Bounce! Conversations with Larry Weeks

This is part one of a two part series on the subject of failure. On this episode we talk with Ryan Babineaux the author of "Fail Fast, Fail Often" on the importance of making mistakes and learning from them to discover what works and more importantly - what makes you happy. What if your biggest mistake is that you're not making enough mistakes? I don't mean in the sense of purposely screwing things up. We are not advocating recklessness nor do we want to glorify failure directly - we are glorifying effort, risk, courage and for good measure let's tack on the end of Teddy's famous poem "...and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." Yeah, that. Ryan has a Ph.D in Educational Psychology from Stanford University and an M.Ed in Psychology and Human Development from Harvard. He is the co-creator of the popular Stanford course "Fail Fast, Fail Often," and in his best selling book of the same name, discovered after working with thousands of people, that those who were successful seemed to have had less fear of mistakes. They spent less time planning and more time acting. They got out into the world, tried new things, made mistakes but in doing so, benefited from unexpected experiences and opportunities. The strategy is to overcome your fear of losing so that you will increase your at bats for winning by sheer volume of effort and what you learn from that effort. You use that to adjust till you find what works and all the while, gain experience and build resilience. Think of this podcast as a course in a specific kind of courage. Courage to take more risk, courage to try. Ryan says somewhere on the other side of failure is the success you seek, but it's on the other side so walk through it. What if your goal was to fail, and fail a lot? For a second just forget about the results, think of how many NEW things you would actually start. How many HARD things you would attempt since we flipped failure from avoidance to be the actual goal. The only way to fail a lot is to start a lot of things, try a lot of things. On the podcast we talk about all of this and much more. Give it a listen.

To say James Altucher is an interesting guy may be a gross understatement. He's a computer programmer, venture capitalist, former hedge fund manager, successful author, financial journalist, serial founder (20 companies), CEO, publisher, popular podcaster, chess master. He doesn't own anything, lives exclusively in AirBnBs, does stand-up bits on subway trains. He's been described as the "minimalist multi-millionaire" and the guy who failed his way to millions. It took me four months to get James on the show. So you know, he agreed to come on immediately (within 2 hrs of my asking) which was very kind as I didn't even have a show yet – but it took four months to get him on. It was worth the wait. On of my favorite comedies (top 5) is Forgetting Sarah Marshall and James, with just a mention of the film, rolls out a case study on failure and success with a story about the producer Judd Apatow. He riffs like Sherlock Holmes chaining all the connections and experiences that Apatow accumulated while struggling to make it in Hollywood and how it all dovetailed into Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Blew me away. The interview is chock full of insider "here's what I learned" nuggets like that. Coming back from the bottom, over and over. So here is why I wanted him on the podcast. Losing it all happened to him multiple times, professionally and personally. He founded 20 companies, failed at 17 of them, yet wound up not only surviving but thriving in a media empire / business conglomerate. He is a comeback king with more sequels than Rocky. He is Mr. re-invention and literally wrote the book on it. I wanted to know how he did it, how do you come back over and over again? In this episode, you can learn some of what he learned and shorten your time on the floor. So consider this just a taste of a few of the many lessons he expounds on. 1. Reinvention is a skill you can learn. When you talk with James he makes self-reinvention aspirational. A lot of us have to reinvent out of necessity, but he says it's something you should always consider. What is happening in the market, in your life and in the world that points to something new? Consider it disrupting yourself before being disrupted by outside forces. What new skills can you learn? What new habits can you develop? Reinvention is a habit. It's something you should always be on the lookout for…what stimuli from your environment can you take in and incorporate into your next reinvention – James Altucher 1. Ego is an enemy opposed to your successes James talks about how making the money gave him "… this ego to think that I could I could do other things that I had no experience in. But at the time I really had very little experience in anything." Ego says, you succeeded, and now you know more than you really do. Ego says your successes were ALL your doing. Ego blows you up so no other brains can fit into the room. Brains you need. 2. Know your boxes and check them every day. When James was down and out he put together a checklist of activities that, if he did them daily, helped him recover. Like Superman and the sun, his superpowers returned. They included things like getting enough sleep, swapping unhealthy relationships with healthy ones, writing, learning and reversing any behaviors that were not serving him (doing the opposite). During our chat, he goes into some detail on each. James has the bounce back process down pat. He's done it so many times that it's proven itself over and over. Now he seems fearless because he absolutely KNOWS he can get back up again. He has a go-to plan. He checks the boxes. He really made me think about formalizing my own this checkboxes. Maybe I should create my own a personal bounce wiki? I think when I'm down a few of my go-to's are good books I've highlighted over the years, interesting podcasts I listen to and some reflection time to be quite, find my "center" or whatever. What gets you up when you are down? 2. Creativity is a muscle. I never thought of it that way. Like any muscle it atrophies if you don't use it regularly. And if you've lost it you can get it back by exercising it. On the podcast, he goes into detail about this process, and he elaborates on one specific technique that I've been trying. Ten ideas a day. James recommends no matter what that you write down ten ideas every single day. Business ideas, blog ideas, any kind of idea and they don't have to be good ideas. It's the activity, the work out that's important. The whole purpose is to do it for its own sake but don't be surprised if a good ideas come from it. I've read somewhere where James said he used a waiter's pad back when to in write ideas down. I found out he still uses it; he showed it to me. Point taken, you won't do this unless you have something with you. I use the note app on my phone. James also gave me a little tip on the idea side, and that is if you write an idea down and if you think there is something there, then you can flesh out "execution" ideas under the main idea in the same way. No matter how good or bad, go for volume and see what results. 3. Happiness = learning James started taking ping-pong lessons after 40 years of playing. He started doing stand-up comedy, not to be a comedian but to learn a new skill. Psychologists say that stretching and learning something new not only helps us be more confident but it's a way of connecting with other people, which also adds to happiness. People engaged in learning activities trigger changes in the brain chemistry. Our minds light up when we find new things for the it to do. People say oh I'm 27 and I haven't found my passion yet. Well there is no one passion, and I'm finding I'm constantly trying to find the things that I'm interested in…so I would never say I found myself. There's nothing really to find, that notion of finding one's self is kind of mythology – James Altucher There is so much more on this podcast. We talk about whys and wherefores of his business philosophy, how he looks at investments, writing, stand-up comedy and more. Give it a listen. For show notes and resource links, go here

