delicious flavors. Go to DRINKOLIPOP.com/​ABSOLUTELY​ or use code ABSOLUTELY ​at checkout to claim this deal.   Go to FunctionofBeauty.com/​absolutely​ to take your quiz and save 20% on your first order.   Go to DRINKSUPERCOFFEE.com/​ABSOLUTELY​ or use code ​ABSOLUTELY ​at checkout for 25% off your order!   Head over to WOO More Play and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20 % OFF your order!   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.