What we're trying to do is figure out what leads us to the edge of happiness cliff that point at which we have a maximum productivity, maximum happiness without going over the edge - Amy Blankson There is no doubt that technology in the 20th century has brought advances unimaginable in previous eras. In the US gross domestic product per capita quintupled from 1950 to 2016. Things that were once luxu­ries have become affordable commodities. However, with such advances, computers and all that comes with them, internet, games, email, etc., are now in our pockets, purses or strapped to bodies. They are extensions of ourselves. Tech companies pay big money to UX designers and engineers to create devices and apps that grab and keep your attention. They high want high engagement metrics. They need you to spend time in an app or a video and to come back, over and over. So we all know it impacts our productivity but what about our happiness? What is the impact of a world of screens and notifications on our cognitive behavior and development? What about our relationships? Enter Amy Blankson, my guest on this episode. Amy has become the world's leading expert on the connection between happiness and technology. Amy is an alum of both Harvard and Yale and has worked with organizations like NASA, Google, the US Army, and the Xprize Foundation to help improve well-being in a Digital Era. Amy states the problem in terms of discernment. "There's this pain point about technology and happiness with technology specifically draining happiness because people feel overwhelmed. They don't know what to do with all the information… and how to evaluate what's actually good for them." There is now a condition called Nomophobia, as in no-mo(bile) phone-phobia. It's a fear of being without your smartphone. Seriously, a phobia and 40% of Americans "suffer" from it. One in five young adults admits to using a smartphone during sex. What? Okay, I'll cop to using the phone in the bathroom, so I need help. We are in uncharted territory. Amy says that we absolutely need to look at our relationship with technology very carefully but what she came away with from her research was surprising to me; that time on the screen is not necessarily a bad thing. Time on the screen is not necessarily bad. What is bad is the unintentional non-thoughtful use of the technology - Amy Blankson In fact, she goes further stating that technology can actually increase happiness - IF you use it wisely There's the rub. Using it wisely On this episode we discuss what she learned writing her new book, The Future of Happiness. Amy talks about how we can mitigate the dispiriting effects tech can have and rather leverage it to increase our happiness. She's done the research and has the data on what you can do in the midst of work / life to harness it to serve your real needs in relation to happiness: social connection, meaning, and well-being. Amy answers LOT of questions I had like... Is there an inverse relationship between personal happiness and tech innovation How should we use Facebook, or should we abandon it? Would we be happier without tech? What is the impact of distraction on our well-being? How do I manage all my apps to minimize distraction? What about wearables? What do we teach our kids regarding appropriate tech boundaries - what exactly IS appropriate? Are there specific apps that can helps us become happier and healthier? Oh, and you have got to hear her answer my Timescape question. Give it a listen. For resources discussed in this episode go here.

At the age of 36 and as a mother of three with a busy solo practice in internal medicine Wendy Harpham M.D. was diagnosed with stage three non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, and just like that, the Doctor became the patient. Now, from both sides of the stethoscope, Wendy uses her unique perspective to help patients become healthy survivors, survivors who get good care and live as fully as possible. Dr. Wendy Harpham is a fellow of American College of Physicians, a best selling author of six books on cancer (Happiness in A Storm is the one I read), a patient advocate and a nationally recognized speaker. Now a 26-year cancer survivor with seven recurrences since, Dr. Harpham has a lot to say about dealing with such a diagnosis and how to live a full, happy life. Wendy has something I really cannot explain; you have to listen to understand. Her passion touched and inspired me. I think a big part of fear are the unknowns related to what you fear and Dr. Harpham shines a bright light on a very dark thing; she gives hope. To those of you who do not have cancer. There are many reasons I think you should listen to this podcast but here are just three. Statistically, one out of two of you reading this will likely hear "you have cancer" in your lifetime. You probably know someone who has cancer or was recently diagnosed. Cancer doesn't own the bad medical news category. This is a lesson in dealing with any severe life challenge. I felt unqualified to write a post about this show so I'll keep it short. To see a long form post visit www.larryweeks.com/ep-10-cancer-dr-wendy-harpham-happy-storm/ and read another cancer survivors perspective from my good friend, Ron Sparks where he shares his thoughts about the episode.

If you haven't noticed, Stoicism is getting popular these days. Google it and a raft of influencer and popular thought leader articles appear touting the philosophy's benefits. As Nassim Taleb ascribes to the stoic sage in his book The Black Swan: "Someone who transforms fear into prudence, pain into information, mistakes into initiation, and desire into undertaking." I want that. I talked with scientist/philosopher Massimo Pigliucci to get it. Massimo is the author of How to Be A Stoic: Using Ancient Philosophy to Live a Modern Life. He is also the K.D. Irani Professor of Philosophy at the City College of New York. Prof. Pigliucci has published in national and international outlets such as the New York Times, Washington Post, Philosophy Now and The Philosopher's Magazine, among others. At last count, he has published 152 technical papers in science and philosophy as well as the popular article on Stoicism that appeared in the New York Times. This is no boring philosophy discussion. The majority of our conversation is on Stoic practice and it's practical use in dealing with life's ups and downs including an interesting discussion about overcoming the fear of death. Here is just some of the discussion. Misunderstandings that people have about stoicism. Stoicism origin, its influence on religions, modern psychology and it's resurgence in culture of late On prison testing the philosophy, Nelson Mandela, and James Stockdale A comparison of Stoicism and Buddhism On Stoic meditation On dealing with setbacks Internalizing the dichotomy of control Dealing with the fear of death. On indifference If you're new to Stoicism and want to know what all the fuss is about, here is your lesson.

Is everything you know about "success" wrong? Well, maybe not everything but a hell of a lot of what we've been taught about achievement is, at best, simplistic and at worst, just wrong. ERIC BARKER is the creator of the blog Barking Up the Wrong Tree. Almost 300,000 subscribers. His work has been mentioned in the New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Atlantic Monthly, Time Magazine, The Week, Business Insider. His recent WSJ best seller of the same name, subtitled, The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong is the topic of this podcast. The good news is there is much you can do to to up your odds at succeeding in life, whatever that means to you. That's a hint BTW. There are things that separates the extremely successful from the rest of us and Eric talks about it. Here are just some of the show notes on things I learned by talking with Eric. Give it a listen. [00:05:18] Some myths about success that we all heard growing up [00:10:04] The Faustian bargain [00:14:07] The importance and power of context [00:16:33] He talks about his most surprising findings (regarding success) [00:17:07] On extroversion and introversion [00:19:54] What we get wrong about the topic of success [00:23:53] "Quitting" and success. [00:25:22] The value of pretending [00:31:16] Why confidence is problematic. [00:37:59] Is college necessary to be successful? [00:43:11] On "intensifiers" and personal success [00:50:26] What to look into if you're failing or unhappy at your job. [00:51:16] The real power in positive thinking [01:01:01] The story of Martin Pistorius

On the 31st of May in 2014, on a public holiday in New Zealand, Lucy Hone's 12 yr old daughter, Abi, was killed in a tragic car accident along with her best friend Ella and Lucy's best friend Sally. Lucy said her life was smashed, as she put it ... " I mean your entire life scheme - your life story your identity - has been smashed to smithereens…It's like someone had taken a mallet like a croquet mallet to life and smashed the entirety so it just no longer exists. How do you pick up the pieces and put your what's left of your life back together? In the months following the loss, Lucy turned to writing to help order her thoughts. You see, Lucy is a practicing academic in the field of resilience and wellbeing psychology at AUT University's Human Potential Center in Auckland, New Zealand and at the time of Abi's death working on a PhD in public health and wellbeing sciences. Combining research and personal insights she first wrote a blog which attracted a large international audience and led to her book "Resilient Grieving." It quickly became a bestseller. While she says learning to live without Abi is still very much a work in progress she acknowledges the work she does to support others to inform them that they do have choices in how they grieve has gone some way to make sense out of the senseless. Let's be clear, grief should be felt rather than immediately treated as a problem to be solved and done away with. That said, what, exactly, is the grieving process and how do we manage it before it manages our lives ever orienting all else around loss? On the podcast Lucy discusses the research that tell us there are some grieving models that can help one through it, grieving experiences that are common to everyone and common myths about the grieving and grieving phases. If you have suffered a loss, listen to this podcast. If you have not suffered such a loss others in your life probably have, listen to the podcast and learn how to help them. For show notes and more visit www.larryweeks.com/resilient_grieving_lucy_hone/m/podcast Discussed on this episode On preparing for loss Whether certain grieving processes can weaken us Lucy tells her story, the loss of Abi On sudden loss vs. prolonged loss Defining resilient grieving The truth about the five stages of grieving On ambush grief On secondary losses How can you help others who are grieving - and what not to do

Dr. David Burns, MD is the author of the best-selling, "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy," which has sold more than five million copies worldwide. Feeling Good is the book most frequently "prescribed" for depressed patients by psychiatrists and psychologists in the United States and Canada. Surveys indicate that American mental health professionals rate Feeling Good as the #1 book on depression, out of a list of 1,000 self-help books. People are not disturbed by things, but by the views, they take of them - Epictetus This is the basic premise of CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) Dr. Burns popularized in Feeling Good. The way we think about things create all of our emotions, positive or negative. A simple idea some 2,500 years old tracing even before the Stoics to the time of Buddha. Yet, it's so obvious that very few people grasp it or understand how to use it and many frankly just do not believe it. The concept that horrible things do not cause negative feelings seems untethered from real experience. "A" happens, and I feel "C." They miss the "B," a belief or interpretation of "A" that then leads to "C." On our podcast, Dr. Burns tells the story of a woman diagnosed with terminal cancer, and she became extremely depressed but she didn't want to spend the last two years of her life feeling worthless so enter Dr. Burns. Dr. Burns ascertained that she had two chained thoughts, "I'm letting my family down, they won't survive without me" and "it's my fault that I got cancer and It was those specific thoughts rather than the diagnosis that was causing her extreme emotional distress. Yes, sadness is normal in this case "but you can you make it worse when piling on irrational negative thoughts." Most of us do this to ourselves that we're not are not aware of it. Dr. Burns says that depression is the world's oldest con and that when you are upset most of the time the thoughts that upset you will be distorted. They're a fraud. Depression is the world's oldest con. "We can put up with almost anything if we think it's it's going to end. There's something weird about depression that it cons you into thinking it will be like this forever, you're no good, and you'll always be no good and your problems will never be solved, and it just seems overwhelmingly valid." Listen is as we discuss CBT and how you can apply it to help you manage your thoughts. This is life-changing stuff, you need to hear it. Show Notes [00:14:15] His discovery of CBT when doing brain research on chemical imbalances [00:16:30] How difficult it was to publish Feeling Good [00:19:34] How much significance should one put on one's either past or childhood [00:23:40] The cause of negative feelings [00:24:02] The physiology of depression vs pathology of depression. [00:25:41] Genetics of depression and happiness. [00:26:17] Why Dr. Burns loves to treat anxiety disorders [00:27:12] As a Doctor how Dr. Burns cured himself of blood phobia. [00:32:45] The four models of anxiety. [00:39:26] His view on medication / psychopharmacology [00:42:33] The key cognitive distortions warping your thinking [00:47:37] What really leads to suicidal urges [00:50:24] The issues with "self-esteem"

When you open Scott's book you get this: "WARNING! No one should attempt any of these methods or practices without appropriate experience, training, fitness level, doctor approval and supervision…" You quickly learn why. The book contains examples of people practicing techniques in extreme conditions that push physical limits and Scott, an investigative journalist, is out to prove that the man (Wim Hoff) teaching this stuff is a charlatan and his techniques destined to kill people. Instead, Scott winds up climbing a freezing Mount Kilimanjaro practically naked (where between 5 and 10 people a year die trekking up WITH clothes) among other things and helps put Wim Hoff on the US map as the guru he is today. On this podcast Scott talks about his experiences meeting Wim and what he discovered about his own physiology. Scott Carney has worked in some of the most dangerous and unlikely corners of the world. His work has been the subject of a variety of radio and television programs, including NPR and National Geographic TV. In 2010, he won the Payne Award for Ethics in Journalism for his story "Meet the Parents," which tracked an international kidnapping-to-adoption ring. Carney has spent extensive time in South Asia and speaks Hindi. His new book, and the topic of our conversation, "What Doesn't Kill Us" is a New York Times bestseller. Here are just a few things I learned from talking with Scott: 1. It's more than cold exposure, it's about exploring what you're capable of. Although he set out as a skeptical journalist, he wound up not only proving the methods work but also that he could do more than he thought he could. Limits are, for the most part, self-imposed and should be doubted within reason 2. Mind over matter works and rehearsing is the key. One of the more interesting phenomena that we talk about is what Scott calls "the wedge." "So let's say the cold, this could also be heat, this could also be altitude, this could be a number of different factors, and knowing in advance what sort of reaction that your body is going to have to that response, and then what you do…you resist having that response….you're putting this sort of wedge between the environment and your autonomic functions by using your conscious thoughts" 3. We can get to our minds through our bodies. The mind-body connection runs both ways. Because you're not used to doing things that push you out of your comfort zone your mind resists and starts ringing alarm bells very very early. We can use the environment on our bodies to send signals to train our brains that we can handle stressors, we can take it. As soon as you start voluntarily doing difficult things, everything else in life can get easier. It's a fascinating book and Scott's an interesting guy, give it a listen. You'll really enjoy this one. Show Notes [00:05:01] His background in hardcore investigative journalism. what led to the book [00:06:34] He talks about Wim Hoff's superhuman feats [00:08:57] The first thing he saw that blew his mind. [00:11:15] Meeting Wim Hoff, what he's really like [00:13:01] Hiking up a mountain, in his bathing suit, in 2 degrees Fahrenheit [00:15:52] How modernity is lowering our physical resilience [00:16:49] Key aspects of the Wim Hoff training method [00:17:11] How to "hack" your body for greater breath control [00:26:26] The story of Wim consciously fighting off the effects of an endotoxin [00:31:04] Fighting off rheumatoid arthritis [00:45:01] The third pillar of human health [00:54:11] Scott talks about The Wedge, the heart of the method

Isaac Lidsky's TED talk was viewed more than a million times in its first 20 days. It has a mid preso reveal I'll spoil for you here - he is blind, and when revealed, it's a surprise, if you didn't know Isaac. He looks and presents like he's seeing you, but make no mistake, he is not. Isaac was diagnosed with a blinding eye disease when he was 12 years old and he slowly lost his sight over the next 12 years. In spite of that, Isaac graduated from Harvard College at 19 with a degree in mathematics and computer science, he founded an Internet startup that later sold for $230 million. He returned to Harvard, graduated Harvard Law with high honors, litigated appeals on behalf of the United States as a Department of Justice lawyer and he became the only blind person to clerk at the U.S. Supreme Court when he worked for Justices, Sandra Day O'Connor and Ruth Bader Ginsburg. "Going blind really was at the end of the day one of the best things that ever happened to me. WE are the creators of the realities, WE experience the circumstances. WE confront the things that are beyond our control." Isaac is the New York Times bestselling author of Eyes Wide Open. Overcoming obstacles and recognizing opportunities in a world that can't see clearly. On the podcast, we talk about his story told in his new book "Eyes Wide Open. Overcoming obstacles and recognizing opportunities in a world that can't see clearly." We talk about when he was first diagnosed and the resulting panic and depression he felt, the gripping fear that he had to deal with. We talk about what blindness taught him. Isaac talks about how true reality isn't something you perceive, it's something you create in your mind. "We have a very useful and very rich and immersive experience of sight that has nothing to do with the world around us and yet and here's the fundamental contradiction. We experience what is truth. So we literally create our own truth and believe it." There is the McGurk effect, The Ponso illusion, sight even affects how you taste food. Add to it all your cognitive biases and you create your own subjective reality. Sight starts becoming a disadvantage. Isaac helps me "see" that, I think he can help you too. Show Notes [00:07:22] Why his Ted talk reveal was such a surprise [00:09:59] Why he says going blind was one of the best things that ever happened [00:15:50] His story, the diagnosis and learning to live with blindness [00:16:04] His description of the disease's progression [00:17:26] Hi emotional reactions and future predictions when first diagnosed [00:29:02] The bounce, the moment he knew he could thrive